In Other Foreskin News….

While Oprah loves smearing foreskin on her face, Taylor Swift wants nothing to do with it. We finally know the real reason why Taylor Swift and Harry Styles broke up. It’s not because he has the face-sucking skills of a slimy garden wanderer or because she wouldn’t put out.  It’s because Harry was sick of Taylor whining at him to get circumcised. Taylor did not like the fact that his dick looks E.T. going for an undercover bike ride.

A completely reliable source who totally isn’t the intern at The National Enquirer tells Mike Walker (via Lainey Gossip) that Taylor Swift is no friend of H.O.O.P.’s, because she can’t stand uncut penis.

“Taylor didn’t like the fact that English-born Harry was not circumcised – she even suggested he undergo surgery! Harry made it clear he had no intention of changing anything. He asked her not to mention it again. But Taylor never missed the chance to poke fun or make a comment. At first, Harry just rolled his eyes and tried to ignore her, but the final straw came when she suggested once again that he get…snipped!”

This is extremely good news for fans of uncut dick and fans of dick of every kind (aka the team I’m on). More uncut dick for us! I’ve never cared if the peen is naked or wearing a Slanket. It has never mattered to me. I’ve seen some scary-looking uncut peen and I’ve seen a cut dick that looked like it was wearing a chewed-up calamari ring as a necklace. They botched that shit. But I still didn’t care. If it can get the job done, who cares? And I don’t even care if the uncut peen is covered with seven kinds of cracker spread. Just scoop it out, use it to open your first Hickory Farms franchise and keep the fun moving.

Here’s peen hood hater Taylor Swift at the 40 Principales Awards in Madrid last night.