Xtina Is A "Fat Girl," Deal With It (UPDATE)
UPDATE: Xtina's rep tells EW that she never said any of this to Billboard. The quotes were made up. I will fire my fact checker as soon as I finish smoking a bowl out of it.
Xtina is a proud card-carrying member of Team Chunk (copyright: Fresh) and her pixelated Deal with It shades slowly drop on her face every time her record label tells her she needs to switch to calorie-free red lipstick and lose a little fat to get back to her Dirrty era body. In an interview with Billboard Magazine (via Radar) to promote her new album Lotus, Xtina says that while pushing her album Stripped in 2002, she got sick of being seen as a skinny, little white bitch, so she says she fully embraced her Ecuadorian-ness by filling her mouth hole with pan dulce to get some curves on her body.
"During the promotion of my album Stripped, I got tired of being a skinny, white girl. I am Ecuadorian but people felt so safe passing me off as a skinny, blue-eyed white girl. The next time my label saw me, I was heavier, darker and full of piercings!"
The label held an emergency meeting and brought Xtina in to tell her that she needs to THINK OF THE PRODUCTION PEOPLE the next time she wanted to deep throat a chili beef enchilada. The label told Xtina that her extra set of lonjas was affecting musical directors and the production team. So after that talk, Xtina went back to the skinny for her Back to Basics tour, but after Bionic turned out to be a musical turd that quickly dropped to the bottom of the toilet, she decided to tell the label what's what:
"I told them during this Lotus recording, 'You are working with a fat girl. Know it now and get over it.' They need a reminder sometimes that I don't belong to them. It's my body. My body can't put anyone in jeopardy of not making money anymore-my body is just not on the table that way anymore"
Bitch, please. Snookitina is only shouting about loving her fat body, because I'm sure she was told the same thing I was told when I said I wanted to lose the ball of bloat over my stomach. I was told that I had to break up with the booze bottle for at least a month and only visit with my bong every now and again. Fuck that. I'd rather have a belly full of whiskey and Funyuns than a belly full of muscles. Drunktina is with me on that, so that's the only reason she's saying what she's saying. But after Weight Watchers hires her to be the body of their new line of weight-reducing cocktails (examples: Fen Phen-tini, Xenical Daiquiri and the Alli Mud Slide), her skinny ass will be on the cover of Life & Style screaming about how she's so glad to have her body back and she finally feels like the real her.
And bitches shouldn't be poking at Xtina about her fatness, they should be poking at her for contributing to My Little Pony genocide.