Taylor Swift Has Made Out With A Snail Before
Radar said a couple of weeks ago that Harry Styles booked Taylor Swift a seat on the S.S. Bye Bitch, because he's full of 18-year-old hormones and can't stop humping stuff (Note: Yeah, that fluffy thing that ran by and humped your leg for five seconds. That was Harry Styles) and she's a prude who wouldn't give up the panty as much as he wanted. But maybe Taylor Swift hardly ever slid naked onto home plate with Harry Styles, because his first base skills made her spit up snail slime.
Jenna B (the girl with bacne who sits in front of you in 10th grade English) told Ashley (the girl with the worst split ends EVER who sits next to Jenna B) who told Megan (the girl who gave Ashley's boyfriend a handjob at a party, I don't even know why they talk!) who told Star Magazine (via HL) that Taylor Swift got the icks every time she put her lips on Harry's lips. Taylor is telling her friends that he "kissed like a snail. Eventually Taylor found it hard not to be grossed out.”
What does a snail kiss like exactly....
One time when I still lived at my mom's house, I came home drunk during the Hour of the Snails (aka like 4am) and I forgot my key. So I laid down on the concrete in the front yard and watched a snail slither on by. I thought about it, but I never made out with that snail, so I have no idea what it's like to suck on a snail's face. Worms, however, are all tongue. I shouldn't have told you that. Hide the plant butter before you get any ideas.
And I'm sure Harry Styles would say that kissing Taylor Swift is a lot like sucking a burp out of a parakeet's ass.
In other Swifty gossip you just need to know, a source tells Radar (the same ones who said Harry dumped her for keeping her legs shut) that she doesn't know if she can ever trust Harry again, because she believes he cheated on her:
“She thought he was cheating on her when they were apart over the holidays so she ended it, telling him she couldn’t be in a relationship with someone like that. Harry protested that he never did anything wrong, and that’s why Taylor is trying right now to give him the benefit of the doubt and trying to work things out with him. But his reputation precedes him and it’s hard to believe Taylor will ever be able to fully trust Harry because the ladies just throw themselves at him and he does nothing to temper that."
Taylor shouldn't be so hard on Harry even if he did cheat. Every time he'd try to kiss her, she'd throw salt at him and every time he'd stick his hand down her panties, he'd find nothing but a large pile of Sluggo in there. What else what he was supposed to do?
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Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 01/24/2013 - 1:58pm.
Since she probably practiced kissing on the back of her hand, no doubt she's a shitty kisser.
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Totally agree! Harry'd be *all* tongue and she'd be no tongue. Just a quick peck. And hugs! I bet when Harry poked his tongue out the first time she was like "Ew, what's that?" and he'd be like, "Er...it's a...snail...yeah..." all English-like.
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Help me!
Yeah I can't with escargot. I thought it actually tasted okay but I couldn't get over what it was.
Submitted by Deb on Thu, 01/24/2013 - 1:00pm.
Thanks. Now I'm craving escargot bourguinon.
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*huah huah*
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Oh our honeymoon in Jamaica, I got drunkey enough to order escargot and to start to eat it, but then started sobering up halfway during the meal and the texture got to me and I couldn't finish.
Since she probably practiced kissing on the back of her hand, no doubt she's a shitty kisser.
GAWD! I am grumpy as fuck cat today. I need people to stop jumping down my throat. And I need lazy assholes to learn how to walk up one flight of fucking stairs.
Submitted by que cochina on Thu, 01/24/2013 - 1:42pm.
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Thu, 01/24/2013 - 1:24pm.
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It's true. BP was ethereally doll-like in her beauty. Yet she was funny!
She has aged well. Good living, genes, and cosmetic procedure decisions!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
GG - you're prolly aware we never had those phlegmy garden pests in CA until some silly Frenchies brought them over. Quelle stupide!
Harry totally looks like he would kiss like a snail. Those droopy lips. And I can just see him foaming up saliva like a snail, with his slobbery tongue. The walking dead, people.
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Help me!
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Thu, 01/24/2013 - 1:31pm.
Submitted by Deb on Thu, 01/24/2013 - 1:00pm.
Thanks. Now I'm craving escargot bourguinon.
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*goes to front yard*
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Find some fat, juicy ones, GG! I don't have them often, but I love escargot done up right with plenty of garlic and fresh parsley, swimming in hot, buttery goodness. Maybe with a light, herbed breadcrumb crust, browned perfectly by the broiler's flames... Fresh baguette to dip in the butter.
And of course, a nice glass of red wine. YUM!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
BWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
:-)
This is the funniest Dlisted post Ive read since the historic Dina Lohan Going Gangham Style post! Love you MK--you made my day!
Submitted by que cochina on Thu, 01/24/2013 - 1:42pm.
BP is one who has held up damn well in the looks department. If she's had work, it's been done artfully with subtle being the operative word!
