Blake Lively & Ryan Reynolds Secretly Got Married In South Carolina Last Night

Right before I passed out face first into my pillow last night, I read a mass e-mail from People that said Blake NotSoLively mumbled out wedding vows to talking eight-pack Ryan Reynolds at their wedding at Boone Hall Plantation in Mt. Pleasant, South Carolina on Sunday. Then sometime during the night I had a dream/nightmare about a sex tape starring James Franco and a bunch of Plushies in Pound Puppy costumes. When I woke up this morning, I thought the James Franco getting a beej from Plushies story was real and that I dreamed up Blake and Ryan's wedding, because how is it possible for her to get engaged and married without whoring out every single detail for maximum attention. But she did! Down in the Scientology glory hole dungeon, Tommy Girl is wiping away the tears on a hard dick, because it's always a sad day when a beard temporarily retires from the bearding game.

NYDN says that Blake's friend Florence Welch of Florence + the Machine and Bette Midler both sang songs at the reception in a white tent on the plantation. Blake wore a Chanel gown, Ryan wore Hugo Boss, their $3,000 cake was made by Maryland's Maggie Austin Cakes and they flew in the minister from Connecticut. All 70 of Blake and Ryan's guests had to check in their cell phones at the door. Blake's publicist hasn't confirmed any of this, because she's still in a coma after passing out when Blake said "no" to the question, "So you want to get married at the altar on the ho stroll in front of a thousand paps, right?"

We all found out the answer to the question "What's blander than a piece of boiled cauliflower sitting in a puddle of cold tap water?" about a year ago when Blake and Ryan started humping after meeting while filming The Green Lantern. 25-year-old Blake hasn't been married before, but 35-year-old Ryan was once married to that other blonde mumbler with huge chichis, ScarJo.

And I really hope that halfway through the wedding ceremony, the minister stopped talking, all spotlights focused on the back of the tent and every wedding guest turned their chair around to look at this vision strolling in:

Robyn Lively always finds a way to TOP THAT!

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by Sprmcandy on Thu, 10/11/2012 - 8:51am.

That bitch has got Killer legs !

Submitted by Thamar on Tue, 09/11/2012 - 1:30am.

All I see when I see Blake Lively are bad breast implants.

Submitted by quickkill on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 10:02pm.

RYAN REYNOLDS DOES HAVE A WAYNE NEWTON LOOK TO HIM. BLAKE LIVELY IS ATTRACTIVE, BUT THE MARRIAGE IS SURPRISING. WHAT'S THE HURRY ?

Submitted by yeah_bwackey on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 9:44pm.

Bette Midler via Twitter: "Where do these knuckleheads get the idea that I went to a wedding and actually SANG at it?! Can you imagine? I was in a hotel lobby is all!"

Submitted by CarrieOn on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 8:55pm.

Submitted by louise_brooks on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 11:24am.
Oh. Okay.

*goes back to not giving a shit about these two*

Hekki- love 16 Candles! TMZ needs to do a "See Him Today!" about Jake Ryan. He was the hotness.

I think they did this already - go back and look in the TMZ archives. Or Google his real name - I know I have seen a recent pic of him. He's like 50 now.

Submitted by ScarfnBarf on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 8:35pm.

yaaawwwn

Submitted by jaariel on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 7:53pm.

And I've had a mad crush on Ryan since "2 Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place", that madcap comedy that took the place of Ellen's sitcom after she announced she was gay & ABC freaked out & cancelled her ass.
He's actually funny& I adore funny men with 6pack-abs!

Submitted by jaariel on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 7:42pm.

NYDN says that Blake's friend Florence Welch of Florence + the Machine
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
WHAAAAAAA???
Does.not.compute.

Submitted by kikichanelconspiracy on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 6:39pm.

"He's supposed to be attractive? All I see is baby Wayne Newton." Holy shit, you're right! I absolutely despise his smarmy, marginally talented mug. Definition of a highly punchable face (for me). I just see him and all I can think is 'Prick. Also, your unfortunate features are clustered in the center of your crooked face'. She's the latest PR created 'it' girl. I hate her somewhat less than him. Put me down for 20 months.
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It hurts because you let your black heart beat for an asshole who can't even send you a "P.S. I'm about to fuck a hole that doesn't belong to you" text before fucking said hole that doesn't belong to you.

Submitted by CB221 on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 6:24pm.

Submitted by CandyPerfumeGirl on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 1:45pm.

Do people notice a pattern here? Reynolds secretly dates a highly successful celeb for 6 months and then they get hitched secretly. And the divorce will come as easily. At least SacrJo is gorgeous. Blake Lively is a dog.
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Highly successful celeb doesn't really apply to Blake, it just looks like she is because she has a talented PR team who makes her look like a bigger star than she really is. Her desperate attempts to have an A list movie career has been an epic failure.

I'll never understand what he sees in her, she's not beautiful or interesting. It's understandable why she would rush into marriage with him, after all she's a social climber who needs him to maintain her fame since she doesn't have the talent or charisma to stay relevant in Hollywood when her crappy CW show is over but why he would marry her is a mystery. I hope for his sake, there's a prenup.

Submitted by Snarf on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 6:24pm.

Girlfriend's got game, I'll give her that.
As for the marriage, five years. Tops.

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Shiitake happens...

Submitted by didimao on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 5:45pm.

Bossy, I agree with you. I found a site that shows all the ladies he has dated and supposedly one was Charlize Theron. HELLO! If that is true, then why marry Bland Lively?

http://www.whosdatedwho.com/tpx_2107/ryan-reynolds/

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What in the praying mantis crackhooker hell is this?! - MK 9/09

Submitted by Bossy on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 5:43pm.

@didimao, great that worked out for you but given that Ryan Reynolds already messed up in a very similar fashion (brief dating, quick marriage) I don't think he knows EXACTLY what he wants nor has he learned anything...and Blake, well I don't think she knows much beyond 2+2 let alone what she wants in a husband

Submitted by didimao on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 5:11pm.

Hey now. My husband and I have been married for 15 years and we only knew each other/dated a month before we eloped. No there was no blood test required on the state we married in. Oh and I was 19 when we married. I knew exactly what I wanted in a man and my husband is exactly what I wanted and still want.

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What in the praying mantis crackhooker hell is this?! - MK 9/09

Submitted by QueenieBK on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 4:40pm.

I like Ryan, but other than her tits, what does Blake Oatmeal have going for her?
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"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley

Submitted by mefunigirl on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 3:48pm.

Submitted by babybunny on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 3:35pm.

This is generally true of the first marriage.
The second time around, you're older, wiser, and know what you want and more importantly what you don't want.

My first one I lived with 5 years, married and it lasted 2.
My second one I knew 6 months we've lasted 22 years.

Now, of course,none of this applies here cause these two are plain stupid.

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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz

Submitted by tomahawk on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 3:41pm.

This guy is weird. Has been in an relationship with Alanis Morisette, obviously foe 10 years, or so, hops on to ScarJo, marries her, hops on to the next and marries her - I wonder if he has any real feelings. No offense, I really like him, but that is weird - you might finde your second big love right after the first, but meeting someone you would want to marry right after your second big love is very very rare.

Edit: Oh well, has been said x² times before - sorry for not reading through the comments first =)

Submitted by DianaDeath on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 3:16pm.

Blake looks like Helen Hunt to me, and Helen Hunt has never been lauded as any kind of great beauty, so WTF?

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"If French is the language of love, then Spanish is the language of badassery!" -MK

Submitted by can be a pushy broad on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 3:12pm.

Submitted by MissAnnThrope on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 2:14pm
He's easy on my eyes:)
I think he just might want to be a dad and is somewhat a traditional kind of guy.

Submitted by Datura on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 2:54pm.

Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 2:40pm.
She and Ke$hit could be sisters.
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I think Ke$hit might be the more attractive of the two. How Blake is considered a sexy ingénue boggles my mind.

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"You will drink the black sperm of my vengeance!" Beyond the Valley of the Dolls

Submitted by Poopele on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 2:47pm.

This guy is a Canadian. They can make little Justin Beibers together. It's a beautiful thing really.

Submitted by WinterOwl22 on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 2:38pm.

These two very vanilla, untalented and overhyped (in every sense of the word) people are perfect for each other.

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The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!

Submitted by Esteem on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 2:30pm.

I've never understood the appeal of either of them, but kudos for not making a sideshow of your wedding.

Submitted by kate773 on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 2:32pm.

I liked him in the Proposal and Waiting. I think its kinda sad. I think he could have had a really good career up to now but his movie choices have been largely awful (besides the two above). He was supposedly really good in that movie where he's the US soldier in Iraq where he's buried alive. Didn't see it though because that kind of freaks me out. But Green Lantern? COME ON. I get trying to jump on the superhero bandwagon but you can't tell me that looked good on paper. I caught it on TV and I lasted 5 minutes. Lively was supposed to be a freaking pilot and some other PhD or something? Give me a break. She's wooden as shit as an actress and she sucked in the Town. As a Bostonian, her accent was freaking PAINFUL to listen to.

I think he's charming and funny in a smartass kinda way. And I do think he's pretty hot. But his taste in women disappoints me.

I don't think BL is ugly by any stretch, and maybe she's more interesting if you get to know her personally. Trying to give them the benefit of the doubt here.

Submitted by SANS FARDS on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 2:29pm.

Submitted by loopygorilla on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 2:03pm.

florence welch is blake lively's best friend??

FUCK YOU florence, the dog days are over, run fast for you mother, for your sister and brother.

im not liking your songs again.

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Yeah really. I thought Flo had more sense than that.

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SANTO DIOS! PRAISE HAY-SOOS CREASE-TOE!

Submitted by Suzy Farkis on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 2:27pm.

M.E. - from the 'United States' section of the link below:

"Some states require a blood test to verify that the applicants are not carrying syphilis, a sexually-transmitted disease. As of 2010, Mississippi and Montana require blood tests; Connecticut, Wisconsin, Georgia, Indiana, Oklahoma, Massachusetts, and the District of Columbia have withdrawn the blood testing requirements in the last few years."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_license

When I was growing up I saw so many references to it on TV and didn't realize it was only in the US, so I was afraid of having to get married because I was terrified of blood tests!

Submitted by RandéSleepover on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 2:26pm.

*trying to blame somebody for mispost*

Submitted by JTROS on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 2:12pm.

1) definite nose job (not really a big deal). also-probable boob job, but again, that's not shocking for a young, hollywood starlet type.
2) did she do something to her eyes?? they look fuller/rounder.

For someone who is only 25, she's had quite a bit of work done. What's 40 going to look like on her??

Submitted by babybunny on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 2:05pm.

He has the commitment span of a gnat
she has the attention span of a gnat
so in gnat years they will last a gnat lifetime...as in irrecon. diff. in approx six months...it takes TTIIMMEE to get to really know somebody, you don't really know someone I say from experience until you have been in the trenches with them for approx 5 years...then you should marry...anything under 5 is going to end up in an expensive divorce...kiss half your shit goodbye...

Submitted by Versailles on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 1:35pm.

Blake? As in Blake Carrington..?

Submitted by kate773 on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 1:33pm.

Submitted by Madam Pince on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 12:45pm.

So what happened to his famous "I'm not getting married again" vow? What a shallow fucker.
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Most divorced people I've ever met say this shortly after the divorce. Rarely does it stick.

Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 1:26pm.

Be alone for five minutes, Ryan. Jeezus.

I agree; downgrade from ScarJo. Who herself was a downgrade from Alanis Morissette.

·...¸><((((º>·´¯`·. ¸.><((((º> .·´¯`·..·><((((º>
Visit The Freckle on Lindsay Lohan's Lip on Facebook.

Submitted by anonymous7643 on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 1:19pm.

I don't like ScarJo but she seems slightly more interesting and she's more attractive than this broad. I also don't buy that she's 25... she looks 30. Minus the tan, the dye job and the nose job she'd be average at best.

His eyes are really really close together.

Submitted by WithinReason... on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 1:18pm.

Congrats to them. Not sure anyone would even hear about this were it not for their involvement with ScarJo and DiCatchaHo, so best of luck! ;)

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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by RandéSleepover on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 1:15pm.

This is an odd alliance. I know why she, as an aspiring type, wants to marry him. I don't get why he rushed into marriage with her other than that he's dying to be married again. Some folks--say, Kelsey Grammer--are just enamored with the notion of being married.

Submitted by Yee-Haw on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 1:13pm.

Coffy, I agree. He's never done it for me and he certainly isn't superhero grade. To me, he's just a bland, boiled weiner with nice hair and eyes. However, he can do so much better. Blake is a dog, with too-high chichis.

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"... the Kardashians are redefining class with every pinky they lift while sucking a black dick on camera." - MK

Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 1:10pm.

She and Ke$hit could be sisters.

Submitted by Stoney on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 1:09pm.

This marriage will last as long as the fullness you feel after eating Chinese.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."

Submitted by Condi the ingro... on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 1:09pm.

Wow. Can't think of a more boring, bland couple. She has no personality, he obviously has a screw loose for marrying her.

Just waiting for them to sell the photos to the highest bidder. And word to the person who said Reynolds is trading down from Johansson (goes along with his career trajectory).

Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 1:05pm.

I didn't have to have a blood test when I got married. WTF is that?

Submitted by LOW BUDGET BYTCH on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 1:03pm.

But will the baby have her old nose?

http://nathabone.blogspot.com/2012/06/blake-lively-plastic-surgery.html

Submitted by Winnyfranfran on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 1:03pm.

Wasn't he just married to someone else? What the hell?

Submitted by TrashyWilma on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 12:50pm.

Ryan Reynolds has the world convinced he's smug and has his shit together. His inabilty to be alone shows that he is one insecure dude.

Submitted by Suzy Farkis on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 12:48pm.

Sweetas - indeed, and apparently he likes his fun all serious, accompanied by blood tests and legal documents!

(Do they still require blood tests to get married in the US? I know of that from TV!)

Submitted by dementa on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 12:48pm.

Wow, he must be feeling depressed. Trading down from ScarJo to Blake Lively?

And those two will have the whitest babies in the world...

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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.

Submitted by Coffy73 on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 12:46pm.

I never understood why hollywood tried to make this guy some green lantern action star. It didn't work cause Ryan has to be one of the most boring men since affleck! He belongs only in jennifer aniston rom-com movies!

Submitted by WickedSwitch on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 12:44pm.

I like ryan :)

wish him the best with that girl whose breasts are close to her collarbone

Submitted by MissAnnThrope on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 12:44pm.

He is beautiful. I'm jealous.

Submitted by snowpiece on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 12:33pm.

LMAO @ loopy

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"Shut up, brain! "You're not the boss of me! Come on, vagina! Let's get out of here, away from the party pooper trying to ruin our fun." "Did he participate in the actual Olympics or Special Olympics?" Evil_Cupcake