I Know, It's WAY Too Early In This Year For This Mess
While I pulled some Freaky Friday shit and took over Kathy Griffin's body to try to give a faux beej to The Silver Fox, this photoboming dude in the middle of Kanye West and Kim Kartrashian acted on behalf of humanity by throwing a "Are you there God? It's me, the face of humanity. For why did you allow this to happen?!" look of desperation at 1OAK's New Year's Eve party in Las Vegas on Monday night. Meanwhile, Kim is cackling up at the heavens, because she knows that in a few months she's going to butt birth out the chosen spawn of Lucifer and there's nothing God can do about it. I hope God gets the last laugh when Kim gives birth to a drooling cave baby that looks just like Kris Humphries.
While looking like thirty pounds of rotten smoked gouda wrapped in one of Cher's old costumes, Kim continued her reign as Pimp Mama Kris' most prized pig by hosting 1OAK's New Year's Eve party for a check. Kanye also showed up to the party, because he wanted to flash his smuggest smug face since his gay sperm fish has been where literally a billion different kinds of sperm fishes have been before (read: her baby making areas) and has done what none of them were able to do (read: knocked her up). Kim told UsWeekly at 1OAK's party that so far she hasn't had a case of the barfs at all:
"I have felt good. I haven't had any morning sickness, but it still isn't the easiest. People always say it's easy and fun. It's definitely an adjustment learning about your body and stuff like that. I've been feeling really good so that's good."
Kim might not be heaving up gallons of barf, but I'm pretty sure all of humanity is. Yes, this is how it ends. Civilization will drown in its own ocean of barf after reading every single detail about the Kimye baby. Or after seeing this picture of PMK in her freakum dress.
And if you want to infuse your barfs with a sprinkling of HAHAHAs, just read all about how Kim isn't planning on whoring out her baby. Kim Kardashian not planning to whore out her first born is...well...like Kim Kardashian not planning to whore out her first born.
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Blind Item Reveal on CDAN:
Thursday, January 03, 2013
Blind Items Revealed
November 21, 2012
This stage mom thinks a baby will make for great ratings and a bunch of money so she has her daughter's ovulation cycle in an app and calls her and texts when its go time. Not sure, but she would probably even go and watch if she thought she could get away with it.
Kim Kardashian/Kris Jenner
Posted by ent lawyer at 8:30 AM 24 comments
PHM, you think I don't know that Kim has had a TON of plastic surgery??? I have been screaming about her lies for years now! :)
My point was Kim was a beautiful little girl and woman before all the plastic surgery. Now she looks like a fucking mannequin.
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And I'm not sorry (I'm not sorry)
It's human nature [it's human nature]
And I'm not sorry [I'm not sorry]
I'm not your bitch don't hang your shit on me
GOD! she already looks like sh*t. this is going to be fun to watch..
Fuck Kanye looks about as unhappy as he could. He clearly knows he was trapped into this bullshit. Just like the guy that got videotaped taking Kim's virginity and just like the guy that made sure Kim got paid when she walked down the aisle. Poor guys. Player got played HARD. Better make sure you've got lots of money to keep paying this whore. She's got a ticket to your wallet forever now.
Jesus. The fake wedding and now a baby to rebound. What fucking network is paying these assholes. They are the only reason I think people making more than 450k a year should pay more in tax. I don't know why poor people keep watching these stuck up ugly fucked up people enabling them to make more money for having their fat in the right ass.
So, Kim is not throwing up but the rest of us are???
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 2:47pm.
Thanks, Foxxy, but I'm not going to buy OPI anymore. You're right all of the Trashian Kolors are the ones OPI already had..it's pathetic. Fergie did some colors for Wet 'n' Wild that are absolute crap, but at least she did different colors than what the brand had already offered.
Submitted by catspajamas on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 4:28pm.
New Year's Day conversation with my 77 y.o. Mom
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LOOOOOOOL, thanks for sharing that! Your mom sized the situation up pretty quickly. I enjoyed her concise estimate of the events - I concur wholeheartedly XD
Jeez, that dress is such a mess - people just let her go out dressed like ... oh, wait - yeah, I would. Meanwhile, has she come out with her pretentious line of clothing for pregnant hoes on the stroll?
"People always say it's easy and fun."
NO ONE SAYS THAT!!!
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 2:42pm.
i don't want to be uppity, MK, but wouldn't you really rather have the butt baby look like Reggie Bush? i sure would. very much. oh so very much
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I would love this as well, if only for the shade. BUT, in thinking about it, what if the baby actually looked like Reggie? It'd be a gorgeous lil tike and then we couldn't point and laugh at what will no doubt be the ugliest child since the Willis kids.
New Year's Day conversation with my 77 y.o. Mom
My mom: "who is this Kim Karduncian (yes, like dunce). All day I've been hearing about how she is having a baby with this ugly man. "
Me: "she's on a reality show"
Mom: " and they say she's been married 3 or 4 times. Why didn't she have a baby when she was married?"
