Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

This high-profile female celebrity bought her boyfriend a beautiful new automobile this holiday season. She even told him that there were no strings attached so that he could feel more manly about it.

He is so appreciative of her thoughtful gift that the first thing he did was to thank her with a few special hours in the bedroom.

The second thing he did was to start calling dealerships and researching the car online to get an idea of its value. That way, when they break up with next year, he can sell it for cash.

He has told friends that he already knows the relationship will likely not survive the upcoming scandal of her discovering how much he cheats on her. But will she be surprised when she finds out the gender of those with whom he is cheating? (Blind Gossip)

Casper Smart and Jlo?

Casper Smart gets some gold digging credits for developing relationships with dealers who will buy his fancy car when JLo terminates his contract after catching him with a mouth full of cock and he has to pay rent for his studio apartment in Van Nuys. Casper should always keep it covered in her garage, never drive it and get her to autograph it so it’s worth even more money. Actually, scratch that last part. Having JLo’s autograph on your car is worse than a dent and I doubt your insurance will pay to fix it.

But Casper Smart loses gold digging credits for passing his culito around to hard peen when he hasn’t even fulfilled his gold digging mission. Doesn’t he know that he has to get a diamond engagement ring from JLo and/or hump a baby into her before he goes around sucking dick? Does Liza Minnelli need to sit him down and teach him everything? I swear, these straight-for-pay amateur gold diggers are embarrassing!

This A list all movie actor has been saying all the right things about his marriage and what he is trying to do, but having the escort come over on Christmas Eve is probably not the best way. (CDAN)

Russell Crowe? Exhibit: A. But in his defense, throwing his soft, bloated rolled crepe dick at a call girl is better than throwing a phone at a hotel desk clerk. His anger management coach will say that he’s really growing as a person!

So, a couple had sex. Happens everyday. Has not happened to me in a long time, but it happens everyday. Nothing blind item worthy about that. Would it be blind item worthy if the guy was in a long term relationship and the female had been when it happened? A little more so, but still, kind of hum drum. This is the holiday season. Our senses are on overload. We all need more to really make us say oooh. Well, for a teaser, let me say that the guy is a celebrity, but probably a D lister. His significant other? A lister. Our guy also says he is sober, but in reality he drinks pretty much nonstop beginning at noon during the week and way earlier on the weekends. The female he had sex with is also a C list celebrity. Probably used to be almost A list as a celebrity. She is a huge drinker too. One thing leads to another and the couple is alone a few times after drinking and things happen. Not just once. Things have happened a few times. Did I mention that the female and the A list girlfriend are related? That makes it blind item worthy. (CDAN)

Eric Johnson, Jessica Simpson and Asslee Simpson? If Eric loses about 100 pounds, dyes his hair twink blond and waxes every strand of hair from his body, he can really make it a family affair by getting with Papa Joe too.

This B list host and reality star does not wear a wedding ring even though he is married and tells friends that he gets about 10 phone numbers a day from women who want to have sex with him and he picks 1 or 2 to call each week. (CDAN)

AC Slater? Once a man slut, always a man slut.

This celebrity is C- list but probably has A list name recognition. She has not seen sunlight in over a month. She is struggling to stay sober. She has a huge heroin problem and at one point was trading sex for heroin. Her family chipped in to get her a boob job because they thought who would help her modeling career. So far though they have received nothing on their investment except that she did pose for a staggering number of nude photos in a country where she was legal to pose naked. (CDAN)

The Curious Case of Ali Lohan? But you know, if White Oprah was your mom and Michael Lohan’s jizz made you, you too would be injecting dragon chasing nectar into your eyeballs.