The Photoshop Awards: The 2012 Kardashian Khristmas Kard
Because Khloe Kardashian was busy hunting the woods for wart hogs to sacrifice to her kreator and Scott Disick was busy douching out his b-hole with Drakkar Noir, they both had to be Photoshopped into the Kardashian's annual assault on the holidays. Nothing says "family togetherness" like being Photoshopped into your family Christmas card. Last year's theme was "A Bunch of Plastic Tits," the year before's theme was "Konstipated Ghouls" and this year's theme must be "Tampon Ads in Hell" or "Devils in White."
When you go to the afterworld and step out of the elevator, not knowing if it went up or down, and see this image before, don't be fooled by all the happiness and white. If you look closely, you'll see their dead souls and dead eyes. You're not in heaven, you're in the bottom bowels of Hell. You were tricked! I really don't know what's more hilarious, Kim's Predator hair, Scott's amateur Barbizon pose or Bruce Jenner looking like a late-in-life lesbian at a beachside commitment ceremony (read: Bruce has never looked hotter). Kanye Kardashian isn't there, but it was nice of the family to pay homage to him by dressing up like maxi-pads and tampons.
And poor Mercy (RIP), even all the Photoshop in the world couldn't wipe away her permanent miseryface:
But kudos to the photographer for making the entire family look happy by screaming out, "SAY MONAY!"
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Did Penelope inherit the Sasquatch gene? Look at the pose!
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I like to smile, smiling's my favorite! : )
The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!
Don't hate me for saying this but Kendall is fucking beautiful. Those idiot Gypsies do have some good genes.
*** what goes down, must come up ***
I thought the kat kroaked? I'm konfused
"the only thing his face should host is a fist" MK
(no relation to Jennifer Lopez, she wishes)
Scott Disuck looks like he should be on stage with white tigers and a life partner somewhere in Vegas.
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It's official: Scott Disick has the world's most punchable face.
Butterfly in the sky
I can go twice as high
Take a look
It's in a book
Pig-fucking movie
Pig-fucking movie
I think Bruce just looks more & more like the Lesbian Grandmother. And I would do Rob.
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"She's Black & I'm Gay--- we create culture."
Twat muffin - Hey I'm back. Wish you a fabulous festive season too. I love Chicago
Magnificent mile shopping , shedd aquarium , navy pier on lake MI. Two summers ago I was on a boat ride on the Chicago river lol the boat I was on was named
The summer of George ! Happy holidays to all my boos on the D & our host M.K :)
"If it were socially acceptable I would esconce myself in velvet. " George Costanza
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Tue, 12/18/2012 - 3:27pm.
I TOTALLY agree, Twat! My boyfriend insists that Khloe is a hideous mongrel, but I always say that I am not so sure. I think she is better looking than some. I have seen worse.
She is a bit bigger than the rest, but she is by no means "fat". Not sure where all the hate comes from.
Don't get me wrong, however. This family are demons from the underworld. I would never want to be associated with them in real life!
Wow I can really feel the Christmas spirit radiating off this photo. So joyous and festive.....
Thank you beautiful family for spreading your Holiday magic...
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Come on, let's be real - Khloe is NOWHERE near that skinny in real life. Also, cut that one kid's hair! Damn.
Speaking of Khloe, Kylie is really growing up to look just like her (yuck). Guess those paternity rumors can be thrown out. Girls just got a bad load of genes.
Submitted by Tammy Tee on Tue, 12/18/2012 - 4:04pm.
What is Kim doing with her left hand? What is she holding?
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it's her sisters hand
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
I read it as "Photoshopped into the Kardashian's anal assault on the holidays", which makes just as much sense.
I just want to say: Kendall Jenner is F*CKING GORGEOUS!! Good job Bruce. He also seems like a caring father.
Submitted by Rocket on Tue, 12/18/2012 - 5:10pm.
Lmao.
Bruce looks like he's trying to wave down the short bus.
http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2012/12/kim-kardashian-kanye-west-...
Ba ha ha ha!
Submitted by Few Words on Tue, 12/18/2012 - 4:30pm.
why is there glittery snot snowflakes on that POS card?
weren't you here yesterday? those are Mama Junes toe gnats!
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Submitted by louise_brooks on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 10:19am.
Bitch, you are not better then Keanu Reeves!
that poor pussycat looks positively terrified, it probably knew that it had to make a mad dash to heaven to escape these mongrels.
and btw, what few month old kitty croaks unless it's bought from a creepy pet mill?
poor little thing...
Submitted by IrishFury on Tue, 12/18/2012 - 4:21pm.
Oh Whamo, you would DO do her!
By the way, I am not petite, I am 5'7" !
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LOl, I think she's pretty BUT the BUTT is just too much BUTT.
hmm nice legs I'm sure then:D
why is there glittery snot snowflakes on that POS card?
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
Oh Whamo, you would DO do her!
By the way, I am not petite, I am 5'7" !
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Dark-sided!
Look how far Kim's big giant butterball turkey ass sticks out. I can't imagine that thing is all droopy and hanging like that side of beef Rocky was pounding on in the movie.
This looks like a snapshot from Koko the gorilla's family reunion, complete with terrified kitten who fears for her life...
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19 Cats and Counting!
THE FULL RELEASE LOOP
What the underlying loop inside all of this really is
1974 someone used satellite time and brain cephalics (same thing), to view me, in 19764
The sound of the BR
So, she got the cat to blend with the the family Khristmas Kard. Unreal.
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I look at this bunch and I think of "The Aristocrats".
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
What is Kim doing with her left hand? What is she holding? I wish I could see this picture larger...it's probably her own bottle of perfume, or she's waiting for someone to put money in her hand or she is controlling strings on her kanye marienette doll...IDK it just seems like a weird way to be holding your hand.
That little boy threw me off, for a second there I thought the Kardashian's had adopted the Ikea Monkey.
I agree with you IF. Those three I think are very, very pretty. The rest, ugh.
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And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2250105/Nick-Cannon-reveals...
who knew.....
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Submitted by louise_brooks on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 10:19am.
Bitch, you are not better then Keanu Reeves!
Chewy, I think the only good looking ones are Kim (she used to b gorgeous, at least!),the one ith two kids and the younger one sitting down with ridiculously elongated legs.
The rest aren't good looking IMO and all of them wear so much damn makeup, including Bruce.
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Dark-sided!
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Tue, 12/18/2012 - 3:54pm.
hoff -- awww, hoffer, calm down, sweetie, LOL! You gotta admit they are a bunch of hairy fucks. Happy holidays to you & yours, hon!!!
you and yours too!!!! ( my stomach hurts from laughing.)
hoff -- awww, hoffer, calm down, sweetie, LOL! You gotta admit they are a bunch of hairy fucks. Happy holidays to you & yours, hon!!!
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"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"
Tammy Tee - JINX!
You know, if I didn't HATE this family the way that I do, I might see this card as a fun family Christmas card. Shitty personalities, arrogance, no-talent, fame-whoreyness aside, they really are a good looking group of people.
Until you look at Bruce, Scott, and Rob. They all look like lesbians. The only normal looking dude is Lamar.
My pug is smarter than your honor student."
Tammy Tee, I haven't wondered that too. This fucked up family is made up of father, step-father, inlaws, half-siblings - why aren't the other Jenners there, they are the youngest K girls half siblings.
I'd say they are less embarrassed and it's more Kris who doesn't want them to spoil her image of the perfect Klan.
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Dark-sided!
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Tue, 12/18/2012 - 3:27pm.
SANS -- see, that's the way I feel about Khloe, I don't think she's that bad-looking nor do I think she's a hairy Sasquatch like the rest of them. I think Kim's the hairiest. I read an interview with Kim where she admitted that she has to wax her forehead -- what the hell kind of cro-magnon, Sasquatch, Armenian-type shit is THAT??? After Kim takes a shower it must look like a fucking ewok got stuck in there! Their plumbing bills for clogged shower drains must be enormous!!! Waxing & electrolysis, too!
You made me laugh so hard, I can't breath.....
I always wonder why Bruce's children are never involved in this stupid annual shitshow.
Oh, right - perhaps they have a bit of dignity (although wasn't it his son that was hooked up with Avril Lavigne for awhile?????).
"My pug is smarter than your honor student."
Why aren't Bruce's kids from previous marriages (Burton, Brandon, Brody and Casey) ever in these "family" Christmas Cards...they are either too embarrassed to be forever immortalized with this group or Mama Kris won't allow it!
Maybe Penelope and Baby Kaitlin from the Boo Boo clan will join forces in 25 years and open a home for wayward girls from fvcked up famewh0re families. Probably not, but it's nice to dream :\
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Kitten Kaboodle - a Disney ho who did the ho stroll right ;)
Check out mah page, horz! ;)
https://www.facebook.com/OrderOfTheDimensions
SANS -- see, that's the way I feel about Khloe, I don't think she's that bad-looking nor do I think she's a hairy Sasquatch like the rest of them. I think Kim's the hairiest. I read an interview with Kim where she admitted that she has to wax her forehead -- what the hell kind of cro-magnon, Sasquatch, Armenian-type shit is THAT??? After Kim takes a shower it must look like a fucking ewok got stuck in there! Their plumbing bills for clogged shower drains must be enormous!!! Waxing & electrolysis, too!
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"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"
Mason is a good example of what the Slutrashian girls used to look like before all the work...poor Penelope.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
I don't think Kylie Jenner is that bad looking. My fug-o-meter must be off or something.
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Submitted by P.T.Bull on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 10:33pm.
"This bitch is crazier than a pillowcase full of clear-level scientologist possums."
These people take themselves way too seriously. They can have green screens and special effects at their disposal and they do nothing but stand there every damn year.
Zzzzzzzz.
Funny how all the short chicks suddenly got long legs...bwaaaahhaaaahaaa!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
elmo533 -- that hideous girl on the far, far left is the youngest one, Kylie.
Aphid -- I have an acquaintance who sends out homemade ghetto Christmas cards. They're really atrocious; I wish I could post one of them here, but I wouldn't want to offend this person. Seriously, this card who qualify for HSOTD.
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"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"
You mean that *ISN'T* Kim with the least amt of clothes on for a change??? Really!? Wow...PMK is pushing her into Princess PeePees spot early isn't she??
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"...If I put a Cleopatra wig on my asshole and painted cat eyes on it, it would look and act more like Elizabeth Taylor than LiLo does..."- MK
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I hate this entire trashy clan, except for the cat. Those poor babies will most likely be douchey and whorey too. :(
* 100% hotness verified by WHAMO. :P *
www.poopreport.com :)
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RIMADYL KILLS
LOL @ Rob "djing". He's never been able to hold down anything that resembles a real job. He only does club appearances & supposedly pays Khloe rent to live with her & Lamar.
What a tribe.
RIP, kitty. You should haunt them all for putting you through this after death.
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What the fuck dude? And being European is NOT an excuse. - IHateCharityChic 05/10/2012
I used to think Rob was cute, but then I was in the audience for The Choice (HAHAHA remember that mess?) and he seemed dumb and boring as hell and wasn't hot in person.
Kendall is the only attractive one in the family, and Klhoe is the only one with a sense of humor.
Oh my LORD.
I seriously want to punch that Kylie so badly...she annoys me so much....it seems like she got Kim's attention whore desperation gene, and Khloe's fug gene.
They are all so sickening.
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And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth