Lindsay Lohan Is A Survivor!
Lindsay Lohan's new publicist dumped Barbara Walters for Jay Leno, because she didn't want to answer any questions about her personal life (insert jackoffasoftdickwhilerollingyoureyes.gif here). But we all know that the real reason Lindsay Lohan went with Jay Leno instead of Barbara is because he can smash a coke rock into neat, even lines just by flinching his chin at it. It makes even the most jaded cokehead squirt.
LiLo blows off everything (cut to every dealer in the L.A. area raising his hand while saying, "I can co-sign that!") so Barbara shouldn't have been surprised that she got the shaft, but she is. On The View yesterday morning, Barbara nearly whined the lisp out of her voice while saying that LiLo's new rep didn't give her any explanation for why the interview was canceled. LiLo's people just told the producers of 20/20 that she wasn't up to it. But ten seconds after canceling on Barbara, LiLo booked an interview with Jay Leno and Barbara thinks she went with him because he won't bring up any of her fuck-ups, and he can do that chin trick for her in the green room.
The second part of LiLo's interview with Barbara was canceled, but the first part was shot back in June on the set of Liz & Dick. Yesterday, Barbara showed a short clip from the first part of their interview and it's awkward. It's like watching a conversation between a drunk grandma and another drunk grandma who is trying hard to look sober. It's like Whatever Happened to Baby June? on ludes. Barbara brings up the little "lazy bitch overslept" story and LiLo brushes it away and mumbles about being a survivor. Bitch sounds like a survivor. She sounds like she's survived through tonsil cancer, decades of gargling with broken glass and centuries of inhaling a nicotine smoke storm daily.
And here's the new trailer for her other soon-to-be award winning masterpiece The Canyons. If you're going to watch it, then you can go ahead and scratch "anal Kegel exercises" off your to do list, because your butt will cringe during the entire trailer.