Monday, September 10th 2012
Open Post: Hosted By John Travolta's Hard Nips
The queens at the bath houses in Paris better watch out, because when John Travolta butches up his look (see: that really butch chain wallet) and gets his tit knobs hard by inhaling poppers through his nipple slits, that means he's looking to top and nothing is awkwardly messier than a power bottom trying to top. (You haven't heard the words "It slipped out again!" more times than when a power bottom is trying to hump on you.)
With his loyal beard (who sort of turns into a skinnier Khloe Kardashian when she puts on deranged bee sunglasses) at his side, John Travolta made every French massage therapist run when he sashayed through Paris yesterday. Gay Paree is now Gayer Paree and we can all thank John for that.
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Submitted by JTROS on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 5:50pm.
very interesting...
PLEASE TAKE NOTE, LADIES!!!
*high fives bambam*
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rly1ZZ076G8&feature=related ~ Kenny Powers
The "best" strip club I've ever been to was in Baltimore, just off the Inner Harbour but in a rough neighborhood. Some of the gals had track marks (really!), and I saw one of them blowing a patron just off the main stage. It was so wonderfully low-brow. This was the late '90s.
Most strip clubs are dull and everything about them is phony (including the girls and parts of their anatomy).
Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 5:46pm.
I can't believe you crashed a damn bachelor party... I WOULD FREAKIN DIE!
Funny, we told our gf's/wives/significant(bitchy) others all about the stripper, in detail. Then, asked them about if they hired a stripper and all we got was "yep". Tramps. Oh, and of course they thought we were making the "ugly" part up... #youcanneverfuckingwin
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rly1ZZ076G8&feature=related ~ Kenny Powers
BTW, what the hell is that look John Boy is sporting? Thrifty Rat Packer?
Back in my wild days, after a nice dinner and some drinks, I took a first date to a strip club by my apartment, picked out the hottest girl & paid her to give him a lap dance.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 5:41pm.
Exactly.
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You can't be pregnant. That rape was legitimate.
These photos convince me that I was sadly mistaken in assuming that John was gay. I am truly sorry for any offense I may have caused anyone.
When I was 19 my friend and I crashed a bachelor party our boyfriends were attending. When we arrived the chicks were going at it on the floor with a double dong. Le GROSS!
Submitted by saltydog88 on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 5:42pm.
DEAR GOD SO HOT!!!! *wonders if they provided a dental dam*
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rly1ZZ076G8&feature=related ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by saltydog88 on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 5:42pm.
My boyfriend was at a Bachelor party this winter and the stripper played a game called "lights on lights off" where the groom to be held a glowstick in his mouth and then they turned off the lights and she made the glowstick disappear and reappear. So disgusting.
That would depend on the stripper.
Submitted by JTROS on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 5:36pm.
Absolutely. Her "bodyguard" (LOLOLLL!!) told me the private dance is only 4 minutes, but our friend purchased an additional 10 minutes of "privacy" with a "happy ending"... No way that shit had a happy ending if she was in the room...
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rly1ZZ076G8&feature=related ~ Kenny Powers
My boyfriend was at a Bachelor party this winter and the stripper played a game called "lights on lights off" where the groom to be held a glowstick in his mouth and then they turned off the lights and she made the glowstick disappear and reappear. So disgusting.
Submitted by louise_brooks on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 5:32pm.
LMAO!! I have to be honest, I really do not like strippers or strip clubs. It makes me pretty uncomfortable to have boobs in my face and not be able to do anything about it... It's like standing outside a restaurant window and watching them serve food... you really wanna stick it in your mouth but can't. Fuck that.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rly1ZZ076G8&feature=related ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by Sweetas on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 5:32pm.
2) not impressed until she can bounce a ball and pick up at least 6 jacks with it.
now you're talkin'
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
Strippers gravitate toward me. It's actually a bit uncomfortable...
Do you honestly believe that your friend who got the private lap dance didn't get a little somethin' extra??? (blowjob, handjob or *barf* sex)
Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 4:53pm.
My body is internally freaking out. My eczema and psoriasis are flared up again and I've got the cracked corners of my mouth again. Guess it's off to urgent care when I leave here.
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M.E. - the best thing to do for the cracks in the corner of your mouth is to keep them dry. They are actually caused by a bacteria that thrives on moisture so people who over apply chapstick tend to get them. I get them from time to time (I also have psroriasis randomly enough, wonder if they're related) and I just wash my mouth 3 times a day and then apply a little rubbing alcohol with a q-tip on the corners of my mouth and then keep my mouth open for a few minutes to let it air dry...usually clears up in 2 days when I do that.
LOL at Foxxy and Sweetass!! she probably could have fit six "jacks" in it!! :(
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rly1ZZ076G8&feature=related ~ Kenny Powers
Jack, your errgly stripper tale saddens me...
PS Pam Anerson IS nasty! *runs from room/ slams door*
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
dlaugher - sorry to hear about your medical issues, but that book sounds funny. I might look into it!
I remember from last year when my mouth did the cracking thing, it's related to the same shit that causes thrush, so I have to go get a prescription. The Abreva isn't working.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 5:17pm.
ROTFL!! I told this story last week, but it fits here again. When my husband and I were dating, he went to a bachelor party and the stripper stuck his head in her cleavage. He said, "It was the unsexiest thing ever, like being pummeled in the head with rocks repeatedly."
Jacko okay 1) I really hope she put her panties on or your friend covered himself with a tarp for the lap dance. And 2) not impressed until she can bounce a ball and pick up at least 6 jacks with it.
*huah*
M.E.--I've been dealing with lots o medical crap this past year or two. Someone got me a book called "The Complete Manual of Things That Might Kill You." It's hilarious (and actually has one of my conditions in there!). It's totally making fun of the symptom checkers out there and the terror they inspire.
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Amnesty International
Shine a Light
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 4:59pm.
my ball hit her in the chin.
1. so you were only a half inch off then? good job, jack!
2. still closer than Romo would have been
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by annobanano on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 5:25pm.
When did you become such a delicate flower?
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When she strolled in to the room... jack is not down with the nasty (AND PAM ANDERSON IS NOT NASTY SO DO NOT GO THERE!)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rly1ZZ076G8&feature=related ~ Kenny Powers
IT'S ALWAYS (never) LUPUS!
MJT - I friggen know better than to do the damn symptom checker. UGH!
@ jack-n-the-hat - She took her panties off and went back around the room... when she got to me she tried to climb on and I yelled "I WAS IN A CAR ACCIDENT, IM FRAGILE, PLEASE NO!"... git. it. away.
When did you become such a delicate flower?
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 5:20pm.
You really have no idea. C section scars, appendix scars, moles on her neck with hair... we honestly thought someone was pulling a prank. However, we all kinda felt bad for her so went along with it (which is probably the most sexist comment I've made, sorry!) but wtf could we do? OMG you are hideous please leave? I mean, hell, we even turned the football game off so she could have our undivided attention... classy group we are.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rly1ZZ076G8&feature=related ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 5:16pm.
WOT!?!??! NO! I AM NOT PREGNANT!
Fuck WebMD. I have every single symptom they listed for anemia. Great. Now I'm convinced I will need a bone marrow transplant.
*calls urgent care to make appointment*
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Picks up my House cane for a diagnosis...hmmm, I think you might have:
(a) lupus
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001471/
(b) sarcoidosis http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001140/
or
(c) Wilson's disease
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001789/
(I'm not serious...those are just the 3 diseases that were most common in that show)
Submitted by dlaugher on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 5:20pm.
I just got a box of Becks for my husband. On the box there is a little square with the text "Brewed Under the German Purity Law of 1516."
Is it just me, or is that something you would go ahead and leave off? "German Purity Law" just made my mind go about as far away from beer and good times as possible.
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As a German anything without the 19 hundred before is fair game. We were busy burning witches in 1516.
@ can be a pushy broad
You're welcome! The first time I heard Kate Rusby I was astounded. It was the last verse of "Withered and Died" (a cover) and I heard it by chance on BBC Radio 2 years and years ago. I bought her "Little Lights" album the next day. Some of her stuff is traditional English folk, but most are original songs. Her voice is perfection.
ME - git your ass to the doctor!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Jack - like I said, KLASSY!!!
