What A Big Ass Bag
For once, I'm not talking about Jessica Simpson's ass. I'm talking about that humongous as the stuffed bowels of hell bag. It's the Nicki Minaj's ass of purses. Chestica showed all of us a trick as she strutted through LAX yesterday: If you want to look skinnier, just carry the fattest bag on the planet. Hos will be too distracted from screaming "Look at that fat ass bag! What a fat ass bag!" to look you up and down and analyze your actual ass. Oh, and also wear sunglasses that are bigger than Nancy Grace's areolas.
After losing more chunk than Ashlee Simpson lost when she chopped off half of her nose, Chestica is in NYC to go on Katie Couric's talk show and show everyone what happened when Weight Watchers waves a $4 million check in her face. You're looking at one of the last moments Jessica is breathing in oxygen through her mouth and nose. Because right before she goes on Katie Couric's show, Weight Watchers will mummify her in Spanx, wrap her in a full-body girdle, cover the girdle with plastic wrap and then vacuum seal her so tight that she'll have to learn how to breathe through her ear holes. During Katie's show, a translator who is fluent in Morse code through blinks will stand next to Jessica, because she'll be sucked in so tight that she won't be able to move her mouth so she'll have to communicate by blinking.
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The problem with this topic is, that people have the tendency to forget that Jassica Simpson is earning 4 million U$ Dollar for losing weight. That alone is pretty weird and that's why everybody focuses on her weight. And sorry, but to me she looks not very different from what she has looked before. I wonder what Weight Watchers will make out of this -30 pounds as we rarely saw Jessica in the time between, so we all could be easily fooled?
Good for Jess. See what putting down the buttered pop tarts and picking up an unfried vegetable can do?
Submitted by estee logger on Sun, 09/09/2012 - 10:49pm
LOVE YOUR GOAT! I want one!:)
Cool new name as well.
Valid points.
I also beleive we can't escape it because we are the fairer sex. Though I am strictly dickly, women are beautiful from birth til death in more ways than skin deep. But we see skin deep, and we've captivated and had our way just because of our feminine beauty. The lines of a fit body are more beautiful than any art I've ever seen. Even a 20 or 30 pound overweight, not stuffed into a sausage casing, but lying naked is beauty. Now, this is in general, an idea... And because this has been so, people, men, snarks can finally critique and finally think, you're not so hot now.... Even though that "hot" they are speaking of is relative, Because the subject of the critic is probably just not her "best" self.
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I think it's great that she seems to be dropping weight the right way -- through Weight Watchers.
And I think the reason why people hate on fat is that most of these women are really only famous because of their looks. If you trade on your looks, you're going to get critiqued on weight gain.
My problem though is why men seem to escape this. Alec Baldwin blimped out but you didn't see article after article about this nor do we see article after article about how hee lost the weight.
After losing more chunk than Ashlee Simpson lost when she chopped off half of her nose
meanest MK joke ever.
I'm sorry, I think Chestica looks GREAT!
Submitted by PrettyHateMachine on Sun, 09/09/2012 - 10:54pm.
The comments on this post are the reason why I hate Dlisted sometimes. Jessica Simpson, while still not skinny. has dropped a ton of weight since the picture of her getting out of the car at the gym. Her body is not horrible, so I don't get all of these nasty ass remarks. I, Myself, question how she dropped so much weight so quickly, but obviously it's not quick enough for some of you.
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I think it's great that she seems to be dropping weight the right way -- through Weight Watchers.
And I think the reason why people hate on fat is that most of these women are really only famous because of their looks. If you trade on your looks, you're going to get critiqued on weight gain.
My problem though is why men seem to escape this. Alec Baldwin blimped out but you didn't see article after article about this nor do we see article after article about how hee lost the weight.
So she ACTUALLY lost the weight? Like she actually LOST all that WEIGHT?
Goddammit I'm her size without being preggers (the good thing is that being this fat doesn't really make you preggers because you don't have sex!) and if that bitch can do it, so could I...right?
FTR Jessica Simpson net worth: 100 million.
Jessica is not a billionaire. Wiki is incorrect.
OT - "Ryan Reynolds & Blake Lively married in secret ceremony"?! WTF?
Big bags can throw your body out of wack with torn ligaments etc. Big as it is, looks like body guard has her laptop. But where is her baby?
Jessica!
B A B Y.
You have one.
It is not a pr stunt.
Submitted by loopygorilla on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 1:50am.
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I like this theory. She so does this! OLolol
Of course Jess and Posh don't wear their own stuff, does Beyonce? That right there, tells me how much they like the brand. Bey stopped as soon as she got big, didn't she? And did KA say that Paris wore her own stuff? Well that would be the exception! Hhaaa
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by KA on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 1:27am.
as far as fat hate on this site, it's on every site. people that will make hateful comments about other people's weight are just sad about their own situation, whether it be weight related or otherwise. healthy snark is one thing, being shallow and subhuman is quite another. the trick is to just ignore the same people that feel they have to do it over and over. and if you are one of those people? find out why you don't love yourself and make the world a better place, k? thnx.
--Well put.
Submitted by KA on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 1:41am.
yeh she will pull a JLO and go to tiffanys and chose something, pay for it, then go home, tell kfed
"on september 29, go pick up the ring at tiffanys, ive already called TMZ,Radar and people magazine, who are waiting outside the store, now make sure you act all mysterious and say no comment, but when you walk, accidentally trip and drop bag and let the receipt fall out, and then quickly run into the car, because the paps will pick up the receipt which will say "wedding ring for jessica simpson $10 million" and that will be all over the news but they'll call me, and i'll deny it"
Submitted by loopygorilla on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 1:36am.
ahh okays, well kfed footballer better borrow jessica's AMEX and go to tiffanys to buy a ring and put a ring on that finger if he wants a slice of mama's $2 billion empire.
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no kidding right? im surprised she hasn't bought herself some $10M ring and tried to pass it off as something he bought. or did she try that already??? i wouldnt be surprised.
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"It's called a party bus! Not a punch-a-titty bus. And put your MetroCard away, Chris Brown, no such bus exists." MK
Submitted by KA on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 1:27am.
ahh okays, well kfed footballer better borrow jessica's AMEX and go to tiffanys to buy a ring and put a ring on that finger if he wants a slice of mama's $2 billion empire.
and you're so right, jessica sells all her shizzz, and some are quite cute, but she never wears her own label, you alway see her haul that LV bag.
just like Victoria Beckham, who has a range of handbags, prices start at $27,000! holy shit! thats like 90% of my annual mortgage repayment.
but Victoria never uses her own range, she is always in chanel or some shit.
as for the fat thing, i make jokes, but im not a fat hater since i have a fat ass, on a skinny person lol so yeah.
Submitted by EmbalmerKitty on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 1:08am.
"Can someone explain what is put into these big ass bags?"
A rundown of what you will find in mine: some make-up, a hairbrush, a mirror, my big ass wallet, tampons, a folding umbrella (it's The Netherlands), a bottle of water, baby-wipes, hand sanitizer, a toy and some crayons for my kid to keep her occupied while I enjoy my cappuccino.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Submitted by loopygorilla on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 1:20am.
she isn't as dumb as she pretends to be, her fashion empire is apparently worth $2 billion thats why the Kfed of football married her and knocked her up.
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they aren't married.
im about to say something nice about paris hilton, so brace yourselves: paris hilton wears her own shit. ive never seen jessucka carry one of her own bags or wear her own shoes or sunglasses. i dont know if the same is for the kardassians because i like to pretend those people and all of their cheap shit don't exist.
as far as fat hate on this site, it's on every site. people that will make hateful comments about other people's weight are just sad about their own situation, whether it be weight related or otherwise. healthy snark is one thing, being shallow and subhuman is quite another. the trick is to just ignore the same people that feel they have to do it over and over. and if you are one of those people? find out why you don't love yourself and make the world a better place, k? thnx.
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"It's called a party bus! Not a punch-a-titty bus. And put your MetroCard away, Chris Brown, no such bus exists." MK
she isn't as dumb as she pretends to be, her fashion empire is apparently worth $2 billion thats why the Kfed of football married her and knocked her up.
Can someone explain what is put into these big ass bags?
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Sometimes you have to be a high-riding bitch to survive. Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold onto. - Vera Donovan
Submitted by beakers bitch on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 12:39am.
Exactly Beaky...the many forms of "reality". Caribou dung is real, I think!
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Submitted by Mani6 on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 12:32am.
Breaking Amish...great show also! The geniuses at TLC must be losing their damn minds.
Mani, remember TLC before it became the "Watch this family with a billion kids live their mundane lives on camera" network and A & E before Dog the Bounty Hunter and other junk took over? I remember the times of watching something on Discovery and 15 minutes in go, "Wait a minute, how'd we get suckered into watching a show on Caribou dung?" Seriously, we did, but they were following some ancient hunting tribe's migrations by analyzing the poop or something. It was more interesting than it sounds.
Submitted by PrettyHateMachine on Sun, 09/09/2012 - 11:34pm.
There is a lot of fat hate on this site. I love Dlisted and everyone here, but I don't like the fat hate. I work out and eat healthy too. Jessica Simpson did put the spotlight on her weight, and she is losing it. She's not going to be skinny right away. She wasn't skinny when she got pregnant and she gained a lot of weight during. But she looks a lot better now than she did 2 or so months ago.
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Honestly I wasn't bashing Jessica for not being skinny. I've only commented on how she tries to manipulate the public, mostly overweight women, to cheer her on. Lainey said it best.
Some people (not the "skinny" ones) comment about certain celebrities like Katy Perry, Beyonce, J Lo being one step away from being fat. I don't get it. To me, all those women look fit and have a great hourglass figure. I'm definitely not in the camp of a woman has to be s size 2/4 to look great. It depends on proportions, height, face, etc. I'm sure J Lo is not a size 4, but she looks healthy and fit anyway.
IMO Jessica looks best with a little weight on her face.
I watched a show on the 9/11 tragedy tonight which I had seen before but really the gone but not forgotten sentiment always stays with me.
Breaking Amish...great show also! The geniuses at TLC must be losing their damn minds.
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The only way JS is getting super skinny again is if she has that trainer who followed her around while she trained for Dukes of Hazard. He smacked food away from her, said the only sugar she could have was those dessert body things she used to hawk.
Her face and hair look great but she is not fooling me by wearing ten inch platform shoes with black flare pants to make herself look taller and leaner. I also see what you're doing there with the single panel shirt and solid black sides. Without these tricks she would probably still look like a chunky top heavy midget.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Submitted by Mani6 on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 12:25am.
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How could I forget the BOOBS, hahahahaa I don't believe any celeb about their diet or exercise, maybe that is safer? lolol
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by CashewTime on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 12:19am.
I think a lot of ladies on here work hard on their bodies and are annoyed with women that are too lazy to do the same. I keep in shape, but it's my choice. I am really not bothered by what other people choose to do with their own bodies. And I don't like making other people feel bad. But that's just me. Anyway I'm off to bed. I hope you have a nice night!
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Sun, 09/09/2012 - 9:30pm.
Submitted by ewe on Sun, 09/09/2012 - 9:05pm.
The reason *I* get annoyed with Migraineuse is because her posts patronizes everyone on dlisted - like she has all the answers and we are just sheep that don't understand the big scheme of things
Funny thing, isn't it. The only time I ever saw her post anything other than "men hate women", it was, of course, to insult all Romanians. She went to Romania - a place of great historical, cultural and architectural richness and importance - and all she had to offer was that she "saw some cute things". Mainly she was pissed off that the locals didn't all bow down to her sorry cunting ass. Dumb BITCH.
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I remember that. She yelled at me because I said Romanians were awesome (I've been there many times). Some people are just miserable.
I wonder if people here also agree with her when she says Michael is a woman-hater. She says that often.
She likes big I guess, the big ass glasses, the big ass earrings and the big ass bag go great with her big ass titties. Of course since she's a celeb there's pressure to lose the weight rapidly but in reality there is no rush.
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Night PrettyHateM, have a good night! ;)
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by WithinReason... on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 12:11am.
Who knows whats real with any of these celebs. But she was huge! And she does look much better here.
Anyway I am going to sleep now, have an early morning. And having to defend Jessica Simpleton was the low point of my night lol. Have a good night!
Submitted by Womanoftheyear on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 12:01am.
I give her props for being smart enough to market herself and her clothing without sacrificing her selfrespect like the Kardashian whores.
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Other than trying to capitalize on some women's issues with weight, I think Jessica has done really well for herself with her new career in fashion. She didn't resort to cheap, degrading stunts like releasing a sex tape.
I hope her daughter takes after her in the looks department, because her Purse Carrier is gross.
Submitted by FilthyBitch on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 12:02am.
So Perez Hilton was on Bravo's Watch What Happens Live tonight and gave breaking news that Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds got married tonight.
WTF plain looking mumble mouth got that hot piece. He went from Scar Jo to that. Just unbelievable.
Ohhhhh, so *that's* why Ryan Reynolds is trending on twitter, lol. I thought something must have happened because nobody really talks about him anymore.
Submitted by PrettyHateMachine on Sun, 09/09/2012 - 11:34pm.
Submitted by lislop on Sun, 09/09/2012 - 11:26pm.
There is a lot of fat hate on this site. I love Dlisted and everyone here, but I don't like the fat hate. I work out and eat healthy too. Jessica Simpson did put the spotlight on her weight, and she is losing it. She's not going to be skinny right away. She wasn't skinny when she got pregnant and she gained a lot of weight during. But she looks a lot better now than she did 2 or so months ago.
--I agree that there is a lot of fat hate on the D along with hate about any flaws in a women (to the point that having real boobs that sag seems to be a damn flaw). But I also think it's more celebrity hate than fat hate on this site, and many of the biggest "haters" are women who work out a lot or are naturally skinny and therefore have a superiority complex. I like to call it skinnybitch syndrome, and no I do not make fun of people for being skinny and I admire the work some people can put into looking good (I exercise and eat well as much as I can also), but that is the truth.
PrettyHateM, that does look real. Then I think, how do we know when they were taken? They could be weeks apart. With celeb photos, they take so many that any number of stories could be created. Yeah, there's big difference. You're right.
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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No rest for the wicked! :D
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
This is the best she has look in a while. I carry a big ass bag too since I had kids. I refuse to use a diaper bag, I would rather walk around with a giant purse than a lame diaper bag.
GG, so no break huh? But you like outside work, so it's not a chore. Hope you get it done quick! ;p
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Within. I know! I've always thought her weight loss would be suspect. But if these pictures are real and these are real -> http://www.tmz.com/2012/06/22/jessica-simpson-working-out-weight-loss/
Then thats a big difference. And I reallllllllllllly don't like Jessica Simpson lol. Soo.
I'm all for most of what Migraneuse says, and like someone mentioned, it's the DELIVERY that's the problem. It's true that making people angry is not always a bad thing-usually means you make 'em think, but she has an opportunity here to raise discussions that she doesn't take with over-the-top statements. However, I agree with her most of the time (I have a new username, but have been here a while).
As for this hillbilly fool, she is merely capitalizing on women's insecurities (yes, I just read the brilliant Lainey article on it http://www.laineygossip.com/Articles/Details/24529/Jessica-Simpson-prepa...) and BULLSHITTING to all the girls and women out there who want some leniency with weight gain. First of all, everyone who has ever been pregnant or known someone who is pregnant knows that celebrities are bull shitting or have a lot of help with weight loss and that most husbands do not bitch about their wives, who are building their families, gaining weight to become mothers, even if some of the weight stays. She's basically capitalizing on aggrandizing an issue that doesn't exist that much, thereby making women look even stupider to the patriarchy, meaner to each other and actually MORE obsessed with losing weight when they should be thinking about the new life they just helped enter into the world. It's an amazing mind fuck she's pulling, and it's not pushing the public toward any sort of body acceptance.
So Perez Hilton was on Bravo's Watch What Happens Live tonight and gave breaking news that Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds got married tonight.
WTF plain looking mumble mouth got that hot piece. He went from Scar Jo to that. Just unbelievable.
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"I've got a strong stomach and no standards to speak of" - MK 2/5/11
She doesn't look that bad. Size 12? This bitch makes major bank so I can't hate. I have never been a "fan" of whatever it is she does (sing, reality show or whatever) but I give her props for being smart enough to market herself and her clothing without sacrificing her selfrespect like the Kardashian whores.
WR, oh I'm done. The person was convicted on both charges. Just hope she gets help now.
I have been slaving away in the yard til it gets too hot. Then doing the other jobs around here that need to get done...have to paint the fence tomorrow. :(
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
PrettyHateM, so true. That's the worst part, with photoshop and picture archives, who really knows what we're seeing. I imagine it's all fake so can't compare real people to any of those images hahaha
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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GG, it was! How about you, are you all done with your jury duty? Never did ask you again, so I'm thinking it was not hung after all! Haha
OnT: it is a huge bag, wonder what she's carrying, her cosmetics, exercise equipment? lol
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Hey Within! I know what you're saying. I KNOW! I just feel like EVERYONE is too hard on their own bodies as it is without having to compare them to some ideal that isn't even real.
Hello Within! Hope your weekend was restful!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
@ GG
That would be the perfect role for him or he'd make a great cone head.
Hi GG, hi PrettyHateMachine!
PHM, did you notice yesterday I said that Hamm shouldn't go out with that thing (meaning his peen) in public and Rande played on it as I meant his gf? Lolol we joked about it but it could be that in some cases. It reads differently than it was meant. Or it could be a joke... Just a thought.
Anyway, *waves hi* to you both! ;)
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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