Buttered Pop-Tarts For Everyone!
The last puddle on the streets of Los Angeles from the last great amniotic fluid flood that was Jessica Simpson's birth hasn't even dried up, but she might already be knocked up with her second kid. It was just seven months ago when Maxwell Drew rode her tricycle out of Chestica's coochie after being up in there for approximately 26 trimesters and now a source tells UsWeekly that another fetus moved into her womb 9 weeks ago. Well, I guess that's one way to get out of your Weight Watchers contract.
Jessica's rep hasn't opened their mouth about this yet, but they can take the day off, because some source is spilling all the details for them. The source says that this is one of those whoops-a-babies (Side note: "Whoops-a-babies" sounds like Kate Gosselin's favorite sport.) and Jessica and Whateverhisnameis didn't exactly plan to have another kid so soon after the first. But that's the funny thing about making babies. Sometimes when you take bare loads to the ovaries, a baby happens! This is Jessica's cue to start screaming at nature for lying to her by saying that you can't make a baby if you're squirting leche from your nipple knobs. Jessica found out the real way that sometimes breastfeeding isn't nature's birth control.
So this is why when I went to El Pollo Loco last night to order their entire stock of chocolate nachos, the lady at the window told me that a screeching tornado of blond hair came through and picked up every last delicious chocolate tortilla chip. Damn you, Jessica. Another 7 months of hos telling me that they're all out of chocolate nachos.
This is good news for so many reasons. Whateverhisname just won another 18 years of not working. Hostess gets to stay in business now. And thanks to Jessica blabbing about the joys of pregnancy sex over and over again, Papa Joe can frolic on all the twink butt he wants without nosy tabloid reporters sniffing up his ass. ("But I like it when they sniff up my ass." - Papa Joe)
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Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 1:41pm.
she doesn't bother me... only thing I never liked about her was how she was always farting and talking about taking a shit... not an attractive quality in a good ho
LOL, well, this is true. Though, even a good ho
has to..... pass gas on occasion. Just sneaky about it:)
@Lisbet - yeah, I'm just as clueless about it as you are! I'd almost forgotten that she had a kid with Wentz.
I also think J Hudson had surgery. I think she follows the WW plan to not gain weight back, but she had surgery.
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"Elizabeth was drunk on sets. I've never been drunk on set, ever. I did my time and I respect the law."
-Lindsay Lohan 11/2012
This should be tagged in Photoshop Awards based solely on the SMILE ON SURI'S FACE. Obviously fake.
Submitted by elmo533 on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 2:11pm.
I'm fussing this is her way of quitting her diet without being legally in trouble. I'm sure Weight Watchers has JHud on speed dial.
speaking of JHud...
JHud on the Project Runway finale? uhm why?
When she's giving her critique to the designers you could barely understand her with that Beyawnce marble mouf way of talking.
The reason I think Jennifer Hudson lost the weight through surgery is the way her face looks like that of Starr Jones. When people lose the weight through diet and exercise, they don't have THAT look.
Eric is probably trying to fatten up his future bank account a la Gabirl Aubrey by pumping as many kids into her as possible for those future child support payments. He probably told her that you can get pregnant for a whole year after you've had a baby.
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"Somewhere, Jennifer Love Hewitt is vagazzling the words "FUCK MY LIFE" onto her crotch while deep throating a Pillsbury cookie dough roll".--MK
Bossy, PSL, maybe I could smell the crazy through the screen. *shrug* there were just many prettier girls at the time imo.
I also like dirty men so don't put much stock in what I say.
Submitted by miz cynical on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 2:08pm.
This is slightly off topic - but so far, I've seen on two sites today that her sister Ashlee is now single again. AGAIN?!? I thought that she had been single since her Pete Wentz days? Also, why is it news? Is it because she was with a Boardwalk Empire actor?
Sorry, it just struck me as interesting.
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Wait. I thought she was still with Pete Wentz? Something about them working it out?
*hands in gossip hor badge at the door*
I'm fussing this is her way of quitting her diet without being legally in trouble. I'm sure Weight Watchers has JHud on speed dial.
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"Somewhere, Jennifer Love Hewitt is vagazzling the words "FUCK MY LIFE" onto her crotch while deep throating a Pillsbury cookie dough roll".--MK
EEG, I never liked/envied her legs, even at her hottest. But I thought she was pretty, and her midsection was to DIE for.
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"Elizabeth was drunk on sets. I've never been drunk on set, ever. I did my time and I respect the law."
-Lindsay Lohan 11/2012
Translated for M.E. - so pretty....
Ex wife: THU DAHKTIR SAY-YED WE GUN HAFTA TUWATE SIX MUUUNCE 4 EWE KIN TUCH MAY WIH THA-YUT THANG UHGINN!!
"My Obstetrician advised me that we will need to wait a minimum of 6 consecutive months before you may insert your penis in me again."
Jacko: I SAID YER MOUTH SHER AIN'T BROKE EEZIT?!
"suck my dick"
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"A Muppet and his money are soon parted." ~ Lu32Cy (aka Lucifer Sam)
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
This is slightly off topic - but so far, I've seen on two sites today that her sister Ashlee is now single again. AGAIN?!? I thought that she had been single since her Pete Wentz days? Also, why is it news? Is it because she was with a Boardwalk Empire actor?
Sorry, it just struck me as interesting.
On topic - at least Jennifer Hudson actually lost the weight, as annoying as her singing commercials were. I don't think she was paid 4 mil, though? And whatever happened to the Janet Jackson campaign? Did she chunk up again?
@EEG, while those are true did you also miss her killer abs at the time? She also had enough bosom and backside for most men to be happy and at the time it all seemed tight.
Please, this pregnancy was def planned. She probably got tired of "trying" to lose the weight from the first baby and just said F-it, I'll just get pregnant again. Problem solved.
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"I was half a virgin when I met him!"
-Mean Girl,Regina George
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 1:57pm.
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 12:24pm.
Submitted by tempokat on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 12:07pm.
Submitted by louise_brooks on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 11:59am.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 11:50am.
*hangs head* blew right through it upon first reading
/has family from South Carolina; has spent time working in Louisiana
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
PSL, honestly even then I could not figure out what the boys in the gym were drooling over. I saw thick neck, weird eyes, stumpy legs and gross feet.
excuse me? there are chocolate nachos at el pollo loco? you people are completely missing the important part of this post!
*don't like chocolate that much but still checks watch to see how close we are to el pollo loco lunch service
i'm fine with whatever she does as long as she is not on tv. or "singing."
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
@lisbet
I understand that completely but as a child, you're subject to the will of your parents, poor people, on the otherhand aren't secondhand citizens who are subject to the will of the rich.
Taxes don't pay for people to live luxurious lives, unlike many other countries, we don't have slums and child armies and civil wars fueled by an ignorant desperate populous fighting for a better life. In any society you're going to have the hopelessly stupid and poor and the measure of all great socities is how well that populous is treated. Something like 1 percent of the american populous is croniclly poor and if my tax dollars make sure those people have food and shelter that makes it safe for me to safely walk down the street at night, so be it.
b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b
"I'm doin hoe activities, with hoe energy. Hoes are my friends, hoes are my enemies."
Looks like we found the next Sally Struthers because that bitch obviously loves to eat. Good luck to Jessica finding TV work other than selling shlocky acne cream on QVC and stale mayonnaise sandwiches for the starving kids in Africa. This bitch is flat out busted in the face.
Submitted by tonicbitch on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 12:48pm.
I'm having trouble deciding if she's really stupid or actually really smart
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In regards to pregnancy #2 and getting outta this WW's contract?
EEG, I disagree. She was hot as hell to me in the "I'm A Slave For You" days.
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"Elizabeth was drunk on sets. I've never been drunk on set, ever. I did my time and I respect the law."
-Lindsay Lohan 11/2012
PSL, memo. Britney was never sexy.
Didn't marry before first baby, having a second baby and still not married? Yeah, she's definitely never getting married to this guy. It's clearly not a priority. When you want to marry someone and you have all the financial means to do it nothing will hold you back, you want to shout your love from the rooftops. These two seem to be in no rush, so there's really no passion for a marriage.
Perhaps it is a simple case of immaculate conception! Jessica would be the perfect mother for the re-birth of christ!
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 12:24pm.
Submitted by tempokat on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 12:07pm.
Submitted by louise_brooks on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 11:59am.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 11:50am.
THU DAHKTIR SAY-YED WE GUN HAFTA TUWATE SIX MUUUNCE 4 EWE KIN TUCH MAY WIH THA-YUT THANG UHGINN!!
I had to read this like 8 times before I understood it. LMAO
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Sadly, I knew what it said in the first pass. *facepalm* The joys of having grown up in the South, and I have family members that speak [sic] like this. Fortch, I do not.
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I'm from across the Atlantic and I understood it first go.
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I've read it about 20 times and I cannot understand a fucking word.
Was at a brand new Weight Watchers center the other day - no photos of Jessica on display (which is just fine with me but struck me as odd). Instead Jennifer Hudson (the old spokeswoman) was up on the wall.
GG, right? I cannot see her as sexy ever again..just like I will never ever see Britney as sexy again, after her barefoot in gas station public bathrooms runs.
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"Elizabeth was drunk on sets. I've never been drunk on set, ever. I did my time and I respect the law."
-Lindsay Lohan 11/2012
See, she just loves to be FAT. SHe starved herself and got the lap band to get her WW's check, now she can get out of her WW's contract legally and get her chunck back with an excuse that won't get her sued.
Ah, dumb bitch used a fucking brain cell.
*golf claps*
PSL, what you dont like to hear a pregnant ho tell you that her unemployed bf is giving it to her everyday? Or that she farts a lot? Waswrongwitchu???
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
She bothers me because she is stupid, and gives out waaaaaaaay too much information.
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"Elizabeth was drunk on sets. I've never been drunk on set, ever. I did my time and I respect the law."
-Lindsay Lohan 11/2012
Looks like her unemployed partner has lots to celebrate.
"I guess that's one way to get out of your Weight Watchers contract." LMAO!!!
Hmmm she pulled a Britney.....
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 1:34pm.
I did something like that a couple of years ago. My cunt niece was a bitch and a brat and only 16. She had the nerve to go around telling familywhat to get her - not hinting but "Uncle Gardener I want you to get me an itouch", "Grandpa I want a pink helmet". And she was rude too. So I got the the little cunt a bible. You should have seen the look on her face.
~!~!~!~!~!~
I pulled something like that when I was thirteen. I didn't ask for anything expensive, but I did add a list of things to not get me with a few bitchy comments I thought were funny. Safe to say my parents were not pleased. I was scrubbing toilets for a month. Then on Christmas my sister got a bunch of awesome stuff while I got little in comparison. I was pissed at the time, but now that I look back on it, I really appreciate what they did.
Butterfly in the sky
I can go twice as high
Take a look
It's in a book
Pig-fucking movie
Pig-fucking movie
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 1:41pm.
she doesn't bother me... only thing I never liked about her was how she was always farting and talking about taking a shit... not an attractive quality in a good ho
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Whut? You mean men don't like it when women photograph themselves using the toilet and put it on the internet?
*goes off to reconsider whole life*
what she gonna call this one? Smart? *ba-dum tish*
She should name this one Jenny Craig so she can hop on their weight loss program since Weight Watchers sure won't pay her another $4m to lose all the buttered PopTart weight.
Submitted by can be a pushy broad on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 1:34pm.
Jessica Simpson just doesn't bother me. I know she bothers most on here though.
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she doesn't bother me... only thing I never liked about her was how she was always farting and talking about taking a shit... not an attractive quality in a good ho
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"A Muppet and his money are soon parted." ~ Lu32Cy (aka Lucifer Sam)
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by Event Horizon on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 1:31pm.
You know, I can understand why everyone is giving her kudos because, being a multi-millionaire, she can "afford" to have children, but i'm a little uncomfortable with the whole message of this.
Do all multimillion dollar children grow up to have wonderful lives? Do all poor children not? Should women feel ashamed if they get pregnant and aren't finacially stable? I just don't know about this...
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For me, the logic is that she's not going to be forcing anyone to pay her way. That means that assholes like me can piss and moan all we want; it's ultimately none of our business.
It's like when I lived with my parents and they told me that as long as they were paying my way, I did as they said. I could do what I wanted when I was going to live with the consquences.
I did something like that a couple of years ago. My cunt niece was a bitch and a brat and only 16. She had the nerve to go around telling familywhat to get her - not hinting but "Uncle Gardener I want you to get me an itouch", "Grandpa I want a pink helmet". And she was rude too. So I got the the little cunt a bible. You should have seen the look on her face.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Submitted by Rocket on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 1:12pm.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 12:49pm.
How did he find the right fold to stick it in?
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Ewww. But hahahahahahahahahahahaha
ETA: Behaaave TV.
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Jessica Simpson just doesn't bother me. I know she bothers most on here though. Well, to be honest, her hair bothers me. and I'm not a fan of the baby/babies daddy either.
Submitted by Rocket on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 1:15pm.
Wow Weightwatchers! You paid her over 4 million to lose weight when you could have donated that money or WW classes to overweight women who can't afford your classes.
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AGREED!
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"That shit was more staged and choreographed than Paul Ryan's soup kitchen visit."- MK, 10/16/12
You know, I can understand why everyone is giving her kudos because, being a multi-millionaire, she can "afford" to have children, but i'm a little uncomfortable with the whole message of this.
Do all multimillion dollar children grow up to have wonderful lives? Do all poor children not? Should women feel ashamed if they get pregnant and aren't finacially stable? I just don't know about this...
b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b
"I'm doin hoe activities, with hoe energy. Hoes are my friends, hoes are my enemies."
It's too soon for another 2 year pregnancy from Ursula the sea witch !!!
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"I think my butt looks too big in these jeans."
Darknight - I'll see your useless uncle and raise you Hubs' waste-of-human-skin cousin. At least 5 kids (that I know of) by at least 3 different women (that I know of), NONE of whom he has custody of due to being a walking piece of shit. (Well, and CPS...)
If you can afford the gift of a vasectomy, I'd go that route. That way he couldn't refuse to use it. ;)
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 1:16pm.
@Darknight, I dare you! I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU!
Can you imagine? The look on his face christmas morning waking up to open his present to find out it's a value pack of condoms. *dies* Christmas miracle indeed, and I definitely will. My granny is gonna lose her shit. *laughs maniacally*
Not trying to ruffle any feathers here, but why all the negativity? She's not hurting anyone having more kids and she's got the money to support them, so it's not like tax dollars are going to pay for her kids a la Octomom, so what's the big deal? It's not like she's having a ton of kids, she's only had one. Some women simply want to have their kids close in age and some women like being pregnant. I just don't get what is so objectionable about this.
Butterfly in the sky
I can go twice as high
Take a look
It's in a book
Pig-fucking movie
Pig-fucking movie
Submitted by Rocket on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 1:12pm.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 12:49pm.
How did he find the right fold to stick it in?
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He rolled her in flour and looked for the wet spot.
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You just KNOW that at least one time, he finished up, pulled out, and his dick smelled like Lady Speed Stick.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
I hope they make her pay that money back tho imma bet it was her out clause.
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"I think my butt looks too big in these jeans."