Tom Cruise Grooming His Next Beard
All the queens over at In Touch must have been kiki-ing when they came up with that cover. That's some funny shit. Tom Cruise supposedly had a "wild night" with a lady in NYC on Dec. 18. "A source" (aka one of those crazed Scientology bitches who wears the sailor uniforms and keeps reluctant cultists in chains below deck on their big prison boat) says that Tom was "mesmerized" by restaurant manager and Jersey native Cynthia Jorge, 26. Tom ate at her joint, and that's when he randomly picked her to fake be into.
"She had her hair in a bun, wore tight black pants and looked gorgeous,” the source said. Tom wasn't "mesmerized," he was irritated as fuck because he knew his ass would look better in those tight black pants. Cruise and Cynthia went clubbing the next night, and Tom was supposedly rubbing his Xenu moistener on her. Uh huh. I don't buy this shit, either.
Less than 24 hours later, the duo — along with some friends — met up at Le Baron, where Cynthia huddled with Tom in a booth when he wasn’t pulling her out on the dance floor. “They did the salsa. He took her in his arms and spun her around the dance floor,” a witness gushes. “Tom looked like a pro.”
And things weren’t totally G-rated. “At one point, they began grinding together,” the witness tells In Touch. “It was straight out of Dirty Dancing. Tom seemed to be in his own world, completely smitten.”
Miz Vida Boheme (aka Patrick Swayze) just threw a "girl, you no Johnny Castle" side-eye from Movie Star Heaven. We all realize that Tom was actually staring at the male bartender and wondering how not to vom as he felt Cynthia's titters rub against his chest, right? You would think a "wild night" would involve taking a girl home for fuck times. Nope. Despite being highly "enamored" of the "Jersey Katie Holmes" (© Michael K.), Tom called her a car. And then sashayed down to the Eagle in a ballcap and sunglasses to get his man-kitty punched.
Seriously, this closet case shit must be hard. You gotta pick up random sluts and take them salsa dancing? When all you really want to do is sit on dicks? And then you have to process them through your cult and remove all of the free will wiring from their brains? And then you gotta keep checking the GPS to make sure they don't run away? And at the same time, the only place you can have a dude sit on your face is in the Celebrity Center's "gym?"And that place reeks like expired lube and crazy! Lay your burdens down, Tom Cruise.
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Um he's dating Casey Anthony? Bitch looks just like her.
Do the world a favor and shut up and bleed.
Gay or straight I don't care but he needs all the publicity he can get since Jack Reacher is taking in less than Rock of Ages and Knight and Day which were supposedly his two biggest bombs in his career aside from Eyes Wide Shut (which I actually like).
If she agrees to get that schnozzola filed down, they could be good to go!
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"Marriage is what you do when you decide one cock is good enough to let the owner annoy you for the rest of your life." - TrashyWilma
I wonder if I were 26, working at restaurant, if I would let Tom go through the motions of putting the moves on. Can't decide. Not three sheets to the wind at the present time.
This was just the midget sociopath's way of gaining extra publicity the week his current flop is flopping at the box office.
You can tell his "acting" career is in its waning days 'cause the best he could do this time was In Touch.
He can't really come out at this point. His whole life has been such a choreographed control freak coverup of his homosexuality that, even though proud and happy gays are marrying left and right as states finally grant them their civil rights, he would become a laughingstock for the extreme measures he took in his battle to stay closeted. It takes a whole lot of cowardliness to do what he does.
This gal was sent home as she failed the litmus test. Good enough to shape the press, wrong gentiala for a night cap.
Reeks of desperation Tommy.
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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie
He should be ashamed of himself. Trolling the streets for suckers he can exploit.
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Thu, 12/27/2012 - 2:28am.
Actually I assume he's gay for several reasons:
1. He goes to Madonna concerts. I don't know any straight men who do that.
2. He's been dogged by gay rumors for eons, much more so than most actors. Like Travolta-level rumors. And he sues over them.
3. His odd "ice cream/gay people" comments, which are so surreal that they can't even be classified as homophobic.
4. A man who converted to Scientology. I'm not saying all male Scientologists are gay, but… they do offer to "cure" people of the gay, just so they can reel you in.
5. His weird, weird marriages, which have all been confirmed at one time or another to be hollow shams.
6. That whole "accidental trespass" situation. It reeked of a boyfriend/whore.
His issues and strangeness don't really have anything to do with it, except that I think his fanatical nature + closetedness have given him a new level of weird.
Nah, his creepy intensity, alien attitudes, fragile ego, eerie friendliness, bizarre religious comments (like that "only Scientologists can help!"), lack of ability to act "normal" and belief that his life is an action/romance movie are all him, and would be even if he were straight. It just so happens that I think he is gay as tinsel.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Oh yeah, why does everyone think Tom Cruise is a closeted gay.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKbLquqxBAQ
Trey Parker is pretty well known. I'd think if TommyGirl's lawyers wanted to reach him he'd be easy to find.
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Thu, 12/27/2012 - 2:28am.
Why is it that when a man clearly has issues or comes across as strange in any way the first thing everyone jumps to is "Gay!"? That is a pretty homophobic, narrow-minded and idiotic way of thinking.
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Luci, cha ching. Right on the money as usual dearie.
The best part of this whole article is that J. Harvey just name-checked the Dirty Birdie. LOVE IT.
Why is it that when a man clearly has issues or comes across as strange in any way the first thing everyone jumps to is "Gay!"? That is a pretty homophobic, narrow-minded and idiotic way of thinking.
Mimi Rogers, Nicole Kidman & Katie Holmes are the strong, swarthy type. You heard it hear first, folks.
The hell? I don't know how half of my comment vanished.
I was going to respond to Lucifer Sam's comment about Tom not going for porcelain beauties and just say he seems to like them a little wonky-faced though. A few of his exes have those.
Submitted by TexnDoc on Wed, 12/26/2012 - 9:53pm.
He usually goes for the fragile porcelain type.
Mimi Rogers, Nicole Kidman, Sofia Vergara, Penelope Cruz, Katie Holmes: NONE of whom are fragile porcelain types.
@ PHM ''I would read JA's biography if I found it at the dollar store, too''.
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lol.
He doesn't offend me, but the cult that has him under control is very creepy. I remember reading an interview in Rolling Stone in which he bragged about everybody working for him knowing that once he wants something, he gets it and no one can say no to him once he sets his mind on it.
I don't know if he's gay but I bet there are bigger closeted celebrities than him.
Submitted by PrettyHateMachine on Thu, 12/27/2012 - 1:09am.
I read a biography supposedly about both of them. I skipped most of the Brad portions, cuz they were just so dull. At least Angie USED to be interesting. Brad never was!
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
And just so all you Jenaloonies and Brangeloonies know I would read JA's biography if I found it at the dollar store, too. However, I would not read Brad's biography. Derp, derp, derp does not interest me in the least.
I'm sure he was serving up some tasty, tasty moves.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Thu, 12/27/2012 - 12:29am.
But I just couldn't wait until they were on sale for fifty cents! There were a whole bunch of them..the loons are really slacking.
Why is he continuing with this fake ass fuckery? Nobody buys it and nobody cares. The guy has as much sexual charimish as a rotten turnip.
I think he is more asexual than queen, but there is no way he likes pussy.
PHM, I think you over paid! :D
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
I was reading Angelina Jolie's biography (I got it at the dollar store... for real hahaha) But anyway in it she said that she thought her Brother and Tommy Girl would make a good couple. Lol.
does anyone else feel like tommy is paying people to keep him in all of these action roles? i dont like him. i think he's mentally ill and secretly gay (just like we ALL do). mentally ill + crazy cult with tax exempt status + a shit load of money = pretty fucking scary if you ask me.
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"It's called a party bus! Not a punch-a-titty bus. And put your MetroCard away, Chris Brown, no such bus exists." MK
Oh please , like just be free man be yourself. No one cares if you're gay Tommy girl
What you gonna do go on & on & on until your in your late 70s like Richard chamberlain and then come out the closet ?! You and your scieno buddy travolta should re-examine the perspective of who the helllllll cares it's your life dude. Live it. Value yourself as high as you are paid by the film studios cuz right now you're nickel and dimimg yourself out.
