Fiona Apple Cancels Her South American Tour To Take Care Of Her Dying Dog Friend
South America isn't going to see Fiona Apple for a while, because she has pressed pause on her planned tour there and is staying in California with her best friend Janet the dog. The now 13-year-old pitbull who Fiona found tied to a tree in a park has a tumor in her chest and will fly up to heaven any day now. So Fiona isn't leaving Janet's side and will stay with her till the end. Fiona hand wrote a letter to her fans on lined paper, scanned it and posted it to Facebook. I've posted it after the cut, but I should warn you. Kryptonite is to Superman like this letter is to ice cold hearts. Sarah McLaughlin's In The Arms of the Angel has nothing on this letter. On to the sadness....
It’s 6pm on Friday,and I’m writing to a few thousand friends I have not met yet. I am writing to ask them to change our plans and meet a little while later. Here’s the thing.I have a dog Janet, and she’s been ill for almost two years now, as a tumor has been idling in her chest, growing ever so slowly. She’s almost 14 years old now.I got her when she was 4 months old. I was 21 then ,an adult officially – and she was my child. She is a pitbull, and was found in Echo Park, with a rope around her neck, and bites all over her ears and face.
She was the one the dogfighters use to puff up the confidence of the contenders. She’s almost 14 and I’ve never seen her start a fight ,or bite, or even growl, so I can understand why they chose her for that awful role. She’s a pacifist.Janet has been the most consistent relationship of my adult life, and that is just a fact. We’ve lived in numerous houses, and jumped a few make shift families, but it’s always really been the two of us. She slept in bed with me, her head on the pillow, and she accepted my hysterical, tearful face into her chest, with her paws around me, every time I was heartbroken, or spirit-broken, or just lost, and as years went by, she let me take the role of her child, as I fell asleep, with her chin resting above my head. She was under the piano when I wrote songs, barked any time I tried to record anything, and she was in the studio with me all the time we recorded the last album.
The last time I came back from tour, she was spry as ever, and she’s used to me being gone for a few weeks every 6 or 7 years.She has Addison’s Disease, which makes it dangerous for her to travel since she needs regular injections of Cortisol, because she reacts to stress and to excitement without the physiological tools which keep most of us from literally panicking to death. Despite all of this, she’s effortlessly joyful and playful, and only stopped acting like a puppy about 3 years ago. She’s my best friend and my mother and my daughter, my benefactor, and she’s the one who taught me what love is.
I can’t come to South America. Not now. When I got back from the last leg of the US tour, there was a big, big difference. She doesn’t even want to go for walks anymore. I know that she’s not sad about aging or dying. Animals have a survival instinct, but a sense of mortality and vanity, they do not. That’s why they are so much more present than people. But I know that she is coming close to point where she will stop being a dog, and instead, be part of everything. She’ll be in the wind, and in the soil, and the snow, and in me, wherever I go. I just can’t leave her now, please understand. If I go away again, I’m afraid she’ll die and I won’t have the honor of singing her to sleep, of escorting her out.
Sometimes it takes me 20 minutes to pick which socks to wear to bed. But this decision is instant. These are the choices we make, which define us. I will not be the woman who puts her career ahead of love and friendship. I am the woman who stays home and bakes Tilapia for my dearest, oldest friend. And helps her be comfortable, and comforted, and safe, and important. Many of us these days, we dread the death of a loved one. It is the ugly truth of Life, that keeps us feeling terrified and alone. I wish we could also appreciate the time that lies right beside the end of time.
I know that I will feel the most overwhelming knowledge of her, and of her life and of my love for her, in the last moments. I need to do my damnedest to be there for that. Because it will be the most beautiful, the most intense, the most enriching experience of life I’ve ever known. When she dies.
So I am staying home, and I am listening to her snore and wheeze, and reveling in the swampiest, most awful breath that ever emanated from an angel.
And I am asking for your blessing.I’ll be seeing you.
Love, Fiona
Reading that letter was even sadder than watching Beaches on a loop while stoned. Some people might think Fiona's letter is totally melodramatic and I probably would've thought that too if I didn't have a dog friend who has dealt with my dumb ass for over 10 years. I would give him a hug right now, but he's eating a treat and he'd probably bite eyes off if I got anywhere near his eatin' space. So I'll blow him an air kiss from afar.
And I love dogs with people names. And I really love dogs with the same name as the closeted lesbian on Three's Company.
via EW
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thats really sad to know. and really feel emotional and nice to see you twos bonding actually. you two are really lovely. hope your bonding always tights you two. love ya
the pet post
I always say, "when my dog goes, I'm going, too." I could not imagine living a day without my Jack, he is my world. As exasperating as he can be sometimes, I love him like I will never love anything or anyone on this Earth.
My dog truly is my best friend, and has seen me through the worst period of my life so far, and still is. He is my comfort and my joy, my life.
I wish Janet and Fiona peace.
You so ugly, you look like you got superpowers
Try something new as well as delicious out here at New York food delivery
That was a beautiful letter, but after reading it, and your posts, I am a mess. I have a Pit mix and a Beagle mix, and they are absolutely my babies. They are 7 and 9, and I don't even want to think about them getting old and dying.
We had another Beagle that we had to put down almost 9 years ago, and it was definitely one of the hardest things we have ever done. He had lymphoma, and it was only a week from diagnosis until we had to put him down. I think it was even harder because it didn't feel like we had any time to process what was happening, and while being there when he passed was really hard, I am glad that the last thing he saw was the faces of people who truly loved him.
Animals truly are a gift, and while it is hard to fall in love with them only to say goodbye in what feels like such a short time, the journey is absolutely worth it.
Before reading this I was pretty sure "Paper Bag" was the only thing I loved about Fiona Apple. I had no idea. Bless her heart and bless Janet's heart too.
Ps sorry for the double post!
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"Independent films are those black and white hippy movies. They're always about gay cowboys eating pudding." - Eric Cartman
“Just be careful you don’t wind up naked and jacking it in San Diego.” - South Park
❥
www.hendricksboards.com
Submitted by soulfly16 on Wed, 11/21/2012 - 9:31am.
Oh God. I'm depressed. :(:(. This is why I've never wanted a dog because as much as I love them, I don't think I could have one, get attached to her and watch her die like that. :(:( All my love to Janet. Dogs really are angels.
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Soulfly16 I understand how hard it is to imagine having an animal and losing it but that is life. I have had many animals (guinea pigs, birds, mice, rats, dogs, rabbits) and what I can honestly tell you that yes it broke my heart when they died, however each one of my beloved creatures left a special imprint in my heart. And the fact that I was able to give them a loving home, when so many innocent animals are abused and euthanized every day, makes me happy to save a life as well as they have saved my life. My main mission in life is to promote adoption of ALL animals and I someday want to buy a big piece of land and foster animals until they can find forever loving homes. I admire Fiona for rescuing a dog and wanting to be there until the very end for Janet.
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"Independent films are those black and white hippy movies. They're always about gay cowboys eating pudding." - Eric Cartman
“Just be careful you don’t wind up naked and jacking it in San Diego.” - South Park
❥
www.hendricksboards.com
Submitted by soulfly16 on Wed, 11/21/2012 - 9:31am.
Oh God. I'm depressed. :(:(. This is why I've never wanted a dog because as much as I love them, I don't think I could have one, get attached to her and watch her die like that. :(:( All my love to Janet. Dogs really are angels.
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Soulfly16 I understand how hard it is to imagine having an animal and losing it but that is life. I have had many animals (guinea pigs, birds, mice, rats, dogs, rabbits) and what I can honestly tell you that yes it broke my heart when they died, however each one of my beloved creatures left a special imprint in my heart. And the fact that I was able to give them a loving home, when so many innocent animals are abused and euthanized every day, makes me happy to save a life as well as they have saved my life. My main mission in life is to promote adoption of ALL animals and I someday want to buy a big piece of land and foster animals until they can find forever loving homes. I admire Fiona for rescuing a dog and wanting to be there until the very end for Janet.
