Drew Barrymore Had A BABY!!!!!

Drew Barrymore never came out and said publicly that a growing fetus moved into her uterus, so let’s just pretend that she didn’t know she had a case of the babies and will be seen on a reboot of TLC’s I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant making a surprise face after she pisses out her first kid into the toilet.

The star of the greatest cinematic masterpiece about a teenage slut murderess and her husband Will Kopelman have a 5-day-old baby in their arms and they announced the birth of their first kid in this statement of words they gave to UsWeekly:

“We are proud to announce the birth of our daughter, Olive Barrymore Kopelman, born September 26th, healthy, happy and welcomed by the whole family. Thank you for respecting our privacy during this most special time in our lives.”

Okay, when are we going to find out that Drew Barrymore, Anne Hathaway and Reese Witherspoon all married the same dude? They all married white dudes with faces I totally forget. And about that name Olive… Drew is a hippie who named her production company Flower Films, so I was expecting her to name her kid something like Pansy Lysander or Daffodil Silvermist. You know, something sounds like the name of a Pottery Barn potpourri inspired by Midsummer Night’s Dream.

Whatever, at least when Olive grows up, she can greet everyone by saying, “Olive, Olive, charmed, charmed!”