Everyone Instantly Falls In Love With Calvin Klein’s Ex-Kept Bitch

Bottom shelf porn star turned gay-for-pay gold digger Nick Gruber was Calvin Klein’s leased toy for a little over two years and now he’s writing a tell-all book about his time in CK, because he thinks everyone wants to know the details of how he licked Calvin’s overcooked ham hocks for fancy gifts. Nick gave Page Six Magazine (via WOW Report) a little taste of what’s in the tell-all and it’s pretty hilarious.

Nick says that even though Calvin Klein bought him a $250,000 Bentley sports car and kept him in a West Village penthouse, he never once asked for a dime and has never used anybody for money (HAHAHA #1). Nick was in the army when he met Calvin and the sweet scent of easy money and formaldehyde made him quit. Nick used that whole “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” shit to his advantage by telling his first sergeant that he was gay, which got him discharged (HAHAHA #2). Nick was living the high life with Calvin for two years and then the beginning of the end came when a friend stayed the night with him. Calvin’s housekeeper ratted on a bitch and then this happened:

“Calvin picked me up in his car, drove me down to the Holiday Inn in Chelsea, and we went downstairs in the basement of the hotel. He made me take a lie-detector test. I passed it. And then, you know, things were much better. But I mean, what kind of partner would make you take a lie detector test?”

What partner would make you take a lie detector test? The kind of partner who practically bought your ass. Nick claims he’s straight, so he was only slurping on Calvin’s 60-something slow cooked dick (you know the meat just falls off the bone) for money. That makes him Calvin’s employee pretty much and Calvin had to make sure nobody else was touching his shit. (Side note: If you’re a professional kept bitch and you break your ass or bruise your peen on the job, do you get worker’s comp?)

Nick, who’s got a new sugar daddy in California, says that he knows he’ll always hold a special place in Calvin’s heart:

“I was the first man [Calvin] fell in love with. I don’t know why, but there’s, like, something about me that attracts everyone. I have a nickname called Romeo. I get every girl, and even guys. Something about me draws them all in.”

Romeo is right. I’m drawn in, aren’t you? Let’s all put our laundry money together and rent Romeo for one night. We’ll just sit back and stare at him as he casually flashes his freshly waxed armpit while lying against a grand piano.

Oh, and Calvin took back that $250,000 Bentley after they broke up. But at least Nick got to keep those new teeth in his mouth and when his current sugar daddy bought him a BMW motorcycle, he made sure the title was in his name. The gold digger is finally learning how to gold dig the right way.