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"Independent films are those black and white hippy movies. They're always about gay cowboys eating pudding." - Eric Cartman
“Just be careful you don’t wind up naked and jacking it in San Diego.” - South Park
❥
www.hendricksboards.com
Just read the whole thread start to finish and am a total mess. I've always loved Fiona, and the fact that she'd do the most compassionate thing instead of the most profitable thing is such a renewal of faith, especially after reading that LeAnn Rimes post, Jesus.
Hugs to all of you animal lovers for sharing your stories, too. One thing I love most about Dlisted is how it's a congregation of completely devoted, utterly batshit, unapologetic animal lovers. <3<3
Love Fiona wish her baby well.
good song - Partying Gift.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9hxEbtk7uE
The saddest part is watching animals and knowing that it's their time. When I was a child, we had a boxer named Daylight. She was a hundred pound beast that would kill to protect her family, but was gentle as a mouse. We had a beagle that grew up with her and the two acted like best friends. Daylight got cancer when she 9 or so, and after struggling with it we put her down. One could tell her whole mood changed, and she wasn't her usual self.
Being only 10 at the time it felt like losing a family member... an animal that was always there, always happy, and always ready to bark and protect you when she felt that you were in danger. Our beagle was depressed for months after it. For a little while after she passed, if we ever said Daylight's name she would look around, as if she was trying to find where we were calling to... I know they aren't as cognizant of the world as we are, but I like to believe she missed her best friend.
This post messed me up bad. I feel so much for all of you here who have shared your stories of loss. Thank you, it's so good to know you are not alone. I lost my 15 y/o ex-racing greyhound Indy on Thanksgivings 4 years ago. She had been battling bone cancer for 6 months and while I was out for groceries she had a seizure. Instead of celebrating that day I stayed with her at the vet. They told me the cancer had spread to her brain and there was no chance she would recover. I had to let her go, and I stayed with her until her last breath. Fiona is right, it was the most beautiful, intense, and painful experience of my life. I couldn't unpack that back of groceries until just last year.
This past October on my birthday my 17 y/o cat Maxine died suddenly of acute liver failure. She was with me from just minutes after her birth. I still haven't recovered from what happened. I dreamed about her last night and that I was trying to save her but could not. I woke up crying. I was not with her when the end came and in losing her I realized that getting to be there to support and comfort them at the end is a gift. A very painful beautiful gift.
I worry on any holiday now. On special days someone I love dies.
Her letter was gut wrenching. Your heart just goes to her. What a touching tribute to Janet.
Submitted by mikidais on Wed, 11/21/2012 - 1:31pm.
Animals are magical and they enrich our lives. People who do not understand are royally fucked up.
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Exactly! Excellently said.
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"That shit was more staged and choreographed than Paul Ryan's soup kitchen visit."- MK, 10/16/12
Right now I have my 3 year old Rottie Lola comforting me after reading that beautifully written letter.
My dogs are my children and they bring me and my husband immense joy. We don't have kids so our dogs are spoiled to the hilt.
For those of you out there who have to make a hard decision to soon let your angel go, I did it last year with my 13 year old Border Collie/Lab mix, Daisy. I got her from little boys walking down the street giving away puppies. She was 8 weeks old. She was there for me through my divorce and then gained two new dogs siblings when I remarried. When her best friend Buster (our 11 year old Boxer) died in May 2010, Daisy's health declined rapidly and we had to let her go exactly one year and five days later. I called my vet frantic a couple of times that year asking him when I knew she needed to go. He told me that dogs that are neglected usually die quickly but the dogs that are treated like family will really hang on for others. I was a mess. I'm not religious but I prayed for a sign to let her go. One Monday, she refused to eat or drink. She could hardly walk and I cut up chicken and carried her to her bowl and she refused. I pushed her head gently to the water bowl, she refused. I would put an ice cube to her mouth, and she would turn her head. It was my sign.
