Kristen Stewart's Boyfriend Loves To Lick Her Armpits
Why don't you let that headline marinate deep within the crevices of your brain before we really get into it. By that I mean, keep a cup of bleach nearby, because you will want to cleanse the sucio thoughts from your brain by pouring Clorox directly into your ear before shaking your head around. I think the exact medical term is called brain gargling.
I see Kristen Stewart wiped off the scarlet A (short for A Sparkle-Hating Slut Whore Skank Harlot Slow-Faced Puta Trampire) the crazed Twihards scribbled on her forehead when she was passed out in a weed-induced coma of woe. KStew's handlers flea dipped her, shoved her into a dress and told her to put on a damage control smile before they pushed her out onto the red carpet brick pathway to pose with Kiki Dunst and Garrett Hedlund at the TIFF premiere of On The Road. I know, you almost didn't recognize KStew without Rupert Sanders' face all up in her box. KStew rarely ever uses the lazy muscles in her face to crack a smile and now I know why. Because when ho smiles, she looks like she's about to save Esmerelda from Frollo.
And wrap your fingers around a cup of bleach, because we're getting into the fuckery behind that headline now. British Vogue's Christa D'Souza interviewed KStew (click here for scans of that mess of an interview) a month before the pictures of her farting into Rupert's crotch came out. A week after the interview, Christa ran into KStew at some event and had to keep the laughs from pouring out of her nostrils when KStew drooled out this line (via ONTD & iSubscribe):
"My God, I'm so in love with my boyfriend. I wish he were here now. I think I want to have his babies. I love the way he smells. And him me. Like, he loves to lick under my armpits."
Either bitch was stoned as hell or she's being sarcastic or a little of both. Whatever the case may be, I still didn't need the image of a dude slurping up KStew's pit syrup. Since KStew barely spends time in a shower, you know licking her pits is like munching on a hobo's musty ass in the middle of a wet sauna. Like giving head to a wet fart. Just several layers of sweaty NO all on your tongue. I just want to rub a deodorant stick all over that quote to get the stank out. So fuck KStew for giving me that image, because I really didn't need that today.
But since KStew had to go there, she needs to specify which boyfriend she was talking about. Because I need to know if RPattz's new nickname is Pit Licker Pattinson or is Rupert Sanders' new nickname Rupit Licker? Please clarify, you dirty bitch!
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LOVE IT!! She is the worst human being! She is pretentious, famewhore and worst actress in the world. She is ugly and has a big ears like Dumbo. I do not feel sorry for her. She has all the shit she deserves.
Pattinson never was her boyfriend. It not necessary be pretty smart to see that it was a circus to sell Twilight. Even Variety has acknowledged it. Her English boyfriend always was Rupert. When she said that, she already was working with Rupert in SWATH. We have never seen a kiss between her and Pattinson but we do have seen several between her and Rupert. The way to look each other, the way they talk to each other. The man who lick her armpits is Rupert but she knew that people would say that is Pattinson.
She is very manipulative and knows what to say in every single moment. "I do not talk about my private life but I love my boyfriend and want to have children with him", Really, bitch? A manipulative famewhore. A liar who needs attention.
I hope that no director will again say that she is a good actress. The world deserves never to see her ugly face and her big ears.
this is beginning to sound like bullying and i would never accuse MK of being a bully. i always enjoyed your tongue in cheek delivery about those outrageous celebrities who allowed their thirst for booze, pills or fame to consume their careers, but now it just feel like piling on kristen stewart. yeah she fucked up and apologized, get over it! it's overkill.
This must be a joke. That's something you would keep between the involved parties no? ahaha
What a difference when she gets dolled up!
ETA: the gif, LLLLLLOOOOOLLLLLOOOOLLLL
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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She has man-face, and somebody needs to staple her ears to her head.
It must have been Robby that she was talking about. The first article I ever read about him (in Vanity Fair) talked about how dirty he was. He lived in a dirty, messy apartment and rarely bathed, washed his hair or cleaned his fingernails. I got ill reading about what a filthy slob he is.
As for her, I hope her career is over. She is just an ugly, nasty little creep of a no-talent.
Her dress looks like something Axl Rose may have ejaculated on in 1991.
I'm still not convinced that the "Kristen Stewart" in these photos isn't actually a double. Google Roberta Thaise!
She should never wear her hair back. Ever.
She always looks like she has a yeast infection: Itchy but can't scratch cause I'm in public, look on her face.
Lucifer - I thought it was alright, if a tad overrated. Regardless, the thought of K-Stew sullying an American lit classic with her sourpuss non-acting gives me the sads. Even if it is the Scarlet Letter or Catcher in the Rye, both of which I hated.
