The Time Jenny McCarthy Did Ecstasy And Tried To Have Sex With A Tree

Autism curer and literary genius Jenny McCarthy is peddling her newest book "Bad Habits: Confessions of a Recovering Catholic" and she learned the best way to sell a book is to spill some scandalous (not really) secrets about all the time she did drugs and fucked a tree so hard that it squirted sap like it's never squirted sap before. HuffPo says that Jenny writes that while partying with her friends one night, she swallowed so many Ecstasy pills that it made her take off all her clothes (like she needed Ecstasy to do that) and practically rub her cooter off while screwing a tree.

"The texture felt so good that I decided to rub my head and boobs all over it. It was a tree I was humping."

Jenny then writes that her friends, who were also rolling hard, got paranoid and wanted to run to the road for help.

“I noticed that we weren’t wearing anything. So I responded, ‘Let’s not. We’re naked. Let’s just try to sneak back to the beach and get our clothes."

So sticking a vaccine needle in your kid is wrong, will probably send them to an early death and anybody who does it should be dragged into the town square and stoned. But eating a bunch of Ecstasy pills and then forcibly fucking a tree until you birth out an acorn baby is okay and totally not wrong? Good to know. Thanks for clearing that up, Jenny McCarthy, M.D. (Yes, in this case, M.D. stands for maniacally dumb.)

Posted by: Michael K

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Dumbasses • Jenny McCarthy

Submitted by JTROS on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 5:29pm.

Hypothetically speaking, if I were to take ecstacy, I would like to rub my feet on things. Especially shag carpet. And I don't like having my feet touched.

Hypothetically speaking, of course.

/D.A.R.E.

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 5:28pm.

https://www.facebook.com/JennyMcCarthyOfficial

tell this asshole how you feel.. You don;t have to like her page to post on it. ha.

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I don't wanna kiss you. I don't wanna touch.
I don't wanna see you 'cause I don't miss you that much.

Submitted by Lisbet459 on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 5:28pm.

I heard that, after they legalised marijuana in Holland, they had one generation that puffed away happily, and the next that wouldn't touch it because it had been so badly tainted by those losers.

I suspect/hope that people like McCarthy did the same for ecstasy. You certainly don't hear as much about it these days, do you?

Submitted by Orangina on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 5:28pm.

Me: "Jenny, summarize everything you want to say in on sentence."
Jenny: "MID-LIFE CRISIS!"

Submitted by Esteem on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 5:25pm.

Oh god, make her go away.

Submitted by SoulTaker on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 5:24pm.

Quit giving this loser attention.

Submitted by Lisbet459 on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 5:23pm.

Translation: "Look at me! Looook at me! Look at meeeeeeeee!"

And, as someone else said, this isn't even rebellious. It's like those oh-so-hilarious stories of how someone, like, smoked cannibis and then, like, totally ended up talking to a very curvy lampshade for 10 whole minutes. Not interesting.

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 5:16pm.

I truly wish she would just shut the fuck up.

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I don't wanna kiss you. I don't wanna touch.
I don't wanna see you 'cause I don't miss you that much.

Submitted by She She peritta on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 5:13pm.

*Rolls eyes*

Submitted by WWJDFAKB on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 5:13pm.

Reminds me of that video of the girl who seduced a tree at Ultra.

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What would Jesus do for a Klondike Bar?

Submitted by joe shmoe on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 5:13pm.

Submitted by BaconSlut on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 6:38pm.

@Joe
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*grinning back*

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Submitted by jerseygirl17 on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 5:13pm.

In other words, she's seen The Evil Dead a few too many times.

Submitted by princesspoppy on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 5:28pm.

clit slivers :(

Submitted by BaconSlut on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 5:08pm.

@Joe

Yep. I was thinking old wooden roller coaster, but that works, too! *wide grin*

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Submitted by Mrs. Voorhees on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 5:07pm.

Too bad it wasn't one of those nasty-ass apple trees in the "Wizard of Oz." They would have ripped her a new one if she tried that shit.

Submitted by joe shmoe on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 5:06pm.

Amateur! You haven't lived 'til you've laid a picnic table.

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Submitted by johnnysgirl on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 5:04pm.

Ecstasy doesn't make you want to have sex. It's not an aphrodisiac. It makes you want to touch things. So her rubbing a tree (I doubt she meant "hump" literally) is not out of the ordinary. Probably everyone who has done ecstasy, acid, or shrooms has had a tree-moment or two. Jenny fails at trying to be shocking.