And Just Like That, I’ve Got A New Official Job Title

For always being wasted from inhaling the toxic fumes that waft off of the red lacquer slathered on her lips, Xtina really does have a clear mind that produces potent dingles of truth. The Hollywood Reporter  (via ONTD) hosted a Q& A with Xtina in Los Angeles yesterday and she had a few things to say about bloggers, Simon Cowell and about being a cold hard bitch in show business. You know, I never knew what to write next to occupation on forms (“Dumb Slut” and “Purveyor of Faggotry” don’t fully explain all the layers of my job), but now I do thanks to the always eloquent Xtina.

On how she’s not into dicks: “I’ve not actually seen a full episode of any of the other music shows. I saw the commercials early on of American Idol of Simon being a dick. I was like, ‘Man, that’s not what it’s about!’ I didn’t want to treat people like that. I wanted to do The Voice to show that we can be positive. We don’t have to knock people down.”

On how she’s a powerful business woman: “It’s hard being such a powerful woman in the business. I’m known for not always being warm and fuzzy, because you’ll just get bulldozed over. You learn to put up this little protective shield, but it’s because of something. In my music, I come off as being very open about being insecure, vulnerable and sensitive sometimes. Then I’ll go onstage and be this powerhouse force to be reckoned with.”

On bloggers: “Now everyone is a critic. I don’t read blogs. It’s just God-knows-who in Buttfuck wherever writing hate shit. You can’t take it seriously. I’m sure you’ve all been hated on at some point by buttfuck people. It’s real talk today.”

FINALLY, when I’m at a party, sitting in the corner by myself, petting the cat and someone comes to talk to me, I have something to say when they ask me what I do. I’ll proudly say, “I’m a buttfuck person and I write hate shit all day.” Now I just have to get on unionizing us buttfuck people.

I even love that Xtina is saying “buttfuck people” like it’s a bad thing and that she really wants us to believe that she hasn’t let her piece’s peen enter the city limits of her Buttfuckville.

I do have a new appreciation for Xtina, though. I like how Xtina can sit there, talking shit about us buttfuck people while her weave is having a heavy flow day. Bitch, get your weave a tampon. If the whole “spinning on a chair” thing doesn’t work out for Xtina, she should join us buttfuck people, because clearly she’s one of us.