JLo Keeps Her Life Simple And Beautiful By Dressing Herself
When you got up this morning, wiped your own ass, scrubbed down your own pits in the shower and then put your clothes on by yourself, did you stop and think to herself, "What I just did there was so simple, so elegant, so beautiful"? Well, if you did, you're an asshole, because that's what JLo says every time she dresses herself. Jenny is still from the block, but the block she's from now is in Bel Air and her entire $500 million 400-room mansion sits on it.
JLo told Harper's Bazaar that her gold-plated life is so damn luxurious and over-the-top that she thinks it's so simple and so beautiful when she gets to dress her own self and comb her kids' hair. Bitch thinks she's Marie Antoifuckingnette.
"I like the whole idea of traveling, of looking good, and doing it well. I make it as simple and as beautiful as I can because my life is kind of big. So I pack my luggage, or dress myself, or comb my kids' hair, pick up their clothes — that makes our life beautiful, you know? There's something very elegant in that."
The hell kind of diamond dust is this bitch inhaling? She's out-GOOPING GOOP! I get that JLo usually has stylists sewing her into $50,000 gowns and a team of vagina nurses who change her rabbit fur tampons for her, but is she that out of touch? Of course she is, I know. But she shouldn't think that dressing herself is simple. I mean, it must be pretty hard and complicated to put on pants while your head is shoved far up your own ass. So she should give herself some serious credit for that. It's JLo's greatest talent!
And JLo also talked about that infamous Gucci dress she wore to the Grammys with Diddy:
"I have that at home. The other day, my housekeeper put it on a mannequin in my spa, where I get my hair and makeup done. She sent me a picture. She was like, 'You like this dress?' Um, yeah, but I don't know if I like it out in the house!"
I'm pretty sure a part of that quote was chopped off. JLo went on to say, "...and then I fired my maid for putting her peon hands all over the dress I'll have to sell on eBay when bitches get tired of my ridiculous diva ways and stop hiring my ass."
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Utter bullshit! My partner's boss is JLO's nanny's mother. There is Nothing Ms. Lopez does for "herself" apparently. Her day clothes are laid out--per her directions--in her dressing room before she "retires" for the evening.
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If you ever need someone to drink with, I'll drink with you. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, I'll drink with you. I guess what I'm trying to say is: I love to drink!!!
--Karen Walker
Ugh! This bitch reminds me of my cousin who grew up in BK, married well and now spends her days posting about her mansion/tennis court/nannies. I just want to write, "Remember when we were little and you lived next door to a crackhouse?" You're not that special, you're just lucky.
Somebody slap this bitch
Really?
I feel so negatively about this person that I won't articulate.
OMG, she brushes her own kid's hair?!! Where's this bitches mother of the year award?! I'm so tired of celebs thinking they are something special for doing things regular people do every day, just because they could hire someone to do it, but didnt. UGH. I bet her kids call her nanny mommy.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Fri, 01/04/2013 - 1:32pm.
"I'm a singer. I'm a dancer. I'm a performer. I'm an actress. That's what I'm supposed to be doing. It makes me a better parent, a better person." As for the demented schedule, "I think I can just handle more than the average bear, you know?"
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You are? Really? No, that's what you think you are. And in that case it will be hilarious to see what she's like when it all goes tits up again.
Her doing her fake "tour" and pretending to be a performer/singer/dancer/brain surgeon/polymath to the mass indifference of everyone was the latest act of delusion. This early 00s relic needs a reality check and to be told that no one curr and it's not 2001 anymore.
I'd love to be a fly on the wall with a conversation between her and GOOP, the only redeeming feature is their mutual loathing. Why can't the both of them just fuck off and die. Oh and Happy New Year! :-)
JHo is a legend in her own mind, and only there. She's famous by fluke, because she's a shit singer and a shit actor. Her career was totally in the toilet before American Idol, and it's headed back there again. Yeah, she's pretty, but she peaked 12 years ago. Everyone knows her "boyfriend" is gay, and she can't hold on to an age appropriate man.
I can take these pretentious quotes from Goopy because she's old money and was probably raised to look down on the rest of us, but JHo saying this shit is laughable. She'll be back in has been land by summer.
LitLion - that, just, wow. Oh, yes, the grueling goddamned schedule of a "performer" being paid millions of dollars.
J. Lo. should try stepping in the shoes of about 99% of parents who actually tend to their kids and lives without an in-house frigging spa. She'd last a DAY as the average bear.
