From The Barf Files: There’s TWO Kanye Sex Tapes Making The Rounds

Kanye West’s debut sex tape isn’t even out yet and a sequel is already up for sale too. Kanye’s team of lawyers sent out cease and desist letters to several websites, threatening to sue them for every last dollar they get from Google Adsense if they even think about posing a clip of Gay Fish flopping on punane. Kanye pretty much confirmed that it’s him in the sex tapes and also confirmed that Pimp Mama Kris taught him to threaten to a bitch so it looks like he didn’t leak the tapes himself even though he totally did.

TMZ says that the first tape (which may or may not co-star Kim Kardashian look-alike Mony Monn) is 20 minutes long and the second tape is even longer. The second tape co-stars a different trick than the first tape and Kanye uses his fishstick dick to hump on her for almost 40 minutes. Kanye doesn’t want any outside eyes to see his taco meat-covered ass bounce up and down, and he claims somebody stole the tapes from his computer. So yeah, either Pimp Mama Kris has already trained little Mason Disick how to crawl into hotel rooms to steal files off a computer (“You have to earn the diapers on your ass somehow, kid” – PMK to Mason) or this shit is just another stunt.

Kanye taking 40 minutes to bust out an orgasm makes sense. When Kanye’s hitting it from the back and looks down and realizes he’s putting it in a lady vagina instead of a boy butt, he gets soft and has to start all over again. FRUSTRATING! Kanye sometimes tapes a picture of himself to his trick’s back, so he can try to cum while staring at the thing he loves most, but have you ever tried to jizz while looking at a picture of Kanye West? It’s impossible. I’m sure the trick he was boning on didn’t mind. While lying there she finished her taxes, she cut her cuticles and finally made it to the next level on Angry Birds. A ho gets so much done when Kanye’s on top of her.