Buttered Pop-Tarts For Everyone!
The last puddle on the streets of Los Angeles from the last great amniotic fluid flood that was Jessica Simpson's birth hasn't even dried up, but she might already be knocked up with her second kid. It was just seven months ago when Maxwell Drew rode her tricycle out of Chestica's coochie after being up in there for approximately 26 trimesters and now a source tells UsWeekly that another fetus moved into her womb 9 weeks ago. Well, I guess that's one way to get out of your Weight Watchers contract.
Jessica's rep hasn't opened their mouth about this yet, but they can take the day off, because some source is spilling all the details for them. The source says that this is one of those whoops-a-babies (Side note: "Whoops-a-babies" sounds like Kate Gosselin's favorite sport.) and Jessica and Whateverhisnameis didn't exactly plan to have another kid so soon after the first. But that's the funny thing about making babies. Sometimes when you take bare loads to the ovaries, a baby happens! This is Jessica's cue to start screaming at nature for lying to her by saying that you can't make a baby if you're squirting leche from your nipple knobs. Jessica found out the real way that sometimes breastfeeding isn't nature's birth control.
So this is why when I went to El Pollo Loco last night to order their entire stock of chocolate nachos, the lady at the window told me that a screeching tornado of blond hair came through and picked up every last delicious chocolate tortilla chip. Damn you, Jessica. Another 7 months of hos telling me that they're all out of chocolate nachos.
This is good news for so many reasons. Whateverhisname just won another 18 years of not working. Hostess gets to stay in business now. And thanks to Jessica blabbing about the joys of pregnancy sex over and over again, Papa Joe can frolic on all the twink butt he wants without nosy tabloid reporters sniffing up his ass. ("But I like it when they sniff up my ass." - Papa Joe)
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What happens to her WW contract? Seriously, this dumb shit probably got pregnant just so she could back to eating fried chicken.
Yeah, this wasn't on purpose or anything. I wonder if WW cancels her contract.
Is it Groundhogs Day?
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 11:44am.
Thank you for reminding me that it's Chrimmus avie time... *Elvis pelvis*
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"A Muppet and his money are soon parted." ~ Lu32Cy (aka Lucifer Sam)
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
After being eating her ass off while pregnant, going cold turkey on the Twinkies when she had to do her weight watchers she's going to be go NUTS this time and be 1200lbs of rolling thunda!
Have we ruled out fat as the cause yet?
back-to-back babies... no thanks. I didn't have to worry about the wife getting pregnant after having Lil G... asshole told me THU DAHKTIR SAY-YED WE GUN HAFTA TUWATE SIX MUUUNCE 4 EWE KIN TUCH MAY WIH THA-YUT THANG UHGINN!! freakin six MONTHS... I SAID YER MOUTH SHER AIN'T BROKE EEZIT?! lying sack...
LOL at whoops-a-babies
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"A Muppet and his money are soon parted." ~ Lu32Cy (aka Lucifer Sam)
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
*mega eyeroll*
My guess is that she'll hardly gain any weight then make the talk show rounds, and say she's "doing it right" this time....blah, blah, blabbity, blah, blah.
Perhaps gay daddy Joe and his latest twinkie can be maid of honor and bridesmaid?
*clicks on picture of chocolate nachos*
Lando Calrissian: "Heellloooo, what have we here?"
Hostess gets to stay in business ahahahaha!!!
Boyfriend gets another years pass on the gravy train.
It's a Festivus miracle!
whoopsy doo I done dang jizzed in your snizz again y'all! Danng!!
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Stupid dumpy idiot.
Now she can get fat again, and have an excuse!!!!
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"Elizabeth was drunk on sets. I've never been drunk on set, ever. I did my time and I respect the law."
-Lindsay Lohan 11/2012
Hate this useless frog with her fad diets and shitty sense of fashion.