Open Post: Hosted By Michelle Obama’s Healthier Lollipop

The children of military families were probably really excited about filling their mouths with delicious drops of pure sugar at the unveiling of the White House Christmas decorations yesterday, and then Michelle Obama killed their dreams when she came out with a tray of tea and honey lollipops. Tea and honey lollipops. That’s like sucking on an old Celestial Seasonings teabag. This is worse than my mom serving us whole wheat cinnamon and no sugar toast for dessert. This is even worse than Natalie Portman not serving cake at her wedding.

As if a tea and honey lollipop isn’t gross on its own, Michelle Obama had to make it grosser by decorating it with sugar icing (not that gross), candied carrot curls and fruits and other vegetables. Is that celery on there? That lollipop looks like something found in a compost pile. It looks a beef stew pop.

I know Michelle Obama wants us all to be healthy and eat from the earth and stuff, but this is going too far. Besides, this isn’t even healthy. This is how I know:

I would have to eat least 12 preservative-filled corn syrup lollipops before I barfed.

I would have to eat only 1/10th of Michelle Obama’s tea and carrot lollipop before I barfed.

See, the facts don’t lie. I was always told to listen to my body and my body doesn’t want a tea and carrot lollipop.