Brangelina WOULD Get Married On Jesus' Birthday
If you were born on or around December 25th, then I'm sure you have already cursed your parents for insisting on partaking in bareback love during the springtimes. Jesus is an attention whore, so December 25th is always all about him and other December 25th babies get the shaft. Christmas babies usually get dual purpose gifts and their birthday cake is a pile of leftover holiday cookies with a half-melted candle stuck in it. Well, Christmas babies, Jesus now feels your pain, because his special day has been overshadowed by the ultimate attention whores: BRANGELINA!
The Telegraph says that Brad Pitt and Angie Jo might've (but probably not) gotten married on Christmas Day during their holiday vacation to Turks and Caicos. Proving that he's still a cheating bastard, Brad Pitt cheated on Chanel by staying at Donna Karan's estate. A source says that Brad's parents, his sister Julie and his more-talented brother Doug Pitt joined Brangelina and their child army in Turks and Caicos. Some tourists say that they spotted a bulgy-eyed creature slithering around the island, so either James Haven gave Angie away or an iguana on meth did.
So if this is true, then on December 25, 2013, the following is going to happen:
- Instead of wearing red and green Christmas sweaters, we're going to wear black potato sacks.
- Instead of filling our eating holes with egg nog and Honey Baked Ham, we're going to slowly sip on virgin blood in between licking a plate covered with Jennifer Aniston's dried tears.
- Instead of decorating the Christmas tree, we're all going to smoke pine tree needles out of a bong. (Note: I'm okay with this.)
- Instead of giving our children half an Ambien, so they'll be passed out when Santa comes to visit, we're going to put them in front of the fireplace for Angie to take after she slithers down the chimney.
Poor, Jesus. Now he'll be the one blowing out a half-melted candle on a pile of leftover holiday cookies while everyone is celebrating Brangelina's wedding day. Merry Brangiemas, I guess.
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His hair! Her big head and slight frame!
So over these 2 too.
Submitted by twosie on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 5:16pm.
I have it on VERY good authority that Brad and Angelina are not married.
However, I DO believe that their wedding date should be celebrated like Prince William and Kate's. Brad and Angelina are the most beloved people in this world and a special event for them would benefit not only the US but the entire world.
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Hahahahahahaa the fuck!? dream on, hook...
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" Can I wear the Scream mask? The mask from Scream... when I do you from behind..." ~ Kenny Powers
Nothing brings the hate out in Dlisters as these two narcisstic douchebags.
Who. The. Fuck. Cares.
believe it when I see it, still won't care.
I think it is frigging weird to have some big, public wedding if you have six damn kids. What do you say to them?
Sarah Smile
I love having been born so close to Christmas ( my mom was actually due on the 25th but I was born on the 22nd). It's so festive everywhere you go and you hear Christmas music all over. It's the soundtrack for my bday! And I love the early sunsets. : D
The present and party thing has at times been a bummer.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
I like to smile, smiling's my favorite! : )
The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!
Submitted by twosie on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 5:16pm.
I have it on VERY good authority that Brad and Angelina are not married.
However, I DO believe that their wedding date should be celebrated like Prince William and Kate's. Brad and Angelina are the most beloved people in this world and a special event for them would benefit not only the US but the entire world.
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I agree. I propose a worldwide holiday for this occasion. All strife in the world would cease--Syria, Israel, Palestine, the Democratic Republic of the Congo, and Chechnya would lay down their arms and embrace each other.
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A Lannister always pays his debts.
Submitted by chlyn on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 8:23pm.
No mention of brother Michael Pitt, late of Boardwalk Empire?
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No relation.
I remember seeing both of them wearing rings on their right hands for quite a while now. So this is old news. Whether they have or they haven't only serves to sell mags and perfume(?) ha.
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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I hope someone gifted them soap for a wedding present!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
This is how it's gonna play out.
They're married, a year or so later, they get divorced. THE TABS then set up story plots where Brad is "seen" going to "JENS" house to be consoled and "close friends" tell "sources" "He knew he made a mistake leaving her for Ang from day one and wishes he could take it all back" and the Jen haters shit and piss their chonies while seething with rage at what a dried up no life having WHORE Jen is! -End Scene-
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"And it don't matter who you are, if I'm doin my job, its your resolve that breaks..Cause the hook brings you back, I ain't tellin you no lie. The hook brings you back, on that you can rely."
