Playboy Finally Classes Up Their Cover With A Real Goddess Of Elegance
If the One Ring had eyes, this is what it would see when Gollum reached for it. Yes, that is your cue to be jealous of the One Ring.
Giving off some "my preeeeeeeesh-iss" glamour, Spaz de la Huerta poses labia-out naked for Playboy's very special holiday issue. It's TOO perfect that Spaz is naked in the holiday issue, because Baby Jesus was born just so this modern day goddess could bare her nipples in Playboy. Florida's premiere parking lot stripper stripped off the clothes she doesn't wear for photographer Mario Sorrenti and she tells Playboy that he was the first professional picture taker who captured the image of her pristine titties when she was just 17. Since then Spaz has taken her tits out for anybody with a disposable camera, but Mario was the first.
Spaz on posing for Playboy: “Cindy Crawford and Marilyn Monroe have appeared in Playboy. I celebrate nudity every day. It’s our first wardrobe. And Mario [Sorrenti] is such an amazing photographer; he brings so much mystery and sensuality to his photographs. We did the photos with no makeup, and we both wanted them to have a very natural feeling. It was more about bringing out a part of myself that has not really been shown to the public, a more honest portrayal of where I am now in my life.”
Translation: "Right now in my life, I'm always naked, I've always got sandy crotch and I'm living under a pier at the beach."
Spaz on working with Mario Sorrenti again: “I did my first nude shoot with Mario when I was 17. He made me feel beautiful, and I really feel it was on that shoot that I overcame my fear of being naked. Mario is such an artist. He has taken photographs of me in which my body looks like a sculpture.”
Translation: "He makes my body look like a sculpture, which is probably why pigeons are always shitting on me and tourists are always sitting in front of me to look at a map."
Spaz on what she thinks of the pictures of her naked ass: “We did the photos with no make-up, and we both wanted them to have a very natural feeling. It was more about bringing out a part of myself that has not really been shown to the public.”
Translation: "It was more about bringing out a part of myself that has not really been shown to the public, so Mario became a licensed ultrasound technician and inside of the magazine you'll see scans of my kidneys, intestines and gallbladder. "
In all seriousness, after putting low-budget skanks like Lindsay Lohan on their cover, Playboy is finally on the road to becoming a purveyor of natural glamour and potent beauty again, and putting Spaz in their magazine is the first step.
I've always wanted to know what Tommy Lee circa 1986 would look like with tits and Spaz finally gave me that image. Thank you, Spaz! Heather Locklear SO wants to marry you.
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Let's not forget what that ass really looks like (parking lot photos). This pose reminds me of the Exorcist, when Reagan spider walks down the stairs. Just creepy.
Hi...I'm here for the gangbang
I just realized - this is the cover of Roxy Music's Siren album - the Chernobyl edition!
Yes she is a trainwreck, disaster, diluded, space cadet, but for some reason I like her, and I don't even like pussy. She doesn't grate on me, she is just Spaz.
@Hockefan, please tell me you're her mother and not her father!
That first translation killed me! Laughed out loud.
Have always and still do love this renegade mess. Can't quit her.
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caprica six was/is here
Submitted by ScarfnBarf on Mon, 12/17/2012 - 8:09pm.
Howard Stern is looking frisky.
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AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That totally went over my head at first. I was all like "oh, did HS chime in on this interview?" AHAHAHAHAHA! Yes, I'm slow, but before I board the short bus, I gotta say YOU NAILED IT! AHAHAHAHA!
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Meh, as a trainwreck she falls a lil' short for me... but I consider myself a trainwreck afficionato. You give me any less than Brit-Brit, Blohan or the mother of them all, Anna Nicole Smith, (may she rest in peace) and I'm all like...meh. Now that Amanda Bynes has some trainwreck potential. This trick? She need to step up. Not impressed. NEXT.
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Howard Stern is looking frisky.
I love this trick. I really do! She has more class than all the skanks in the world put together. Classy broads have nothing on her.
she might be ugly but few straight men would turn her down
She looks like a strong gust would blow her off that cliff. Anyone have a turbo fan handy?
She's the woman that you'd happily nail all night long, but don't want to bring home to meet the folks...
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"Dammit, Pam, I've seen that, and now I can't unsee it. There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer
Gorgeous. Love 'em.
Haters are ridiculous.
she looks like she was raised in the wild by animals.
Now that is one homely looking broad. Courtney Stodden got a NO and Paz a Yes? Ouch now that's got to hurt mommy dearest and d-list Doug.
Submitted by Hockey fan on Mon, 12/17/2012 - 3:14pm.
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Hubbah hubbah! Not to mention, your daughter had to get the good genes and healthy living from somewhere. ;p
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠♡░░░░
Submitted by mefunigirl on Mon, 12/17/2012 - 3:56pm.
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Body, hair and attitude yes, but none of the bloaty belly or the apparent stupor we've seen of late on Mz. Spaz. ITA, I was also concerned for what the cooch cream might have done to the natural habitat during the shoot, lol ;p
•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠♡░░░░
Playboy must really be hard up. What's next? Pics of the Hef and whatever-her name is honeymoon?
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"Crocs: They are to your eyes what second-hand smoke is to your lungs."
Hey hockeyfan, are you the mother in that mother/daughter pornstar duo? Who brags about their daughter being in Playboy and having 34dd boobs? If my mother knew my bra size, I would be seriously freaked the eff out. If I had a daughter, I wouldn't be happy about her being in Playboy unless Playboy was some sort of code name for Harvard.
Playboy scraping the bottom of the cum-filled barrel.
She is disgusting in every sense and is a terrible actress.
This skank must give a mean blow job to get where she has in the biz.
I don't care what ya'all say, I'd kill to have that body and hair again, and the freedom to not give a shit about anything.
*snaps back to current day* That being said, this pictorial made me uncomfortable with thinking of sand and splinters against my hooha.
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
WHAT?
WHY?
and most importantly...
HOW?!!!
*slow vom*
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OMG! This is a joke right? I wonder if there are any nudie pics of her with a crack pipe dangling from her lips.
Cat >^,,^<
Submitted by Sweetas on Mon, 12/17/2012 - 1:43pm.
Submitted by Deb on Mon, 12/17/2012 - 1:36pm.
The poor crabs at the beach got a case of Paz!
ahahahahaha!!
HAHAHAAAAAHHH!!
Paz is just the nastiest of the nasties. I read recently while shooting a nude scene, she pulled out her bloody tampon and threw it on the floor and told her assistant to pick it up.... real Klass there my friends... real Klass.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Mon, 12/17/2012 - 1:05pm.
Lemme get this straight...2012 started out with Blohans busted photoshopped to hell and back spread and ends with Spaz's wolfgirl offering? IT IS THE END!!!!
^^^^^^^^
THIS. I might aw well just pack my bags and book the next train to Hell, bc it's where everything is headed.
Okay. I love Playboy (my daughter has even posed for some special editions and The Girls of the Big Ten issue that just came out). But THIS? Spaz's prolly a C or E- lister at best since she got dumped by BE. So, wtf? If you're going to put E-lister on the cover, you might as well go back to the unknowns like my daughter. Unlike Spaz, my daughter is naturally beautiful, a natural 34DD, and isn't a druggie or a drunkie. So eff off, Spaz. You're no one.
This is a joke, right? Cos this shit just grossed me the fuck out worse than the cover photo of Paz.
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"If French is the language of love, then Spanish is the language of badassery!" -MK
Kizzy,
LMFAO!!!
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Hooker, please.
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 12/17/2012 - 1:47pm.
Same here. Hell, I've seen more naked footage of her in BE than any other actress.
I find her strangely endearing. She's fucked up, but unlike most she mainly keeps it to herself.
Submitted by dlist newbie on Mon, 12/17/2012 - 1:45pm.
Yeah, doesn't it count as kiddie porn until you turn 18?
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Submitted by mahaatma on Mon, 12/17/2012 - 3:01pm.
Submitted by Kizzy on Mon, 12/17/2012 - 2:51pm
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Craft Services refused to serve "Ketchup Sketti" and the photographer said her gnats were too fat, they'd have to airbrush them out of the toe centerfold, so Mamma June said no.
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"I am not doing your fucking maneuvers."-Croc
"Once you go cat, you'll never go back"- Mrs.K "We wanted diamonds, sherbet, or a squirrel with a gun."-Izzard ♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥
That cover is gross.
Submitted by Kizzy on Mon, 12/17/2012 - 2:51pm
That sucks because I would buy that issue. I'd love to see that forklift foot all splayed out on some sexy silk sheets BUCK ASS NEKKID without that damn sock!
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Hooker, please.
Submitted by She She peritta on Mon,
12/17/2012 - 2:26pm.
*Makes devil's horn with fingers and pumps fist
into the air* Shout, Shout, Shout at the Devil!
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"ten seconds to love, ten seconds to love!
Pull my trigger, my guns loaded with your love"
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"...If I put a Cleopatra wig on my asshole and painted cat eyes on it, it would look and act more like Elizabeth Taylor than LiLo does..."- MK
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Submitted by mahaatma on Mon, 12/17/2012 - 2:49pm
I heard Mamma June turned them down because they wouldn't let her toe gnats in.
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"I am not doing your fucking maneuvers."-Croc
"Once you go cat, you'll never go back"- Mrs.K "We wanted diamonds, sherbet, or a squirrel with a gun."-Izzard ♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥
Playboy is so fucked up it's like the government is running it. Who's next? Jackie Stallone, White Oprah, or Mamma June?
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Hooker, please.
Submitted by literarylioness on Mon, 12/17/2012 - 2:39pm.
Why buy the mag when you can see her nude in your local parking lot?
LMAO
That picture scares me.
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"Bye, Whore" -MK
Why buy the mag when you can see her nude in your local parking lot?
I thought she was more of a Hustler type of girl.
*Makes devil's horn with fingers and pumps fist into the air* Shout, Shout, Shout at the Devil!
Fuck no! This bitch looks like my Tia Iliana, and I can't get over that shit.
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"If French is the language of love, then Spanish is the language of badassery!" -MK
Naw Whams, he treated me to Little Caeser's before the dance, so he got no Jinty action.
Ruth Chris or bust! (or no bust;)
Submitted by Jintess on Mon, 12/17/2012 - 1:22pm.
Whamo, the pic you posted looks just like the guy I went to prom with jr. year.
He ended up posing naked in magazines too.
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LOL, maybe they are IN FACT the same person?
Are you sure he was a boy, did he rub his jr prom stubby against you when you slow danced to Stairway to Heaven? LOL :P
looks like a neanderthal or cave woman to me or from the stone age sometime. not sexy.
Submitted by letinstar on Mon, 12/17/2012 - 2:06pm.
thanks, i enjoy a good vomit to start my work day
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
is this the annual scratch and sniff edition?
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr