Eric Johnson Might've Cheated On Jessica Simpson With His Ex-Wife
Long before Eric Johnson's sole job was to wrap cooked corndog breading around his peen and let Jessica Simpson eat it off, he was a pro football player who was married to Keri Johnson. After Eric's NFL career ended and his marriage to Keri started circling the drain, he instantly won the gold digger lottery when Jessica Simpson decided she wanted to eat his big sausage pizza all day, every day. When life hands a gold digger lemons, that gold digger needs to turns those lemons in MONAAAAAY. The gold digger needs to focus on his mark and shoo away any coochies that may keep him away from his goal. But that's not what Eric Johnson's skeezy dumb ass did.
A source tells Radar that when Eric was with Jessica, he was still laying his peen on his ex-wife's vagine. Keri thought that their break would make their marriage stronger, but Eric was only interested in making his checking account stronger by humping on Jessica. The source thinks that he'll step out on Jessica again:
“He’s a two-timing cheat! He was still having sex with Keri after he started seeing Jessica. She needs to think twice before marrying him. He’s already cheated on her once — he’ll most likely do it again.”
Bitch better not do it again. That would be a terrible gold digger fail. If you blindfolded Jessica and made her sniff a can of Chicken of the Sea and a can of StarKist, she wouldn't smell the difference. That's a good thing for Eric, because Jessica will never be able to smell the difference between her cooch juices and some random cooch juices, but still. If it wasn't for Jessica, Eric probably would've had to drop out of Wharton, because he couldn't afford it and he'd be working as a stock boy at a sporting goods store. Eric has it good and in the wise words of RuPaul, "Don't fuck it up."
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Sperm donor and the vegan gray sickly look is not becoming on a pale strawberry blonde male. Ick! B12 vitamins buddy!
Thank you, Karma! Jessica cheated on Nick. Now it's her turn to see how it feels to be cheated on.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
Submitted by WinterOwl22 on Wed, 10/03/2012 - 11:56pm.
It's her bank account and credit cards that keep him from straying (as well as her giant casabas). I read a CBS news report that said he read a lot of financial self-help books in uni, including one called "Smart Women Finish Rich." hahaha
Rande, I thought someone was going to flame me for the comment!
We'll now soon enough if she had surgery. ; )
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The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!
Submitted by WinterOwl22 on Wed, 10/03/2012 - 11:39pm.
Maybe if shed put down the buttered pop tarts and worked out, she would've been able to keep him from straying.
LOL. She's definitely had lapband surgery, the way she's shedding the lbs. Also, he went to Yale. He's a lot more than a dumb jock: He's a smart, mooching jock.
Maybe if shed put down the buttered pop tarts and worked out, she would've been able to keep him from straying. : P (JK)
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The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!
Didn't she JUST poop out some sort of Jabba the hut sized spawn??? He should be trampled to death by an angry horde of zombie donkeys.
B!i!i!iD~
For your health.
Submitted by sushi on Wed, 10/03/2012 - 6:24pm.
Submitted by tojo on Wed, 10/03/2012 - 5:41pm.
Submitted by sushi on Wed, 10/03/2012 - 3:03pm.
I mean, he'd be so much more fuckable if he was throwing a ball downfield for a pro team! Amazing how that makes men much more attractive.
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Yes, for the following reasons:
1. They have a job that pays.
2. They have a career
3. They are willing to work hard in a very competitive field.
4. They are fit.
5. But best of all: they have a job! They are not freeloaders with zero ambition or drive.
That prick doesn't even bother to look like a paid for boy toy.
He should kiss her ass and not cheat on her. No one knew who this clown was until she started screwing him. People that did know him said he was a scrub in the NFL.
"He was still having sex with Keri after he started seeing Jessica."
so, at the beginning of the relationship? Isn't everybody still screwing the ex at the beginning of another relationship?
the "beginning" isn't exclusive.
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
Submitted by CheeryBitch on Wed, 10/03/2012 - 3:46pm.
I always thought he was just a sperm donor and that a wedding was never going to happen.
I thought this too. Otherwise, with her background, I think they would have gotten married as soon as she found out she was pregnant.
as others here have stated, they are PERFECT for each other. they're both repulsive and ooze so much DURRRRRR. god they're both just so disgusting, it's almost unreal
Submitted by tojo on Wed, 10/03/2012 - 5:41pm.
Submitted by sushi on Wed, 10/03/2012 - 3:03pm.
That guys is so unattractive. Who would want to fuck him without a football career?
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lmao, thanks for the shot of reality sushi, lol
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Glad to help! I mean, he'd be so much more fuckable if he was throwing a ball downfield for a pro team! Amazing how that makes men much more attractive.
Submitted by sushi on Wed, 10/03/2012 - 3:03pm.
That guys is so unattractive. Who would want to fuck him without a football career?
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lmao, thanks for the shot of reality sushi, lol!
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...the end
Submitted by Lisbet459 on Wed, 10/03/2012 - 3:40pm.
Jessica wants to dump him, and is getting her version out there now.
That's all I have, but something about this story, or at least how it's being presented, isn't working for me.
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Oh here's hoping.
I'd love to see lose weight, get hot again, and enjoy her single status. That guy is such a fucking loser.
This guy is just pulling the K-Fraud/Gabriel Aubry move. Knock up a rich chick, eventually claim she has a case of the crazies, sue for custody of the kid and get a buttload of money in child support.
Jessica is a moron if she thinks this guy is in it for anything other than the money.
Just like MK said the other day, Resse's husband, Anne Hathaway, Drew Barrymore's look exactly the same, but I will throw in the same group this guy and Brit's handler/future husband.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Don't blame me! I voted for Kodos!
If you're on a break, you're not together so I don't see how it would be cheating. But Chesticles reeks of desperation and probably didn't question anything.
People always gotta be startin' somethin'.
She was always dumb, but getting pregnant turned Jessica into a human pig. Even her voice sounds piggish now.
This whole coupling just screamed desperate to me.
The source: Keri's friend.
Well, DUH.
She really down-traded didn't she. He looks like Huckleberry Hound.
I always thought he was just a sperm donor and that a wedding was never going to happen.
Submitted by Oddly_Titillating on Wed, 10/03/2012 - 2:34pm.
Was he definitely divorced when this happened, or were he and his wife just "on a break?" If they were just on a break, and she thought said break would "make their relationship stronger," then he didn't cheat ON Jessica, he cheated WITH her. And if he cheated WITH Jessica, why isn't the media splashing "Jessica's A Big Fat Whore" headlines all over the place?
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Jessica wants to dump him, and is getting her version out there now.
That's all I have, but something about this story, or at least how it's being presented, isn't working for me.
he's fug, she's fat, he's stupid, she's dumb, he's a deadbeat, she's a millionaire - match made in heaven. how's her drunk preacher poppa doing?
Well OF Course HE DID! And if he didn't, well they just make up shit anyway...
He's no Sam Merlot!!
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Fair is foul and foul is fair..
That guys is so unattractive. Who would want to fuck him without a football career?
As if she hasn't cheated. Pft.
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"I think my butt looks too big in these jeans."
Guffaw!!! Dumb ass.
And I thought her hair was real. *punches self*
'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'
OMG I forgot about the Chicken of the Sea nonsense. do you all realize that she is basically only still famous because she was too dumb to know what canned tuna was? Her music career was tanking, then she does a shit reality show that was only fun to watch because you could see in Nick's eyes he was gunna snap. But then her dumb tuna comment went viral and she started getting endorsement deals left and right.
I think this is nonsense. Jessica, in spite of her many flaws all of which have been endlessly catalogued, is worth hundreds of millions of dollars. He cemented the relationship by having a child with her. He is well taken care of. If you told me he was blackmailing her father, and wanted a big payout to leave quietly, I'd find that more believeable. And even if he did cheat, she would hush it up. She wanted so badly to be married with a kid. She would hate the sense of rejection and just want to keep up the pretense.
Did he consult his ex on that atrocious engagement ring? & she was all yes Eric it's perfect for your new cash cow while hiding her lol. Be sure to filter some of your allowance my way now ya hear hon.
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"I think my butt looks too big in these jeans."
Oh oh, dude's messing with fire. What could be easier than his job? He could go to school full-time, it's so easy. Lol Wonder how much support he'd be entitled to if he gave up his career to be her bf? Dumbass. You'd think this friend of Caspar the friendly ghost would like his life, smdh. Jess will take away some of his privileges now. ;)
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Look, that dude could tell Jessica that his farts tasted like sunshine and candy canes and she would just stare blankly and shake her head in agreement. Fucking up with the ball of need that is Jessica is not possible...fucking up with her daddy is. As long as Eric goes along with Joe Simpson's daily yard sale of the family's personal lives he'll be fine.
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Taking crazy things seriously is a serious waste of time."
— Haruki Murakami
Submitted by annobanano on Wed, 10/03/2012 - 2:22pm.
And you can say it Whamo, just don't be surprised when your Teva sandal comes flying at your head!
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LOL
*shakes peen at Anno* :P
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Wed, 10/03/2012 - 2:11pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 10/03/2012 - 2:10pm.
Only when the question is....do my boobs look big in this shirt!
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The answer to ANY boob question is,
"Honey your tits rock, they're perfect are you kidding me!?" you can NEVER go wrong.
(substitute the word boobs if she doesn't like the word tits)
ITA, naughtychimp.
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Time cast a spell on you but
You won't forget me
I know I could have loved you but
You would not let me
-Fleetwood Mac
Was he definitely divorced when this happened, or were he and his wife just "on a break?" If they were just on a break, and she thought said break would "make their relationship stronger," then he didn't cheat ON Jessica, he cheated WITH her. And if he cheated WITH Jessica, why isn't the media splashing "Jessica's A Big Fat Whore" headlines all over the place?
The guy is fug and doesn't have a J-O-B, the least he could do is be faithful. I always have a soft spot for Jessica as she reminds me of some of the socialite housewives I grew up with, she probably should have stuck to that instead of trying to be famous.
Who am i to judge jessica? I let some hot guy on a commercial convince me to buy gevalia. *brews coffee, waits for hot guy to show up*
Submitted by Naughychimp: "Well, I'd be interested (well, not really) to know the timeline on this.... having residual sex with an ex which finishes the moment that there's someone else on the horizon who might have potential but it takes a few dates to determine that. Haven't any of the rest of you done this, too?"
Yes.
Unless and until you decide to be exclusive, it's okay.
In my view, you can do whatever you want if you haven't committed to the other person. If you agree not to see other people, then it's cheating. Otherwise, it's fair play.
Lol @ Miss Jane
And you can say it Whamo, just don't be surprised when your Teva sandal comes flying at your head!
Duhhhhh! This bitch is getting her cheating on Nick whathisfuck karma.
Does this Eric person have a job or anything?
Well, I'd be interested (well, not really) to know the timeline on this.
I mean, I've done that thing where I've gone out to a few dinners with A but still had occasional meaningless fun bootay calls with past boyfriend, B. If A and I get past the first few dates and it seems to be developing into something, I'll end the hookups with B. So, while there might technically be an overlap, I'm just really having residual sex with an ex which finishes the moment that there's someone else on the horizon who might have potential but it takes a few dates to determine that. Haven't any of the rest of you done this, too?
She's a big box of rocks covered in fat and synthetic weave.
meh...you get what you pay for...
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...the end