Jessica Simpson Gives Face! Face! (And Only Face!) In Her Weight Watchers Commercial
While sitting in an Ikea showroom, Jessica Simpson says in her Weight Watchers commercial that she's on her way to losing all the chunk and she's just a real woman eating real food, and the camera never ever leaves her face the whole time. Will the camera man please take Papa Joe's wrong ass aside and teach him how to stay focused on Jessica's face? Because if Papa Joe shot this commercial, we'd be listening to Jessica Simpson talk about how she's a real woman eating real food while the camera only stayed focused on her real big tits.
Four months after birthing out an amniotic fluid river carrying Baby Maxwell, Jessica Simpson was the first guest on Katie Couric's new talk show yesterday to talk about how Weight Watchers taught her that queso soup with a side of corn syrup cardboard (aka a Pop Tart) slathered in bacon butter doesn't count as a meal. Jessica told Katie that she didn't want to do one of those "before and after" commercials, because that's just not her and she's still 10 pounds away from her goal weight. And because, there were scheduling conflicts with Industrial Light & Magic and they were unable to provide the special effects needed to do a "before and after" commercial.
Katie asked Jessica how much weight she's lost since going on Weight Watchers, but she wouldn't spit out a specific number and only said that she's dropped more than 40 pounds. Jessica said in another interview that she weighed in at 170lbs when she got her pregnant ass naked for Elle. So let's do some math! If I drop the truthfulness and carry the bitch please, I get the number: 130ish.
Jessica's obviously just shouting out any number that enters her head, but she shouldn't. Every time a trick wants to know how much she weighs now or how much weight she's lost since she stopped eating frosting and pie sandwiches for lunch, she should just tell them that the number is written on Papa Joe's peen and we can go down there if we want to find out. Nobody would go and nobody would ever ask her about her weight EVER again!
Here's some pictures of Chestica wearing some flowy dress thing while having dinner at Tiny restaurant (no comment) last night and some pictures of her making her way to her interview with Katie Couric while looking like a middle-aged Texas trophy wife turned born again preacher's wife going to a funeral.
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Submitted by Emeriesan on Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:06pm.
It's boring as fuck, but at least she isn't doing coke to be skinny or some crazy-ass diet workout regime unlike some other celebs- who i think do a lot of harm by pretending it's all natural to snap back into shape after having a babeh. Fuck's sake, their babies are sometimes fatter than them! You just wonder how those auschwitz victim-lookalikes can give birth to those mini elephants.
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Speaking of, does anyone look at Victoria Beckham and Harper, and worry about when the little girl will be put on a diet?
Anti-estrogenic diet, no carb, 2 hours of hard cardio per day plus hydroxycut :>) or breast reduction.
Submitted by SandwichQueen on Tue, 09/11/2012 - 11:54am.
And on that note, I am so ravenously hungry today I feel like eating twelve cheesecakes
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lololll aka a typical day on dlisted!!!
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rly1ZZ076G8&feature=related ~ Kenny Powers
It's boring as fuck, but at least she isn't doing coke to be skinny or some crazy-ass diet workout regime unlike some other celebs- who i think do a lot of harm by pretending it's all natural to snap back into shape after having a babeh. Fuck's sake, their babies are sometimes fatter than them! You just wonder how those auschwitz victim-lookalikes can give birth to those mini elephants.
sushi, that hair is cute, I will file that in my "if I ever get brave enuf to chop my hair off" file. it's not that drastic at all
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"Shut up, brain! "You're not the boss of me! Come on, vagina! Let's get out of here, away from the party pooper trying to ruin our fun." "Did he participate in the actual Olympics or Special Olympics?" Evil_Cupcake
Will any of the women on this board actually admit real numbers (weight and size)?
I am completely sick of lying celebs/models.
I am 5'9". At 155 I am a size 8 (and look like a bag of bones) at current weight, 170, am a size ten and look healthy.
Every time I read 5'9" and 118 I want to kill a kitten.
Submitted by louise_brooks on Tue, 09/11/2012 - 11:59am.
Submitted by Kizzy on Tue, 09/11/2012 - 11:57am.
I just assumed all those things were also employed for this look.
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That would explain the awkward hand-holding, he's got rope burns from hauling the corset strings so tight, after yanking the duct tape taut.
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"I am not doing your fucking maneuvers."-Croc
"Once you go cat, you'll never go back"- Mrs.K "We wanted diamonds, sherbet, or a squirrel with a gun."-Izzard ♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by MissDior on Tue, 09/11/2012 - 11:52am.
I think she'd look fresher and thinner if she got rid of the 50 pounds of polyester hair. It's not 2004, lets all agree waist length extensions are not the way to go.
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Amen! I'll never understand how this mermaid hair came in style.
I thought she looked drop dead gorgeous with this hairstyle:
http://www.tuicer.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-o-matic/cache/34ffe_2747_319...
Submitted by ponchiks on Tue, 09/11/2012 - 11:56am.
There's no way in hell that she's only 130lbs- my body, yes, my boobs are the same size as hers, all of the time, is the same as hers and I am 150. Ok, I am 5'4 though, but still, there's just no way that she weighs that little.
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I think she's like 5'2".
Submitted by Kizzy on Tue, 09/11/2012 - 11:57am.
I just assumed all those things were also employed for this look.
Screw the additional weight. She had a kid a couple months ago so why pick on her ass for not being a damn stick!? She's gonna lose the weight in a healthy way - gradually. She's still very pretty imo.
'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'
The peplum is supposed to hide the huge hips that go with the huge ass, while making it appear you have a waist. A corset, or saran wrap and duct tape do the same thing.
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"I am not doing your fucking maneuvers."-Croc
"Once you go cat, you'll never go back"- Mrs.K "We wanted diamonds, sherbet, or a squirrel with a gun."-Izzard ♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥
She means her boobs weigh 130lbs, right? There's no way in hell that she's only 130lbs- my body, yes, my boobs are the same size as hers, all of the time, is the same as hers and I am 150. Ok, I am 5'4 though, but still, there's just no way that she weighs that little.
I didn't know there was DNA in my ass!
And on that note, I am so ravenously hungry today I feel like eating twelve cheesecakes.
She's Anna Nicole / Kim Zolziak silly and doesn't bother me like those hairy Armenians or LeAnn Rimes. When I read she was reduced to singing at strawberry festivals I sort of felt sad for her. Now I realize she makes a shitload of cash off boots and commercials and could buy and sell me a hundred times so I don't feel so sad anymore.
Their handholding looks so fucking forced to me. It looks like he's under contract or he's guarding her bank account.
I think she'd look fresher and thinner if she got rid of the 50 pounds of polyester hair. It's not 2004, lets all agree waist length extensions are not the way to go.
I fucking hate it when these weight loss program pitching celebrities lie about their weight. There is no way in hell that Jessica weighs 130ish right now. When you do the Kirstie and lie about your starting weight and how much you've lost, the public can see how the numbers just don't add up.
She was surgically encased by 27 layers of Spanx for Katie's show to the point where she could barely move and looked like a robot. I feared that one false move and the whole thing would explode like a faulty sausage casing.
If your WW pitch is that you're a normal girl trying to lose weight, there's no reason to get on TV and try to pretend you've lost that much weight in a couple of months.
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"Look at this lamb, I'm going to make condoms out of it so that you can ride me until your pussy says 'baaaaaah.'"
~ASkars as channeled by Michael K
Guest- I know! It's horrifying! I'm already halfway there because of the celiac disease, but I need to cut out rice, watch my sugar, and cut out starches. I eat a crazy amount of potatoes.
It's a really interesting book, but halfway through I wanted to punch the guy in face for being the messenger.
So I just had a baby 3 months ago. I gained 40lbs which put me at 184 and I didn't look half as fat as she did. So far I've dropped 30. It is possible she dropped her 40 in 4 months however all the reports when she was pregnant stated she gained 70 pounds. Let me do some math 170 minus 70 is 100. So what she is trying to say is that she weighed 100 pounds when she got pregnant? Bullshit. That heffer weighed over 200 at her biggest If she would be honest about it I might give her props for the weight loss. But instead she is a lying heffer or can't do math. Probably both.
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 09/11/2012 - 11:46am.
Submitted by Kizzy on Tue, 09/11/2012 - 11:39am.
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With my beer hat on, loaded with coffee.
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"I am not doing your fucking maneuvers."-Croc
"Once you go cat, you'll never go back"- Mrs.K "We wanted diamonds, sherbet, or a squirrel with a gun."-Izzard ♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥
I blame Kim K for the peplum shit
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"Shut up, brain! "You're not the boss of me! Come on, vagina! Let's get out of here, away from the party pooper trying to ruin our fun." "Did he participate in the actual Olympics or Special Olympics?" Evil_Cupcake
lmao Snowy.
Weeze...limit carbs?!?!!? *blasphemous* ;)
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"I think my butt looks too big in these jeans."
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Tue, 09/11/2012 - 11:42am.
When did these ugly peplum dresses sneak back "in style"?
I don't know, but I am willing to bet it was brought back by the same dumb ass that tried to bring gaucho pants back in style a few years ago.
Submitted by Kizzy on Tue, 09/11/2012 - 11:39am.
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Well, shit, I thought that was how you were supposed to do it.
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LOL, I can just see you multitasking, frying up eggs in the morning one on the frying pan the other on your boob pushing it to one side, not looking but getting the little guy right in the mouth.
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
I'm over chestica and her weight drama. Although, MK's entire post was hilarious and Sucky's rant is comedy gold.
Whamo, good morning, CBF. I've been mad busy and got a slight flu bug (kids just back to school and my damn shitty immune system can't fight the germs alreadyy).
How have you been? Any news? Updates? Scandals?
(and good morning to everyone else, of course! )
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Dark-sided!
Look at 'em jugs!
Submitted by unemployed_bum on Tue, 09/11/2012 - 11:35am.
I'm in the early stages of pregnancy where morning sickness runs my life. In another month, the powers that be will probably punish my bony ass with an insatiable appetite for passing judgement on her. *whispering to myself 'I take back every mean thing I ever said about pregnant Jessica'*
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Congrats girl! Enjoy it. I turned into a real landwhale in my last 2 months - Pringles at 3 AM, decaf frapuccinos WITH WHIP, thanks, pizza rolls, the whole nine. It was heavenly.
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*tosses a bag of hot dicks into Jeanneee's trough* BON APPETIT BITCH! - Raul Duke, 1/26/11
She looks like shit. Her hair is fried, overdone, and horrible.
When did these ugly peplum dresses sneak back "in style"?
I think she looks great, but I agree -- stop with the fake numbers and sizes.
So she's short...fine. But I think she was like 100-105lbs for her Daisy Duke frame....so if she's 130lbs now she only has a goal of losing 25-30lbs maximum?
Riiiiiiiiiiight.
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 09/11/2012 - 11:32am.
I wonder if she just sits the kid in the corner and shoots milk into it's mouth from across the room like one of the carnival water squirt-gun balloon games.
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Well, shit, I thought that was how you were supposed to do it. Sorry, Kizzelet, I've been doing it wrong this whole time. Damn. It was fun, too. We set up markers and put a target around his neck, just to see the distance and accuracy. Hubby cheered when I nailed him at 50 feet. Sold tix to neighbors and made a bundle, too.
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"I am not doing your fucking maneuvers."-Croc
"Once you go cat, you'll never go back"- Mrs.K "We wanted diamonds, sherbet, or a squirrel with a gun."-Izzard ♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by unemployed_bum on Tue, 09/11/2012 - 11:35am.
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Hey, congratulations!
I saw clips from her appearance on Katie and she just looked uncomfortable in an ill fitting dress. If I were her, I'd just say to hell with it and enjoy being fat. Get some fucking Versace beach muumuus and just rock the shit out of your big titties and monster ass. I'd much rather see her as a happy, proud fat-acceptance activist than an embarrassed and uncomfortable Weight Watchers spokesperson. Nobody's rushing out to join WW based on her endorsement anyway, let's face it.
Bottom line - there's nothing wrong with being fat, y'all. She still looks great, or at least she would if she carried herself with pride and wore clothes that fit.
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*tosses a bag of hot dicks into Jeanneee's trough* BON APPETIT BITCH! - Raul Duke, 1/26/11
I saw that WW commercial yesterday and her face still looks very puffy and full, so yeah 130 my ass. Although, I feel really bad for saying these things and laughing at the comments here because I'm in the early stages of pregnancy where morning sickness runs my life. In another month, the powers that be will probably punish my bony ass with an insatiable appetite for passing judgement on her. *whispering to myself 'I take back every mean thing I ever said about pregnant Jessica'*
*I'm ashamed of what I did for a Klondike Bar*
Congratulations! :-)
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"I think my butt looks too big in these jeans."
