Brad Pitt Thinks He’s A Furniture Designer Now

Brad Pitt is an actor, humanitarian, professional baby carrier, millionaire hobo, comedian, perfume poet, stoner, house maker, savior of New Orleans and now he’s designing fancy furniture for rich hos who really want to spend $45,000 on a chair that looks like a glorified bean bag for new money.

You’d think that all of the furniture in all of Brangelina’s mansions is made of a material that can easily be sprayed down with a garden hose since children slobber on everything (or am I confusing “children” with “stoner movie stars“?), but nope. Brangelina has a bunch of fancy furniture in their fancy mansions and Brad Pitt loves fancy furniture so much that he regularly doodles sketches of his own fancy furniture designs. One day, furniture maker Frank Pollaro came over to install a desk in Brad Pitt’s house and magically came across a sketchbook full of his furniture designs. Frank then said, “Hey, you’re Brad Pitt! People will empty out their checking accounts to buy a pile of donkey shit signed by you, so let’s make furniture together!“

Brad and Frank co-designed a line of furniture that they will unveil in NYC on November 13th. Brad gave Architectural Digest a special preview and talked about working with Frank:

“We talk about design, about materials, about craftsmanship, about classicism, about modernism. He has a respect for the masters of design. [I am] bent on quality to an unhealthy degree [while he] embodies the same mad spirit of the craftsmen of yore, with their obsessive attention to detail. It just so happens Frank and I speak the same language. And we both have a predilection for far too much wine.”

Together, they designed a club chair, some tables, a bed and a marble tub for two that looks like the fanciest bed pan I’ve ever seen. They’re only making limited editions of each piece that will be signed and numbered, but they have plans to make more affordable versions. So keep checking your local Levitz!

I bet Brad sketched his furniture designs on an Etch-A-Sketch, because it’s all squiggles, boxes and circles. And about that bed. Does it come complete with a maid who will carry you to that bed every night so you don’t almost break your leg on it? That coffee table/bench attachment thing is just waiting to bruise some shins. Inevitable.