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SANTO DIOS! PRAISE HAY-SOOS CREASE-TOE!
Those statements HAVE to be some sort of inside joke....if not, WTF.
Anyway, I so love that dress she is wearing, but she isn't looking all that happy here despite the grins.
Submitted by Andrei on Fri, 09/07/2012 - 5:54pm.
LMAO. "I want to have his babies."
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but. vampires can't have babies! all they can do is shoot a load of sparkly glitter. or so I hear.
TMI!
LMAO. "I want to have his babies."
I still don't know which boyfriend she speaks of and, of course, why she is speaking. I don't like anything about her including the dress and hair.
I hate to admit such prejudice but, when I meet someone who is a Twilight fan, I can't muster any respect for them. I'm bad.:(
No words.
Kristen Stewart's face - I don't get it.
She does not emote anything but bored smug disinterest...
why do we think she is talented? Is it her legs?
This shallow dummy needs to just stop talking and giving interviews until her brain has matured. But I won't hold my breath. She tried so hard to look soft and feminine here but when she's standing next to Kirsten Dunst, K-Stew looks as insipid as water. Dunst and Hedlund are gorgeous together! GH as Dean Moriarty is why I'm going to watch this film. I find it ironic that KS is playing Marylou.
Jojo, love the Simon's Cat avatar! ^-^
I hated the sour faced bitch way before the affair scandal. She just has a face you wanna punch (j/k). But seriously I cannot stomach her AT ALL!
dat hair :|
I'll let these three wise girls express how I feel about this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Knjf3ABPc0E
It's never too late to be who you might have been.
~George Eliot~
omg kiki, you look pretty there!
*gets out pom poms*
I'm sexy, I'm cute, I'm popular to boot
I'm bitchin', great hair, the boys all love to stare.
I'm wanted, I'm hot, I'm everything you're not
I'm pretty, I'm cool, I dominate the school.
Who am I? Just guess!
Guys wanna touch my chest
I'm rockin', great smile, and many think I'm vile.
I yell and I jump you can look but don't you hump, whoo!
I'm major, I roar, I swear I'm not a whore!
We cheer and we lead and we act like we're on speed
Hate us cause we're beautiful?
Well, we don't like you either!
We're cheerleaders, we are cheerleaders
Roll call:
Call me Big Red
I'm w-w-whitney
I'm c-c-courtney, rawr!
I'm Judith Darcy
They call me Carver, yeah
Just call me C-c-casey!
I'm still Big Red.
I sizzle, I scorch, but now I pass the torch
The ballots are in, and one girl had to win.
She's perky, she's fun, and now she's #1
C-c-cute Torrance, T-t-t-torrance
I'm stong and I'm loud and I'm gonna make you proud
I'm T-t-torrance, your captain Torrance.
She is the most spectacularly blah-looking actress still working in major movies. She's wearing a gorgeous dress and a full face of makeup, and she still looks like a high-class weasel.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
what in the ice skating world is she wearing?
She finally looks somewhat clean. Usually she looks so dirty.
It does remind me of Halle's but hers was much more revealing. You basically had to have a perfect body like hers in the 90's to pull that off.
Submitted by Deb on Fri, 09/07/2012 - 1:03pm.
I had a boyfriend 30 years ago who wore Speed Stick (original green). To this day, if I'm in a drug store around the deodorant aisle, I'll pop the cap of one and have a sniff. It totally turns me on. There, I said it.
hahaha! You just need to get your current guy to wear the same stuff. I'm that way with L'Air du Temps. Not sure it turns me on but it sends me back in time.
I had a boyfriend 30 years ago who wore Speed Stick (original green). To this day, if I'm in a drug store around the deodorant aisle, I'll pop the cap of one and have a sniff. It totally turns me on. There, I said it.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Filling out the application to submit MK for Pulitzer Prize in Journalism for his witty and brilliant anthology accounts of the Affaire de Kristen Stewart-Rupert Saunders. Love it!!!
this is so random. and funny. just highlights how bad her acting really is.
Bad Lip Reading - Twilight
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmxSk0wZxss&feature=player_embedded
I can't with this bitch. She is absolutely a pretentious insufferable dumbass. And she looks ugly in those pictures.
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Fri, 09/07/2012 - 11:15am.
Have you read On the Road? What do you think of it? I thought I might read it, but the themes aren't really interesting to me.
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I've read On the Road and I actually loved it; well the atmosphere of it, more that Kerouac's writing (which can be quite atrocious at times if you like complete sentences, proper paragraphs and quotations). It's an amazing journey/story, but I found the parts with/about Dean and MaryLou to be exhausting after a while. My favourite parts were the ones dealing with music (I love jazz) and he paints a very vivid picture of the clubs and the night life.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 09/07/2012 - 10:58am.