We had a vet come to our house and peacefully let her go. I held her the whole time and it was so peaceful. I even carried her body to the vet's car.
It was a feeling of relief that she was not hurting anymore and was now with her best friend Buster, rolling and running in green grass with unlimited dog bones.
Animals are magical and they enrich our lives. People who do not understand are royally fucked up.
@toxicsparkles
I'm sorry to about your dog :(
You did the right thing. They vet said the same thing with our second Shepherd, it was kinder to put him down on the table, so we did. It's never an easy decision to make.
Oh God -I always thought she was a twat but anyone who so sums up what doggies do for us cannot be....
My old dog- a dalmatian x weimeraner - was neurotic,skinny,hyper,bad tempered..we called him the super model of dogs and when he finally went to that big canyon in the sky ( we used to hike a canyon everyday) he was nearly 17 -my vet told me I would know the right time and on that last morning he we helped him out to the yard,he had a little sit in the sun and a last look around on earth and we took him off for the last time.
I sat in the house and cried for 3 months and even now over 3 years later we still talk about him all the time.
I going to hug my current doggies, ( a dalmatian and a chihuahua mix) have a good bawl and tell them to send a doggie prayers to Janet...
"NOSOPD -Not our sort of person darling"
I'm glad she wrote that letter so that those who've never experienced unconditional love and see them as "just pets" can maybe get a honest insight into true love, loyalty, and priorities. Had asshole friend who just regards all animals as "just pets" and thinks I'm bonkers to spend everything on mine....The person is a blubbering mess after I made them read it and now gets it. One less moron in the world. Janet is a fab name.
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"I love fast and I love hard."-MK
I think anyone who's truly loved a pet can understand her...
My heart breaks for her heartache...
Submitted by vanyvrgs on Wed, 11/21/2012 - 12:32am.
http://aplacetolovedogs.tumblr.com/post/6360164299/why-do-dogs-leave-ear... From the mouths of babes:
Sometimes a child can give the wisest answer...
He said, " People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life-- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?" The six-year-old continued, " Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."
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That is the most perfect explanation I have ever read.
Thank you for sharing the story.
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"That shit was more staged and choreographed than Paul Ryan's soup kitchen visit."- MK, 10/16/12
Submitted by toxicsparkles on Wed, 11/21/2012 - 11:36am.
I had the same thing happen with my Staffy. She was her normal self when i went to bed one night and when i woke up her belly was severly bloated.
I took her to the vet and when he opened her up her liver was full of tumours. I was told it would be best not to wake her from surgery as she would only be suffering down the track.
It sucked big time.
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Oh my Lord, that is shocking to find that out about your dog.
Unless you have the money for expensive treatments (and many people do), sometimes it is better to put the pet to sleep as opposed to letting him/her suffer. I had to put a pet down and that was after watching her suffer for a couple of weeks because I couldn't bear to let her go.
After a while, i realized, I was being selfish and the cat was going through a lot of pain (organ failure due to old age- she was almost 20 years old).
Yeah, it sucks major. :(
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"That shit was more staged and choreographed than Paul Ryan's soup kitchen visit."- MK, 10/16/12
Wow, her dog looks very similar to my dog, Honey, which is a Boxer/American Staffordshire Terrier mix. Same coloring and similar ears.
Fiona is flaky, but at least she knows her priorities.
I have had to put down a pet (my cat, Baby, after 15 years- she was 20 years old when she died), so I know how hard it is.
Also, the fact that she saved that dog after it was abandoned is even MORE admirable. I wish her the best in this very difficult time.
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"That shit was more staged and choreographed than Paul Ryan's soup kitchen visit."- MK, 10/16/12
Submitted by Super Stew on Wed, 11/21/2012 - 11:58am.
My best friend story.
Beautiful, Super Stew. Beautiful
No one, NO ONE, will love you as much and put up with your crap as your dog or cat. They are truly God-sent to be our companion and to help us stay "human".
They make us better people.
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"That shit was more staged and choreographed than Paul Ryan's soup kitchen visit."- MK, 10/16/12
This is right up there with Jimmy Stewart reading a poem on the Tonight Show about his recently deceased dog:
http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=Jimmy+Stewart+dog+poem&mid=F352E9232...
My best friend story.
I adopted a mixed breed- half corgi, half shepherd- on the day he was supposed to be put to sleep. He was adopted by my and my boyfriend, who left not long afterwards.
My dog and I were best friends for 11 years after that and I loved him like he was my son. He, too, was diagnosed with malignant tumors at a regular vet visit and was put down before I even had time to think about anything.
I mourned for two years and cried so much, my pillow would often be damp from the night before. One night, I dreamed of him and we played all night. I remember laughing so hard my stomach hurt, tears running down my face. I chased him and would hide and he would find me. I remember feeling so emotionally full, so very happy. I heard birds in the distance and knew the sun was coming up. I knelt and hugged him and he disappeared. My eyes snapped open and I could still feel him where he had been in my arms. I stopped mourning right then. He had come to me and let me know he was fine and he was still with me.
Love is forever.
My sister didn't tell me that her16 year old golden had died while she was out of the country until we found ourselves sitting side by side in a Toronto bar drinking beers. She told me that he still visits her in dreams and we both started bawling like babies right there.
My baby Shadow goes everywhere with me now that he's 12. He has calmed down enough to ride quietly with me in my van. I just can't bring myself to leave him home alone anymore. He's 75 lbs. and going grey but he's still my fur child!
Love,
Mabel
How very, very sad.... Godspeed, Janet.
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"A Muppet and his money are soon parted." ~ Lu32Cy (aka Lucifer Sam)
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by PrettyHateMachine on Wed, 11/21/2012 - 2:14am.
I had the same thing happen with my Staffy. She was her normal self when i went to bed one night and when i woke up her belly was severly bloated.
I took her to the vet and when he opened her up her liver was full of tumours. I was told it would be best not to wake her from surgery as she would only be suffering down the track.
It sucked big time.
Love her.
Godspeed, Janet. And strength and peace to you, Fiona.
"Think where man's glory most begins and ends, And say my glory was I had such friends."
Yeats
Submitted by bookworm on Wed, 11/21/2012 - 10:35am.
People that don't understand a person's love for their pets will never truly love their own children.
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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.
I can't read the letter, I'd like to but I just can't. I had to have my much loved & adored cat (Tommy, he was almost 9) put to sleep last year. He became very sick, they think it may have been cancer. Anyway it just about killed me. I think about him EVERY DAY. I miss him EVERY DAY. I loved him so much. He was my baby boy. It sounds cliche but I felt like a piece of my heart/soul/spirit died when he died. He was the love of my life.
My neighbour said she couldn't understand my grief, because it was 'just' a cat. But to me love is love, whether it be for a human or an animal. I don't have kids (my neighbour does) so my cats are like my children. And I can't understand how people DON'T grieve for their pets.
I TOTALLY get Fiona's love & loyalty, I send her my best wishes.
Heartbreaking.
When our first dog, Sadie, had to be put down, I had my first ever panic attack. Fuck, I couldn't walk...literally became paralyzed and thought I was dying. Saw my husband cry for the first time, too.
Warm thoughts, Fiona.
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"Marriage is what you do when you decide one cock is good enough to let the owner annoy you for the rest of your life." - TrashyWilma
I can't bear to read the letter, but I would do the same thing. There have been many days that I've called off work to stay home and care for an ill or recovering pet. They are part of my family and my heart goes out to Fiona during this difficult time.
What's more sad than the fact that 10,000 animals got euthanized today? The fact that because of the ignorance of humans, it will happen again tomorrow. End the cycle. Spay and neuter your pets & please adopt your next pet from a shelter.
This made me cry. I have had pets all my life and it so sad when they die. They are little family memebers...
I don't know anything about Fiona A. but after reading this letter I am sure she is a decent human being.
