Snooki Wastes No Time In Getting That Check

It's been only six seconds since Snooki's first born (Side note: Nothing makes you want to switch out your morning coffee for a mug full of vodka to really stop the shivers you get from reading "Snooki's first born.") came out of her body covered in pickle bits and undigested Goldschlager slime, and she's already cleaned him off in the jacuzzi and shoved him in front of a camera for his fame whore debut on People magazine. There's really no safe place for your eyes to land. You can't look directly at Snooki's face, because she's trying to smoosh your soul with her eyes. You can't look at Lorenzo Dominic's tacky as all fuck outfit, because it'll feel like you just got splashed in the eyes with Jager. And you really can't look at LeAnn Rimes' face, because most doctors recommend eating a balanced breakfast in the morning and you can't do that if you look at LeAnn's face in the morning.

Snooki tells People that you won't see her drunk pissing on the floor behind the bar at Karma while Baby Lorenzo pisses in his Affliction diaper next to her, because she's a changed Ewok and her partying days are over:

"It's a different kind of love that I never felt before. When I got pregnant, everything changed. The partying is long gone. I'm a new person."

I'll believe it when I don't see Snooki doing tequila shots off of Lorenzo's belly during Mommy and Me drinking class at some bar in New Jersey.

Here's another picture of Lorenzo face palming on the inside. And Snooki's face is what it looks like when you feed pickles to a Furby.

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by yuelaiyuehen on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 9:48pm.

Submitted by PrettyHateMachine on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 11:09pm.

I now see why Snooki always smiles with her mouth closed. She looks soooo weird in this picture. Cute baby though, God help him.

Submitted by WinterOwl22 on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 11:05pm.

He's only a week or so old and he's already wearing douchey clothing. SMH
I imagine that in a few months Snookie will present a clothing line for newborns and toddlers that is douche approved. No way do these bebehs deserve to go around doucheless!

The baby looks cute though. : )

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The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!

Submitted by WithinReason... on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 10:09pm.

That little baby looks very cute! Hope she can straighten things out now that they have a kid. lol

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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by MadgesVadge on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 8:37pm.

She looks like a flippin' South Park character. Jeez.
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"I have a very poor way of concealing my dislike of people and/or things." -- Evil_Cupcake's Mom

Submitted by gladyslove on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 6:28pm.

Mikidais

Dont be upset with Snooki getting all those undeserved millions. You should thank her instead because 50% of all that money gets paid in taxes and then that money gets to go for things like food stamps and all kinds of entitlement programs that those less lucky get to have.

Submitted by C6 on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 5:26pm.

Christ. Snooks and Chesty, smh. They're probs neck-and-neck in the duh-which-way-did-he-go range of pattern recognition. One thinks all 97lbs of preg weight is baby and the other thinks all her drunk days/mugshots will be erased with the new baby.

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“Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.” —Carl Sagan (RIP C.Hitchens, Winehouse, Houston, MCA, Dillon, Armstrong) *caprica six was/is here*

Submitted by mschunkyvanderslut on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 5:19pm.

In spite of the unfortunate outfit they have on that poor baby hes adorable.

Ive got nothing on the baby dizzle.

As for the her, 2 things:

1)I dont like her because shes annoying, irrelevant and famous for being stupid.

2)I have a supreme furious (irrational?) hate towards her because she looks almost exactly like the cunt (older) family friend that my ex husband had an affair with for 2 years and caused our divorce. And still tried to be my friend. Yes cunt looks like the snooks would in her mid forties.

3)Typing out 2 was a bit theraputic. Hmm. Lol

Submitted by Granny Clampett on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 4:19pm.

Hopefully she'll do the right thing and fade into obscurity and raise her child in a non-crazy environment...you know, like Brad and Angelina should have done (it's not like those twats need any more money) Aside: You think People would have coordinated Snooki & company's outfits a little better for the family picture. Looks like something you see at a Walmart portrait studio.

"When I'm good I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better." ~Mae West

Submitted by Dirk Diggler on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 3:12pm.

Baby looks cute, daddy looks even cuter. Even Snooki looks kind of cute!

Submitted by QuweenJillian on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 2:35pm.

I love Snooki! And the kid is cute too, unlike poor Kourtney Kardashians new baby, she looks exactly like Mason...

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I'm not a slut, I'm sexually liberated. There's a difference.
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Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 2:24pm.

I'm all out of fucks, KA. Sorry.

Submitted by Dgrin on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 2:19pm.

Snooki is such a likeable person i wish her the best with this new path in her life

Submitted by mikidais on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 1:54pm.

Baby is cute. Guido boyfriend is adorable.

Now if this stupid drunk skank just goes the fuck away to raise her baby with all her undeserved millions, then I won't talk shit about her no more.

Submitted by KA on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 1:46pm.

can someone loan me a fuck to give?

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"It's called a party bus! Not a punch-a-titty bus. And put your MetroCard away, Chris Brown, no such bus exists." MK

Submitted by kate773 on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 1:39pm.

Stupid, stupid people.

Submitted by Twat Muffin on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 1:34pm.

cripbabe -- oddly enough, I don't hate Snooki either. She's not a hateful sort. She's not a Blohan. She hasn't hurt anyone, she hasn't stolen from anyone, hasn't nearly run anyone over with a car, hasn't been a bitch to anyone. She doesn't inspire that sort of hatred. While some of her lifestyle choices may be questionable, she doesn't bother me overall.

Submitted by megank on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 1:32pm.

Does she have a reality show yet? Who knows, maybe motherhood will tone her down. Nicole Ritchie began to act more mature after having a kid.

This bitch drives me nuts though, when trying to pretend to be an Italian. She is Chilean.

Submitted by cripbabe on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 1:14pm.

well I give her credit for at least breeding with a decent looking guido - that baby sure will need a lotta hair gel! and really, good on her. Miss Thing had enough brain cells to have made the majority of her money before spitting the kid out, so she's probably pretty comfortable financially by now. no hate for Snookie here...

Submitted by Twat Muffin on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 1:12pm.

babybunny -- believe me, that guido only hooked up with Snooki because he thought it would bring him fame & money. ITA about the icky guido type. I am digging that Snooki got a People cover and PMK's werewolf grandkid only got the US cover.

Submitted by babybunny on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 1:03pm.

Pimp Mamma Kris grandbaby could only get the cover of US..love it, I hope PMK dies 10,000,000 deaths and never gets another waste of space People cover for her and her NASTAY brood...for this I bow to Snookie....this and ONLY this...

Submitted by babybunny on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 12:59pm.

My dog is still cuter than all the babies in the world combined together, but I like Snookie, and it doesn't hurt that I coined that name before she came on the scene, I called a friend of mine Snookie Bear, and then just Snookie for no reason, just liked the name...it is a cute pet name and then Snookie here stole that name! But she is funny to me, and hate her so much less than that monstorous Dina or J "my tits are fake"Woww....she is too much. I hope this gold digger sperm donor hits the road soon, he is a LOSER...and will just take her money and use her...get that guido icky vibe from him.

Submitted by Twat Muffin on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 12:57pm.

CokeyBloke & Nanners -- the baby looks like Lyndon Johnson!!!!!

Submitted by Nanners on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 12:55pm.

Submitted by CokeyBloke on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 1:52pm.

You gotta see the baybeeeee!
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His mother is breathtaking.

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What the fuck dude? And being European is NOT an excuse. - IHateCharityChic 05/10/2012

Submitted by chaka1 on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 12:44pm.

I agree, Snookie doesn't really bother me as well. The baby is actually cute!!!

Submitted by CokeyBloke on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 12:22pm.

You gotta see the baybeeeee!

Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 12:19pm.

EC - IDK.

Submitted by JessicaGiovanna on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 12:18pm.

Vkn.1981 I cant hate on snooki either.. She has enough of that going around.

Submitted by Vkn1981 on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 12:15pm.

I may be regretting this later, but mom Snookie does not bother me at all. Im glad she took her pregnancy seriously and she's damn lucky she has the money to support this baby and her husband. Good luck Nicole!
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Blerg!!

Submitted by Twat Muffin on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 12:08pm.

EC -- perhaps I am too blunt, but I believe in keeping it real. I'm not going to call something black if it's white, ya know? Nor will you ever hear me meet an ugly child and say, "oh, isn't he cute?" I just won't say anything. Blame it on my mom; I get that bluntness from her.

mefunigirl -- oh, I can see on or two tasteful headbands, I'm just talking about those cabbage-sized headbands that usually adorn kids who look like Teresa Giudice's monkey children. After three boys, I could see why you wanted a headband!

Submitted by JessicaGiovanna on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 12:05pm.

I hate when they do that.. I especially loathe the looking around part smiling "look at my kids they're cute!".. I'm the opposite and pull my kids away from their line of vision or give ppl the stink eye if they're looking at my kids.

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 12:03pm.

Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 1:29pm.

When are they going to fire that old bag? Hang in there M.E. At least she's not in the office with you!

Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 12:01pm.

Whatever Depot.

Submitted by mefunigirl on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 12:00pm.

Evil no this was before "bling" and they were sweet lacey pastel things...cause everything was PINK!

now of course, she hates pink. thankfully.
thanks for the temp insanity pass!

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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz

Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 11:59am.

Cuppy - I'm ok. OB sent me a bitchy ass bossy as hell email and it's taking everything I have to not go the fuck off on her.

Plus I'm listening to Pantera right now....maybe I should switch it up to Zac Brown Band.

*stomps around mosh pit*

Submitted by itskristen on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 11:56am.

WTF is up with her teefs?! I feel like I'm looking at Wayne Newton!

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 11:56am.

FFS!

*leaves*

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 11:55am.

Submitted by mefunigirl on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 1:22pm.

Yes, but did they have giant flowers, bigger than the baby's head on them? More bling than the crown jewels?

We can give you a pass, barely, but you get one.

Submitted by gladyslove on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 11:55am.

DListers:

If your mood is down, I am also a very good listener with lots of years of parenting and being an excellent wife.

And I promise not to use any nasty words like "c*nt", b"tch" or wh*re.

Submitted by DiamondDogs on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 11:53am.

She already has the kid sporting a guido necklace.

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 11:53am.

Submitted by Twat Muffin on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 1:19pm.

Ahahahahahaha, baby hobbits!

That is why I love you sooooo much, you are not afraid to tell it like it is! Any other site, some uptight bitch would be screaming for your head, daring to speak of children that way. I LOVE IT!

Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 11:52am.

Haha, Twatty, poor Lorenzo will be a 3.5ft tall Oompa at 21.

Submitted by FreakGeek on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 11:52am.

Snooki & her piece look like brother & sister...that creeps me out. Either she's had some work done on her face, or this belongs in the Photoshop hall of shame, right next to this creepy ass pic of Kim Zolciak: http://www.dlisted.com/2011/05/04/photoshop-awards-kim-zolciaks-terrifyi...

Submitted by mefunigirl on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 11:52am.

LOOKIE HERE

we had THREE boys before I had a girl.
She was wearing fkin headbands
I had a girl FINALLY!

*glares at evil headband haters*

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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 11:50am.

Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 1:17pm.
Cuppy, I'm in an excellent mood yeah?

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Everything okay M.E?

I think generally everyone's mood is down today. If you need to vent, were here for you.

Submitted by Twat Muffin on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 11:50am.

Lucifer_Sam -- growth hormones -- LMFAO!!! Thanks for my first big laugh of the day! But seriously, that kid is going to need them.

Submitted by Bizzarelife on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 11:49am.

Not really sure what the issue is here...something off about that picture.

Anyway, I wish them well. She really had no business being famous - none of those Jersey Shore morons did. However, it happened, and she is capitalizing off of it. The business person in me applauds that. However, i cannot stand her or those idiots on the Jersey Shore!

Submitted by Twat Muffin on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 11:49am.

EC & JessicaG -- I was at the store one day, and there was this stupid woman there, a Stepford Wife/Mom, and she had her ugly toddler twins with her. They were wearing these hideous, matching, sequined hats. The mom kept looking around, hoping someone would comment on how cute her kids looked. Finally, some old bitty that had zero vision & dementia hobbled along and stopped to comment on the baby hobbits and it made Stepford Mom's day. Bitches live for that shit.

Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 11:49am.

I hope she has set up a trust fund for the baby's future plastic surgery and growth hormones.