WHO CARES!? They have been together years, have 6 kids, and act like they can't fucking stand each other anymore. You can't get anymore married than that. It will just make their inevitable break up more complicated at this point.
Good news for us if they did get hitched. I am tired of the endless magazine covers, the endless chatter of Brangeloonies and the constant bullshit of Jen Anniston.
Wish it would all stop!! No real life plays out with so much bullshit.
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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie
I really do not like that dress. Meh.
No mention of brother Michael Pitt, late of Boardwalk Empire?
Submitted by Poopele on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 6:44pm.
Submitted by IHateCharityChic
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Seriously I read blogs like everyone else. It was hard to miss Ben Stiller's raging six pack abs featured on one of the sites a few days ago.
It's when you start talking about how you know what goes on in people's heads that you go over the line. The loons come on here and claim to know what these celebrities are thinking and feeling every waking moment of their lives. We get a full rundown of exact wedding plans, the works. There are loons who even claim to know the exact moment when Brad and Jen's marriage ended and when they stopped having sex etc.
I think this is somewhat different than knowing Ben Stiller is friends with Jen Aniston and Justin Theroux, and using simple common sense to deduce that he might be at their wedding.
That's awesome, MeFun! You've got a lucky son :)
Submitted by mefunigirl on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 5:14pm.
Submitted by turnelbup on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 4:28pm.
... my father never failed to say I was the best Christmas present he ever had *sniff*....
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awwwww! I had a christmas baby too, and when we brought him home all swaddled I placed him under the tree and took a picture. I always tell him he was the best christmas present we ever got as well. I hope he remembers that like you do.
When he was little, I always made his party on the very first saturday of dec. Before our decor was up.
Now he loves it because even out of town family is here for his Bday.
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
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"When in doubt, freak 'em out" -- Sharon Needles
I'm torn between getting them a George Foreman Grill or a new backbone for Brad.
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"Going to Burger King to eat healthy is like going to a prostitute for a hug." Dlister Supah 8.20.11
Submitted by IHateCharityChic
Your entire comment makes no sense, like most loon comments. You people honestly believe that Aniston obsesses over Brad and Angelina the way you do. LOL.
There will be no Aniston/Theroux wedding without Ben Stiller, a close friend to both and the guy who first introduced them. And Stiller spent the holidays in Hawaii.
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Do you not miss the irony of someone ragging on someone who 'obsesess over Brad and Angelina', who them immediatly proceeds to explain to you who will be invited to Jennifer Aniston's wedding and why, adding the knowledge of where Ben Stiller is vacationing for the holidays?
Holy Crap.
I don't think Brangie will ever get married. I think they're about as interested in getting married as Jennifer Aniston is in having a baby, i.e. NOT AT ALL.
@Sal
Yeah, I went back a little while ago and saw that tweet. No ring, Goatbitch not bothering to spend the new year with the kids, shit is so transparent. It's one thing to avoid each other but to miss birthdays and holidays?
I posted a few drive-by pleasantries yesterday. I've been on vacation and trying to read up now but it occured to me that I didn't need to go further than two pages since it's the same old shit, lol. But the name "Mongelina" cracks me up whenever I see it.
As for the "mole", yeah, going back YEARS of posts looking for something incriminating is pathetic but, like you said, it's even more pathetic when they're doing it to defend two fame whores who wouldn't waste their spit on them. I really didn't think they actually participated here, but after reading Whamo's post, I'm a little suspicious, seeing as he never gets moderated.
Submitted by IHateCharityChic on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 5:45pm.
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Your entire comment makes no sense, like most loon comments. You people honestly believe that Aniston obsesses over Brad and Angelina the way you do. LOL.
There will be no Aniston/Theroux wedding without Ben Stiller, a close friend to both and the guy who first introduced them. And Stiller spent the holidays in Hawaii.
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Hehehe, loons say the funniest things and completely forgot where Heroina's career was in 2004 before she started an affair with Pittstain. They can't stand taking Jen out of the equation because without her there is no triangle, and without triangle there is no Brand. Their careers only thrived on milking the cheating scandal.
Submitted by Gigaboob on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 4:54pm.
Submitted by IHateCharityChic on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 4:45pm.
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I don't think these two dried up pieces of caca would get that type of attention anymore, but I like your movie promotion theory. That shit needs all the help it can get. Bombs away!
Sal, it's disappointing, no? I was hoping for another blood soaked affair.
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Giga, I think the effect of the Bat Heart's powder worn off faster than Heroina expected. She was already photographed without the ring.
Submitted by HeddaHopper on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 5:17pm.
What's important about this rumor is, it gives one an opportunity to really admire Jennifer Aniston and the way she has internalized her Girl Scout admonition: Be Prepared.
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Your entire comment makes no sense, like most loon comments. You people honestly believe that Aniston obsesses over Brad and Angelina the way you do. LOL.
There will be no Aniston/Theroux wedding without Ben Stiller, a close friend to both and the guy who first introduced them. And Stiller spent the holidays in Hawaii.
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 5:02pm.
Submitted by salacious on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 4:38pm.
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I got moded right off the bat, didn't get a single comment it.
We both KNOW there is a POS loon rat that monitors us here on the D. They are here enough to know exactly what we talk about all the time but they don't have the balls to come out and challenge us on the D.
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Wham, if you have a dsl modem, try switching it off and back on, then erase the cookies, change the email address you normally use.
Yes, there is a no life, hopeless cunt that reports to loons about us. Why they would care about what we, mere mortals, say on this blog about their god-like idols is beyond me. They'll go through the trouble of digging up comments from years ago, and I can't imagine someone being such a loser to do it for love of their idols unless it's for money.
And lol, of course they wouldn't say anything here, they know Dlisted as a "hate site" and thus they'd get their asses handed back in a minute.
Angie is sometimes seen once (and never again) with various celebs, like Gwen Stefani and Naomi Watts.
Here is from last year:
The "In the Land of Blood and Honey" director admits in the upcoming issue of Marie Claire that she doesn't have tight circle of female friends. In fact, Jolie says that she doesn't have many friends at all and, instead, relies heavily on partner Brad Pitt.
"It was nice for me to play with other girls; I don't really have girlfriends in movies, if you've noticed," Jolie told the magazine. "Well, I have a few girlfriends. I just... I stay at home a lot. I don't do a lot with them, and I'm very homebound ... I talk to Brad. But I don't know, I don't have a lot of friends I talk to. He really is the only person I talk to."
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Jeg er norsk.
He will never marry her.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Jeg er norsk.
No really help me out here! Does Angelina Jolie have friends?? I never see her with any friends except for her huzzband.
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Did I st-st-stutter?
What's important about this rumor is, it gives one an opportunity to really admire Jennifer Aniston and the way she has internalized her Girl Scout admonition: Be Prepared.
Dear Jen has been headquartered in Cabo for what seems like months, but in fact is just a week. Or maybe ten days. OK. Maybe two weeks. She not only brought her fiance, who must have packed in a hurry because he's been wearing the same pair of cut off black jeans (I know.) the entire time, Jen also had Jimmy Kinnel, who does a reasonable imitation of an old man, Kimmel's girlfriend Molly, James Krasinski and his wife Emily Blunt (Kimmel's neighbors), and quite possibly George Clooney (Brad Pitt's BFF) and his "girl friend" Stacy. (who passed the time doing shots with Michael Phelps. Yes, that Michael Phelps.)
Thus an entire guest list/wedding party was assembled in Cabo monitoring the situation in the Turks Caicos closely. If there were even a hint of some kind of ceremony, Team Aniston would have beat them by a yard. Or maybe a nose. Who can say.
So I will safely bet there was no wedding, because if there had been, there would've been a pre-emptive wedding in Cabo.
I have it on VERY good authority that Brad and Angelina are not married.
However, I DO believe that their wedding date should be celebrated like Prince William and Kate's. Brad and Angelina are the most beloved people in this world and a special event for them would benefit not only the US but the entire world.
Submitted by turnelbup on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 4:28pm.
... my father never failed to say I was the best Christmas present he ever had *sniff*....
......
awwwww! I had a christmas baby too, and when we brought him home all swaddled I placed him under the tree and took a picture. I always tell him he was the best christmas present we ever got as well. I hope he remembers that like you do.
When he was little, I always made his party on the very first saturday of dec. Before our decor was up.