"If it were socially acceptable I would esconce myself in velvet. " George Costanza
Submitted by TexnDoc on Wed, 12/26/2012 - 10:02pm.
Ironic, because Tom is the same size as the actors who play Hobbits.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
OMBARF.
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"If French is the language of love, then Spanish is the language of badassery!" -MK
Hate him and his crazy, she's clearly delusional, and I don't give two fucks. Moving on.
Please, dont play with my emotions TexnDoc...is his new Reacharound movie really not doing so good?
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
ERMAHGERD, THAT NOSE!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Hardy Har Har: Went from here to Drudge where the news is Hobbit and Django and LesMiz are raking in the dough and Mr. Tom Cruise is behind Bette Midler in box office sales.
This little man is so over and that's another bomb right after "Flop of Ages".
That girl on the cover reminds me of some Jewish sitcom character from times past. I can't ever believe her as a beard. He usually goes for the fragile porcelain type. This one looks like she'd have a sassy mouth.
his sis picks out his beards.
*peddles off in a mint '88 yugo*
I hope she's a Scienonut like him.
Why even bother? At this point he's been married so many times and he has three kids, to do it again looks extra suspicious. Just stay a bachelor.
Oh, you all KNOW he was steamin the club up with his hot HOTT dance moves. Remember THESE?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqlyQZkq2Ug
Hmmmm....maybe he and Demi should get together for a dance off...
I thought the poor bastard was having a fit.
Submitted by Tigerlilly: "...Tom Cruise is FIVE foot six and built like a fudgeball player."
LMFPO at "fudgeball player"!!!
Ya know, why doesnt he go for a different type of role? Why does he always have to be going at the speed of light, wearing tight trousers and shooting up some baddie? *YAWN* Put on 30 pounds let the Grecian Formula fade out and play something else...
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Wed, 12/26/2012 - 7:57pm.
And from what I've seen of the trailers, the dialogue is too trite for words. I read Jim Grant (aka Lee Childs) "loved" the movie but I'd bet he doesn't. I think he doesn't care because he's going to make several metric tons of bank from people buying his books out of curiosity.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Wed, 12/26/2012 - 8:01pm.
GG, in the books Jack Reacher is Six foot FIVE and built like a football player. TC is so miscast as that role.
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No he's not. Tom Cruise is FIVE foot six and built like a fudgeball player. It's practically the same thing.
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
...hey what happened to the late night 'intruder?'...
http://www.vh1.com/celebrity/2012-10-29/tom-cruise-intruder-meet-jason-s...
...wow that was literally 15 minutes...
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...'Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason '...
Poor Tommy Girl- so much over compensation.
Funny how there's instantly so much press about it. Ooooh look- he went out on a date with a WOMAN!
Who the F cares if he's into poon or peen? Either way he's just plain creepy in a manic cult leader kind of way.
"The lady doth protest too much" much?
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Wed, 12/26/2012 - 6:39pm.
Will this midget jump on a couch this time or limit his retarded antics to a wing chair or perhaps a footstool??
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OMG! Thanks I needed that! lmfao!!!
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...the end
GG, in the books Jack Reacher is Six foot FIVE and built like a football player. TC is so miscast as that role.
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One thing I think you should know
I ain't gonna miss you when you go
Been down so long
I've been tossed around enough
Couldn't you just
Let me go down and do my stuff
UGH, THIS QUEEN! I just got back from the movies and had to sit through ANOTHER trailer were this midget was ultra-butch, kicking ass with a loud sound track...didnt I just see one LAST MONTH, with Jack Reach-a-Round? Just stop it ok! You are NOT 6 ft tall nor do we think you can save the world. Please take your millions and go flog some twink in your dungeon.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
"Poor Khloe: trapped by Lamar": what great journalism
that girl looks just like my male neighbor in drag. He works at a restaurant too. hummmm...
Yawn. I just don't care about Jack Reacharound and his "Late Night Nuzzling."
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Submitted by P.T.Bull on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 10:33pm.
"This bitch is crazier than a pillowcase full of clear-level scientologist possums."