"Why am I watching this video? Wouldn't straightening then crimping my pubes be a better use of my time?" MichaelK
anybody that cherishes animals like this is ok in my book. Those furry little creatures can really tug on the heartstrings. I spent thousands upon thousands on my kitty man and some people at work thought I was nuts "oh why don't you just put him down and save your money" they would say. It really made me mad when people belittled my love for my pet. I would do it again in a heartbeat because he was worth every penny.
Is it me, or is it getting dusty in here?
*sniff*
Submitted by AtomicCity on Wed, 11/21/2012 - 4:44am.
*sniff* Damn you. *sniff*
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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.
My hormones are crazy right now, so I'm not going to read that letter. I feel so bad for her. That sweet puppy knows she's loved.
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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.
And I don't think her letter is melodramatic at all. It's genuinely from the heart and very touching. I'd feel the same way.
It seems very unfair that ANIMALS(non-human) have to suffer before they die. What did THEY do to deserve it? It's so heartbreaking.
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Drunks as skunks
another reason I like Fiona, what a compassionate person. :)
sorry for Fi's loss, what a sweet puppy.
\O_+/
"As long as you have a nice box of grits, you have a side dish waiting to happen, on so many levels." -Paula Deen
Good for her.
I can relate and think she is absolutely doing the right thing.
(and to any who don't understand, I feel sorry for you!)
Oh God. I'm depressed. :(:(. This is why I've never wanted a dog because as much as I love them, I don't think I could have one, get attached to her and watch her die like that. :(:( All my love to Janet. Dogs really are angels.
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Drunks as skunks
Very sad. Cortisol is a steroid which lowers the immune system. Unfortunately I am sure this contributed to the poor dog's demise. But Fiona obviously only tried to do the best for her beloved animal companion & followed her vet's advice as most animal guardians do.
Goddamn. Reading that has about ruined my freshly applied eye makeup. I totally get her decision. I think anyone who has ever had a pet would get it, too.
I'm actually awake and reading the D at 3:00 AM because my own Charliedog was doing the pee-pee dance. He woke me up ever so lovingly, by placing his mouth over my nose, as if giving me CPR. Like another poster said, he's convinced he's a lap dog even though he weighs about 70 pounds and would make for a TERRIBLE guard dog because he has never met an enemy. Maybe he'd bang an intruder up with his wagging, Brontosaurus-like tail, or drown them in slobber from all of his kisses...but good grief I love that dog. And to be completely honest, when I found him at the animal rescue, the absolute last thing I wanted to do was get another dog. I'd just lost my two best friends within the two years prior. I couldn't imagine that pain again. But I'm so glad I changed my mind.
Here it is four years after I had to euthanize my beloved cockapoo, Chauncey and I still cry thinking of how much I miss her. Within a year of Chauncey's death, our lab, Morgan, got sick and had to be euthanized within the span of 3 days.
I've had a million animals, all of whom I've loved with all of my heart, but thpse two dogs honestly changed my life. I swore I'd never get another dog...until one Memorial Day weekend a couple of years ago. Mr Atomic and I felt it was time to go to the rescue center and I fell in love with a little mutt with eyes the color of light brown M&Ms. He had apparently been able to breech security and get onto the property of the nation's uranium stockpile facility, which just cemented his place in my heart as the raddest (as in radioactive) puppy ever.
But I will forever love Chauncey and Captain Morgan. And Fiona and Janet.
Submitted by Hekki on Wed, 11/21/2012 - 12:29am.
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No, I always thought so, too.
That was beautiful. Hope Fiona and Janet's last moments together are filled with peace, love and gratitude for having known each other. I wish I knew Janet.
*runs off for tissue*
What an amazing letter. Kudos to Fiona, she didn't have to explain herself to anyone but she took the time to put her feelings into words and share a painful, emotional experience. Janet's very lucky to have such an awesome mommy.
I'm scared shitless of many dogs, but Janet I could love. Go in peace, dear doggie, and may you return to earth as the cute & spirited puppy you once were.
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Who are you calling silly cow?