Now he loves it because even out of town family is here for his Bday.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
@ Saltydog
Yes I saw that episode wish I can fine a group like that. That was funny.
I am a Christmas baby and yes I had the rum cake and fruit cake as a birthday cake.
Submitted by louise_brooks on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 3:25pm.
They look animatronic.
Hahaha. Nailed it!
Submitted by salacious on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 4:38pm.
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I got moded right off the bat, didn't get a single comment it.
We both KNOW there is a POS loon rat that monitors us here on the D. They are here enough to know exactly what we talk about all the time but they don't have the balls to come out and challenge us on the D.
Submitted by salacious on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 4:50pm.
Actually, months ago, some of the antis were guessing that December would be a good time for the Brand to announce their separation because it would go unnoticed. It's clear they lived separate lives through most of 2012 and people no longer care about their paid lackeys making statements on how in love they are with each other.
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The lack of conspiracy theories about the fact that they've only been photographed once since their engagement back in March is pretty crazy. The loons went completely apeshit after Justin Theroux and Jennifer Aniston were apart for a couple of weeks while she was filming "We're the Millers". The loons had a million theories about how they had broken up, but the fact that Brad and Angie are never ever seen together anymore is something that completely escaped their notice.
Submitted by IHateCharityChic on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 4:45pm.
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I don't think these two dried up pieces of caca would get that type of attention anymore, but I like your movie promotion theory. That shit needs all the help it can get. Bombs away!
Sal, it's disappointing, no? I was hoping for another blood soaked affair.
Great. Now we can look forward to the divorce.
Submitted by IHateCharityChic on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 4:45pm.
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Actually, months ago, some of the antis were guessing that December would be a good time for the Brand to announce their separation because it would go unnoticed. It's clear they lived separate lives through most of 2012 and people no longer care about their paid lackeys making statements on how in love they are with each other.
Did anybody else see that awesome Happy Endings about the December 25th babies? It was pretty good, they all get together at a bar to celebrate their birthday and then form a mob to go smash Christmas decorations.
Heh, I'm calling bullshit on this one until I see it in People Mag. They sell all of their 'exclusives' to People.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 3:26pm.
Submitted by salacious on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 3:25pm.
"The unwashed drug addict..."
getting a little sloppy there, Sal ;-)
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LOL, it's beginning of the year, I'm playing nice. You know you're always welcome to help me out like that at the loons' hideout. :)
I find it hard to believe they would give up a news cycle to Jesus. Jesus is a nobody compared to these two so they're going to want the ENTIRE world paying attention to this wedding. There will be many hints in the week leading up to it, wall-to-wall coverage on CNN from Anderson Cooper and a full spread in People magazine. Only the best for these self-absorbed assholes. If it's good enough for Kate Middleton it's not nearly enough for the brand.
My bet, a month before Brad's zombie flick comes out so they can promote the shit out of that unbelievably expensive movie. Or wedged in between his film and her Disney flick. Although, I'd find it a lot more entertaining if Brandgelina used yet another promotional tour to let the loons know they are getting married any minute now only to drag this out for another year or two or three. LOL
Submitted by Good Queen Liz on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 4:37pm.
Would a mere wedding do for them?
True, but they've sort of painted themselves into the marriage corner by now. Also, they've tried to leave the really wacky stuff behind and be responsible parents, international ambassadors, and artistes.
It's also hard to believe they wouldn't hype their wedding a lot more, even though doing so brings all kinds of prying and interference.
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“Mais où sont les neiges d'antan?” (Villon)
A pair of stunt queens !! That's who gets married on Xmas.
"If it were socially acceptable I would esconce myself in velvet. " George Costanza
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 3:38pm.
Submitted by annobanano
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I have to go see what the regulars are saying...and rain on their parade of course.
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Been there done that. And lol no, they're not buying it, apparently The Telegraph is not a respectable source for loons, yet anonymous tweets are. XD
Why that bitch ain't got no friends? Shadey ladies have no gal friends.
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Did I st-st-stutter?
Would a mere wedding do for them? She's already been married twice, him once & even the most irresponsible octuplets type doctor might balk at putting triplets in that bag of bones.Buying more kids is samey. They need something original. Sex change for Bradley & gay marriage? Mutual organ donation? Suicide pact? Angle Voight marries Maddox? Her brother? Whatever it is it won't be a good film. That's crazy.