Lindsay Lohan Is Too Pristine To Kiss This Dirty, Nasty Thing
Lindsay Lohan is as pure as a morning dew drop on a freshly bloomed daffodil's petal and her lips are as untouched as a newborn kitten's asshole before it takes its inaugural shit, so of course she wouldn't want to dirty herself up by kissing on a wart-ridden, sore-covered, filthy bag of sucio. TMZ says that Lindsay Lohan's scenes with Charlie Sheen for Scary Movie 5 were the most terrifying scenes ever written in the history of scene writing, because the script called for them to touch mouths at least three times. They didn't touch mouths three times, though. They barely touched mouths at all, because LiLo refused to kiss Charlie. LiLo knows where Charlie's mouth has been, because her skank mouth has been to some of the same places.
TMZ's source says that on shooting day, Charlie and LiLo got into bed together and he was down to smear his crack smoke-covered lips all over the rubber slugs on her mouth, but she wouldn't do it. They both put their signatures on a release saying that they didn't have cold sores on their mouths, but she still wouldn't kiss him and nobody knows why. TMZ's source says that before they even started shooting, LiLo told her friends that she didn't want to mouth hump on Charlie. Even if Charlie marinated his lips in vodka for 12 hours she wouldn't want to kiss him. Even if Charlie removed his dentures and put in teeth made of cocaine she wouldn't want to kiss him. LiLo didn't want any of that.
They tried to use a body double (aka horny ass White Oprah), but it didn't really work so most of the kissing crap was cut out.
I know this is like the oozing open sore saying "Don't get near me, you're gross!" to the oozing open sore, but you still have to give it to Lindsay Lohan. Bitch was probably snorting kitty litter cut with coke off of Charlie's crusty taint in his dressing room, but when it came time to kiss him in front of people, she suddenly grew standards. She basically called Charlie a nasty bitch in front of everyone and he still gave her $100,000. Ho is delusional, but you can't hate her hustle. Besides, Charlie should know that most smart whores never kiss on the mouth. Now if the scene called for LiLo to kiss Charlie's other lips, it would've been a different (and more horrifying) story.
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Submitted by Lisbet459 on Fri, 12/21/2012 - 1:07pm.
Nicotine has a laxative effect. Sheen washes so little (just look at him) that, ugh, the smell from behind must be quite something. *gags* I know you're joking, but you're almost certainly closer than you realise.
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Funny you should mention that because my mom used to say all the time she needed a cigarette to go to the bathroom. I didn't know nicotine had a laxative effect. See? You learn something new everyday.
I think it is easier to just eat a salad or take an Ex-Lax.
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"That shit was more staged and choreographed than Paul Ryan's soup kitchen visit."- MK, 10/16/12
This story is too funny. I wouldn't kiss Carlos, but I haven't been paid to fuck G-d knows who, or slept with half of STD ridden Hollywood. Lindsay has eaten out PARIS, for fuck's sake!
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What goes up must come down
Spinning wheel got to go around
Talking about your troubles it's a crying sin
Ride a painted pony let the spinning wheel spin
So which one of them leaked it? Sheen, as a fuck you for not being thanked for the $100,000? Or Lohan, because she's Lohan?
Didn't he just pay her IRS bill?
What an ungrateful bitch!!!!
Lohan's mouth has been on everything and everyone and she's drawing the line with Charlie? Maybe Charlie has shitty breath, but Lohan's a chain smoker herself and her teeth are MAJOR fucked up (we've all seen it).
Lindsay is pathetic. And Charlie is Charlie
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"That shit was more staged and choreographed than Paul Ryan's soup kitchen visit."- MK, 10/16/12
Didn't she have "pneumonia" when she didn't show up and they had to fly her in? IF SHE REALLY WAS sick with pneumonia she shouldn't have been kissing anybody anyway.
Deb, my fingers look cleaner AFTER I put manure down on the lawn...damn they are nasty.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Submitted by Deb on Fri, 12/21/2012 - 1:02pm.
Right? Charlie smokes so much his bunghole is probably nicotine stained
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Nicotine has a laxative effect. Sheen washes so little (just look at him) that, ugh, the smell from behind must be quite something. *gags* I know you're joking, but you're almost certainly closer than you realise.
Big Bendy, "standards!" Hawhaw!
Submitted by betseyfan2 on Fri, 12/21/2012 - 12:03pm.
omg, those nic fingers! *gag*
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Right? Charlie smokes so much his bunghole is probably nicotine stained.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Guaranteed this is the only time we'll ever see the word 'pristine' in a sentence with Lilo's name.
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Submitted by SoulTaker on Fri, 12/21/2012 - 12:34pm.
Charlie seriously looks as old as my father in that pic, and my father is about to turn 79 years old.
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Crack ages the shit out of you, Part of it is the fact you don't eat or sleep on the shit...at all.
One minute Lindsay Lohan is playing hard to get, the next she is chasing your ass down, high on bath salts, while driving a stolen SUV.
Submitted by ewe: "This is the gig they had to fly her in for, right? And then she fucked up the toilet? By the time she came on set I think they just wanted her to do anything and leave."
That's a good point. (I hope the producers learned their lesson!)
She probably had no real objection to kissing Charlie. She was just being an obstinate beeyotch just to throw a monkey wrench into the works.
Small children do this kind of thing.
I'm gonna hurl...
Submitted by babybunny on Fri, 12/21/2012 - 12:41pm.
This carpet munching, Marlboro smirking, sex for Hire, with her own set of nasty brown teefs dining on Sam Ro's smelly pussy and the Indian hotel owners hairy unwashed dick
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and curry farts to boot *barfs*
I bet it's the other way around but Charlie's such a gent that he let Linds be the "disgusted" one instead of the "disgusting" one!
As bad as I want to call her a whore, even I'd fuck you for that kind of change.
"SamRo's box" *dry heaves*
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Lisbet: Yeah, I totally understand that some actresses won't do nude scenes. I can respect and understand that.
But I'm talking about actors doing a scene where you have to let spiders crawl on you, or pretend to be gang-raped or be submerged in cold water... Like Lillian Gish who had to lie on a real ice floe and let her hand drift in water so cold that it did permanent nerve damage. Stuff like that.
Presumably, Lindsay had read the script beforehand and knew that it contained a few kissing scenes. And that Charlie Sheen was the actor she'd be kissing.
This is the gig they had to fly her in for, right? And then she fucked up the toilet? By the time she came on set I think they just wanted her to do anything and leave.
Submitted by louise_brooks on Fri, 12/21/2012 - 12:39pm.
Um...you used to eat SamRo's box. So, let's not pretend to be so chaste, shall we?
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BOX! lolollll
*googles chaste*
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"A Muppet and his money are soon parted." ~ Lu32Cy (aka Lucifer Sam)
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
This carpet munching, Marlboro smirking, sex for Hire, with her own set of nasty brown teefs dining on Sam Ro's smelly pussy and the Indian hotel owners hairy unwashed dick and this straight up slut won't kiss the man that gave her 100k, fuck this whore can't wait for her judgement day in court!!
Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 12/21/2012 - 12:20pm.
*kisses your hand as I curtsy*
I'm a romantic motherfucker, Hekkster...
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"A Muppet and his money are soon parted." ~ Lu32Cy (aka Lucifer Sam)
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
Um...you used to eat SamRo's box. So, let's not pretend to be so chaste, shall we?
Come on guys, you know Lohan better than this... Of course she did ***things*** with The Wizard to earn her 100 Grant. This no-kissing crap is just another snow job...
I'm sure if the script called for her to lick and deep throat his nostrils, she would've gladly participated!
Hekki - I'm with you, I have the same "ugh...that must be awkward" feelings when I see actors do things I KNOW that I wouldn't be up for doing! Especially since a lot of the camera men/directors, etc. look like plumbers or some other dumpy guy that you wouldn't pay two seconds worth of attention to if you saw them walking down the street.
Twatty - yeah, Charlie's 'hos probably are cleaner than LiLo. Think about it - if most of them are porn stars, that means that they get tested regularly, so you know what you're working with. Lilo? Not so much.
Twatty, morning doll! What gets me is that she SIGNED the contract so she knew what she was in for - she had a script. So glad they docked her pay for that. Shit, she's only a razzie winner and is lucky she even got the part so she should have done what she was paid to do.
PS - I believe rim jobs were involved when she was hired.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Also, why did he give her money after she dissed him so badly in front of all those people?
Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 12/21/2012 - 12:31pm
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I've heard it happen that actors and actresses are let out of doing certain things. For instance, SJP had a no nude scene policy in SATC, which is why she was the only one whose boobs you didn't see.
But, as far as I can tell, that sort of stuff is written into contracts beforehand. I agree that it's odd that she got to skip out of it - maybe they were so keen on having the archetypal female train wreck to star with Sheen that they let it go. She strikes me as the kind of person you don't want to be around too much, and you don't want to argue with her. They were probably sick of her after having to send the jet to get her.
Ugh. His innards look like they're on overtime.
And yet he still gave her a hundred grand?
Now I'm really confused.
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Charlie seriously looks as old as my father in that pic, and my father is about to turn 79 years old.
Lohan thinks she is still playing a Mean Girl when in reality she is one step up from hooking on the corner. How dare she act like she is too good for Charlie Sheen when they have pics of her blowing some dude just to get into one of his parties.
Wow, I'm conflicted. On the one hand, no one in their right mind would kiss Charlie Sheen. On the other hand, say whut? You just *know* that this is all because she's always seen herself as this super sexy 11 who can have the pick of the men. She could totally do better, you guys!
So she didn't want to do the scene as written, so they let her just SKIP THAT PART? WHAT THE FUCK? How do you do a love scene without kissing?
How many actors have done incredibly scary or gross or unpleasant things because that's what they signed up for? Because you signed the contract and that's what the script says you do, and that's what the director says you do and they're fucking PAYING you to do it.
I can think of so many scenes where I've thought "I'm glad I'm not an actor, because I would hate to do that scene!" What a fool I am, because apparently you can refuse to do those unpleasant things. And still get paid!
Imagine you go to work and you tell your boss "Yeah, I'm just not comfortable with answering my phone and e-mails today. And no, I'm not going to be going to that meeting or completing that report." And your boss is like "Oh, sure, I understand. We'll just get a body double to do those things for ya."
She's grosser than he is and half his age. Her teeth before the massive dental work were waaaaay worse than his.
That pic reminds me, I haven't done my morning constitutional.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
I'd rather kiss Charlie Sheen than Lindsay Lohan and that's not just cause I'm straight.
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Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012
GG -- hey, babe! Not only would she suck off a hobo for an 8 ball, she'd give him a mean rim job, too! Can you believe this bitch is acting like she's so demure? This ugly, smelly, diseased, blue-waffled twat is the nastiest piece of ass there is, way more diseased than any of Charlie's 'hos.
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"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"
"LEAVE THE COUNTRY BEARS ALLLLLOOONEEEE!!!!"
-- christine the hoff
I think this is a match made in crackie heaven.
the only thing that would make it perfecter was if Amy winehouse came down from heaven to officiate.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat: "(restless with anticipation of touching your ivory skin, kissing your pouty lips and pinning your stubbly fencepostesque legs behind your head like Kroger chicken)"
*bestows Poet Laureate status upon jack's genius self*
That was AWESOME.
Well, everyone knows hookers won't kiss you on the mouth.
DAMMIT OPHEY!!!!!!!!!! THOSE TEEEEFERS
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"A Muppet and his money are soon parted." ~ Lu32Cy (aka Lucifer Sam)
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
makes sense about the 100k now... when the "ladies" play hard to get, we courteous and ever-noble gentlemen (restless with anticipation of touching your ivory skin, kissing your pouty lips and pinning your stubbly fencepostesque legs behind your head like Kroger chicken) step up our game a bit... unlike Charlie who usually just writes a check.
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"A Muppet and his money are soon parted." ~ Lu32Cy (aka Lucifer Sam)
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
Too pristine...yeah, right! Bitch would suck off a hobo for an 8ball.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
I checked out his new show...once. Just couldn't watch, and not because it is unfunny as hell but for humane reasons. He looks like he should be rolled around on a gurney. Just seems cruel to watch.
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"Marriage is what you do when you decide one cock is good enough to let the owner annoy you for the rest of your life." - TrashyWilma
say whut? may I present Exhibit A...
http://popbytes.com/lindsay_lohan_rotten_teeth_dirty_hands/
you're BOTH vomitrocious.
Case. Closed.
GAG! He has Pete Dougherty digits.
MK: "teeth made of cocaine"?? hahahahahahahahaha
Veux-tu te marier avec moi?
ETA: I hate to mention this cuz I'm a ladeee an' all but he needs to blow his nose. Coke booger alert.
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Too bad cuz they seem perfect for each other.
HAZ EE YAD HIZ FINGUH UP HIS BUM?? nicotine stained shit is nasty... Crack is cool.
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"A Muppet and his money are soon parted." ~ Lu32Cy (aka Lucifer Sam)
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers