Taylor Swift’s New Song Is About The Break Down Of Her Contract Renegotiations With Jake Gyllenhaal

Ever since Taylor Swift’s Sweet Valley High episode of a song “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” came out, every ho with only time on their hands (see: bloggers, the media, bloggers, office workers, bloggers and the unemployed on a break from watching People’s Court reruns) has been wondering WHO IS IT ABOUT?!!! Joe Jonas already said, “Gurrrrl, it ain’t me” and based on the title alone, most of us figured it was about post-pubescence. But UsWeekly (via Hollywood Life) says they know who it is and they say Jake Gyllenhaal was the inspiration for that mess.

A source tells UsWeekly that the song is one hundred percent about Jake and she even used a Jake look-alike (who looks like Jake about as much as the pimple on my belly button looks like Jake, see: video below) in her video. Taylor told Nightline (via HuffPo) that she decided to write the song after her ex-boyfriend’s friend came into the studio and heard that she was getting back together with his ass. Taylor said, “When he leaves, Max and Johan are like, ‘So what’s the story behind that?’ And so I start telling them the story of break up, get back together, break up, get back together, just, ugh, the worst.”

The Jakey guess makes the most sense. I can totally picture Jake and Taylor sitting at opposite sides of a long conference table with their team of lawyers in a fancy law office in Century City, CA, going back and forth about the details of their relationship contract. “I’ll give you 2 staged kissing photo-ops a month, but NO TONGUE and you can’t write a song about me” is probably what Jake shouted at Taylor before she stood up and screamed the words that would go on to become the title of her #1 single! That’s totally how it went.

And here’s Taylor showing all of us that she’s America’s answer to Avril Lavigne, which means that she’ll eventually make the bald eagle hang himself by marrying America’s answer to Chad Kroeger: Scott Stapp.

Listening to that song again makes me feel like I just played the worst game of Girl Talk Date Line that has ever been played and lost.