3.5 Million People Couldn't Say No To A Train Wreck
Because of the way Twitter was blowing up last night over the Super Bowl of Suck that was Liz & Dick, I really thought it would be the highest rated basic cable event in the history of basic cable, but it wasn't. 3.5 million pairs of eyeballs all rolled in unison while watching Lindsay Lohan play dress up in front of a green screen.
According to Deadline, 3.5 million isn't a number White Oprah should brag about to her back alley pharmacists when she tries to buy illegal Adderall tonight. Liz & Dick wasn't a total flop, but it wasn't a hit either. 6.5 million people watched Lifetime's Steel Magnolias remake and 5 million people watched Drew Peterson: Untouchable starring Rob Lowe. Lifetime is still bragging by saying Liz & Dick is the fourth biggest first-run cable movie of the year, because that is obviously something to brag about.
In related news, the Department of Health reported a record 3.5 million people were hospitalized for alcohol poisoning last night. It was also reported that there was a record low of births last night, because who in all that is good wants their baby born on the same day as the Liz & Dick premiere? But whatever, I'm sure Lifetime will greenlight a sequel called Liz & Larry and I'm sure Lindsay Lohan will play both Liz AND Larry. Eat it, haters.
(GIF via E!)
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I thought this was Janeane Garofalo.
Therefore, Janeane Garofalo can play the role of Lindsay Lohan playing the role of Liz Taylor!
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BRING BACK the old, glamorous Hollywood!!!
I WATCHED THAT ENTIRE PIECE OF CRAP AND I WANT AN AWARD OR SOMETHING.
I only got to the end by hitting "mute" whenever noises came out of Lohan's talk hole.
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Submitted by Darknight on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 4:27pm.
THE TRUTH. Making the world a better place.
It's irresistible. She won't get a show then.
As Kim Novak (as Lola) said of Elizabeth Taylor (as Marina) in The Mirror Crack'd, ''I could eat a can of Kodak, and puke a better movie!''
No reason she can't play Amanda Bynes mom on a sit-com.
22 minutes in. I don't know if I can take it any more.
IT'S SO STUPID.
Painfully stupid, not funny stupid either.
Lindsay Lohan is to acting what antimatter is to matter.
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Submitted by Darknight on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 4:27pm.
THE TRUTH. Making the world a better place.
Submitted by dementa on Tue, 11/27/2012 - 12:57pm.
I feel for the poor fella. He's obviously a professional and he made an effort to actually sound like Burton. He deserves better than co-starring with a Lohan.
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Submitted by Darknight on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 4:27pm.
THE TRUTH. Making the world a better place.
Submitted by vsminimoose on Tue, 11/27/2012 - 12:58pm.
I think it's the drama queen in us all, who likes to imagine the wonders of WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN!
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Submitted by stefystef on Mon, 11/26/2012 - 10:14pm.
Thanks for the post. My question is: Since WHEN did "everybody" agree that she was a great actress? LMAO!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
BTW, did anyone else find her lip implants REALLY distracting? They looked so puffy and painful.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Submitted by DianaDeath on Tue, 11/27/2012 - 11:47am.
OK, so can we officially lay to rest the notion that "She's troubled now, but has SO MUCH TALENT"??
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Don't count on it - not until every idiot on the planet stops acting as if her performance in Mean Girls, yes MEAN GIRLS, was oscar-worthy.
It's so frustrating. That movie was average, at best and the talent level needed to play her boring ass role in it was average.
Submitted by Migraineuse on Tue, 11/27/2012 - 10:32am.
Bowler ain't no Richard Burton, but the poor man seems to be trying SO VERY HARD to do it. It actually hurts in some scenes because he's putting so much into them, and both his costar and the dialogue are such crap.
And unlike Blohan, you can tell he studied footage of Burton.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Tue, 11/27/2012 - 11:19am.
can't stop watching that gif
Joey Tribianni acting school graduate.
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...as funny and accurate as that is...and it is...I have to admit a little part of me was hoping that she wouldn't f* this up...
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...'Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason '...
I got through 17 minutes before I had to take a break. I was looking at Grant Bowler and mentally airbrushing out the Lohan.
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Submitted by Darknight on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 4:27pm.
THE TRUTH. Making the world a better place.
I, too, watched five minutes of it last night (the part where Lindsay Lohan (not Elizabeth Taylor) comes back from "Dick"'s funeral. It was hilariously awesome but the laffs wore out their welcome after said 5 minutes and it just became sad. I like laughing at Lohan as much as the next guy but this was schadenfreude on a global scale.
Elizabeth Berkley crawled from the grave to utter "SUCK IT BITCHES I'M NO LONGER LAST!!!" (then began some crazy mumbling about her upcoming remake of "Glitter" and how daddy says she's such a pretty girl, such a pretty pretty girl).
I am honestly shocked over this. I thought this would be the "biggest TV Event of the year" i really did
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http://tinyurl.com/69rcrqy
OK, so can we officially lay to rest the notion that "She's troubled now, but has SO MUCH TALENT"??
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"If French is the language of love, then Spanish is the language of badassery!" -MK
can't stop watching that gif
Joey Tribianni acting school graduate.
Except those 3.5 million people are all telling her how much she sucks.
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Submitted by Darknight on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 4:27pm.
THE TRUTH. Making the world a better place.
She's delusional enough to be fueled by 3.5 million people with nothing better to do.
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If I see something I haven't seen before, I'll throw a dollar at it.
