Afternoon crumbs
QUICK PROGRAMMING NOTE: It's the last holiday weekend of the summer in the US, and so I'm taking my pasty carcass to the beach tonight. If the news tells you to stay away from Long Island, because a bloated sea creature more terrifying than the Montauk Monster has washed up on shore, it's just me passed out on my towel again. So because I'll be doing that, it will be a little lighter around here until Tuesday. And speaking of beaches (and bloated bitches)...
The beach in Seaside Heights has officially declared been safe by the Health Department, because MTV has ended our long national nightmare by canceling Jersey Shore. Parents can finally let their kids go into the water without them worrying about coming back with Syphilis. I can't wait to see the Duck Phone in the new season of Celebrity Rehab. - The Superficial
When are we going to find out that Winona Ryder is really an ageless vampire? - Lainey Gossip
"Saving the world...." Yeah, that's what I say I'm doing when I'm really trolling for tricks on Grindr - Towleroad
Kelly Brook's dress looks like the Hello Kitty pencil case I stole from my sister - Hollywood Tuna
Aubrey HO'Day is so resourceful. I mean, turning a child's seatbelt into a pair of panties... - Drunken Stepfather
Oh, don't mind Lea Michele, she's just looking for her humility - The Berry
In other words, Rosie O'Donnell's new wife better make sure she passes every "smell yo poon" test - Celebitchy
Ke$hit's pussy looks traumatized - Just Jared
If the trick suing Kris Humphries for giving her the Herp gets any money out of this, Derek Jeter is screwed - ICYDK
I'd like to think that Mila Kunis showing her midriff is her way of letting us know that no, she's not knocked up with AssStain Kutcher's baby - Popoholic
I hope JLo's 3D concert movie co-starring Casper Smart is rated under PG-13 or the theater might not let him in to see it - Popsugar
The hell did they do to Goofy? - OMG Blog
That low-budget blue background is making Beyonce and Anderson Cooper look like human Shrinky Dinks - SOW
Michael Keaton will play a villain in the remake of the last movie that needs to be remade - Hollywood Rag
Are we sure this isn't really fan art of Phoebe Price as Ke$hit? - Cityrag
Bush (the first one) doing an impersonation of Dana Carvey doing an impersonation of Bush (the first one) - Videogum
Today's "fighting the hot" moment is brought to you by ASkars looking like Kristen Stewart in Panic Room - I'm Not Obsessed
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Winona's looking thin and dead in the eyes. What happened?
Winona got dem cray cray eyes!
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"Shut up, brain! "You're not the boss of me! Come on, vagina! Let's get out of here, away from the party pooper trying to ruin our fun." "Did he participate in the actual Olympics or Special Olympics?" Evil_Cupcake
JS had run its course, the last season was just annoying, so....BRING ON JERSEY SHORE II, The New Cast!
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"Shut up, brain! "You're not the boss of me! Come on, vagina! Let's get out of here, away from the party pooper trying to ruin our fun." "Did he participate in the actual Olympics or Special Olympics?" Evil_Cupcake
Have a good weekend, MK!
If you see White Oprah passed out in a drunken stupor in the bushes of the Long Island TGIFridays, please take some good pix!
"My pug is smarter than your honor student."
winona looks flawless, although a bit sad...
i miss her, too bad she's not been in any major movie recently
TMZ posted a copy of the herpes suit against Kris Humphries. It's interesting reading and makes 'em both look like trash.
She had two years from the hookup to sue for personal injury and probably spent that time trying to negotiate a settlement with Kris and his insurer.
Lawsuit link: http://tmz.vo.llnwd.net/o28/newsdesk/tmz_documents/0829_humphries.pdf
The cancellation and the eventual disappearance of that Jersey Shore cast is the best news today.
Thank god, JS has been cancelled. One down, many more shit shows to go...
Have fun at the beach, MK!
Nothing in this world makes more sense than the word crabs hanging above that group.