Did Mitt Romney Lose The Coveted Lindsay Lohan Vote?
Mitt Romney's team is frantically writing a speech where he'll promise to allow stolen necklaces as a tax write-off for jooree thieves and give out "buy 1 8-ball, get 1 8-ball" free vouchers to cokies, because he might be close to losing the most important vote of the election! A little over a week ago, Lindsay Lohan said that she's voting for Romney, because she believes that jobs are really important right now. LiLo did have a point. Jobs ARE important. How do you think LiLo gets her daily supply of Adderall? Blow jobs! How do you think LiLo gets into all those fashion parties? Hand jobs! How do you think LiLo pays the guy from ConEd when he comes to her rented house to shut down her electricity due to non-payment? Rim jobs! Jobs really ARE important.
But just when we all thought that "Romney" would be the name LiLo spits up after EVERYONE asks her who she voted for (even though we know her ass isn't going to vote, because she'll show up to the polling place 4 days too late since her "walking pneumonia" acted up again), she flips shit around. During last night's Battleship game between Romney and Obama, LiLo live-tweeted her extremely important thoughts and Politico says she started off by re-tweeting (and then deleting) her support for Obama. And then LiLo got into it:
LiLo must've numbed her nerves with medical numbing ointment known as vodka, but she quickly got into the serious topics at hand including Obama saying that Romney's foreign policies are stuck in the 80s. (Side note: If Romney is stuck in the 80s, does that mean he's bringing back Beverly Hills Teens, because that'll get my vote.)
LiLo then asked Bill Maher to DM her. Bill probably thought that freebasing Glade scented oil gave LiLo a case of the typos again and she really meant to ask, "Would you please DP me?", because he didn't answer her.
LiLo then tried and failed to get Sarah Silverman to talk to her....
And then she said something to Vanity Fair:
Then LiLo ended the night by saying she's more nervous than the two dudes who are actually running for president:
Don't laugh at that tweet. Live-tweeting the last debate made LiLo's nostrils extra hongray for the bad shit, so she snorted up her entire stash and nothing fills a bitch with anxiety like staring at an empty Ziploc bag.
So not only are horses carrying bayonets extra sad today, but so is Mitt Romney, because he might've lost LiLo's vote. If Mitt wants to win her back, he better hand her a binder full of Vicodin right now.
Source: @thecrackhausoflohan via HuffPo
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Bizarrelife, it is Samantha Bee
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And there's millions of people
To offer advice and say how I should be
But they're twisted and they will never be
Any influence on me but you will always be
You will always be
You know you've made it in politics when someone as astute as Lindsay Blowhan congratulates your debate performance. Does this chick have any idea how the world sees her?
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OMG! I'm, like, so political! I just tweeted a bunch of political stuff about politics while watching the debates in between doing lines and shots with my Mom. I'm so political!
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
I saw a big sidewalk poster for Liz & Dick near LAX today, with her tarted-up mug. Yeesh. Lifetime is aiming to ruin Thanksgiving.
use the China words.still not the final ends,then it will not be ends with any surprise. Who laugh at last,then who will win.
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http://www.servehair.com
*gives crack the side-eye*
*backs away slowly*
P's ain't this ho a felon? can she even vote? shit, can she even spell vote???
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"Oh, let me see if there's any fucks stuck under
my nails. Nope. Fresh out of fucks."
1. You know the dumb bitch though a DM was two guys in her at once. That's why she was so anxious.
2. I got a contact high and am all jittery now just from reading her tweet.
3. Do the Democrates a favor dumber than a 3rd grader skank and endorse Romney.
She must be on the bath salts again. Did anyone actually respond back to her?
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Submitted by babybunny on Tue, 10/23/2012 - 4:35pm.
fuck Hohan pick a fucking side, you are a worse flip flopper than Mitt, I hate MItt but if she votes for Obama, I have to do the opposite or just not vote cause I REFUSE to do anything this brain dead skank endorses, I mean of course I will vote for Obama ESPECIALLY if he is a cokehead, I love good cokeheads or ex-cokeheads like Obama, hate stupid cokehead like Hohan...hell I am an ex-cokehead, we are smart, efficient, great at planning things, follow through is another story, but one thing I hate is an incompetent flakey non planning cokeheads.
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I'm an ex-coke head too! Yay, ex-coke heads!!!
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
I'll bet she was chewing her face off the entire time and thought it was the excitement of the debate making her 'nervous'. She is the gift that keeps on giving.
Proof(#8574637232012.3)that all god-lovers (aka religious cunts) are fucking retarded.
B!i!i!iD~
For your health.
" Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer"..William S. Burroughs
Ml pure comedy gold!!!!empty zoplock
This is why Twitter is shit: everybody thinks their personal opinion is wanted and valuable. IT MOST CERTAINLY IS NOT.
Submitted by Bizzarelife on Tue, 10/23/2012 - 4:26pm.
--
Was she on recently Bizzare? Comedy Central posts the episodes in segments, so you might be able to find it there.
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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fuck Hohan pick a fucking side, you are a worse flip flopper than Mitt, I hate MItt but if she votes for Obama, I have to do the opposite or just not vote cause I REFUSE to do anything this brain dead skank endorses, I mean of course I will vote for Obama ESPECIALLY if he is a cokehead, I love good cokeheads or ex-cokeheads like Obama, hate stupid cokehead like Hohan...hell I am an ex-cokehead, we are smart, efficient, great at planning things, follow through is another story, but one thing I hate is an incompetent flakey non planning cokeheads.
Does anyone watch Jon Stewart? They has this woman on his show...I believe she is a comedian. She had dirty blonde hair and was talking about the issue of the rights of women. She made hilarious and sarcastic jokes...I liked her!
Wish I could remember her name...
Submitted by CashewTime on Tue, 10/23/2012 - 2:53pm.
LOL, I am so glad facebook did not exist when I was in college. It would have been NO BUENO. :)
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Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012
"It's a good thing she's too stupid to be embarrassed. Jeebus."
Finger on the pulse there, Sweetas.
Submitted by Get Serious on Tue, 10/23/2012 - 4:10pm.
Dammit, everytime I see your avatar I have to go on an Archer bender. I don't think I'll be able to wait until January for the new season!
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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.
Diagnosis: Delusional!
And blowhan has just jinxed this year's election. Both candidates are screwed...
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"Dammit, Pam, I've seen that, and now I can't unsee it. There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer
Submitted by DiamondDogs on Tue, 10/23/2012 - 3:28pm
Ah she is purdy, and with a lovely bosom!
Bill Maher is the biggest retard of this generation. I hope that ball-less dickhead asks for his money back, looks like Obummer blew it all on golf trips and dressing his fat wife in polyester.
Hi CashewTime
My avie is a pic of the gorgeous Monica Bellucci.
I must say I'm impressed with her knowledge of the issues, her wide circle of celebrity friends and for her compassion for teachers and education.
I'm also impressed with her rack.
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You smell kinda pretty. Wanna smell me?
Hey MissJane,
You know the worst part of all my drunk facebooking from college? When I PM a friend now, they're still there! Your old FB messages never. go away. I used to be ten times the dork and put exclamation points at the end of evverrything!!!!!! like a damn loser. And I majored in journalism, go figure. So embarrassing, and don't get me started on the pictures I've untagged floating out there somewhere...
I know these tweets aren't genius, but once in a while, in interviews, she comes off as surprisingly articulate, and I'm surprised by these tweets too. Hey, they're intellectuallamal for her considering her norm.
Submitted by DiamondDogs on Tue, 10/23/2012 - 1:36pm
Hi Diamond Dogs,
Who is the pretty lady in your avie? She looks familiar, but I can't figure it out.
Why the fuck does she care? Don't no one even want her in this country!
She only said she would vote for Romney to pick up on some of the extra press Stacy Dash was getting, IMO. And she BETTER stay away from MY MAN Bill Maher!
Is this irrelevant bitch high when she tweets? wft? +_+
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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She's like a 10-year-old who takes everything she reads at face value. Good lord. I know that most actors are idiot savants (in the words of one of my friends in production), but Lohan is just an idiot.
I'm sure Maher's response to her was "Yeah, I'll DM you if you blow me" (to which she probably answered "OK"), that Silverman was impressed by Lohan's interpretation of her comment, and that the Vanity Fair tweeters were properly chastised by her stern admonition to "stay on topic."
Everything goes over her head, doesn't it? I think it's sad, now - she's so eager for everyone to think she's "political" that she has no clue how utterly stupid she sounds. Just be the dumb ho you are, Lindsay - don't exceed your grasp.
you know, i can;t understand why you guys are so nonchalant - without Lilo's endorsement, how will you know who to vote for?
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God don't like ugly.
That's fucked up.
Blohan should have been watching the last quarter of the Bears/Lions game!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Her desperate tweets to Bill Mahr and Sarah Silverman made me laugh out loud. I guess after an 8 ball she fancies herself intellectual. Go teachers! Teachers rule! Some celebrity please tweet me back!
I like it when celebrities think they have a clue. It is so amusing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9xAFUrttzqw
stick her in rehab, when I was there, we weren't allowed to watch TV or read papers. not that she can read...
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"I didn't know whether to shit or go blind, so I closed one eye and farted"
Dumbass... why did she capitalize "the final debate"?
I love Bill Maher!
I'm sure Bill Maher gives a flying fuck what Blohan says.
lol Anonymous, I'll bet she could point out Columbia though.
Submitted by Sweetas on Tue, 10/23/2012 - 1:21pm.
Yes Lindsay it must have been nerve-wracking for you, waiting for each candidate to give their position regarding Syria, Iraq, Afghanistan and Israel. Now show me where those are on a map.
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Sh!t . . . even spraying my Coke Zero all over the monitor was worth reading that ;)
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Kitten Kaboodle - a Disney ho who did the ho stroll right ;)
Check out mah page, horz! ;)
https://www.facebook.com/OrderOfTheDimensions
Yes Lindsay it must have been nerve-wracking for you, waiting for each candidate to give their position regarding Syria, Iraq, Afghanistan and Israel. Now show me where those are on a map.
It's a good thing she's too stupid to be embarrassed. Jeebus.
This shit legitimately made me laugh out loud. Thank you, Blohan, you made my endorphins flow.
She's the light of my life and makes every day more entertaining. And itchy.