Liz and Dick is so excruciatingly bad that I am unable to view it in one sitting. I just cannot believe Lifetime or the director or anyone was serious about casting Lindsay as Liz, this was all about the incredulity factor which is a backhanded way to get viewers. Lindsay is so bad she makes Grant Bowler look like he is giving a magnificent performance. What a disgrace to the memory of Elisabeth Taylor, all for ratings and to sell commercial time. And of course Lindsay is deluded about it.
Watched five minutes of this tripe and turned it off. But, with a budget and real actors and a real director and script, it coulda been a contenduh.
Just downloaded this mess and I'm watching it now.
Poor Grant Bowler. He seems like an actual actor. Also, costumes are nice, except Lohan's.
Lohan's every bit as bad as everybody says and then some. She's a vortex of thespian suckage.
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Submitted by Darknight on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 4:27pm.
THE TRUTH. Making the world a better place.
She will never get a tv show. Ne. vah. There's a thing called Q Score in hollyweird and hers is below basement level..
Sad but true http://gawker.com/5859677/to-be-successful-again-lindsay-lohan-must-die
Why does this hooker think somebody should just give her a show? Here's an idea...go audition like real actors do.
what is she drinking?
DSM Food
I love that gif. Us foreigners need clips!!!
No way could LiLo handle a sitcom. You have to work CONSTANTLY. Charlie Sheen, as big of a fuck up as he might be, worked like a freaking horse for that show. Even the guy that had to fire him admitted that for the most part he always came to set on time and he always knew his lines and nailed the scenes on the first few takes. You think Lindsay Lohan could do that? Who would take a risk on her now?
Also - I really want to hear what the producer/director/whateverthefuck Larry guy thinks now: he shoved this crappy movie down our throats for months, swearing up and down that this was going to be an EPIC event and LiLo's big moment. I REALLY want to hear him comment on the shitty reviews it's getting.
Im one of those that thought Liz T was massively over rated. Most of the time she was awful, hammy or at best, miscast. However Lilo was pretty bad even at pretending to be that.
No joke, three different firms, twelve ads at least. Diet drugs and the Russell Simmons Rush card that works just like Charlie Sheen.
"the only thing his face should host is a fist" MK
Submitted by upstatestruggler on Tue, 11/27/2012 - 3:13am.
Yeah, when she said "thesbian," I immediately heard Shawn Spencer saying, "I thought only women could be those."
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Heh, watching this shit off my dvr. The ads are amazing from a target audience standpoint- I had no idea my area had so many dwi lawyers.
The dialogue is just ugh. She just said (woodenly):"you do know I'm shagging him senseless, don't you?" And "thesbian".
I would have liked to see this story with someone directing it who got it and without all the injectable bulges on my HDTV. An MJ/La Liz movie would be greeeeat in the right hands. Rambling like a Lohan in Bolivia now, must not finish this movie
"the only thing his face should host is a fist" MK
Submitted by RandéSleepover on Tue, 11/27/2012 - 2:03am.
No sorry, that was a sampling of the comments people made ON amazon, where you can download it for (HAHAHAHAHAHA) fifteen dollars.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
If there was a black guy on set, he's getting blamed.
Is there a shred of anything left for this girl to build on after this? She has no skills, no useful knowledge and the one thing she supposedly could do is now finis, done, caput, over, washed up and dead as a door nail!
Just watched thirty seconds. Holy mother of god she is bad. I have always maintained that she can't act, but I am seriously floored at her level of suck. I did high school theater and I could act rings around this bitch, and that is not even delusional. Ew and can you imagine kissing that cumdumpster?
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Submitted by dementa on Tue, 11/27/2012 - 1:56am.
Amazon comments on it:
I'm not clear: Amazon didn't like it? :)
Amazon comments on it:
http://www.amazon.com/review/RVQZN1A2H3FGB/ref=cm_cr_rdp_perm
"But the death knell for this movie is Lohan. I have literally seen cats who give better performances than her. Her performance in this movie is more Tommy Wiseau than Elizabeth Taylor -- a doughy, puffy-faced, larygngitic mess that croaks her way through unconvincing fights and crying jags, unable to even convey BOREDOM.
And yes, she is even WORSE when she tries to convey some emotional depth ("I am your ocean, but he was your anchor"). For example, Taylor's "suicide" -- complete with prancing, posing and Bella-Swan-style "despairisms" -- is one of the worst scenes I have seen on television. EVER."
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
It all gets back to that fucking smokey valley girl idiotic VOICE. I freely admit that I've watched this crapfest three times (well, once all the way through and twice piecemeal) and LL absolutely SUCKED.
"I'M BOOOOOOOORED!" will live in cheese infamy. Never has a line been delivered so badly or unconvincingly as that one. CRINGE.
Let's be honest. Anyone of us could have done a better job than LiHo.
*chanting as always*
Shut the fuck up kid, you're in my closet now.
The only time her acting convinced me was when she held the glass of booze to her mouth; but you can't really call that acting can you?
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"The world is a pretty nice place if you're happy"
John Garfield
No one lives forever
It looks like her water line smeared. She even makes E Taylor look dirty.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Not that she needed it, but I think Lifetime had a plan to do us all a favor by nailing the coffin shut!
This movie will be the talk of the oscars, tonys, cannes, BAFTAs, toronto and venice film festivals.
Her skin looks terrible in that clip. Is she supposed to be acting? What the hell.
Awww poor Lilo is devastated by the reviews, cry me a river BITCH!
http://tv.msn.com/tv/article.aspx?news=776563
Shithan will blame everyone under the sun for her shit performance. Bitch has never taken responsibility for anything before, why start now?
This movie has officially put her on Tara Reid's level, and I couldn't laugh any harder.