You have a GREAT weekend Jack! Hope your buddy doesn't go off the deep end. Left you a note in OP.
OnTopic: Pretty dress. KS, not so much.
I would rather lick balls & butt hole than an armpit.
You know, her face is actually very pretty. However, her crooked smile needs to not happen and she always stands like she's 100% uncomfortable in her skin.
Submitted by CokeyBloke on Fri, 09/07/2012 - 11:52am.
FINE! I'll say it. I don't mind body smells, it I know you showered the day before, and I've been with you that day, and know it's super sexy to lick the sweat off of you. But bum licking is verbotem until you take a shower, then --
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Hahahaha, finally someone brave enough to stop beating around the bush(!) No worries, soap (LOTS) and water is a wonderful thing. When I was with my baby's mama my head was between her legs so much I noticed my armpits started to smell like her, no kidding. I love a clean, unadorned musky scent.
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You can't be pregnant. That rape was legitimate.
Submitted by little_rascal on Fri, 09/07/2012 - 11:42am.
I can't stand this rat-face, but I have to admit, the dress is simply fabulous!
Agreed, that dress is amazing. No need for even that tiny little necklace she's wearing; the dress IS jewelry.
Still trying to figure out her whole "anti-persona persona" shtick. Is she using reverse psychology on the paps & fans? I'm thinking her general derpiness has to be part of a larger scheme. Otherwise, WTF?
The dress reminds me of the one Halle Berry wore when she won the Oscar for Monster's Ball. Same exact idea, different color scheme. It's not original, but it's way more flattering than some of the insanity she's worn before. I think she's pretty but her expression ALWAYS looks bored and/or snarky. Whatever. I don't think her career has much room to grow once she hits middle age and no longer has an enormous fangirl following. She's not exactly Meryl Streep.
Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 09/07/2012 - 11:36am.
And pheromones are powerful shit. Like it or not, we all respond to them on a subconscious level and emit them constantly. If you're really crazy about someone, it's likely the pheromones, and a bunch are wafting from the pits.
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I'll tell you some weird shit. You ever have nightmares where you get so scared you're nearly paralyzed with fear? I think we emit pheromones when that happens. I was going thru some kinda paranormal crap, constant nightmares. I did some self hypnosis, suggested to not show fear/fight back and the nightmares ceased after one or two more.
I came around to thinking that there are all forms of life we don't know about, maybe some that exist on different levels and can elicit that fear pheromone from us, maybe to feed on or something. There's so many things our bodies do automatically that we have no understanding of.
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You can't be pregnant. That rape was legitimate.
I think she's very pretty....except for those ears. :-/
Sorry for the double post. IPad is working my nerves today.
I can't imagine either rupit or rpattz having a good smell. Rpattz probably smells like yeast and rupit stale ciggies.
She still has zero personality.
On the pit thing, it's very similar to a cooch, or so I've been told, so my better half is definitely into it as long as I am NOT wearing deodorant (it tastes awful). He's way into all the other crevices too. Listen up chirruns, the secret to a long happy marriage (20 years and counting ) is to be married to someone that is an absolute freak for you
she gives the strangest interviews.. i hope this was a joke
FINE! I'll say it. I don't mind body smells, it I know you showered the day before, and I've been with you that day, and know it's super sexy to lick the sweat off of you. But bum licking is verbotem until you take a shower, then -- ....
Love the dress!
She is one ugly, ugly woman.
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I can't stand this rat-face, but I have to admit, the dress is simply fabulous!
I love cuddling up in my man's stinky pit. My ideal man showers daily but wears no deodorant. Not that gross, sharp, acrid sweat...it's the nice musky sweat that makes me stick my face right in there.
But this is Kristen, so it's gross. I doubt she said this. "And him me." Bitch puh-leeeze.
"This world is a whore."
So that director is nastier than originally thought. The dress isn't bad, but Dunst's is much better.
@ Jack,
Since I have the man powers to drool over a nice rack and ignore the 250 lb. woman attached to them you'd think I'da figured it out sooner. The Derp is with me.
@ Lucy,
32C huh? HowUdoin'? ;)
@ Everybody else,
Butt lickers! Don't deny it, salad tossers alla youse. lols
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You can't be pregnant. That rape was legitimate.
And pheromones are powerful shit. Like it or not, we all respond to them on a subconscious level and emit them constantly. If you're really crazy about someone, it's likely the pheromones, and a bunch are wafting from the pits.
Armpit licking isn't any more gross than licking other parts, IMO. Except I wouldn't want to get a mouthful of chemicals or stale B.O. Freshly showered pits sound okay to me. Not a turn-on, but not repulsive.
*shrugs*