I got a private lap dance in the Chapagne Room back in like 200 when the ex and I went to this "nice" strip club while in LA. Chick was HOT though. The no touch rule was hard to follow.
jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 5:17pm.
I laughed so hard I cried.
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
WHAMO!!! Good job!
I love those two Richard Hell & Voidoids tracks, they are almost definitive of "my kind of music". Glad you loved them. Amen for late 70s punk! The Dylan influence is strong with Bert Jansch for sure. He toured with Neil Young in the past as well. I had just started to like his music when he died, and I'd been hoping to catch him live one day.
I never checked out Television (funnily enough) as I had no idea where to start. I'll check out Marquee Moon - thank you. One of my best friends is insane about Nick Cave & Seeds, but I never gave them a try. I'll listen to RRH tonight. Can you recommend something from Bauhaus? I've never heard their stuff.
Also, now that you know my tastes, feel free to recommend music to me whenever you want. Most of my favourite bands started out as recommendations.
Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 5:16pm.
I FREAKING HATE WEBMD. It literally caused me to stay up all night last week. Freaking out. Of course it was fine. HATE. IT.
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Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012
She must have been NASTAY for Jack to say NO FANK EWE!!!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
I just got a box of Becks for my husband. On the box there is a little square with the text "Brewed Under the German Purity Law of 1516."
Is it just me, or is that something you would go ahead and leave off? "German Purity Law" just made my mind go about as far away from beer and good times as possible.
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Amnesty International
Shine a Light
Submitted by bambam on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 5:17pm.
Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 5:08pm.
According to google I am deficient in B-12, B-9, iron, calcium. I am anemic and might have the diabeetus adn I also have a weakend immune system.
It's ebola.
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Maybe you got a tumor.
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IT'S NOT A TUMAH!
ME, I'm sorry to hear about your discomforts. Feel better soon!
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 5:08pm.
According to google I am deficient in B-12, B-9, iron, calcium. I am anemic and might have the diabeetus adn I also have a weakend immune system.
It's ebola.
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Maybe you got a tumor.
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You can't be pregnant. That rape was legitimate.
LMAO AT ALL THE INQUIRING MINDS!!
She spread that thing open for the marble to make a clean entry *SWISH*
Yes, one guy won by getting "closest to the hole" and she took him upstairs for about 15 minutes (NO FUCKING WAY I WOULD HAVE DONE IT!)
Not sure if they had been cleaned and thank you for bringing THAT up *scrubs hands*
and NO, I did not want a private dance... she had already made her way around the room dancing (dancing = flopping around like a fish on Oxycotin) and rubbing on everyone. She stuck her boobs in my face (I swear, like tube socks) and I couldn't get the smell of baby powder out of my nose for hours.
She took her panties off and went back around the room... when she got to me she tried to climb on and I yelled "I WAS IN A CAR ACCIDENT, IM FRAGILE, PLEASE NO!"... git. it. away.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rly1ZZ076G8&feature=related ~ Kenny Powers
Their weirdness about their eldest son's autism following his tragic death really bothered me.
I think criticizing people here on Dlisted is one of the only things that keeps me going. Haterade has a delicious taste.
WOT!?!??! NO! I AM NOT PREGNANT!
Fuck WebMD. I have every single symptom they listed for anemia. Great. Now I'm convinced I will need a bone marrow transplant.
*calls urgent care to make appointment*
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 4:59pm.
spreads her cooch open and whoever can make it in with their ball wins a free private lap dance... my ball hit her in the chin.
She sounds like a lovely girl.
Tex Perkins.
Google him you dumb fuck!
Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 5:11pm.
Weezy - IDK if I'm anemic. I never have been before, but I was "borderline" when pregnant with Little P.
Might explain me feeling really weak lately.
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What? that you're anemic or pregnant? :0
@ Pushy :)
It's just mini ben wa balls, just like m$m minis, right? It would really be a trick if she stuffed a bunch in her cooter, put a mike to it and made it sound like she was tap dancing. ;p
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You can't be pregnant. That rape was legitimate.
Hello, fellow WHORZ.
Jack, your stripper is a symbol of female empowerment !!! *picks up marble to show support*
Submitted by SpottedDogRanch on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 5:08pm.
*wonders if the marbles were cleaned between "parties"*
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Great minds think alike! (same time and everything)