Sarah Smile
Submitted by mefunigirl on Fri, 01/04/2013 - 12:55pm.
Submitted by Emeriesan on Fri, 01/04/2013 - 4:25am.
PS That horrendous sparkly excuse for an outfit does not look good on its own, let alone on a 30-something curvaceous latina.
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You could put a crumpled up Kleenex on a 30-something curvaceous Latina and it would still look hot as fire. Hate JLo for being an insufferable GOOPtard, but admit the bitch always looks flawless.
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"I have a very poor way of concealing my dislike of people and/or things." -- Evil_Cupcake's Mom
Submitted by literarylioness on Fri, 01/04/2013 - 4:16am.
you could have warned us to stretch our eye muscles first:
"But I'm not a judge for a living," she explains. "I'm a singer. I'm a dancer. I'm a performer. I'm an actress. That's what I'm supposed to be doing. It makes me a better parent, a better person." As for the demented schedule, "I think I can just handle more than the average bear, you know?"
"The worst is when I'm tired. It's the overworking, which I've learned to say no to. I'm not my best self. I'm at my best, I think, when I'm giving love. I feel my best, I am my best, I need my best."
"When I got into the business, I developed a love of monochromatic looks." But then she "added that sexy element to it. Then it was classic things, movie stars, Jackie O. And now," she says, exhaling, "all of these things mixed together, that's my style."
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
I wonder if she realizes that she opened herself up to ridicule by revealing her ignorance and emptiness. Can't wait till she gets the sideeye from real old money matrons when she walks into some shop in New York. Oh to be an elegant fly on the wall.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Fyi mk, the dress was versace, not gucci...
Submitted by Emeriesan on Fri, 01/04/2013 - 4:25am.
PS That horrendous sparkly excuse for an outfit does not look good on its own, let alone on a 30-something curvaceous latina.
......
she's 43. yeah, that makes it even more foolish.
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
I really don't understand the part about the spa and mannequin. Is it in her house? What kind of "spa" has random mannequins around that they let the patrons dress? I guess my life of dressing and feeding myself and doing my own hair is too elegant and beautiful to make sense of this.
I legitimately think this woman is stupid.
Sarah Smile
who pays to see this puta in concert? she can't sing and makes up for it by strutting around in her stupid costumes and humping her boy toy. people actually WANT TO PAY to see her? i don't get it.
"The other day, my housekeeper put it on a mannequin in my spa, where I get my hair and makeup done. "
Oh Dear sweet Jenny from the Block, you are about as simple and elegant as a diamond powder douche administered by virgin castrati dressed in platinum jockstraps in the Vatican's secret underground disco for pedophile priests.
LMFAO at Uvy!!!!
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" Can I wear the Scream mask? The mask from Scream... when I do you from behind..." ~ Kenny Powers
I hate this Bronx puta. So G.D. full of herself. And those are NOT her legs. They're more like Stumpy Britney's.
When will this no talent low class ho bag just drift back into obscurity where she belongs? She is horrible on so many levels. JHO Bag continues to show how truly rotten she is. I just hate this bitch!
She Stinks!
The other day, my housekeeper* put my gown** on a mannequin*** in my spa****, where I get my hair and makeup***** done.
*I
**Kohl's sweaterdress
***a robe hook where it fell off into a pile of my husband's chest hair
****tiny bathroom
*****am lucky if I can escape for five fucking minutes from the kids
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If I see something I haven't seen before, I'll throw a dollar at it.
Pretentious much, JHo? Never liked her, never will. What JLo and Diddy were then is what Kim K. and Kanye are now. tsk.tsk.tsk. I think she looks awful, but in a simple elegant way, that is. She needs to be taken down quite a few pegs; she is quite full of herself for someone who cannot sing or act.
*whips condom wrapper out of bathrobe pocket* --"WE need to talk..." Richie during the out of control summer of 2005
"my life is kind of big"
hahahahahaha
so is your ass
and your ego
jhole giving cher competition in plastic surgery awards.
shes stoopid & her auto tune craps sucks.
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
She out gooped Goopy aka Fishy Paltrow she better shut up with her no talent plastic surgeries to hell and back.
Oh please, she probly did it one time and felt so proud of herself..
Jamie Foxx said it best when he was talking about "Jenny" and their old "In Living Color" days:
"When she was a "fly-girl" on "In Living Color", we didn't know her as "JLo".....we knew her as...."HAAAAAY HO!!!!".