Yes! There was a recent picture of her doing a gig or something, and she looked so good I couldn't believe my eyes. She's in her 60s!
Submitted by Lisbet459 on Thu, 01/24/2013 - 1:34pm.
Submitted by Glambert on Thu, 01/24/2013 - 1:31pm.
"A Low Vera"
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I have the feeling that this is really, really obvious, but I've seen that a few times wrt Roberts, and I have no idea what it means.
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Julia's husband was married to someone named Vera when he and Julia hooked up. Homewrecking ensued but then Jula had the nerve to wear a t-shirt with the words "A Low Vera" on it...which is obviously a play on the words aloe vera but is pretty bitchy considering Julia is the homewrecker.
Submitted by tonicbitch on Thu, 01/24/2013 - 1:40pm.
Submitted by Lisbet459 on Thu, 01/24/2013 - 1:34pm.
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OK, this is how I remembered it at the time:
Vera said that Julia got involved with Danny when Danny and Vera were just separated. Vera said in the media that Julia was getting involved with a married man and was preventing Danny and Vera from working the relationship out. So Julia decided to wear a shirt that said "A Low Vera" to emphasise how low it was for Vera to criticise Julia in the media like that when Danny and Vera's marriage was already over. And how this was also a pun about hair care products. (Julia also had a t-shirt that said HO HO BA)
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Help me!
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Thu, 01/24/2013 - 1:24pm.
Submitted by Deb on Thu, 01/24/2013 - 1:06pm. Bernadette Peters looked like an actual angel in it, a porcelain doll. She was really beautiful.
Hey Luci - BP is one who has held up damn well in the looks department. If she's had work, it's been done artfully with subtle being the operative word!
Submitted by Lisbet459 on Thu, 01/24/2013 - 1:34pm.
I have the feeling that this is really, really obvious, but I've seen that a few times wrt Roberts, and I have no idea what it means.
http://celebgossip.com/2011/10/julia-roberts-channels-dark-side-evil-que...
A stupid dig at Vera, that cameraman's ex-wife, whom he left to be with The Joker. Right after she, Vera, suffered a miscarriage.
Submitted by tonicbitch on Thu, 01/24/2013 - 1:40pm.
Submitted by Lisbet459 on Thu, 01/24/2013 - 1:34pm.
I have the feeling that this is really, really obvious, but I've seen that a few times wrt Roberts, and I have no idea what it means.
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Julia Roberts had an affair with a married guy whose wife's name was Vera. She works in Howood as a makeup artist or something. Julia started a smear campaign against her and wore tshirts that said "A Low Vera" on them and I think she threatened her job too. The dude left Vera and he and Julia are married. Horsey cunt.
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And now I feel fine - great, in fact - about talking about how ugly Julia Roberts is. Sweet mother of fuck.
Submitted by Lisbet459 on Thu, 01/24/2013 - 1:34pm.
I have the feeling that this is really, really obvious, but I've seen that a few times wrt Roberts, and I have no idea what it means.
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Julia Roberts had an affair with a married guy whose wife's name was Vera. She works in Howood as a makeup artist or something. Vera didn't want to get a divorce so Julia started a smear campaign against her and wore tshirts that said "A Low Vera" on them and I think she threatened her job too. The dude left Vera and he and Julia are now married. Horsey cunt.
Whoever the poster was the other day that said bitch, get a vibrator and some wine, I'd like to extend that advice to Taylor.
Yeah I thought she wouldn't give it up because of antiquing? And that Harry and Louis were really in love? And Taylor was just bearding because she only ever gave it up for John Mayer and the others were part of her teen dating "narrative"? So why did Harry leave her on some boat? Was this because of some tattoo thing?
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Help me!
Submitted by Glambert on Thu, 01/24/2013 - 1:31pm.
"A Low Vera"
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I have the feeling that this is really, really obvious, but I've seen that a few times wrt Roberts, and I have no idea what it means.
Bottom line: she threw dart after dart at the board trying to look like his bitch but he never ever ever changed his outfit to match hers, not once not remotely.
I wonder if her management is about to the point of telling her she's proven her staying power and he is obviously flavor of the month and down the road is just a Nick Carter or Nick Lachey and she's sort of depreciating her worth.
Submitted by Deb on Thu, 01/24/2013 - 1:00pm.
Thanks. Now I'm craving escargot bourguinon.
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*goes to front yard*
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Submitted by Nanners on Thu, 01/24/2013 - 1:25pm.
Oh, just pull a Julia Roberts and marry a non-celebrity who will know what side his bread is buttered instead of being a literal starfucker who attracts starfuckers!
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"A Low Vera"
Oh, just pull a Julia Roberts and marry a non-celebrity who will know what side his bread is buttered instead of being a literal starfucker who attracts starfuckers!
