Monday, October 22nd 2012

Night Crumbs

Prepare to get splashed in the eyes with a tidal wave of foreskin grease, because here's Sean Penn looking like a shriveled up Mickey Rourke - Lainey Gossip

Chestica Simpson has been working out and you can tell by her peen head-looking calves - The Superficial 

BUT WHO IS SANJAYA VOTING FOR?!. - Towleroad

Natalie Portman shows us the kind of titty magic that can happen with a good push-up bra and some duct tape - Hollywood Tuna 

Emily VanCamp in GQ - Drunken Stepfather

Chace Crawford is all creamed up. Just a regular night for him - The Berry 

Jackie Collins spills the tea on why Matt Bomer isn't Superman - Celebitchy

Jessica Biel's ring looks like the one I made as a kid using a beer bottle cap and a garbage bag tie - Just Jared 

Ke$hit finally found a boyfriend with the same IQ as hers - ICYDK

Community is really trying to make you forget about Chevy Chase's latest meltdown - Popoholic

Alicia Keys is on fire and I think it has everything to do with the genital warts she caught from Swizz Beak - Cityrag

What's more interesting? TimberBiel or those hot yellow airport chairs? - Popsugar

Looking at Bruce Willis' peen head has mean wondering about what ever happened to Jane March - (NSFW) OMG Blog 

Timothy Dalton looks like this now - SOW

Willow Smith looking like an Emo runaway - I'm Not Obsessed

Our Lady of Cheetos will be a beautiful December bride - Hollywood Rag 

"I'd hit it" says everyone who regularly searches the internet for naked pictures of David Crosby - Videogum

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Señor Loco's picture

Re: Sean Penn photo -- caption for guy in the left hand background: "Who is that old douche bag?"

vsminimoose's picture

Dear Ke$ha,

The fun part is going to be watching you grow up 10-15 or maybe even 20 years from now and seeing how embarrassed you are by this kind of behavior. To think you're cool and edgy because you blatantly display your toys for the world to see is having the mentality of a 14 year old.

Can't wait to see what your future brings you!

Love,
VS

This could also be written to that Taylor goth girl who claims to love sex and she's only, what, 16? Where were your parents??

Lucifer_Sam's picture

"Jackie Collins spills the tea on why Matt Bomer isn't Superman"

To make all matters worse they ended up getting a low-budget Bomer who hasn't got 0.0001% of Matt's personality and charisma.

Whamo's picture

Submitted by IrishFury on Mon, 10/22/2012 - 7:09pm.

like it did with the other one who married the guitarist in that 80s band (damn - the dude who always smiles and yu want to bash his smiling face in and he has a kid called Wolfgang).
===========================================

Valerie Bertinelli, Eddie Van Halen (guitar god)

Daniee's picture

Hopefully, we will not have to see anymore of the Chace Crawford dude since his show is being canned. He is everywhere!!

Submitted by Mel-Tang on Mon, 10/22/2012 - 8:52pm.
Jessica's trainer is overdoing it with the weights.
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Yes, high reps and a lower weight for this girl. Interval walking helps as well. Not that her bod looks bad at all, but if she does not want the thick lower body, thats the way to go. Some people go with heavy weight cause it burns calories quicker.

Submitted by BangoSkank on Tue, 10/23/2012 - 12:06am

Your list sounds pretty legit to me, especially that Brody dude. He seems so annoyingly pretentious.

BangoSkank's picture

Sean Penn, really? I'm not judgin', but he and Adrian Brody are at the top of a "Dlisted-Love-Bango-Just-Doesn't-Get" list.

Not that it should matter.

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parissucksliterally's picture

Jessica always has muscular calves, even when she was really fat. She has very short legs (she says so herself), so her thighs look bigger than someone with a longer leg.

I can't believe I am defending Chestica.

Willow Smith. *rolls eyes*. Suri's Burn book has the best caption.

***********************************************
(Only time will tell) You're on your own, inside your room
(Only time will tell)You're claiming victory
You were just using me, and there is no one you can use now

Scott in NYC's picture

I know I shouldn't but I just despise Alicia Keys more than any other singer out there. Is it because she is more taken with herself than anyone on earth? Is it because she whines and screams when she "sings"? Is because she was full-on hollering at Whitney Houston's memorial service? Is it the always-awful hair? Is it her mall-tacky sense of awful fashion?

Edna -E- Mode's picture

why is it they can take photos from a mile away of any thing but when it comes to women's engagement rings across the street... they can't ?

===============
"I (almost) never look back, darling. It distracts from The Now."
= Edna 'E' Mode

Edna -E- Mode's picture

sean penn looks like he is burning down ...from the inside...
like a real slow-burn Spontaneous Human Combustion

===============
"I (almost) never look back, darling. It distracts from The Now."
= Edna 'E' Mode

Submitted by Twat Muffin on Mon, 10/22/2012 - 10:08pm.

I was happy for Richard also. No matter how much he kills, he seems like the most sympathetic character. He kills more out of loyalty than out of greed, IMO.

Twat Muffin's picture

Cashew -- don't get me wrong, I LOVE Buscemi, but I can't imagine nailing him. But yeah, Jimmy 2.0 & Owen are way cute. And I love that Richard Harrow might be getting a girlfriend -- he deserves love in his life. Yeah, he's a cold-blooded killer, but he's sad & lonely, too.

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"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"

lastdiva's picture

Jessica has Britney's hot body from 15 years ago but her face (and hands and hair, and and and) is still busted. Congrats Justloin.
=============================

"That's an awfully high horse sir, may I pet him?"

MrsPotatoHead's picture

The new Alicia Keys song is shockingly horrible. If I Ain't Got You was/is an incredible track, both in musicianship and lyrics. This Girl On Fire slop doesn't even compare. Swizz Beak f*cked the talent out of her.

That VanCamp is pretty, but those GQ pictures are awful. The face is totally airbrushed into some weird Asian barbie.

Eww, he has the looks of Rourke without any of the charm. Or the doggehs.

Jessica looks better here than she has in years, but she needs to STOP with the weight-lifting leg exercises NOW. She needs to do some spinning or walking to slim those puppies down.

I liked a few of Alicia Keys' songs in the past, but ever since she had an affair with Toucan Sam and helped break up his marriage, I've refused to listen to her. It's even worse when you consider that she's probably a seafood fan too.

Timothy Dalton, cut your hair. You're like 60 and you're balding on top. You cannot pull it off.

Willow Smith, eat hair-paint and die.

Matt Bomer = hotness. He's the sort of guy who would pose for statues in ancient Greece or Renaissance Italy, because he's just so physically perfect.

*********

I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.

Submitted by Twat Muffin on Mon, 10/22/2012 - 8:32pm.

Yes, we do need more of that foine hairy chest! They totally tricked me last night with that fight between the veterans. in the preview I had thought that would be Eli. And yes, Jimmy 2.0 WAS cute. Very, verrrry nice build. Reminded me of my first! As for Steve Buscemi, I would. Maybe because of Ghost World? I don't know!

the original bellaluna's picture

Megagank - Me too! She's very unique-looking in a cookie-cutter-starlet environment.

And I don't think she got new boobs. That looks like a push-up bra (with LOTS of padding) to me!

Mel-Tang's picture

Forgot to add that I can't stand Alicia Keyes and her stupid fire song/commercial. Ugh.

* 100% hotness verified by WHAMO. :P *

www.poopreport.com :)

<3-------------------------------<3

RIMADYL KILLS

Submitted by Orangina on Mon, 10/22/2012 - 8:34pm.

That always cracks me up too. He doesn't go to a European art-film festival, he goes to a Marilyn Monroe festival. He doesn't go to a Bat For Lashes concert, he goes to Alicia Keys.

Yeah dude, you're boring. Even worse, you don't even know what interesting is.

*********

I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.

Mel-Tang's picture

Ok....Sean Penn is nasty.

Jessica's trainer is overdoing it with the weights.

Willow is a spoiled brat, but I love her jacket.

And I truly miss crazy Britney.

* 100% hotness verified by WHAMO. :P *

www.poopreport.com :)

<3-------------------------------<3

RIMADYL KILLS

Twat Muffin's picture

Within -- ITA about Sean Penn in that picture. The greasey long hair & wrap-around sunglasses are totally ruining the hot for me. Of course I'd totally nail him, but yeah, that is not a good look for him.

=======================================================

"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"

miz cynical's picture

I love Matt Bomer! So hot. That is all.

christine the hoff's picture

I actually think Penn looks better here than he normally does..... what's wrong with me.
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"I didn't know whether to shit or go blind, so I closed one eye and farted"

Orangina's picture

About that Alicia Keys commercial, it's funny to me that the guy in the commercial thinks he's going to make himself less boring by going to an Alicia Keys concert.

WithinReason...'s picture

Eww, Sean is SOOOOOO greasy. >_<

Lmfao, only MK would see "peen head-looking calves" on Chestica, Ha ha ha

Matt *drools*

Is it bad to say Timothy Dalton is a hat and mustache away from Guy Fawkes mask! Teeheehee #SoDoNotMeanIt

•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠♡░░░░

Twat Muffin's picture

sushi -- I think you're right; Alicia does like the muffins, just like her good friends Oprah and GAYle.

Cashew -- wasn't BE strange last night? No Gyp Rossetti and out of left field they start up with Nucky's legal troubles -- boring! That was really creepy of Gillian to pick up a kid that looked exactly like Jimmy, but wasn't the guy cute? I always thought Michael Pitt was cute, so this guy IMO was cute, too. The one good thing about Margaret nailing Owen is that we get to see some Owen furry-chested nakedness, right? I'd be nailing him if I were her, too; Nucky certainly isn't diong his husbandly duties (I shudder at the thought -- blrrrggghhhh).

=======================================================

"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"

Esteem's picture

Has L.A. run out of shampoo?

For why is Chestica doing bulking exercises on her legs? You'd think she could afford a trainer that would give her better advice. Good use of the ginormous purse though.

Sanjaya is voting for Rosie obviously MK.