Me: " she is married to some other guy. "
Mom: "so in other words, she's just some whore"
Pimp Mamma Kris has a HORRIBLE nose job...talk about the Michael Jackson nose..at least her fake ass prized pig's nose looks done but not DONE!!! like Pimp Mamma's that nose gives her a constant snippy look...too much space between the lips and nose...How do I loathe this coverage words cannot describe but at least you are not orgasming about this like TMZ they had six posts, folks it is the Antichrist in her womb, not the second coming...plus I do believe she has aborted a number of times...this getting pregnant while married shit is a trademark of all real whores and sluts..so why are they so fucking happy about celebrating her sluthood. Fuck most women get shamed to death for doing this.
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 2:57pm.
So apparently since her announcement sales of Kim's sex tape have spiked. What is wrong with people...*side eyes Jack*
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Hahahahaa! lamest sex tape ever!
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" Can I wear the Scream mask? The mask from Scream... when I do you from behind..." ~ Kenny Powers
I hope that in a couple months Khloe and Lamar announce that they are expecting triplets. Just to show up Kim. Then all the attention would be on Khloe's "miracle triplets". Hopefully everyone, including all press outlets, will forget about the famewhore baby to be. I'd love to see how that effected Kim and Kanye
Hm, you're not supposed to Botox when you're pregnant. I wonder if plasti-face is going to hold out for the baby's sake. Riiiight.....
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"Hooooooty who give an eff about Haiti?! I don't! BAM!" - MK as Taylor Momsen
Yes, let it look like a caveman (please, please, please) a Baby Bambam Kamye will be perfect for these two. Just wait until the wails of morning sickness start. "Kim is cackling up at the heavens" - lol
#heaving-to-the-heavens
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 2:47pm.
Submitted by PrettyHateMachine on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 1:03pm.
Submitted by jelliebean on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 12:50pm.
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I saw Kardashian Kollection shoes "as low as $39.99" advertised right on Facebook's news feed, arrghhh.
People, anybody who buys crap with Kardashian name on it puts $$$$ into that greedy family's bulging pockets! Don't do it!
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Submitted by Migraineuse on Fri, 09/14/2012 - 6:22pm.
All females belong to the sex class; they are subhuman buckets for male incontinence.
Submitted by FluffKitteh on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 12:05pm.
OMG, that plastic surgery! She is looking more and more like an alien. E.T. Phone Hoe.
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"E.T. Phone Hoe" holy shit that's hilarious
So apparently since her announcement sales of Kim's sex tape have spiked. What is wrong with people...*side eyes Jack*
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Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012
I know I've made the 'Kim is a real doll brought into sentience' arguement already, but seriously, thumb 4 illustrates my point so beautifully. Fuckin uncanny!
ubmitted by Foxxy Brown on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 2:42pm.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 11:49am.
*cleans snot from monitor* happy new year and welcome back, foolio
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Thanks, it's been 10 days... good to be sober again (lies).
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" Can I wear the Scream mask? The mask from Scream... when I do you from behind..." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by PrettyHateMachine on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 1:03pm.
Submitted by jelliebean on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 12:50pm.
I USED to by OPI nail polish and one day I went to pick it up and there was a picture of the Kartrashians above it and the color that I normally wear was named after one of the little ones. I didn't buy it.
i believe many of those Kardashian colors are all pretty much dupes of other OPIs so you may still be able to find yours under the regular OPI brand. for example the rainbow glitter K color is the same as OPI's "rainbow connection" from the muppet line
yes, what a surprise -- they just took something previously designed and produced by someone else and just slapped their names on it. shocking, they never do that ever.
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 11:49am.
*cleans snot from monitor* happy new year and welcome back, foolio ;-P
i don't want to be uppity, MK, but wouldn't you really rather have the butt baby look like Reggie Bush? i sure would. very much. oh so very much
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Paris she may have been a pretty child, but that is not the same nose as she was born with : http://www.sodahead.com/entertainment/kim-kardashian/question-3102729/?l...
I'm all for a moratorium, too. Mainly to see these famewhores self combust over lack of attention.
Submitted by PrettyHateMachine on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 1:03pm.
Submitted by jelliebean on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 12:50pm.
I USED to by OPI nail polish and one day I went to pick it up and there was a picture of the Kartrashians above it and the color that I normally wear was named after one of the little ones. I didn't buy it.
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Same here. I don't care what it is, if anything Kartrashian is associated with it I REFUSE to buy it. Who likes this famewhoring family and WHY??????
There was a story about how Kanye dresses Kim, which is why she has been dressing extra fugly since they got together, I really don't think it's a coincidence that Kim is wearing the almost exact same dress Amber Rose was when she showed off her bump, gay fish probably misses AR the same way KK misses Reggie
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I wish I had multiple Alts, that way I won't be so lonely when I'm talking to myself
Submitted by Maggs on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 1:02pm.
