Aaaaand Here We Go Again
During her last pregnancy, Jessica Simpson broke every copy of Elle's Photoshop when she posed nekkid ass nekkid and talked non-stop about how she couldn't get enough of Eric Johnson sticking his gold digging peen up into her amniotic fluid ocean. And now we're doing it all over again. Chestica tweeted this picture of her making third degree duckface while showing off the skin globe where her second baby is growing. Since Jessica and Eric are horniest when she's knocked up, I don't even want to think of the things they're doing with her deep ass belly button. Let's not go to that place. It's way too late in the year for that shit.
And judging by her last pregnancy, I'm guessing she's about 10 days knocked up here. Only 545 days to go!
via UsWeekly
• 
dear God, did she LEAVE the hospital pregnant? she's easily 7-8 months in this pic...hopefully she only gains 150lbs and carries 20 months with this one (she gained 200lbs and carried for 2 yrs the first time, right?)
She is way prettier with no makeup/minimal makeup.
David Lee Roth has really let himself go.
She looks great for being 17 months pregnant.
Seriously, Weight Watchers needs to take hometrick to court and get their money back, because ain't no way in hell she's ever getting back to her Daisy Dukes size again without lipo. She's just not going to be that thin anymore and people need to just let her eat her Twinkies and get over it. She's still a pretty girl, thick or thin.
***************************************
Facebook: Heaux Confessionals
Please help support my greatest release yet, Heaux Confessionals©. (S)Introducing the 'Penny For My Thoughts' Campaign:
http://igg.me/p/281876?a=1795010
Pfft. Jess is what? 3-4 months pregnant and she is already bigger than I was when I delivered. Nice road map stretch marks too.
I'd rather hear about this idiot than Kartrashian.
Holy Cow! Her child is only a few months old yet she appears to be at least 6 months pregnant. How can that be possible?
Submitted by FaerieBad1 on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 1:57pm.
I have a question for those Dlisters who have squeezed out a baby...Doesn't it hurt to have sex for some time after giving birth? Doesn't the doctor frown on the new mother having sex as soon as she gets out of L&D?
____________________________________________________
Uh yeah, I was told to wait six weeks. I had a vaginal birth. I didn't tear, but I was sore. Worse than the wait is all the blood. It's like having the period that doesn't stop after you give birth. No one talks about that though.
Submitted by Hockey fan on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 2:21pm.
How far along is she? I mean, did she get knocked up like six seconds after the baby girl slid out? Jeezus fuck, keep your legs closed. Irish twins ain't never right.
____________________________________________________
That's what I was thinking! She must have gotten pregnant on the delivery table.
Submitted by FaerieBad1 on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 1:57pm.
I have a question for those Dlisters who have squeezed out a baby...Doesn't it hurt to have sex for some time after giving birth? Doesn't the doctor frown on the new mother having sex as soon as she gets out of L&D?
-------------------------------------
Me nephew pretty much tore my poor sister up. He was huge, overdue, and induced. She's aid her asshole telescoped out a couple inches during the last pushing, like a Chinese yoyo. She had vertical and horizontal tears. Poor woman - shed gets this look of terror in her eyes whoever she felt a poo coming on. Peeing was no fun either, she had to do it while sitting in warm water. Eeeeep!
Put it away Jess.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
I like to smile, smiling's my favorite! : )
The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!
Submitted by FaerieBad1 on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 1:57pm.
I have a question for those Dlisters who have squeezed out a baby...Doesn't it hurt to have sex for some time after giving birth? Doesn't the doctor frown on the new mother having sex as soon as she gets out of L&D?
---------------
It probably depends on how fast you heal and what your tolerance for pain is. I gave birth naturally without painmeds, had to get stitches and still hopped on the husband`s peen after 2 and a half weeks. My stitches were out by that time, i wasnt in pain during it, and we were using protection. Each woman is different. And i just realized this post makes me sound like a horndog, that i didnt even wait the 6 weeks. *shameface*
I think she is very pretty, but her addiction to Twitter is annoying as FUCK.
**************************************************
And I'm not sorry (I'm not sorry)
It's human nature [it's human nature]
And I'm not sorry [I'm not sorry]
I'm not your bitch don't hang your shit on me
Faeriebad1 - Sorry I'm still suffering from the Christmas Crud, so this may be a little late:
I don't know about "more painful" but I remember being positively TERRIFIED of getting pregnant again. There were no words.
And I took my doc's advice (wait until after your 6 week check-up [natural birth] or 8 week check-up [C-Section]) plus some added "recovery time."
Labor and delivery (no matter HOW it's done) is NOT for the faint of heart.
She looks like a bullfrog with a blonde weave and a huge rack.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"And it don't matter who you are, if I'm doin my job, its your resolve that breaks..Cause the hook brings you back, I ain't tellin you no lie. The hook brings you back, on that you can rely."
That is definitely not a 12 week belly or whatever she's going to try and claim. Looks more like 5 or 6 months to me, so that means she was 'dieting' while pregnant? Serious side eye, if so.
Submitted by Message In A Bottle on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 3:15pm.
Someone mentioned pregnant women and social media. Don't forget the newlyweds that HAVE to reach their phones to update their relationships statuses to "married" while at their reception.
Fuck me, if I ever get pregnant or married, social media will be the last thing on my mind.
-----------
Agreed! Johnny and I got married at the courthouse 2 weeks ago. We hardly told anyone, and those we did we made promise they'd keep it off Facebook. Haven't changed our status and probably won't.
I genuinely like Facebook (it's great for introverts) but I don't use it to get attention.
Normally, she doesn't bug me as much as she does most people here but....this picture just irritates me. It's her second kid. It's not new. She did it already less than a year ago. Getting knocked up is not a skill set. Put on some clothes and stay off twitter. k. thx.
She will stay pregnant longer than Kate & Kim of the three she will be last one to deliver her baby girl. Btw 2013 is gonna be full of baby girls kate & Kim both.
Micheal K enjoy your time in the sun cuz it is gonna be the coldest night of the year this evening where I'm at. Happy new years eve D listers please don't drink & drive.
Cheers!!! - Kisa
"If it were socially acceptable I would esconce myself in velvet. " George Costanza
Seriously! She's always pregnant. Check out this parody...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NY6-7_dxD1U
Oh, and she def looks about 6 months pregnant.
Submitted by FaerieBad1 on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 1:57pm.
I have a question for those Dlisters who have squeezed out a baby...Doesn't it hurt to have sex for some time after giving birth? Doesn't the doctor frown on the new mother having sex as soon as she gets out of L&D?
-------------------------------------
I had a c-section and sex after baby still hurt worse than losing my virginity did! and funny enough even after the 2nd c-section once again sex hurt like a b*tch. Maybe some girls are so desperate to keep their men happy they don't care?
Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun.
-Ash
Everybody is fawning over this photo, I'm just not seeing it. When I see this photo, I think her free hand is missing the bottle of Michelob and lit Benson and Hedges Light.
i've said it before, i'll say it again... i think she's pretty.
-----------------------------
"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
Well congrats I guess.
I have been trying to conceive for 2 years and it is news like this and also Kim kartrashian that are just making this shitty year even shittier. I guess I am doing it all wrong being married to a wonderful guy having a stable job ... Fuck it
Someone mentioned pregnant women and social media. Don't forget the newlyweds that HAVE to reach their phones to update their relationships statuses to "married" while at their reception.
Fuck me, if I ever get pregnant or married, social media will be the last thing on my mind.
----------------------------------------------
Also, when you end a statement with "Kim Kardashian is fabulous," all your previous points are INVALID, because obviously you have lost your damn mind." - MK
I'm gonna let the world know what we women do when we find out we're pregnant:
We let our gut out. That's right, no more holding it in.
I never had a flat stomach, even before I had kids. But the minute I found out I was pregnant, I let it hang out. I mean, a large majority of us women always have a pooch, so when you're pregnant, it gives you permission to not worry about it anymore.
Remember Snookie when she announced her pregnancy at only 8 weeks along on the cover of InTouch? She was holding what looked like a 5 months pregnant tummy, but we all know that was her beer gut hanging out to make her really look pregnant for the photo. Everyone knows no woman is that big at 8 weeks pregnant.
Remember Jessica's first pregnancy announcement?? It was on Halloween 2011 and she was dressed as a Mummy. I remember looking at that photo and her big belly bump and thinking she was 5 months along. But then she didn't give birth till May!
Some women are so excited to be pregnant that they can't wait to look pregnant and will let their tummy pooch hang out just so it looks like she's further along than she really is.
Lets look at Jessica here. Only 8 months ago, she gave birth. 8 MONTHS AGO. That big belly is what she's had all along, just now letting it all hang out.
That's a hot pic. That is all.
**************
HTTR
Come on, we all have that fat friend who started posting "bump" pics on Facebook at 12 weeks... oblivious that no one could see any change from 12 weeks prior. Just the usual chub, pushed out instead of sucked in.
Duckface or not (how the hell is that word not in my autocorrect?!), I always think Jessica looks beautiful without much makeup.
GOD I HATE TWITTER!!!!
I don't give a fuck and don't want to see this!!! These people are completely self possessed.
brainless hick
Submitted by suckandfuck on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 11:26am.
Am I the only one who wants to dress up like the pope, reach inside a big pregnant vagina, pull the baby out, kiss it on the forehead then put it back in?
****
Ummm...my guess would be "yes". LOL
How far along is she? I mean, did she get knocked up like six seconds after the baby girl slid out? Jeezus fuck, keep your legs closed. Irish twins ain't never right.
Submitted by FaerieBad1 on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 1:57pm.
6 weeks of blow jobs is recommended
I have a question for those Dlisters who have squeezed out a baby...Doesn't it hurt to have sex for some time after giving birth? Doesn't the doctor frown on the new mother having sex as soon as she gets out of L&D?
SansFards - "Duckface needs to die a QUACK and painful death." - there, I fixed it. (And I apologise.)
And to those who asked, she's well into her 2nd trimester...
Nevermind the belly, what happened to her face?! It looks nothing like her.
I can't wait to hear what her excuse is going to be for gaining 60+ pounds.
Out of the million pics she takes of herself every day, she really thought the duck lip one was the best of the lot?
I think that this is the prettiest pic of Jessica I've seen in a long time. She's probably only four months along. She looked the same size in that mummy pic last Halloween and she was only a few months along in that. I don't think 4 million is that big of a loss for WW. If Justin timberlake can blow 7 million on myspace, then I'm sure Weight Watchers can spare 4 mil on Jess.
I find it interesting that she poses in a bikini now that her belly fat = baby.
Bitch already looks 9 months pregnant. She will probably end up needing to lose a hell of a lot more than 50 pounds when it is all said and done.
I HATE TWITTER.
I swear, this loser bitch is as pathetic as Kim K. These women really think people need to see pics of them every fucking day.
**************************************************
And I'm not sorry (I'm not sorry)
It's human nature [it's human nature]
And I'm not sorry [I'm not sorry]
I'm not your bitch don't hang your shit on me
Nice baggy....and stupid duck lip pose. Fucking nerd.
Maxi Pad was born on May 1, 2012 so tomorrow she'll be 8 months old. Chestica looks to be about 6 months pregnant, so she pretty much got knocked up right off the bat.
What is all that crap on the counter? Couldn't bother to tidy up a lil first?
UGGGGH! With the duck face. And I'm rather surprised at how far along she seems to be.
She probably did this as a preemptive Move so the paps couldn't sell her "first" photos of the baby bump. Since she's in Hawaii, I'm sure she's going to be in a swimsuit at some point. Great move on her part IMO.
Girl didn't secure a Paid People magazine cover so she cut out the chances of someone else getting the shot.
She looks great. And not fat this time around. Just a big belly. I actually think she's trying to be healthier for the sake of Weight Watxhers. I'm sure there is a clause that says she has to maintain a reasonable weight for a set amt of time and payment is spread out. She didn't get all 4 million up front. Weight watchers ain't stupid. I wouldn't be surprised if they have suspended their payment until after her pregnancy.
I agree with lisop. Couldn't the sperm donor take the fucking picture? How pathetic.
Oh, and fucking MOOOOOOOOOO!!!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Weight Watchers should get their lawyers ready to sue.
This bitch has been playing them and taking their money.
Unless she's carrying twins, she lied about the pregnancy and was holding shit in for a couple of pictures to fulfill her WW contract before they found out that her unemployed boyfriend knocked her up again.
She's well into her 2nd trimester, at least the 5th month.
All those Simpsons are liars and cheats and no-talented bums. They disgust me.
______________________________________________________________
"That shit was more staged and choreographed than Paul Ryan's soup kitchen visit."- MK, 10/16/12
For most women, that size belly (I refuse to say b***) indicates they're about 5-6 months along. But for Jessica, I'm guessing two because 5-6 months ago she was dieting and going to the gym while looking like a huge fatass. She's gonna look like GOOP in her Shallow Hal fat suit by the time this baby finally comes out.