And another ho buys bigger boobs. The minute you cross into Howood you develop body dis-morphia like it's a plague?

10 different stereotypes in that pic of Emily and I didn't even bother to study it hard. Ridiculous.

Chace. Little boy looking men do zero for me.

Matt Bomer is gorgeous. That is all.

...and it looks just like the engagement ring she was wearing. The same. Silly posts for hits JJ. Can she go away now?

Actually, I think th edildo's IQ is probably a few points higher. It's better looking too.

Press. Press. Press.

I like the backdrop, but Alicia doesn't look good green. The art director failed on this one.

The gum stuck to the underside of the chairs is more interesting.

He's not looking too terrible for his age. Although the tip side view makes me wonder if he's on the smallish side?

Oy. Dalton. Cut your hair.

And....everyone hates you. You will be cringing at your endless photos on the internet someday. Hopefully sooner than later.

If she isn't fit enough to testify in a court proceeding, how is she fit to enter into a marriage contract?

Gross. Hell no to Larry David and/or David Crosby.

Hey Twatty!
What did you think of BE last night? Kinda blah, no? And Gretchen Mols character is so creepy! There was also some good man nekkidness, though I needed more hair :p. And Margaret needs to lay off my Owen, mmkay?

IrishFury's picture

Submitted by chlyn on Mon, 10/22/2012 - 7:16pm.

IrishFury said: "like it did with the other one who married the guitarist in that 80s band (damn - the dude who always smiles and yu want to bash his smiling face in and he has a kid called Wolfgang)."

Valerie Bertinelli and Eddie Van Halen :)
*********

Oh god yes, thank you! I kept wanting to say Jon Bon Jovi!
________________________________
Dark-sided!

IrishFury's picture

I hate that commerical too - esp. with her standing by the piano looking ridiculous in a business suit and heels.

________________________________
Dark-sided!

IrishFury's picture

Kristie never lost the weight she said (on Oprah) etc so she lied on Oprah but Jenny is strict n the scales so they knew the truf.

The she started with some "vitamins" or juice crap that never sold - she lied the whole time. Well, some did sell but it turned out they were fiber supplements that made peple poop properly and you had to "diet and exercise" if you wanted to lose weight.

I used to like her but she's a lying scammer. ________________________________
Dark-sided!

Submitted by Twat Muffin on Mon, 10/22/2012 - 7:48pm.
sushi -- maybe Alicia wails like that when Swizz Beak is nailing her, LOL!!!

********************

Ha ha, I love you.

But does she really wail at anything that doesn't have tits? I think she likes muffins, twat muffin!

Twat Muffin's picture

sushi -- maybe Alicia wails like that when Swizz Beak is nailing her, LOL!!!

=======================================================

"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"

Submitted by Twat Muffin on Mon, 10/22/2012 - 7:23pm.
sushi -- when I hear that commercial with Alicia Keys wailing "This Girl is on Fire," I could just shoot the fucking TV! Her voice is like an ice pick in my head!!!

**************************

Exactly! I feel like I've heard her scream that line out many times before. The only song that was even slightly interesting to me was her first hit. The others were fucking lame!

Twat Muffin's picture

sushi -- when I hear that commercial with Alicia Keys wailing "This Girl is on Fire," I could just shoot the fucking TV! Her voice is like an ice pick in my head!!!

=======================================================

"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"

Alicia Keys is so fucking overrated. Her songs all sound the same to me. But I have to say, I thought she'd be like Chestica post-pregnancy -- a huge fatty. But she is pretty slim.

chlyn's picture

IrishFury said: "like it did with the other one who married the guitarist in that 80s band (damn - the dude who always smiles and yu want to bash his smiling face in and he has a kid called Wolfgang)."

Valerie Bertinelli and Eddie Van Halen :)

Britney's fiance is her co-conservator.

There's something sooo wrong with that, IMO.

************************************

There might have been a time when I would let you slip away
I wouldn't even try
But I think you could save my life

megank's picture

I think Emily Van Camp is one of the prettier girls in hollywood. Love her.

Gardening Girl's picture

I thought Jenny dropped Kristie because she tried to start her own weigh loss plan.

"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012

IrishFury's picture

Jess admittedly has a huge head. And massive jawline. I figure it's worth a mil if she could get either to shrink.

She was heavy BEFORE pregnancy. That's why it's so hard. She has to lose new weight but also old. She signed on to this without thinking. They'll drop her like Jenny dropped Kirstie Alley. The famous name and famous weight battles just won't work in terms of weight loss, like it did with the other one who married the guitarist in that 80s band (damn - the dude who always smiles and yu want to bash his smiling face in and he has a kid called Wolfgang).

________________________________
Dark-sided!

the original bellaluna's picture

I thought that was a really greasy, hair-growed-out Texas T-Rex.

LaChaylo's picture

Isn't there something wrong with letting Britters get married when she can't make important decisions for herself and she's under a conservatorship? I no understand...

Gardening Girl's picture

ME, since they only show her head in those misleading commercials...can they only pay her for her head? Hope they make her give some of that money back because she DID NOT earn it.

"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012