Sucky must have found his vagina in a volcano and brought it back to jersey with him
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"Shut up, brain! "You're not the boss of me! Come on, vagina! Let's get out of here, away from the party pooper trying to ruin our fun." "Did he participate in the actual Olympics or Special Olympics?" Evil_Cupcake
Neck fat- dead giveaway. Hard to lose, and better than a lizard neck, for sure. Embrace the chunk, enjoy your even more humongous chichis, and be happy. Viva la MOMJEANS!!
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"I am not doing your fucking maneuvers."-Croc
"Once you go cat, you'll never go back"- Mrs.K "We wanted diamonds, sherbet, or a squirrel with a gun."-Izzard ♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥
I THINK KANYE HAS TAKEN OVER SUCKANDFUCK'S POSTS. MAYBE WE SHOULD ALL KANYE TYPE TODAY. WHEN IS KANYE'S BIRTHDAY. A TRIBUTE IF I WANTED TO TRIBUTE HIM. I AM RAMBLING BUT SOMEHOW WHEN ITS IN ALL CAPS IT SEEMS SO MUCH MORE PURPOSEFUL.
I HAVEN"T BEEN HERE MUCH -- BUT SUCK ITS GOOD TO SEE YA. AND EVERYONE ELSE.
Submitted by suckandfuck on Tue, 09/11/2012 - 11:24am.
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Goddamn it, Migrain, GET OFF SUCKY'S COMPUTER!
She should contract with "Roots-R-Us" since those black hairs fluctuate as much as her poundage. Personally, I like the cheap, floozey roots and the three shades of blond below them.
I like how she gets all gussied up and he looks like he just came from cleaning out stalls and milking the chickens (derp) She's on her way but the chunk is still there, look at those chunkified chunky chunkster legs and each tit must way 10 lbs each for sure. I wonder if she just sits the kid in the corner and shoots milk into it's mouth from across the room like one of the carnival water squirt-gun balloon games.
LOL
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"I think my butt looks too big in these jeans."
I like Jessica but stop with the lies (and she does sound really dumb in the commerical). She's like Kirstie Alley! Stop with NAMING THE NUMBERS AND SAYING WHAT YOU WEIGH AND WHAT SIZE YOU ARE!
Why not just say "I'm working towards a "size healthy" and not box oneself into a number. Like Alley when she says she is a "stretchy size 6" - yes, with bungee cord maybe - that kind of stretchy.
They talk about all the pressure but then they plaster their weight all over commericals and magazine covers and take tons of money for it. And then bitch again about pressure when they gain it back.
Simpson said she went through hell and starved herself for the Daisy Duke role. She was never meant to be that size. This kind of insanity that if fed to Joe Public (that Joe Public eats up) is ridiculous.
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Dark-sided!
I think it was Diamond Dog who recommended, "Why We Get Fat" by Gary Taube. OMG It will scare you off carbs forever. It basically says some of us are predisposed to hang on to fat and the only way to outsmart your genes is to limit carbs. He's got a ton of science to back it up. It's great and horrifying at the same time.
NOTICE HOW WE DON'T EVEN SEE JESSICA'S BODY IN A COMMERCIAL ABOUT BODY WEIGHT. OBVIOUSLY THIS WAS DIRECTED BY A VULVA HATING MISOGYNIST. I'M SURE THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT OUR PATRIARCHAL SOCIETY WANTS TO DO TO FULL FIGURED WOMAN, REMOVE THEIR BODIES AND JUST MAKE THEM PRETTY HEADS WITH MAKEUP. ISN'T THAT SO NICE? I COULD JUST FLOAT AROUND AND TWIRL MY HAIR FOR ALL THE FASHION PHOTOGRAPHERS! THEN I CAN GO HOME AND MY MAN CAN BEAT ME AND SPOON FOOD ME WHEN HE'S DONE! THE FUTURE IS LOOKING SOOO BRIGHT FOR ME!!
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Tue, 09/11/2012 - 11:15am.
Just embrace the chubby Jessica.
YES and you can be our Sally Struthers 2.0 And once WW realizes what a huge mistake they made hiring you and your NOM NOM PacWoman self, you can follow in SS's footsteps and pimp the Christian Children Fund ;)
LMFAO Dr. Suck N. Fuck!!! welcome back my friend!
*googles behemouth*
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rly1ZZ076G8&feature=related ~ Kenny Powers