And The Golden Globe For The Best Golden Shower On Zac Efron Goes To....

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Dear Michael K,

I am a dedicated reader and um, much older than you, so I sometimes, i.e. often, have trouble understanding your creative slang and expressions. Usually I can get the gist from context but this one left me completely stumped:

"had a hands-free coochie seizure"

From context I thought you meant orgasm, then you mentioned her bladder so I wondered if she peed on him? Can someone please tell me what this means?

We've got some ugly movie stars these days. Jack Black, Jessica Chastain, Anne Hathaway, that Phoenix person, bow wow Claire Danes, etc. Even frozen midlife Nicole is more photogenic than most of these people.

But oh, I forget, we do have John Hamm!

I don't usually like Jack Black, but that Bernie movie was funnnnnyyyyyyy.

Django Unchained? Really?? That shit hasn't even been released yet. WTF?

**********
Shiitake happens...

Pissing on screen gets a Supporting Actress nod? Kim K better change her agent STAT!

Matt McC must *be* pissed that he didn't get a nod for his assless-chaps Uncle Sam role. I hope he gets a nod next year for not eating and becoming a pipe cleaner doll for his latest character. The Oscar baiting better be worth it.

Submitted by Doll-Parts on Thu, 12/13/2012 - 4:58pm.
Beasts of the Southern Wild was easily the best movie of the year. Fuck!
-------------------

Really? I've been debating seeing it. Sometimes those other-worldly fantasy movies make me uncomfortable like Where the Wild Things Are. Maybe I'm associating the movie titles.

Beasts of the Southern Wild was easily the best movie of the year. Fuck!

And Bernie was AMAZING! Whole new level of respect for Jack Bkack.

"This world is a whore."

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 12/13/2012 - 12:36pm.

"I can't stand Jack Black, that unfunny over-perspiring motherfucker."

wow - that comment could have come out of your mouth or Kenny Powers'! lmfao

/completely agree

"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12

Sofia Vergara better not win shit.

That's all I have to say.

_______________________________________________

Submitted by P.T.Bull on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 10:33pm.

"This bitch is crazier than a pillowcase full of clear-level scientologist possums."

Submitted by saltydog on Thu, 12/13/2012 - 4:12pm.
Why is American Horror Story up in the mini-series category AGAIN. This is their second freaking season and each season is 13 episodes long, just like Mad Men, Newsroom, Boardwalk Empire, Game of Thrones...ect I like it and all, but it seems kind of cheap to nominate yourselves in the much easier categories.
--------------------------
It's because each season is a stand-alone, unconnected story so technically they are each single mini-series.

Submitted by elmo533 on Thu, 12/13/2012 - 4:10pm.
HAHA to Anne for not getting a GG nomination. That's all I got.
--------------------------------------------------

she's nominated in supporting with Nicole Kidman

Why is American Horror Story up in the mini-series category AGAIN. This is their second freaking season and each season is 13 episodes long, just like Mad Men, Newsroom, Boardwalk Empire, Game of Thrones...ect I like it and all, but it seems kind of cheap to nominate yourselves in the much easier categories.

HAHA to Anne for not getting a GG nomination. That's all I got.

-----------------------
"Somewhere, Jennifer Love Hewitt is vagazzling the words "FUCK MY LIFE" onto her crotch while deep throating a Pillsbury cookie dough roll".--MK

I thought this was supposed to be a good year for movies? The only best picture nominee I've seen was Lincoln and that was really, really disappointing. The only other choices I even remotely want to see are Argo and Silver Linings Playbook (why isn't it called THE Silver Linings Playbook, it sounds so much better)

Well I don't know about Nicole's Golden Globe nomination for her acting but I know her thighs have won a nomination from two chocolate schwety balls.

And how is everyone today? ;)

**************
What's the difference between God and Bono? God doesn't walk the streets of Dublin thinking he's Bono.

The Deep Blue Sea? Isn't that the film where Samuel L. Jackson got eaten by the greatest shark in fiction after Sharktopus?

Submitted by lilywhiteclass on Thu, 12/13/2012 - 12:03pm.

Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:48am.

C'mon to my house, honey. We'll order in the Swiss Chalet holiday festive dinner...comes with pie, too! We'll wash it down with some good Canuck brewskies while we listen to K.D. Lang and Neil Young.
________________________________

Dark-sided!

******************************

I will be there too. Sitting in the middle
==========================================
LOL! now that's the Fury I love:)

Cannot wait for Les Misérables. I'm reading the book, and godammit I'm going to have it finished (all 1,200 - gulp - pages of it) before I allow myself to see the film. (Probably not gonna happen, but let me have my intellectual fantasies, okay?)

Also, Argo should win something. Parts of it annoyed me, but it was the only film I've seen recently where the cinema was full, and my heart was pounding and my palms were sweaty towards the end.

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 12/13/2012 - 1:38pm.
Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Thu, 12/13/2012 - 1:33pm.

for me it's tequila. Crazy shit is gah.run.teed to happen.
-------------

lol tuhkillya is the devil's afro-dee-zhee-ack!!!

and Jim Beam makes me take my clothes off for some reason... regardless of where I'm at... pathetic and sad I tell ya.

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ahahaha! most of the 'boys' are effective clothes removers: Jose, Jim, etc.

Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Thu, 12/13/2012 - 1:33pm.

for me it's tequila. Crazy shit is gah.run.teed to happen.
-------------

lol tuhkillya is the devil's afro-dee-zhee-ack!!!

and Jim Beam makes me take my clothes off for some reason... regardless of where I'm at... pathetic and sad I tell ya.

----------------------------------------------
"A Muppet and his money are soon parted." ~ Lu32Cy (aka Lucifer Sam)

"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers

Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 12/13/2012 - 12:30pm.
hopefully you don't turn Jeckle&Hyde. I don't think I've ever seen anything good happen when guys are drinking that shit.
=========================================
LOL, I was JUST going to re-tell my story. My Friends call me Rye Guy when I'm hammered on that shit. I can be a really fun (rye) guy to be around OR I can be a street fighin asshole rye guy. That one doesn't come out too often and less now that I'm older BUT there was a time you put the shit in me you rolled the dice to which one you'd get. Now having said that I have to be pounding it for hours for either one to show up but if I've every done anything outrageously funny OR outrageously assholish...it's on rye!
------------------------------------------------
LOL what do they put in the stuff anyway? for me it's tequila. Crazy shit is gah.run.teed to happen.

Moonrise Kingdom was the best thing I saw all year. But, Les Mis will inevitably win that category.

In TV, I'm rooting for Downton (Homeland will win) & Big Bang...but since 30 Rock is having it's final season, I expect them to lick Tina Fey's brown eye while they still can. Sick of Fey/Poehler/Deschanel noms every fucking year. There are other funny actresses more deserving of the nod than those 3.

No PT Anderson? What the fuck. The Master was superb. I can't even with all of this Life of Pi nonsense.

No "Sons of Anarchy"????

The writing is superb!

DON CHEADLE is crazy good, he deserves to win.

*chanting as always*

Shut the fuck up kid, you're in my closet now.

I would just love to see Nicole's peeing beat Anne's starving.

Love Sigourney Weaver in "Political Animals". Ripley goes to Washington.

Also loved Jessica Lange back in the day, before she went and fucked up her face like so many other broads. But, she can still act up a perfect storm.

Submitted by BEAT on Thu, 12/13/2012 - 12:44pm.
Where are Lily Rabe and James Cromwell for AHS: Asylum? ROBBED

***********************************************
I loved that show first season but I just can't with it anymore. When the Santa Claus episode aired my hubby and I just looked at each other and said, "why the fuck are we watching this?" Not one of the characters is compelling (with the slight exception of Jessica Lange who is awesomesauce as always). The horror tropes are just thrown in one-by-one with no thought of story arc or narrative consistency. It's completely humorless. Ugh, I'm so disappointed because I love the horror genre.