I think he has bulimia cheeks just like Bethanny Frankel. Never seen a man with a jawline like his.
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It shames me to know this , but Kanye was in a serious car-accident several years ago and fucked his jaw up and his mouth had to be wired shut for several weeks. I would have looked at those wires to shut his dumb ass up permanently, but what do i know.....
i really, really despise these famewhores!!
Somewhere Reggie Bush is saying "Whew! dodged a bullet there." These 2 suck!
My first reaction to this tragedy was laughter, thinking about how this chubby bitch would really chow down and blow the eff up. Then i realized there's no way she could actually carry a baby to term without the fetus slip 'n' slidin' it's way out on the reg, and this whole spectacle is probably just another desperado attempt to bond with beyonce (didn't her "belly" fold over at some point on some talk show?) You just KNOW she had to hire the same babyoven that incubated Blue Ivy.
These two alone are reason enough to regret 12/21/12 did not come true.
lol, "butt birth"
For those making fun of Kim's original nose, look at her childhood pics. Kim was a beautiful little girl...and you all know how much I detest Kim, so this hurts me to say.
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And I'm not sorry (I'm not sorry)
It's human nature [it's human nature]
And I'm not sorry [I'm not sorry]
I'm not your bitch don't hang your shit on me
Let's see how much Kanye is laughing when their little Kash Kow is born with Kim's original nose. Penelope Disick anyone? And Scott is mildly attractive, so this baby is fucked.
Submitted by guest on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 12:31pm.
She'll have several nannies & bring the baby out for photo ops only. Or Khloe or Kourtney will raise it.
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Or she'll find out she's allergic to babies and give it to her secretary. Like that poor white kitteh, RIP.
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Submitted by Migraineuse on Fri, 09/14/2012 - 6:22pm.
All females belong to the sex class; they are subhuman buckets for male incontinence.
Oh, and I see another future Weightwatchers spokesho.
I thought something was up. He brought the slut woman to OKC recently to visit his mom's grave.
He always looks miserable. WTF?
"...sometimes sucking on the same dick gets real boring." - MK's eloquent cousin
"People always say it's easy and fun"
What the fuck is she talking about??
My G-D, I fucking HATE HER. She is so STOOOOOOOPIT.
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And I'm not sorry (I'm not sorry)
It's human nature [it's human nature]
And I'm not sorry [I'm not sorry]
I'm not your bitch don't hang your shit on me
And she got paid a 6 figure sum for this appearance? I just can't make sense of this f'ed up world anymore.
Submitted by jelliebean on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 12:50pm.
I USED to by OPI nail polish and one day I went to pick it up and there was a picture of the Kartrashians above it and the color that I normally wear was named after one of the little ones. I didn't buy it.
God please- can't everyone just stop posting shit about these two? Please? Really, I'm not joking. I like celebrity gossip - even about people that drive me nuts - but this K family shit just needs to go away. Does anyone really care?
And I just read that perhaps the Pratts are in the UK for celebrity BB? It's like Z-list celebrity hell and it's only 2 days into 2013.
I think he has bulimia cheeks just like Bethanny Frankel. Never seen a man with a jawline like his.
Submitted by Girl about town on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 11:51am.
I hope they don't make leather and lace onesies, because you know that fool Koonye will be all over the baby's wardrobe too,
Submitted by WWJDFAKB on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 11:55am.
If you think the way Kim dresses now is humorous, wait until Kanye tries to tap into maternity wear.
^^^
Yes! of course this is a merchandising scheme! I'm sure these two in league with PMK, will be opening baby boutiques in Bombay in a year. And then child and teen boutiques in the following years which will also spread their diseased wears to Kmart, Target et al. If anyone has tried to shop in any reasonably priced store lately you will see their krass kreepy krap with their gross ghoulish mugs grinning out at you like witches out of the dark night of Macbeth.
"“By the pricking of my thumbs, Something wicked this way comes"!!
Can we please have a moratorium on dlisted threads about the worthless disgusting narcissistic self important attention whoring piss princess and her whiney spunk donor? I can't imagine 2 people I care less about...
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"Dammit, Pam, I've seen that, and now I can't unsee it. There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer
Submitted by tojo on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 12:40pm.
Sorry but there is no charisma between these two. And if she is really 3 months pregnant then why wasn't he photoshopped into the annual Kristmas Kard?
True and LOL. Parents who care far more for themselves than their kids don't make good parents.
Submitted by Good Queen Liz on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 12:00pm.
Does he eat kebabs sideways?
^^^^^^^^^
I'm writing that down. LOL!
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"Marriage is what you do when you decide one cock is good enough to let the owner annoy you for the rest of your life." - TrashyWilma
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 12:39pm.
DOWNGRADE!
^^^^^^^^^^
Big time!
Also a downgrade for Kanye. lol
Reggie...YUM!
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"Marriage is what you do when you decide one cock is good enough to let the owner annoy you for the rest of your life." - TrashyWilma