The Turkey Community Finally Gets Revenge On Martha Stewart
Every Thanksgiving, Martha Stewart handles a whole lot of raw turkeys with her bare hands. Martha massages a raw turkey on the Today show, she manhandles many unprotected turkeys bareback-style during other appearances and she slaps her assistants on the ass with a raw turkey when they do wrong. This year, handling all that raw turkey caught up with Martha and put her on the sick bed for a while. Martha caught raw meat's answer to the flu: salmonella. While looking at some painting at Art Basel in Miami yesterday, Martha told Page Six all about how she had to cancel her life when she got salmonella.
“I never get sick, but I came down with salmonella. I think I caught it because I was handling so many turkeys around Thanksgiving. I was on the ‘Today’ show, I did a number of other [Thanksgiving] appearances. It really hit me hard and I was in bed for days. It was terrible. I lost some weight, though.
Anne Hathaway just slapped herself. Anne literally starved herself for 13 straight days to look like a malnourished urchin (and to win that Oscar) and she could've easily got sickly skinny just by making out with raw turkeys.
And I'm sure Martha won't make the same mistake again next Thanksgiving. Next year, she's going to chop off one of her assistant's hands and use those hands to handle raw turkeys. Lesson learned.
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As someone who's gone to the ER twice in my life for food poisoning, I can sympathize with Martha.
What's more sad than the fact that 10,000 animals got euthanized today? The fact that because of the ignorance of humans, it will happen again tomorrow. End the cycle. Spay and neuter your pets & please adopt your next pet from a shelter.
Paula Deen was using rubber gloves on cooked hams the other day. Showin Martha how itz done. ;p
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"I think my butt looks too big in these jeans."
Thanks all on for the brining recipes. This is why I love the D.
Submitted by charlie loves tiger on Thu, 12/06/2012 - 9:44pm.
It would be nice if we all had our own farm where we could love and raise our animals, and very swiftly and humanely kill them for food. But that is not the case with what you are eating.
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kosher meat. my picky-usually-vegetarian husband will only eat kosher meat. it's pricy but worth looking into if anyone cares about the meat they're getting.
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"It's called a party bus! Not a punch-a-titty bus. And put your MetroCard away, Chris Brown, no such bus exists." MK
Far be it from me to suggest she is actually suffering from karmanella.
Ugh. I can't stand the sight of whole dead animals. The day we learned how to cut apart a whole chicken in culinary school I was hung over from the night before and had to leave during class sick. :x
I'll never forget when I watched Martha Stewart build a cabinet to hold spools of thread and I decided building a 747 would be less difficult. She's my idea of the housewife every gay would love to have because all she does is decorate, cook, and garden. Martha will you marry me?
Bigbendy - The hubby cooks and he vacillated between brined and no brine on a heritage bird this year. We went the no brine route and it was tasty. The bird cooked low and slow(ish).
Remember, commercially farmed birds are often injected with a saline solution supposedly to increase moisture (but really to add weight to the bird). They are often liquid chilled too, which can add salt and water weight.
BigBendy, brined turkey is delicious just did one yesterday for the volunteers at the local food bank. Most important thing to know DO NOT brine a kosher turkey, the koshering process already adds salt to the bird. I should have doubled the recipe because the bird I had was about 17 pounds. I will say having access to a walk in cooler to brine the bird was great I have done it in just a picnic cooler. I have a 5 gallon bucket that formerly held pickles. I got it from an acquaintance who owns a restaurant. If you live in a cold climate you can leave it in an unheated garage or outside safe from animals, key is to keep it below 40 degrees. Be sure to take out any neck, gizzard or other parts in the body cavity. For a 10-14#er bring 2 quarts of vegetable stock, 1/2 cup sugar and 1/2 cup table salt (1/4 cup if you use kosher) 1 Tablespoon each dried rosemary, sage and thyme to a boil, turn down to a simmer and simmer for 15 minutes or until the sugar and salt are dissolved. Let it cool to room temperature. put the bird in the bucket or the picnic cooler, pour over the brine and 2 quarts ice cold water. I put ice cubes in gallon ziplock bags (make sure they don't leak) and then put those over the top to A)keep it cold and B)keep the bird submerged in the brine. I've also used a plate and heavy canned good. Half way through the brinning time (8-12+) hours turn the bird over. (I didn't this last time and one of the legs was definitely salty). Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Take the bird out of the brine and rinse it (clean the sink and anything that comes in contact with raw bird with a bleach solution).
Pat the bird dry with paper towels (drier=crispier skin). this last time I didn't bother with a rack i just set the bird on carrots and onions. Cooking time will depend on the weight of the bird and the accuracy your oven. I like to use and instaread thermometer and start checking after 90 minutes. On Alton Brown trick I like is to fit a aluminium foil cover over the breast and wings before putting the bird in the oven. Once the skin is crispy cover it so it doesn't burn and do it shiny side down so heat isn't reflected off the bird.
Submitted by Bigbendy on Thu, 12/06/2012 - 10:21pm.
No problem! I don't eat meat, but it doesn't bother me that others do. So, the basic recipe is (Nov 12 Bon Appetite)
3/4 cup + 2 tbs kosher salt
3/4 cup sugar
1 peeled & diced carrot
1/4 cup celery
2 larg sprigs of thyme
2bay leaves
1tbs peppercorns
1/4 crushed red pepper
1/4 tsp fennel seeds
Bring salt, sugar & 4 cups of water to a boil until salt & sugar are dissolved. Turn off heat & add remaining ingredients. Refrigerate uncovered until cold. Add 6 quarts of water & add turkey. Put a plate over the pot to keep submerged. Cover and chill up to 72 hours.