/rant off

Where are Lily Rabe and James Cromwell for AHS: Asylum? ROBBED

****
You can't stop the BEAT!

Lincoln was ok. It didnt make me go "squee" like some of you. But it was worth the $11.

"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012

Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Thu, 12/13/2012 - 12:35pm.

Lincoln himself, Daniel Day Lewis, is considered unbeatable in the best actor in a drama category. He's joined by Richard Gere ("Arbitrage"), Joaquin Phoenix ("The Master"), Denzel Washington ("Flight") and John Hawkes ("The Sessions.")
___________________________________________________

Daniel Day Lewis rocked in "Lincoln". I just watched him in "My Left Foot" again the other night.

Am I the only one who was creeped out and spooked by photos of Lincoln when I was a girl? That man's face sent shivers down my bra.

Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 12/13/2012 - 12:30pm.

LOL Lily..Nothin soothes the belly quite like Swiss Pigeon.
___________________________________________________

Egads! It's Canuck food fit for the Gods, eh?

Swiss Chalet...always so good for so little!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-d4e0h-Fr0

Submitted by bornagainChristian on Thu, 12/13/2012 - 12:27pm

I love Christopher Nolan but I'm sorry I thought the most recent Batman movie sucked. Too slow, too long, too boring. The only things good about it were Anne and JGL.

**************************************************************

Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012

I can't stand Jack Black, that unfunny over-perspiring motherfucker.

----------------------------------------------
"A Muppet and his money are soon parted." ~ Lu32Cy (aka Lucifer Sam)

"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers

The best actor drama category seems to be missing. Here they are:

Lincoln himself, Daniel Day Lewis, is considered unbeatable in the best actor in a drama category. He's joined by Richard Gere ("Arbitrage"), Joaquin Phoenix ("The Master"), Denzel Washington ("Flight") and John Hawkes ("The Sessions.")

*pours Whamo a large rye*

I have my last tennis competition of the year in 50 mins. I'll be back to read more snark later.

_______________________________
Dark-sided!

Did ANYONE go see this movie???

PS - Pia Zadora won something? Guess her husband's money greased some palms.

"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012

Submitted by lilywhiteclass on Thu, 12/13/2012 - 12:03pm.

Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:48am.

C'mon to my house, honey. We'll order in the Swiss Chalet holiday festive dinner...comes with pie, too! We'll wash it down with some good Canuck brewskies while we listen to K.D. Lang and Neil Young.
________________________________

Dark-sided!

******************************

I will be there too. Sitting in the middle.

Oh, honey, JACK BLACK nominated for BERNIE, honey! You've got to see it, well worth it, even if you hate JB. Totally different from anything he's ever done.

No Mad Men this year, because people were irritated with The Megan Show.

And, YES, LINCOLN for everything, honey!

"Beasts" is the best of '12. Danny's Lincoln looked like Hal Holbrook (Mr. Blair) had coached him to play Mark Twain. If Pia Zadora can win a little statue, then why not Miss Lohan? She & Dina could really show everybody how to party that night.

Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Thu, 12/13/2012 - 12:23pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 12/13/2012 - 12:20pm.
pie, too! We'll wash it down with some good Canuck brewskies while we listen to K.D. Lang and Neil Young.

--------------------------------------------------
LOL this calls for CC and coke.. That's what we likes to drink when we're in the mood for a fight
===============================================
LOL Lily..Nothin soothes the belly quite like Swiss Pigeon

Ophy, CC and Coke...I do like my Rye
--------------------------------------------

hopefully you don't turn Jeckle&Hyde. I don't think I've ever seen anything good happen when guys are drinking that shit.
=========================================
LOL, I was JUST going to re-tell my story. My Friends call me Rye Guy when I'm hammered on that shit. I can be a really fun (rye) guy to be around OR I can be a street fighin asshole rye guy. That one doesn't come out too often and less now that I'm older BUT there was a time you put the shit in me you rolled the dice to which one you'd get. Now having said that I have to be pounding it for hours for either one to show up but if I've every done anything outrageously funny OR outrageously assholish...it's on rye!

