Lindsay Lohan Is A Survivor!
Lindsay Lohan's new publicist dumped Barbara Walters for Jay Leno, because she didn't want to answer any questions about her personal life (insert jackoffasoftdickwhilerollingyoureyes.gif here). But we all know that the real reason Lindsay Lohan went with Jay Leno instead of Barbara is because he can smash a coke rock into neat, even lines just by flinching his chin at it. It makes even the most jaded cokehead squirt.
LiLo blows off everything (cut to every dealer in the L.A. area raising his hand while saying, "I can co-sign that!") so Barbara shouldn't have been surprised that she got the shaft, but she is. On The View yesterday morning, Barbara nearly whined the lisp out of her voice while saying that LiLo's new rep didn't give her any explanation for why the interview was canceled. LiLo's people just told the producers of 20/20 that she wasn't up to it. But ten seconds after canceling on Barbara, LiLo booked an interview with Jay Leno and Barbara thinks she went with him because he won't bring up any of her fuck-ups, and he can do that chin trick for her in the green room.
The second part of LiLo's interview with Barbara was canceled, but the first part was shot back in June on the set of Liz & Dick. Yesterday, Barbara showed a short clip from the first part of their interview and it's awkward. It's like watching a conversation between a drunk grandma and another drunk grandma who is trying hard to look sober. It's like Whatever Happened to Baby June? on ludes. Barbara brings up the little "lazy bitch overslept" story and LiLo brushes it away and mumbles about being a survivor. Bitch sounds like a survivor. She sounds like she's survived through tonsil cancer, decades of gargling with broken glass and centuries of inhaling a nicotine smoke storm daily.
And here's the new trailer for her other soon-to-be award winning masterpiece The Canyons. If you're going to watch it, then you can go ahead and scratch "anal Kegel exercises" off your to do list, because your butt will cringe during the entire trailer.
via ONTD
• 
Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 1:14pm.
Submitted by zomay on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 12:58pm.
I woke up today and had to drink Tasters Choice instant coffee
---------------------------------------
ahahaha! aww you poor thang.
Remember those old commercials where they would switch the restaurant coffee with Taster's Choice and no one would know the diff? ah. yeah. right. pee on my leg and telling me it's raining.
__________________________________
LMAO! That's like the Pizza Hut commercials "we went to a 5-star restaurant in Rome and switched out their dishes with our new Pizza Hut Pasta and no one noticed!". Yeah, sure, maybe if Honey BooBoo's family rented it out for their reunion.
The Canyons is being released on the internets only....BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh yes Blohan, what a big comeback this is. Lifetime and an online only release film. LMFA!!!!!! You can't make this shit up. HAHAHAHHA!
Submitted by zomay on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 12:58pm.
I woke up today and had to drink Tasters Choice instant coffee....I AM A FUCKING SURVIVOR.
God bless you. Your inner strength and spirit never cease to be an inspiration to us all.
1. PUT ON A FUCKING BRA.
2. Her lips don't even move.
3. Paramedics aren't called if you take a 15 minute cat nap you pathalogical liar.
4. You suck.
5. Please die.
Submitted by cake coke and cock on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 1:07pm.
"I rather watch him dick-choke a ho on pornhub."
------------------
SOFA KING HOT! *swoooooooooon*
you need to check out xnxx.com no shit
----------------------------------------------
"Shitty relationships mystify me." ~ mike 09/22/2012
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
This morning I realized my eggs were expired, so I had to go to work on an empty stomach. I AM a survivor a la BLOWhan.
This entire post was hilarious.
Oh god I accidentally hit play on the canyons shit and I'm still here.
I'M A SURVIVOR!!!!!!
* 100% hotness verified by WHAMO. :P *
www.poopreport.com :)
<3-------------------------------<3
RIMADYL KILLS
Submitted by zomay on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 12:58pm.
I woke up today and had to drink Tasters Choice instant coffee
---------------------------------------
ahahaha! aww you poor thang.
Remember those old commercials where they would switch the restaurant coffee with Taster's Choice and no one would know the diff? ah. yeah. right. pee on my leg and telling me it's raining.
Submitted by zomay on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 12:58pm.
I woke up today and had to drink Tasters Choice instant coffee....I AM A FUCKING SURVIVOR.
=========================================
You're an inspiration to us all!
_________________________________________________
Raising the bar for lowering standards since 1982.
"Survivor" is when you battle cancer while holding down two jobs so you can feed your children. It does not apply to an actor who becomes a bonafide Hollywood star at the age of 17.
Submitted by Zorba-the-Geek on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 12:50pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 12:37pm.
I feel it's the same case with Chris Brown.
==============================================
Great example, this guy make makes money hand over fist for his record label and they're not going to stand on principle if there is millions to be made, no way no how!
The only way they'd pretend to stand on principal is if the larger entity loses money in the long run. If people boycotted everything Brown's record label did they would stand up and sell him down the river in a heatbeat.
you had me at squirting cokehead...
and TEAM CHARLIE HARPER!!!
----------------------------------------------
"Shitty relationships mystify me." ~ mike 09/22/2012
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
Shit looks like it was put together on windows movie maker. As for Deen, I rather watch him dick-choke a ho on pornhub. Those bitches can act.
-------------------------------------------------
Don't make me quote Nabokov at you. I'll do it. I promise.
I'm trying to decide what's worse: Lohan's painful looking overblown lips or Deen's one facial expression and monotone voice.
*************************************************************
Sam: So, was it love or just...with Freddie?
Jjaks: Fuck off.
Sam: A good blowjob feels like love every time, right?
I woke up today and had to drink Tasters Choice instant coffee....I AM A FUCKING SURVIVOR.
.............................
ah Rifftrax....the best is the RT version of Twilight.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZleC_rLJdY&feature=related
hahahahaa!
_______________________________________________
Submitted by P.T.Bull on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 10:33pm.
"This bitch is crazier than a pillowcase full of clear-level scientologist possums."
Submitted by louise_brooks on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 12:47pm.
I haven't yet ponied up for a Rifftrax either (unless you count watching commercials on their hulu releases), but if they do a rifftrax for this one, I may have to break open the ol' wallet. :D
*********
I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 12:37pm.
=============================================
Sorry but I have to strongly disagree. They pay Charlie that money because in spite of the fact he's a fucking train wreck he actually has talent, he still shows up for work and most importantly manages to bring in the viewers, THAT'S why they pay him the big bucks, it has NOTHING to do with the fact he has a cock.
**************
I agree, and I feel it's the same case with Chris Brown. People say "How can the music industry support a woman beater?" But in the end, it's about money. Brown is still really popular and makes a lot of money for the industry. Plus, when he collaborates with someone, that song tends to be a hit. I think he's a shitty songwriter but he's in demand. With Ike and Tina, Ike was vilified because Tina had all the charisma and talent. People turn it into a morality tale, but really no one would have supported her if she wasn't a great entertainer.
Crackie's cleavage in that interview clip reminds me of Carol Burnett as silver screen legend Nora Desmond with her long hanging bewbs.
Submitted by vsminimoose on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 12:21pm.
Submitted by louise_brooks on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 12:03pm.
As for that Canyons mess....what can be said? I don't know if I've ever seen a movie more rife for MST3K.
--------------------------------
Please tell me you've heard of Rifftrax. The best.
I have heard of RiffTrax! I've just been too lazy (cheap) to actually pay for a full movie. Sometimes when I need to laugh, I watch this....("The Happening"):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8PxA6IVdYo
That trailer made my monitor smell like poo and bad decisions.
Submitted by christine the hoff on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 12:09pm.
Yeah, so are cockroaches.
----------
LMAO Hoffer, succinct as usual!
OMG her voice! Is it the cigarettes, or is it what happens to your larynx when you have a cock stuck deep in your throat every day?
+++++++++++++++++++
Submitted by Migraineuse on Fri, 09/14/2012 - 6:22pm.
All females belong to the sex class; they are subhuman buckets for male incontinence.
Anal Kegal exercises reminds me of a trying to hold a fart in joke, but I can't remember the punch line. Maybe I should try some brain Kegal exercises. ;-)
The Canyons is planned to be "released"'directly for download off the Internet? Good luck making money off that idea. I wouldn't take it for free. It looks like a college film student's project. First year.
And can we get MK to live-blog the premiere of "Diz and Lick"? Or Sweetas? Or sucky?
I've already warned Mr. Hekki that I will be unavailable during the movie, so he and the kids can suck it while it's on.
People just randomly use the word "survivor" for anything now. "I drank too much and threw up. Oh well, I'm a survivor." "My boss says I'm a fuck-up. I'm a survivor though." In the past a survivor was someone who made it through a war, violent assault or a plane crash. Now it applies to trout-lipped fuckwads like this thespian over here.
Her voice! It did make my butthole pucker!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Every darn comment here made me laugh. You guys really bring it for the Lohan posts. I'm gonna miss them after she Winehouses *winks at Ophy*
Submitted by PYT on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 12:15pm.
Yeah, sadly that's the difference. Sheen is a bag of shit-covered dicks, but you don't usually hear about him sleeping through a day's shoot, or being incoherent and drunk on set, or stealing lots of crap. His bad behavior is mostly offscreen, but she has no limits.
And as vile as I find him, I have to admit he's a good actor. I saw him in "Arrival" and he was actually really, really good. Much better than Blohan.
Hmm, who's a good comparison to Sheen? Tara Reid? No, she's too nice and doesn't abuse hookers...
*********
I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
well I like the way they presented it, but my god, where did they get those horrible boys? they have the sex appeal of fucking carrot sticks. and Lohan looks like a 45 yr. old escort you find in the yellow pages...
Do you still get to claim that title if the only thing you're surviving is yourself?
And regarding Charlie Sheen- I loathe him. Cannot and will not watch him and find him abhorrently vile, much like my feeling on Lohan. The difference between the two is that Charlie is still a marketable product and Lindsay is not. She just refuses to accept that.
**************************************
If I see something I haven't seen before, I'll throw a dollar at it.
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 12:24pm.
Exactly! Charlie Sheen has a long movie/TV career and has proven to be box office success...unlike Lindsay who is running on the fumes of Mean Girls. Charlie might be a drug addict womanizer but at least he shows up to work. And there haven't been any recent reports of him stealing, ruining movie sets and blaming the black guy.
**************************************************************
Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012
starring Lindsay Lohan as black TARA hash, yes
-------------------------------------------------
Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Dear Lord, please tell me that is not Megan Follows at 0:43!!!
More like Megan Swallows
ibid. "Magic School Bus" comment.
What the HELL did I just watch?
*loses more brain cells*
-------------------------------
Fair is foul and foul is fair..
So she went to work, after much prodding. Someone please explain the difference between "survivor" and "adult" to this girl. We all drag our asses out of bed to do things we don't want to do. The difference is, she "calls out" or cancels every five minutes when a normal person would get fired.
OMG. I predict The Canyons is going to become a new version of The Room.
Same shit different day. How long before she's doing porn?
Submitted by Juniperjump on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 12:05pm.
I despise more the hypocrisy that pays Charlie Sheen over 1 million an episode for Anger Management just because his insane bag of problems and addictions happens to be attached to a penis
=============================================
Sorry but I have to strongly disagree. They pay Charlie that money because in spite of the fact he's a fucking train wreck he actually has talent, he still shows up for work and most importantly manages to bring in the viewers, THAT'S why they pay him the big bucks, it has NOTHING to do with the fact he has a cock. Believe me Hollywood is a whore and if you can pay the whore they let you play regardless if you have a cock ot a set of tits. Charlie gets skewered in the press as much if not more than Linds BUT again they can make money off him. The minute they can't they will cut him lose as sure sure as the day is long.
If Lindsay wasn't such a monumental fuck up and could be dependable for a hot second they would be GLAD to pay her and watch her self destruct at the same time, as long as they they get their cabbage they don't give a shit.
Hollywood doesn't see cocks or tits they only see money!
barbara walters should play liz
Submitted by louise_brooks on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 12:03pm.
As for that Canyons mess....what can be said? I don't know if I've ever seen a movie more rife for MST3K.
--------------------------------
Please tell me you've heard of Rifftrax. The best.
WTF, was the union crew on strike and they had to use a high school camera crew? Who thought framing the shot to show The back of Barbara's head was a good idea?
Exhausted from reading off a script and trying to push words out of your dicksucker for a few hours?
Sounds legit.
_________________________________________________
Raising the bar for lowering standards since 1982.
She survives work? Golf clap?
Be patient y'all. She's very close to Winehousing it. I can feel it.
oh and Lez & Duck lips is going to be so epically bad. Cannot wait.
Submitted by Few Words on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 12:05pm.
YOU BET. CAN I USE JUMPER CABLES TO REVIVE YOU?
------------------------------------------------
only if you clamp them to my nipz Few BB!!!!!!!!!
-------------------------------------------------
Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Yeah, so are cockroaches.
------------------------------------------------
"The stars shone. The gate creaked.The air was fresh."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxdiJ74AL5Y
Well she's certainly her mother's daughter!
OMG- what the F is that Canyons thing? And lol at her lips in it!
I don't like Lilo, but I think I despise more the hypocrisy that pays Charlie Sheen over 1 million an episode for Anger Management just because his insane bag of problems and addictions happens to be attached to a penis.
The difference is that Charlie Sheen shows up on time for work and doesn't have to be babysat. Yes, he parties like a rock star off set but not once has he missed a days work. Pretty incredible stamina if you ask me.
Lindsey on the other hand is completely unreliable. Remember how the producers of Scary Movie had to send a private jet to pick her up?