My mom said she did not follow this recipe exactly, but she said the sugar is important. I think she used her own combo of spices, and if I wagered a guess, it would be onion, garlic, green pepper, a ton of sage, thyme, bay leaves, rosemaryand probably a smidge of Old Bay. She won't tell me exactly what she put in there--she said you taylor it to your tastes.
I will say it took a long time for that turkey to cook. It was an organic, free range and I swear it took 6 hours, and it should have only taken about 3. My oven was out a few days before, so that might have been part of the issue.
She also does this awesome dressing (stuffing) that has cranberries and Granny Smith apples. Oh. My. God. It is sooo good! Seriously, that is the only dressing I will eat.
Anyway, hope you enjoy & tell me how it turns out!
I like Martha.
Consider it revenge
I love Martha Stewart. She is a big animal lover and she can do pretty much everything imaginable around the house.
She's not an animal lover if she eats them.
Submitted by misslainey on Thu, 12/06/2012 - 9:42pm.
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Lainey, yes please! I know that you don't-eat, meat appreciate it.:-)
Submitted by Madam Pince on Thu, 12/06/2012 - 9:59pm.
"...I should hate Martha, but I like how she's made homekeeping acceptable again. Her channel on Sirius is pretty good..."
Yes! My favorite interview of Martha's was, of course, on Sirius...courtesy of Howard Stern:
http://popwatch.ew.com/2006/12/14/shock_talk/
Submitted by mike on Thu, 12/06/2012 - 9:48pm.
Get well soon, Martha! She should be the type of person I hate, but I really like her.
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Mike, thank you. I feel the same way about Martha. She just accepts the way she is and expects you to also. I feel like she really doesn't care.
I had food poisoning from creme brûlée. It was brutal and I will never, ever eat it again. The word, the smell, the thought of it makes me sick...gags
I'm with Mike -- I should hate Martha, but I like how she's made homekeeping acceptable again. Her channel on Sirius is pretty good -- I always miss it when I drive the Voodoo Chile's car, since she has XM.
Wear some gloves, girlfriend! I get mine @ Dollar General, $4 for 50.
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"I don't know how to argue my existence with someone who has reviewed a gas station." ~~Laurie Notaro
Charlie-I agree with you all the way, and you stated the case beautifully.
My kid had a case of Salmonella years ago, courtesy of Jack in the Box. It took us 4 days to even bring a stool sample to the lab, cause he kept shitting himself on the way there and I had nobody to watch my kids. I ended up buying him Depends. It was a hot mess. Thank God nobody else got sick.
It's the cunty queen of the kitchen
She is still in my top 3 cunts.
Martha Stewart
Goop
Heather Mills
Get well soon, Martha! She should be the type of person I hate, but I really like her.
I had a (comparatively mild) case of food poisoning earlier in the year, and it's the most sick I've been in recent memory. Anything involving vomiting is the worst.
Submitted by charlie loves tiger on Thu, 12/06/2012 - 9:44pm.
All of that negative energy from the animals fears and pain you are eating. It is transferred through their meat into your body.
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Of course. That's what makes it so delicious.
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Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Thu, 01/19/2012 - 11:56am.
Liver spotted hand
Groping while I cry inside
Merit badge and meth
I stopped eating animal flesh and eggs about 8 months ago and became a lacto vegetarian. Then about 2 months ago I transitioned into organic, as cruelty free as possible, lacto. Organic, as humane as possible, milk, cheese, yogart, etc. Along with whole grains, fruit, veggies and beans.
It really is true you are what you eat. I never in a million years thought I would get like this, but one day, my mind got to ticking. One day I was frying some disgusting looking bacon and got to thinking about the pigs kept in crates their whole lives. The other, I was eating a hamburger and got to thinking about the cows penned up in a miserable existance and then led off to slaughter. Many times very painfully.
All of that negative energy from the animals fears and pain you are eating. It is transferred through their meat into your body.
It would be nice if we all had our own farm where we could love and raise our animals, and very swiftly and humanely kill them for food. But that is not the case with what you are eating.
Submitted by Bigbendy on Thu, 12/06/2012 - 9:12pm.
My mother brined hers this year. I can't remember her process, but I'll ask, if you like. Everyone said it was good, though.
More reason for me to remain vegan. Blech.
"I lost some weight, though." - uh.. that would be my last thought Martha. Hope nobody else got sick on the set.
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Please let Anne Hathaway talk her way out that Oscar.
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It hurts because you let your black heart beat for an asshole who can't even send you a "P.S. I'm about to fuck a hole that doesn't belong to you" text before fucking said hole that doesn't belong to you.
It's nearly impossible to trace salmonella to any one thing you ate or touched. MAYBE if, in the 48 hours before getting sick, you only ate one thing (usually poultry or eggs), without any condiments, on a dish fresh from the dishwasher. But even then...
What happens is people get sick, then, long after the fact, try to trace the salmonella back to a meal or restaurant. Even if you could recall every single thing you ate in the 48 hours before getting sick, you wouldn't have any of the food left to test it.
Now if a bunch of people all get sick at the same time, say from a buffet, then the inspectors can locate the source.
My husband always cooks the turkey. I tried to convince him to brine it but he is stubborn and doesn't like to try new things. I'm going to do it for Christmas. Has anyone here ever done it?
I would feign sympathy for her, but, yeah, I've got nothing.