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What the fuck dude? And being European is NOT an excuse. - IHateCharityChic 05/10/2012
Submitted by Deb on Thu, 01/24/2013 - 1:06pm.
"The Jerk" was on a couple of weekends ago... It is still as funny as it was when it came out in 1979.
I watched that film for the first time ever last week (Whamo recommended it a while back) and Jesus Christ! it was fucking funny. I'm surprised it was made in the 70s. Bernadette Peters looked like an actual angel in it, a porcelain doll. She was really beautiful.
ooooh well I heard that Taylor and Harry were back together again but this time they were gonna take it a little bit slowly so.....blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah
ENOUGH WITH THIS Light in the Piazza chick!
Submitted by Deb on Thu, 01/24/2013 - 1:17pm.
Her music sucks
It's hurt your ears sucks! Her success is right up there for the least talented successful singers out there right now. and she gets so many props for writing her music. Give me a FKING break--any high school music student that knows a few chords could write like that.
"Harry I compare you to a kiss from a snail on the gray" - Taylor should get on that cover asap
GOD, I cant wait for this immature GURL to fucking grow the fuck up!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Thu, 01/24/2013 - 1:09pm.
that paper thing where you write guys names and numbers on the paper then fold it up so you can use your fingers to open it in different directions and see how many months you would spend with each guy so you pick the guy you get the most months with
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Yeah, did those paper thingys have a proper name?
I agree with her on lousy kissing being a dealbreaker.
On everything else she says/does/writes about...
*jerk off motion*
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If I see something I haven't seen before, I'll throw a dollar at it.
Submitted by Deb on Thu, 01/24/2013 - 1:17pm.
I don't know if this chick is fucking 'em all or isn't fucking any of 'em. Who cares?
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Oh she is fucking them all I bet. I wouldn't give a shit at all if she didn't have a fake chaste persona. She is just as fake as her music is.
It could only be a depressing, traumatic experience. Although, maybe pleasant for Taylor.
I don't know if this chick is fucking 'em all or isn't fucking any of 'em. Who cares? Her music sucks. I mean does she really think that she's the first songwriter to use heartbreak as inspiration? So she trots out these fake boyfriends so her dipshit fans can speculate if song "A" is about the ugly Kennedy kid or the twink from One Direction. Fake. Fake Fake.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
They're still pretending this was real.
I have to say, I like Taylor more as the slutty bitch, than when she tries desperately to convince everyone she's basically dead from the waist down. (I'm not going to compare that image to a 14 y/o girl, because for once in my life I don't want to insult teenagers.)
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 01/24/2013 - 1:11pm.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Thu, 01/24/2013 - 1:09pm.
*high fives jack* well played, sir. well played. lmfao!!
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Thu, 01/24/2013 - 1:09pm.
let me know after she consults her magic 8-ball
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I used to ask my 8-ball questions... it always came back "shut up and blow me"
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" Can I wear the Scream mask? The mask from Scream... when I do you from behind..." ~ Kenny Powers
She will have gone through 100 guys by the time she is 30 and will have 3 greatest hits albums filled with songs about how they all did her wrong.
Her schtick is getting old!
I refuse to believe the bottom of her feet don't have chronic ceilingburnitus... I still get crazy-bitch-in-bed-trapped-in-quiet-shy-girl-body vibes from her...
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" Can I wear the Scream mask? The mask from Scream... when I do you from behind..." ~ Kenny Powers
let me know after she consults her magic 8-ball, ouiji board and that paper thing where you write guys names and numbers on the paper then fold it up so you can use your fingers to open it in different directions and see how many months you would spend with each guy so you pick the guy you get the most months with
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
close to topic: Taylor Swift has a nice butt. Then again, she is 23. She's just a weirdo.
Submitted by SFRBully on Thu, 01/24/2013 - 1:02pm.
"The Jerk" was on a couple of weekends ago, when DirecTv was giving free HBO, Showtime, Cinemax. It was the first time in ages I saw the unedited version. It is still as funny as it was when it came out in 1979.
"And waiter! No more of that old wine from the 60's! Bring us some FRESH WINE with little umbrellas in the glass!"
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
That girl will never understand that if she owned her whoreness no one would give a shit, but instead she talks shit about her exes "he wanted the punany all the time and was a shitty kisser". No one likes a blabbermouth, cray cray.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_m7Aeicon5Y
THERE ARE SNAILS ON HER PLATE!
TAYLOR OPEN YOUR EYES WIDER.
YOU WOULD THINK IN A FANCY RESTAURANT LIKE THIS WITH THESE PRICES, YOU WOULD KEEP THE SNAILS OUT OF THE FOOD.
TAYLOR'S SQUINTY EYES ARE NOT TO BE MADE FUN OF BY SLIPPING DISGUSTING THINGS ONTO HER PLATE OR HER PILLOW LIKE THIS.
Thanks. Now I'm craving escargot bourguinon.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson