Buttered Pop-Tarts For Everyone!
The last puddle on the streets of Los Angeles from the last great amniotic fluid flood that was Jessica Simpson's birth hasn't even dried up, but she might already be knocked up with her second kid. It was just seven months ago when Maxwell Drew rode her tricycle out of Chestica's coochie after being up in there for approximately 26 trimesters and now a source tells UsWeekly that another fetus moved into her womb 9 weeks ago. Well, I guess that's one way to get out of your Weight Watchers contract.
Jessica's rep hasn't opened their mouth about this yet, but they can take the day off, because some source is spilling all the details for them. The source says that this is one of those whoops-a-babies (Side note: "Whoops-a-babies" sounds like Kate Gosselin's favorite sport.) and Jessica and Whateverhisnameis didn't exactly plan to have another kid so soon after the first. But that's the funny thing about making babies. Sometimes when you take bare loads to the ovaries, a baby happens! This is Jessica's cue to start screaming at nature for lying to her by saying that you can't make a baby if you're squirting leche from your nipple knobs. Jessica found out the real way that sometimes breastfeeding isn't nature's birth control.
So this is why when I went to El Pollo Loco last night to order their entire stock of chocolate nachos, the lady at the window told me that a screeching tornado of blond hair came through and picked up every last delicious chocolate tortilla chip. Damn you, Jessica. Another 7 months of hos telling me that they're all out of chocolate nachos.
This is good news for so many reasons. Whateverhisname just won another 18 years of not working. Hostess gets to stay in business now. And thanks to Jessica blabbing about the joys of pregnancy sex over and over again, Papa Joe can frolic on all the twink butt he wants without nosy tabloid reporters sniffing up his ass. ("But I like it when they sniff up my ass." - Papa Joe)
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@Darknight, I dare you! I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
"Whoops-a-baby" is how I refer to my toddler when he trips or falls. (Of course, my toddler actually IS a "whoops-a-baby" seeing how his brother and sister are 22 and almost 19.)
On another note, I have a "sin food" thing I eat once in a blue moon: an unfrosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop Tart, lightly toasted, and then lightly buttered and put back in the toaster oven until the butter is all melty and frothy white. (My other "sin food" is Velveeta Shells & Cheese. I try to avoid my "sin foods.")
p.s. Not a one of my three kids were "planned" - they were all HAPPY accidents - but that doesn't mean they aren't all well-loved and cherished. "Accident" doesn't equal unwanted.
Wow Weightwatchers! You paid her over 4 million to lose weight when you could have donated that money or WW classes to overweight women who can't afford your classes.
I LOVE how they've basically admitted (on the cover of US, no less) that his was an accident. I wonder how this baby is going to feel once it's old enough to go on the internet.
Ah, good for her. She can afford them and I think if you are going to have more than 1 you should just knock them out.
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Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012
She's really starting to bug me now. I could mostly ignore her until recently because I have a soft spot for obviously stupid people who make lots and lots of money. But now she's doing for me what the Kardashians do for some of the commenters here.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 12:49pm.
How did he find the right fold to stick it in?
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He rolled her in flour and looked for the wet spot.
Well good for Jessica for discovering her true talents: getting knocked up and fat.
Because they sure as hell weren't singing or acting. JSing.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Submitted by sushi on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 12:45pm.
Me thinks she got pregnant purposefully so she could pig out again.
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Hahaha, I was cracking up at those first Weight Watchers commercials she did because they only showed her from the neck up. I was wondering if she was ever going to lose enough weight to fulfill her contract with Weight Watchers, and now she's gotten knocked up again. I guess we're in for another 13 month pregnancy.
She wants to stay fat & bloated!!!
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"I think my butt looks too big in these jeans."
I guess those healthy smoothies just dont hold a candle to chocolate chocolate chocolate fudge brownies.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
I love Photoshop to the point of cartoon. That's like going to eleven.
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 12:24pm.
Submitted by tempokat on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 12:07pm.
Submitted by louise_brooks on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 11:59am.
LOL, it only took me one try to write it...
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"A Muppet and his money are soon parted." ~ Lu32Cy (aka Lucifer Sam)
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
I had a neighbor who had EIGHT kids under the age of nine (NO TWINS!) all by the same baby-daddy who she wouldn't marry. She was perhaps 24 years old.
And all her pregnancies were the "fault" of the Catholic hospitals who wouldn't tie her tubes for free. Her grandmother and the taxpayers were supporting her lazy self and her litter.
Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 12:20pm.
doesn't everyone butter their Poptarts?
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fucking FACT
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"A Muppet and his money are soon parted." ~ Lu32Cy (aka Lucifer Sam)
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
How did he find the right fold to stick it in?
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
Bwha.
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"I think my butt looks too big in these jeans."
*
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"I think my butt looks too big in these jeans."
I'm having trouble deciding if she's really stupid or actually really smart.
Me thinks she got pregnant purposefully so she could pig out again.
Gross. So, will this be 2 kids out of wedlock for the preacher's daughter? I think the fiance now has 2 paychecks for 18 yrs, Jess wanted out of her WW contract, and finally, this new pregnancy will take attention away from Poppa Joe that they've been conspicuously mum about? I'm just speculating, obviously.
Because Jessica got SO BIG with the first pregnancy, and it seemed hard to take off the weight, I have a feeling she's going to ease back on the eating this time around. She just lost all of that weight and it was a struggle for her to lose it. Who knows though, I could be dead wrong!
In any case, congrats on the baby on the way!
Funny thing is, it was on Dlisted that someone said "at this point, she's just like fuck it, I'm gonna get pregnant again." Dlisters speak the TROOF!
Jessica probably wanted to do some emotional eatin' after Papa Joe came out of the closet. But I can't believe how addicted to ho-hos one must be to get pregnant again just to escape dieting. Being pregnant ain't exactly a picnic, no matter how rich you are.
Diana Ross and my fellow country man, Arne Næss, have two sons, born October 1987 and August 1988.
Ten months apart, and she was 44 years old!
Oh hell no. I don't want to keep hearing about how she's not a super model. Keep it to yourself, girl.
never mind judging chili cook offs, shilling ratty lacefronts and tacky shoes at macy's...the one thing jessica seems to be good at these days is popping babies...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
HEY NOW I have Irish twins and I think they're perfect!! And I am classy as FUCK. *swigs Yoo-Hoo*
LMFAO @ Sucky!
This is sweet. I'm not a Jessica Simpson fan, but I'm happy for her. I hope she has a boy this time. But I also hope she doesn't decide to name said boy Ashley Lesley.
Butterfly in the sky
I can go twice as high
Take a look
It's in a book
Pig-fucking movie
Pig-fucking movie
Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 12:20pm.
doesn't everyone butter their Poptarts?
lol
Poptarts are the ghetto version of Toaster Strudel. I'm addicted to the squirt out icing.
Submitted by tempokat on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 12:07pm.
Submitted by louise_brooks on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 11:59am.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 11:50am.
THU DAHKTIR SAY-YED WE GUN HAFTA TUWATE SIX MUUUNCE 4 EWE KIN TUCH MAY WIH THA-YUT THANG UHGINN!!
I had to read this like 8 times before I understood it. LMAO
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Sadly, I knew what it said in the first pass. *facepalm* The joys of having grown up in the South, and I have family members that speak [sic] like this. Fortch, I do not.
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I'm from across the Atlantic and I understood it first go.
"I guess that's one way to get out of your Weight Watchers contract."-MK
THIS!
Truer words were never said--can we all give MK an Amen?
OT, the "Halle's nightmare" headline--who does Us think they're kidding? Halle's still creaming herself over it. When will karma get that witch?
doesn't everyone butter their Poptarts?
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Submitted by louise_brooks on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 10:19am.
Bitch, you are not better then Keanu Reeves!
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 12:13pm.
Ophelia -- it IS a Festivus miracle -- let's celebrate!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm a little tired this morning Twatty so I'll pass on the feats of strength. However, I will send a donation on behalf of the DListed sluts to the Human Fund ;)
@queen
I have a friend just like your cuzzo!
All of her kids are under a year apart and there was a space of like 3-4 years where she was seriously continuously pregnant and all by different dudes!
And why the fuck does Pollo Loco only sell their good ass lime flavored chicken like once a year and only for a week? If they sold that shit continuously i'd be there all year round!
b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b
"I'm doin hoe activities, with hoe energy. Hoes are my friends, hoes are my enemies."
Submitted by QuweenJillian on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 12:09pm.
Well at least she can afford to have as many babies as she wants. I have a cousin who is 21 with 3 kids, it's like she didn't know what a condom was. No high school diploma, no job, no baby daddy around... I just can't with girls like that! But, I like Jessica, so good for her.
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I'll see your cousin and raise you a useless uncle. Six kids, one more on the way. No job, two stupid bitches that willingly slept with him, no home, no car, and partidge in a pear tree. That motherfucker's christmas this year is a huge box of condoms. I DARE him to say something about it.
At least chestica can afford her kids.
Ophelia -- it IS a Festivus miracle -- let's celebrate!!!!!!!!!!!!
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"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"
Submitted by Lesbian Sourfruit on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 12:04pm.
Irish twins, how klassy.
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Irish Twins...LMAO! that's funny
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 11:50am.
back-to-back babies... no thanks. I didn't have to worry about the wife getting pregnant after having Lil G... asshole told me THU DAHKTIR SAY-YED WE GUN HAFTA TUWATE SIX MUUUNCE 4 EWE KIN TUCH MAY WIH THA-YUT THANG UHGINN!! freakin six MONTHS... I SAID YER MOUTH SHER AIN'T BROKE EEZIT?! lying sack...
LOL! I only had to read it once:)
Well at least she can afford to have as many babies as she wants. I have a cousin who is 21 with 3 kids, it's like she didn't know what a condom was. No high school diploma, no job, no baby daddy around... I just can't with girls like that! But, I like Jessica, so good for her.
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I'm not a slut, I'm sexually liberated. There's a difference.
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My sugar- and carb-starved ass is twitching at the post title though. Ugh!
Mmmmm, Pop-Tarts....
Disgusting. I've had enough of her 26 tri-nesters the first time!
Bitch isn't exclusively titty feeding either I bet and that's the only way you stand a snowballs chance in Helll of not becoming pregnant while nursing!. No food and no pacifiers! I'm sure she puréed some KFC for her first food and threw in some ho hos! Jessica doesn't even know what a yellow vegetable is!
I'm so glad my auto correct capitalized Hell for me, thanks Apple.
Submitted by louise_brooks on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 11:59am.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 11:50am.
THU DAHKTIR SAY-YED WE GUN HAFTA TUWATE SIX MUUUNCE 4 EWE KIN TUCH MAY WIH THA-YUT THANG UHGINN!!
I had to read this like 8 times before I understood it. LMAO
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Sadly, I knew what it said in the first pass. *facepalm* The joys of having grown up in the South, and I have family members that speak [sic] like this. Fortch, I do not.
I still don't understand all of it, but I get the fener idea of the peen is off limits, right?
Ex and his brother are 10 months apart. Mom was 39 when she started and had to giddy-up.
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"Marriage is what you do when you decide one cock is good enough to let the owner annoy you for the rest of your life." - TrashyWilma
Irish twins, how klassy.
It's been 7 months since she had the massive baby? It was longest pregancy known to man..
Now to do it all over again.
I just can't. I'm sorry.
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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie
Well, there goes the Weight Watchers' contract.
i know they are kicking themselves in the ass for signing this dumb bitch and paying her $4 million for NOTHING! These companies need to stop the celebrity endorsement shit... it doesn't pay off in the end.
I'm sure they didn't get ONE person to register for WW because of her.
Now she can eat again and get fat, just the way she wants.
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"That shit was more staged and choreographed than Paul Ryan's soup kitchen visit."- MK, 10/16/12
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 11:50am.
THU DAHKTIR SAY-YED WE GUN HAFTA TUWATE SIX MUUUNCE 4 EWE KIN TUCH MAY WIH THA-YUT THANG UHGINN!!
I had to read this like 8 times before I understood it. LMAO
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 11:50am.
pig ;)
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Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012
I love her fat. Eat on, girl!