Michael Lohan Says White Oprah Got $50,000 For Being A Mess On Dr. Phil

This is coming from Michael Lohan, so take it with a grain of salt. And yes, that grain of salt is actually coke, so snort it up. At least you’re getting something out of this.

So the charbroiled turtle known as Michael Lohan tells Radar that Dr. Phil’s show put a total of zero dollars in his hands to talk about what a mess Lindsay Lohan’s mom is, and he claims that she was paid $50,000. This does make some sense, because White Oprah was sitting there like a strung out patient rocking back and forth, spewing nonsense and just waiting for the doctor to write her a prescription so she can grab it and run to the pharmacy like it’s pay day. Everything about her in that interview said: “I love drugs and I need this check to buy more!” Michael put it like this:

“I got absolutely NOTHING. It’s the first question Dr. Phil asked me but they cut that out. Dina DID get $50,000 and that’s why they were pissed that she didn’t give them the interview they wanted.

[She’ll spend it by] having another party. And telling the kids (mostly Lindsay) that she’s broke.”

Bitch, please, like Dr. Phil was pissed. As soon as the interview ended, White Oprah stumbled out of there, crawled down the hallway, found his dressing room and searched his make-up drawers for an empty prescription pad before passing out in a pile of his stache brushes. While she was doing that, Dr. Phil jumped on his chair and wheeeeeeeee-ed his chonies off, because if anybody loves a train falling off the rails and crashing, it’s him! Dr. Phil knew that White Oprah falling to the bottom would make his show rise to the top.

If Dr. Phil didn’t pay her, he should, because she gave him some Jessica Lange in Blue Sky meets Neely O’Hara. Bitches win Oscars for that shit!