Wow....really? Dark Knight Rises not nominated for Best Movie?

Chris Nolan...Nothing?

Dumbing down of the world is complete.

Argo is starting to piss me off with Affleck going around preaching about how it's really credible. Meanwhile Ken Taylor himself is saying "uh, we pretty much booked their plane tickets with our visa and dropped them off at the airport".

My choice, the correct choice in parens:

Best Picture, Drama: Lincoln (Zero Dark Thirty)

Best Picture, Musical or Comedy: Les Misérables (Silver Linings Playbook)

Best Director: Steven Spielberg, Lincoln (Bigelow, Zero Dark Thirty)

Best Actor, Musical or Comedy: Hugh Jackman, Les Miserables (Bradley Cooper, Silver Linings Playbook)

Best Actress, Musical or Comedy: Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook (Lawrence)

Best Actress, Drama: Rachel Weisz, The Deep Blue Sea (Jessica Chastain, Zero Dark Thirty)

Best Supporting Actress: Anne Hathaway, Les Miserables (anyone but HER)

Best Supporting Actor: Alan Arkin, Argo (Arkin)

I dont't care about the TV ones.

Submitted by cocoebert on Thu, 12/13/2012 - 12:13pm.
Whamo,

. As a technical piece of work though, the movie was nearly perfect

===============================================
Yes from what I hear understand other than that it is a fantastic movie by all accounts. I'll definitely see it.

Considering for a few years Ben was dragged through the mud and ridiculed I'd like to see him win a best director, he's proving himself to be quite the powerhouse in HW. He's getting a great second chance.

Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 12/13/2012 - 12:20pm.
pie, too! We'll wash it down with some good Canuck brewskies while we listen to K.D. Lang and Neil Young.

--------------------------------------------------
LOL this calls for CC and coke.. That's what we likes to drink when we're in the mood for a fight
===============================================
LOL Lily..Nothin soothes the belly quite like Swiss Pigeon

Ophy, CC and Coke...I do like my Rye
--------------------------------------------

hopefully you don't turn Jeckle&Hyde. I don't think I've ever seen anything good happen when guys are drinking that shit.

Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Thu, 12/13/2012 - 12:11pm.
Submitted by lilywhiteclass on Thu, 12/13/2012 - 12:03pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:48am.

C'mon to my house, honey. We'll order in the Swiss Chalet holiday festive dinner...comes with pie, too! We'll wash it down with some good Canuck brewskies while we listen to K.D. Lang and Neil Young.

--------------------------------------------------
LOL this calls for CC and coke.. That's what we likes to drink when we're in the mood for a fight
===============================================
LOL Lily..Nothin soothes the belly quite like Swiss Pigeon

Ophy, CC and Coke...I do like my Rye

Lincoln for EVERYTHING. That's all.
________________________________
"I was half a virgin when I met him!"

-Mean Girl,Regina George

Maggie Smith and Judi Dench for everything. They should just sit together at their own table drinking sherry and speaking like in "A Room With a View".

Maggie: This Italian countryside reminds me of the grounds of Shropshire in my past.
Judi: And I take it you are thinking back to a romance? A youth? Feign to deny it, Charlotte!
Maggie: Oh Eleanor!

Whamo,

Yeah, that bothered me. But honestly, the politics of most movies bothers me so I'd never see anything if I was really picky. :) (See my comment on Zero Dark Thirty).

So, I wasn't overly fond of the politics of the movie. The Iranians are depicted largely as angry mobs of people, greatly undifferentiated. As a technical piece of work though, the movie was nearly perfect. It was thrilling, the characters were relatively well fleshed out, the narrative moved along briskly, the cameo roles were hilarious, etc. Ben Affleck was very smart, he knows that Hollywood LOVES seeing itself skewered or filmmaking represented in some way on film (e.g. The Player, The Artist, Hugo, etc. all got awards).