Crystal Harris Went Through With It This Time
It's a Happy New Year for Hugh Hefner. No, the medical community didn't introduce a colostomy bag that doubles as a Viagra injector. Crystal Harris' trick ass stayed around for their wedding last night! Hef, 86, and his engagement ring-collectin' ladyslave, 26, tied the knot in a small ceremony at the Playboy Mansion right before Playboy's annual NYE party. It doubled as their wedding reception, according to TMZ.
Can you blame Hef for going for the twofer on parties? The last time he put a ring on this fickle ho's finger, she took it, jumped the wall and told everyone how truly disgusting it was having sex with a flaccid mummy on a Hoverround. And then she pawned that ring! Cold-blooded.
He must really need a titslicious bedpan attendant to work the midnight to 6 shift be in love to take her back and buy her another bauble. Either that or he has her family imprisoned in the secret dungeon under that grotto. Whatever works, Hef.
These pics are from Crystal's Twitter and Instagram. Check out the one from the ceremony. Hef has an equally ancient friend standing up for him. It's very Brothers Grimm, with the wizened warlocks and terrified-beyond-reason village slut being forced into marriage.
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Gold digging whores of the world rejoice! Another grasping money grubbing ho has married a rich foolish old man! Your Los Angeles dream plan is working!
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"Dammit, Pam, I've seen that, and now I can't unsee it. There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer
Didn't one of the skanks on the show (Kendra maybe) complain that the "salary" for Hef's girlfriends was only $50,000 a year?
Sure, that's a lot for just hanging around in slutty outfits, but hardly a fortune.
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"Brows should not look like a condiment!" -MK
Maybe I'm giving him too much credit, but I wonder if he's making a fool out of her and not the other way around. As close as he got to asking Holly to marry him, he didn't, but he asked this trick and she accepted but not only ran out on him, but pawned the ring and told everyone what a lousy lay he was. What better revenge than to take her back when she begged (you know her broke ass did) and make her marry you to get her hands on any money?
He's not going to will her one cent and while he's alive, she'll be lucky if he keeps her in fresh panties, micro minis and weaves. I'm sure she'll be expected to lick his dry, hairy balls on occasion though.
Perfect little comeuppance for running off with his ring and making a fool out of him.
I heard their wedding cake was Ensure-flavored.
HAHA she has to take her own mirror picture on her wedding day? Aren't normal brides surrounded by people that will do that for her? I guess in her case...not.
Why would he want to get married? What for? He can find plenty of girls to have sex with him......I'm totally puzzled.
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Did anyone order me a plain cheese?
Nobody will care about Playboy after Hef dies. I'm sure his sons think they're gonna take over and keep the party going but without Hef, noone gives a shit. Noone gives a shit now and he's still alive.
I bet he's going to piss everyone off, and leave his fortune to Crystal.
His family members will go insane.
* 100% hotness verified by WHAMO. :P *
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RIMADYL KILLS
This woman's self esteem must be non-existent, or possibly sub zero. The sad thing is that aside from whatever jewelery and clothes she can stash away over the next few years, she's getting the big nada in any sort of payout. Didn't Hef go cheap on his last wife, who he had been with for quite a while and had given him kids?
Submitted by Green Is Good on Tue, 01/01/2013 - 6:45pm.
The wedding night looked an autopsy in reverse.
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ROFLMAO-- ok I don't even know what that meant but it cracked me up and I have visions of the dead coming back to life. Viva La Cryptkeeper!
26? Oh, bitch please!
Submitted by Stan Hooper on Tue, 01/01/2013 - 6:31pm.
She may be out of luck. The young son (one of Hef's twins) is taking over the enterprise.
crystal may be cut out of the fortune.
Gold digging fail.
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Total Fail. Hef's fortune is locked up tighter than his own tomb. He's always been a very shrewd businessman-- no one is getting a penny of that fortune unless he deems it so. Wouldn't be surprised to see his younger sons take over the biz since his daughter Christie left to go work for Obama. So, no, golddigga, no.
The wedding night looked an autopsy in reverse.
She looks like she's wearing Heidi Montag's new face in the main picture.
I will say she has a lovely hourglass figure. I wish I had hips like that.
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"If you're going through hell, keep going" ~ Winston Churchill
Submitted by Dirk Diggler on Tue, 01/01/2013 - 5:51pm.
Crystal is living every hooker's dream! Let's rejoice for her.
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I shudder to think of all the STDs, germs, cooties, and unknown life forms in the Playboy Mansion.
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Submitted by RandéSleepover on Tue, 01/01/2013 - 4:16pm.
Submitted by jelliebean on Tue, 01/01/2013 - 4:09pm.
Don't forget about the doggie pee and poo, as GG mentioned (maybe Hef's diapers overpower it though). They go everywhere and the place is carpeted so it must stink. The Vicks Vapo Rub competes the odor.
^^^THIS
What is it with rich celebrities that can't train their dogs? Shitney, Paris, Hugh...They all go inside the house. I think the Osbournes had the same problem as well.
She may be out of luck. The young son (one of Hef's twins) is taking over the enterprise.
crystal may be cut out of the fortune.
Gold digging fail.
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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie
Sad taking your own pic in your gown...ahahaaha wtf with these bathroom pics for these hollyweirdos!???!!!!
Coma Caca!
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Since she & Dr Phil's son were "just friends" and working on her "music", I wonder if he was at the wedding.
Is it wrong that I hope she redecorates (and decons) that atrocity of a mansion? Granted, she might not have much class, but anything would be a step up.
Crystal is living every hooker's dream! Let's rejoice for her.
Hugh Hefner is an embarrassing old breast feeder.
Her wig might be 26, but it's probably the youngest thing in the pictures.
Obviously, Crystal must've used her first time runaway bride time to work on her gag reflexes, which will come in handy when she has to tickle Hef's old balls to get him to fall asleep...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
I'll never understand how money could make you fuck someone so goddamned nasty.
Hideous dress. Looks like a slutty q-tip.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Eh, whatever. Marrying for money is as old as the institute of marriage itself.
"It's very Brothers Grimm, with the wizened warlocks and terrified-beyond-reason village slut being forced into marriage."
HAAAAAAAA. Perfect commentary.
Her dress is pretty in a generic, inoffensive way. Not my style, but more modest than I was expecting from her. She's an idiot to marry him, but it's not like the marriage personally effects my life.
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It hurts because you let your black heart beat for an asshole who can't even send you a "P.S. I'm about to fuck a hole that doesn't belong to you" text before fucking said hole that doesn't belong to you.
Is she really 26 or is she "26"? Wait until he dies and he doesn't leave her a nickle. Comedy.
That's actually a beautiful dress
Pfft no comment.
Jersey Strong
The old fuck always looks like he's jizzing so if he can afford them he may as well buy them. She's legal and willing.
Submitted by Hekki on Tue, 01/01/2013 - 4:40pm.
It's an institutional setting, really, like a school or hospital with food service food trucked in by Sysco and a time clock where the staff punches there time cards and shit.
hahaha. Perfect.
8:00 pm - 9:00 pm. All girls to watch The Voice with Mr. Hefner. One well drink each; unlimited soft drinks or juices.
9:00 - 9:20 pm. Sex playtime with Mr. Hefner. You will be notified if your services are required.
26?? Lol, I'm 28 and she looks like she could be my crazy drunk single aunts best friend. You guys know the one.
Submitted by Kitsi on Tue, 01/01/2013 - 4:35pm.
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Yeah, you would think, huh? I remember Jack Kent Cooke (used to own the Redskins, LA Lakers) married himself a much younger "latin spitfire" who just embarrassed him constantly. I guess at that age you tolerate a lot if you find someone willing to give you companionship. It happens.
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HTTR
Submitted by Rem Koolhaas: "Maybe it is just me, but every time I see an interior photo of the Playboy Mansion, I just imagine a smell of stale crotch stink and cheap perfume ingrained into the wood paneling."
I imagine it being like a rest home with the delusion and pretension that it's Dowton Abbey. It's an institutional setting, really, like a school or hospital with food service food trucked in by Sysco and a time clock where the staff punches there time cards and shit.
Ick.
Submitted by RandéSleepover on Tue, 01/01/2013 - 4:16pm.
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The "inmates" - bwaahahahaha
They all happily use each other, I'd say good on them but cheapo flaccid peen and money-hungry silicone balloon poons are blech and passé nowadays. ;/
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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What could she possibly have in common with a great grandpa.
You would think Hef would have better self esteem. This trick went public dissing him. Saying he disgusted her and she fucked him once for two minutes. I am ok with forgiveness, but marrying her after she left you basically at the altar then totally tore you apart to the world? -shrugs- To each their own I suppose.
When did he officially divorce Kimberly? I don't care enough to research it.
Submitted by Daniee on Tue, 01/01/2013 - 4:23pm.
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Crystal thinks she's getting the better deal here and will have fame and fortune from this union. Little does she know that Hef is a very old hand at this whose crusty tight wad ass (who doubled up on party expenses, btw) is surrounded by advisers and accountants who will prevent her taking advantage. The dumbass still has to sit on his little crotch pinky though. HAHAHAAHA Happy 2013 to you Daniee.
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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This is so weird, because years ago I used to chat to Crystal on myspace and she was so different. Her boyfriend had been killed, he was in the army I think? I'm not sure, but I remember she was very sad & depressed about it & not going out much. I felt really sorry for her, she seemed to introverted & missing her bf. We stopped chatting a bit and then the next thing Hef was taking her to Disneyland with the twins. Weird world. Most people prob think of her as a gold digger and who knows probably is but it does make me wonder if he took advantage of her while she was down. i don't know, but I would def say the love of her life is the one who died.
Frappenbloat, that story made me feel bad for her. What a lost girl who thinks marrying this geriatric pervert will fill some void in her life
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"If you're going through hell, keep going" ~ Winston Churchill
Submitted by Snarf on Tue, 01/01/2013 - 4:20pm.
So which will last the longest, the marriage or Hugh?
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Well, if Hef topples, so topples the...oh never mind. :)
Yeh, 26?! Has she been doing meth and drinking no water for 14 years?
Anylies, these people are zzzzzzzzz. Naps please.
Is she checking her phone to see if she has a date for that night?
So which will last longer, the marriage or Hugh?
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Shiitake happens...
Those who marry for money usually end up earning it-so true in this case!
Submitted by jelliebean on Tue, 01/01/2013 - 4:09pm.
Don't forget about the doggie pee and poo, as GG mentioned (maybe Hef's diapers overpower it though). They go everywhere and the place is carpeted so it must stink. The Vicks Vapo Rub competes the odor.
LOL. Maybe the Eau de Sad Desperation overpowers it all?
In that Playboy show that was on TV for a while, the inmates always seemed overjoyed whenever they went on a trip somewhere, like dogs that had been cooped up then taken for a walk.
Garf. These two -- I can't. Not today. Imagining the smell of mustiness and skank in the same breath.
Can't.
Submitted by zomay on Tue, 01/01/2013 - 4:01pm.
GOLD-DIGGING IS ALIVE AND IN FULL BLOOM. DONT JUDGE THESE ROAD TURDS. I CAN SMELL THE MONEY BURNING SHE CREATES.
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Fixed.
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www.theanimalrescuesite.com
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