Kate Gosselin Is A Natural Beauty Who Gets Younger With Age, Obviously

Any plastic surgeon who compares Kate Gosselin’s pre-fame whore face (side note: Kate’s glorious hair in that picture is making me do the reverse Baumgartner) to her full-on fame whore face will tell you that a Botox needle has never touched her mug and age is what naturally transformed her face into that of a plastic devil covered in sheets of wax. Kate was on Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live last week and Andy Cohen asked her about the rumor that she nipped and tucked her face almost the same way she nipped Jon’s balls off and tucked his dick in. Kate brought the laughs when she said she has something called THAT BENJAMIN BUTTON’S SHIT. via UsWeekly:

“I am probably one of the rare few who de-age,” Gosselin — who welcomed sextuplets in 2004 — told Bravo’s Andy Cohen during an appearance last week on Watch What Happens Live. Cohen wondered aloud about Gosselin’s potential enhancement after he showed off a “vintage” picture of Gosselin famously taken three days after she welcomed her babies with ex-husband Jon.

Kate Gosselin is a lying dumb ass, but I actually believe her this time. Kate didn’t get Botox. Kate’s eyebrows are naturally frozen in the Lucifer position, because that’s the face she makes when she beats her kids with THE WOODEN SPOON OF DOOM and she does that a lot, so her brows just stayed that way. Kate has no open pores, because she fills them with the fear of innocent animals when she curses them out. And that’s not sparkly make-up on Kate’s lids. You see, one day one of her daughters came home from school and told Kate that her teacher said she can do anything in life and should reach for the stars. So being the dream-killing bitch that she is, Kate reached for the stars, grabbed them, threw them to the ground, stomped them into dust and smeared that star dust all over her eyes as her daughter cried.

See! Kate didn’t have any plastic surgery. Being a cunt is her beauty secret.