"Oh How Cute, They're Charging Me With A Crime Again. Eheheheheheeee..."

Right after Lindsay Lohan forcibly butt fucked an 18-wheeler with her rented Porsche, she told the cops that she wasn't driving. Everything that comes out of LiLo's lie hole is the opposite of the truth, so nobody was surprised when witnesses said that she was the one driving and she switched places with her assistant right after the crash. TMZ says that since LiLo told lies to the police, the Santa Monica City Attorney will charge her with misdemeanor lie-telling.

TMZ's sources say that cops also found a bottle of prescribed meds in her purse and there were pills scattered all over her trunk. They were going to throw drug charges at her, but then her long-suffering attorney Shawn Holley handed the police a letter from LiLo's doctor. Yes, the "letter" was written in red lipstick on a stained Chateau Marmont cocktail napkin and was signed by "Dr. Anid Nahol," but under California State Law it still counts as an official doctor's note.

You've heard this all before, but this could screw with LiLo's probation and Judge Stephanie could throw in her a cell for a very long time for violating probation. But the chances of that happening are about as slim as me shitting out a 9 inch dick. (Actually, that could happen. I have been told by many doctors that my b-hole is like a sock-eating dryer.)

I live in California now, so don't I get a say as to how the state spends its money and time, because spending it on LiLo is a waste. Nothing's gonna happen to the bitch. Besides, LiLo is terrorizing NYC right now. Does California really want to lure her back? The monster is gone and we need to keep it that way. Close the gates and really keep her out by making all alcohol ILLEGAL. Yes, I'll be willing to make my own booze out of paint thinner and lemon-scented ammonia if it means I get to live in a Lohan-free zone. That's the price you have to pay.

Here's the darling of the California justice system leaving her NYC hotel with Ali Lohan last night. Now we know what it would look like if Angie Dickinson died, came back as a zombie and then fell into a vat of orange paint.