Of course, this was when she was Diddy's HO, so he couldn't say that now without her lawyers pouncing on him. But it's still priceless!!!
And yes...bitch please!!!
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Fri, 01/04/2013 - 1:12am.
Whamo, words cannot describe the smell. it was like a skunk that rolled in shit climbed into an elephant and died and then a week later the elephant farted while he shit the skunk out.
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Bwahaaaaaaa!!! Sweeet Geeezuz Foxxy that's some funny shit!
@ VOB....Whams -Blasteurs are elegant. I wish I'd a thought of that one! A MUCH better word:)
GHETTO DOUCHE
xoxox
The war isn't working.
A mannequin in the spa where she gets her hair and make-up done?
Bitch please.
fame has not gone to her head... no siree, Bob. ::eyeroll::
I see she got the aluminum wrap version of Bug Eye Hathaway's vegan S&M boots.
So has she ordered someone's execution because Anne Hathaway already wore those boots in black?
. . . and I want to thank all the little people who make my splendor possible!
Submitted by Puppy Love on Fri, 01/04/2013 - 12:43am.
For all her pretenses, jewels, mannequins in the house, and every other soulless thing she believes makes her so fucking special, the truth of the matter is that she can't hold onto a decent man.
You just know that kills her.
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TRUTH!
A belated Happy New Year to all of you D-slores out there.
PS That horrendous sparkly excuse for an outfit does not look good on its own, let alone on a 30-something curvaceous latina.
If you really want to laugh, you should read the rest of the article. She's got some pretty good (stupid) quotes in there. JBlow the gift that keeps on giving.
What year is it? Jlow was someone who thought she was some type of icon. Well she wasn't & should fade away again. Her vapid attitude was never funny nor fun. She emits such a void. Just nasty energy and not in a funny or eccentric way.
We should all live our lives with the elegant simplicity that is JLo. We all can learn a lesson from her humility.
..and then Barberella showed up and kicked her ass
This reminds me...many years ago I was in my local craft store (yes I'm a CraftTard) and they had this collection of charmingly/hilariously-lame award ribbons meant for children, to make them feel good about random stuff like losing a tooth, or cleaning their room, you know "Mom's #1 Helper!" etc. One of a few that caught my eye (and which I bought to give out to my friends at random drunken times) was "I Can Dress Myself!" and it had a penguin on it.
JLo can dress herselfs, she deserves an award ribbon! heehee
Puppy: So true, and that she can't get one in the first place!
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Fri, 01/04/2013 - 12:51am.
Michelle ate an entire head of raw cauliflower yesterday. her rectal emissions last night were both generous and elegant. my life is kind of big, but i kept it as simple and beautiful as possible as i forcibly ejected her stank ass into the back yard.
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HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Submitted by mschunkyvanderslut on Fri, 01/04/2013 - 12:31am.
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Props to you! *offers tiara* I'm not even a mom - I'm a dedicated Auntie. I clean up my nephie's poops and barfs and whatever else. It's no thang. (Not to mention my fur-children's messes).
LOLOLOLOL @ all the elegant poetry going on in this thread!
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Fri, 01/04/2013 - 1:12am.
it was like a skunk that rolled in shit climbed into an elephant and died and then a week later the elephant farted while he shit the skunk out.
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Jeezus. I get back from cooking and hit "refresh" and this is what I read!! LOL, re-GROSS is more like it
Michael K! This is a lie! Her dress is in the Grammy museum in DTLA! And it's Versace.
*does armpit fart in harmony with Whamo's rip*
Whamo, words cannot describe the smell. it was like a skunk that rolled in shit climbed into an elephant and died and then a week later the elephant farted while he shit the skunk out. we're close to freezing at night so i tried to keep her inside. after two blasts she was outta here [no one call PETA - blanket on bench, big dog lotta fur, all the other dogs were outside last night too]
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Whams -Blasteurs are elegant...
I'd say I'm surprised by this but the truth is I heard it in a song while I was sleeping upside down in my daughter's closet.- Dog
Foxxy..SBDs are beautiful and elegant too... I have this on good authority
I'd say I'm surprised by this but the truth is I heard it in a song while I was sleeping upside down in my daughter's closet.- Dog
Whamo, an ELEGANT RIP!? *runs away fast*
No wait, she's Electric Jellorella?
What was that Kravitz song, Black Jelloteen?
Ok, I'll stop now.
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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