Because You Definitely Need A Palate Cleanser

If you spent time with the post below, then you probably have the taste of fame whore leche in your mouth, so rinse away that nastiness by breathing in the natural beauty of the earth goddess that is Shauna Sand. I mean, Shauna Sand is an elegant piece of parsley with fake chichis and exquisite taste in heels. If you've been looking for the perfect church ensemble that says, "I'm as pure as a drop of saliva off of a baby unicorn's tongue," then take a page from the Empress of Lucite and steal a doily out of a pre-school craft closet and turn it into a dress. As soon as you sashay through the church doors tomorrow, the entire congregation will turn away from the altar and worship at your feet instead.

Here's the most gorgeous creature in every universe with her piece Laurent Homoburger (typo and it stays) gracing Miami with their beauty the other day. You can't tell from these pictures, but every time Shauna Sand's heels touched the ground, a member of the preservation society declared that patch of concrete a historical site. And I used to think that sleeveless Ed Hardy t-shirts were the epitome of tacky, but that appreciator of beauty in the background is making me think otherwise. He obviously knows sophistication and is an authority on elegance if he's taking a picture of Shauna Sand. I will never doubt his taste.

Splash

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by WildGuy on Tue, 01/29/2013 - 3:37pm.

Damn! And I was going to wear that today. Well back into the closet with you. (Need to talk to Nikki. I want my tangerine mini skirt back.)

Submitted by Cake666 on Mon, 01/28/2013 - 9:45am.

Gotta love today's beauty standard: grab malnourished stripper with molten ape face, dye hair yellow or white, add fake tan & floating devices: Miss Universe! Lets put that shit on television/in magazines/give it a record deal!

"No intelligent life form writes in caps lock" ~GOD
(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

Submitted by blather999 on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 10:44pm.

For all of you who provided links re Shana that showed "after" shots, I thank you for the nightmares that I will surely suffer from tonight. REALLY, thanks for having the decency to not show the be*ver that is enough to make anyone, regardless of orientation, never want to have sex again.
+++
"That's what you said a week ago in Guadalajara." - Honey West

Submitted by blather999 on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 10:35pm.

@ crazyinjapan: You are so right. My mom was a professional model in Sweden the 70's. She had me moisturizing at age 13. My dad got skin cancer when I was 15 and forbid me from sunbathing. The result is skin with no lines or wrinkles.

Poor Shana has destroyed her once beautiful face. And I seem to recall a picture of her kitty-cat. It ain't purty. Labia majora drooping 5". Shana, spend your money on plastic surgery that gives you a youthful, sweet kitty-cat and stay out of the sun and tanning salons!

Submitted by WithinReason... on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 5:58pm.

Anno, holy smokes, she used to be gorgeous! Even just a few years ago http://4.bp.blogspot.com/__0t4IBGvSCE/S8zz4wmGO-I/AAAAAAAAARk/8N50G6TkZm...
Now she looks like an anus. What the hell happened? Is this all on Lamas? He comes across like such a jerk!

•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠♡░░░░
Bloggie noms close January 27th! http://2013.bloggi.es/

Submitted by puta culera on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 5:44pm.

She is a disgrace.

Submitted by de Cosmos on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 3:13pm.

Nooooooo....... I never recovered from her sex tape / porno, Shauna Sand eXposed, in which she flaunted her grey clam.

Submitted by tomahawk on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 2:44pm.

Submitted by crazyinjapan on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 12:21pm.
----
Okay, thanks for answering my question, it really sounded like "a good advise to older people" to me. So again, thanks for clarification.

Anyway: My gran is 80 and started getting grey (she's got black hair which usually gets grey at quite an early age) about 3 years ago - asking her about how she did it would result in: "Well, I don't know, maybe because I smoked, maybe because I had short hair most of my life, maybe because I never dyed it, maybe because I only used the cheapest shampoo available, maybe because I went through war barefoot, maybe because I didn't go to school." You pick her secret.
No offense to your gran nor to you (really not), but I know that nothing can stop the ageing process, some might just be a bit luckier than others.

And I can understand when people just can't stand that process and decide to have surgery - although in most cases it looks worse after that.
Also: People at any age look better when groomed, it just might take a little longer when being older.

Submitted by WildBee on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 2:33pm.

Every time I see the Mistress of Lucite I can't help but remember her foot-long clit from her sex tape. Ewww! Disgusting. I'm scarred for life.

Submitted by Naughychimp on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 2:33pm.

I think Lorenzo Lamas hates women. Seriously. He's one of these guys who marries constantly and every woman leaves waaaaay worse than she arrived.

I remember when he was on a show called "Hot or Not" and he had a laser pointer light thingy and would aim at at contestant's inner thighs or abdomens and say things like, "you'd be hot but I see a little bit of jiggle here, so you're not!" I always imagined him behaving like that with his own wives.

Shauna through the years: (please note, she'd already had one bad nose job pre-Playboy, pre-Lorenzo, maybe even pre-high school year book)

http://www.google.ca/imgres?um=1&hl=en&client=firefox-a&hs=6HZ&sa=N&tbo=...

http://www.google.ca/imgres?um=1&hl=en&client=firefox-a&hs=Szt&tbo=d&rls...

http://www.google.ca/imgres?um=1&hl=en&client=firefox-a&hs=xRZ&tbo=d&rls...

Submitted by the wild pearl on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 2:21pm.

She should marry Donatella Versace and raise plastic babies.

Submitted by crazyinjapan on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 1:32pm.

Yes, Miss Lainey, it is okay to get older! And as for me, I'm happier at 42 than I was at 22 because I am more confident.

Submitted by crazyinjapan on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 1:27pm.

Another thing. People should be accepting of their flaws. Nobody is perfect, and there are some things that can't or shouldn't be changed. Got a big nose? Tell yourself that Roman noses are beautiful! Just look at Meryl Streep.

I once had a boyfriend who had slightly crooked teeth, so that when he smiled he looked snaggle-toothy. I thought it was the cutest thing. There was nothing wrong with his bite, so why fix them?

Got Dumbo ears? Grow your hair out some.

Got a flat chest? Wear a Wonderbra. Don't hate on little titties! When you get old, they won't sag.

Got a big caboose? Wear dark-colored, well-fitting skirts and slacks. Many men (see Sir Mix A Lot) find a large, round behind to be sexy.

Just love yourself and take care of yourself!

Submitted by misslainey on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 1:26pm.

Submitted by crazyinjapan on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 12:36pm.

Truth. There is something to be said about aging gracefully and being confident. Loving the skin you're in. Aging doesn't suck. It's how you approach it.

Submitted by friendtoallcats on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 1:13pm.

Apparently she did not grasp the concept of growing old gracefully.

Submitted by justducky on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 1:12pm.

What exactly are in bolt on tits to keep them shall we say shapely? Normal women with big boobs require serious support, and would sag to their waists in that dress.

Submitted by crazyinjapan on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 12:36pm.

Submitted by tomahawk on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 9:58am.
So "moisture moisture moisture and the men will fight over you" is pretty naive unless crazyinjapan did all of that and can confirm that her advise is valid. That was were my question was coming from - got it?
______________

That's not exactly what I said. I said take good care of yourself, be well-groomed, and be an interesting person, and you will be attractive. The moisturize, moisturize, moisturize statement comes from my grandmother. She was beautiful until the day she died. She didn't try to look like a 20-something, but strangers would come up to her and tell her how pretty she looked up into her 70s. When I was a kid, one of my little friends said, "Your grandma! She looks like a movie star!" I might be naive about a lot of things, but I've had so many boyfriends, fiance's (I don't know how to put an accent mark over the E, so I just used a quotation mark), and downright stalkers that I think I know a little about what is attractive. :)

Submitted by crazyinjapan on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 12:21pm.

Submitted by tomahawk on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 7:07am.

Submitted by crazyinjapan on Sat, 01/26/2013 - 11:42pm.
-------
Just a question: Are you older than 35 yourself?
_____________________

Yes.

Submitted by chlyn on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 12:05pm.

She lurves them French-named dudes: Romain, Laurent. This new one has a baby face.

Submitted by lislop on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 11:54am.

Submitted by sabi71 on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 11:17am.

Shauna Sand makes me sad. I feel awful for her daughters who have THAT for a role model.
____________________________________
The daughters are getting it from both ends, just look at their dad Lorenzo Lamas who only dates women with rock hard tits. Have you seen his FIFTH wife Shawna Craig? Hard to believe but her implants look even worse than Shauna's.

http://farm5.staticflickr.com/4006/4423139098_6aea0e6e78_z.jpg

Submitted by sabi71 on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 11:17am.

Shauna Sand makes me sad. I feel awful for her daughters who have THAT for a role model. Hopefully, they rebel......

Submitted by Really_seriously on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 10:26am.

That's a hot mess going south.

Submitted by Deb on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 10:05am.

Wow, when Shauna Sand is considered a palate cleanser, it's time for....my morning constitutional.

"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson

Submitted by little_rascal on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 9:54am.

Submitted by Get Serious on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 2:38am.
This whore* is a pathetic example of the LA wannabe woman; fake oversized bolt-on tits, plastic surgery on her face, dumbass stupid ankle tattoo, bleached blond hair. And, in her case, stripper shoes just so people will notice her. She's the punchline to the joke "who's the stupidest dumbass LA wannabe whore*"...
* - She qualifies as a whore, as she purposely made a fuck tape for the sole purpose of selling it for money.

---------
NOOOOOOO, why did you remind me her sex tape? The saggiest gray wrinkled beef curtains I've ever seen in my life! And that melted Haagen Dazs she dripped onto her crotch, LOL.
And she never took off her lucite heels! I kept wondering how the hell she keeps them on with her feet up in air? Are they glued to her feet?

+++++++++++++++++++
Submitted by Migraineuse on Fri, 09/14/2012 - 6:22pm.
All females belong to the sex class; they are subhuman buckets for male incontinence.

Submitted by tomahawk on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 9:58am.

Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 9:21am.
-------
Of course I am, why are you asking?
It would have been nice to know what gave me away - so maybe you might be so kind to explain how you caught me.

Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 9:21am.
-------
Edit: Or better: It would be nice if you would explain how you caught me - it's always easy to insult someone without further explanation, and I could write a book answering you - but honestly, I don't want to. So maybe an essay (as I don't have better things to do than answering a short spoken grumpy Brit):

To explain my stupidity: It's always easy to talk about what ageing people should and should not do when one isn't in the situation themselves. "Moisture moisture moisture" dosesn't make much sense when your skin is flapping around as that is genetic - and that happens to everybody from the age of 25 (Lady Gaga) to death. The age in which you start to notice it is in your mid to end 30s. All the stars you see have had the one or other treatment, no matter how much they deny it - I bet a lot of them inject their own bodyfat, have botox and whatever, cause ageing fucking sucks.
So "moisture moisture moisture and the men will fight over you" is pretty naive unless crazyinjapan did all of that and can confirm that her advise is valid. That was were my question was coming from - got it?

Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 9:21am.

Submitted by tomahawk on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 7:07am.

Just a question: are you the dumbest person alive?

Submitted by Meatblocks on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 8:58am.

okay, so she's a bit distorted and not the prettiest nor the brightest bulb that ever hit a socket but i'll tell you this, it's a lot better than looking at a frumpy soul shopping for cat food and books.
the woman reeks of sex and outside eating and breathing, that's what we do here on this planet. fuck, it's even survival. the woman is surviving.
i don't know what i'm saying, but all i know is i'd hate for her to listen to any of you and stop dressing like this.

*peddles off in a mint '88 yugo*

Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 8:12am.

*vomits*

Submitted by Hekki on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 7:40am.

Submitted by Pygar2000: "A sad portrait of desperation. Also, where the hell do you actually go dressed like that???"

Where the hell do you buy shoes like that? If I even WANTED shoes like that, I done even know where I'd look for them. Maybe those boutiques in the West Village who supply drag queens...

Submitted by tomahawk on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 7:07am.

Submitted by crazyinjapan on Sat, 01/26/2013 - 11:42pm.
-------
Just a question: Are you older than 35 yourself?

Submitted by Lissa on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 4:42am.

All was 'well' until she took the glasses off...
"Holy BAT, sh*tman!!!
Chick needs to call it a day...........

Submitted by Mick on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 3:47am.

Shauna is my closest friend, as some of you may know, and we chat daily. She is elegance personified and a lady with a capital "L". Did any of you know that she was once Head Nun in a convent? Do with that title what you will, but SS will be with us always, thank the good Lord in heaven. She could teach Lady Kate or Princess Kate, or whatever she's called now, a thing or two about understatement and class. But - Prince Wills didnt stand a chance with her! He's way too common for her.

================================================
"Oh, really? Did she like it?"
"I just love being a whore - you meet the most fascinating paint salesmen and curtain-rod manufacturers!"
"Oh, Honey. You´re simple, you´re shallow and you´re a common whor

Submitted by Get Serious on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 2:38am.

This whore* is a pathetic example of the LA wannabe woman; fake oversized bolt-on tits, plastic surgery on her face, dumbass stupid ankle tattoo, bleached blond hair. And, in her case, stripper shoes just so people will notice her. She's the punchline to the joke "who's the stupidest dumbass LA wannabe whore*"...

* - She qualifies as a whore, as she purposely made a fuck tape for the sole purpose of selling it for money.

--------------------------------------------
"Dammit, Pam, I've seen that, and now I can't unsee it. There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer

Submitted by Pygar2000 on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 1:50am.

A sad portrait of desperation. Also, where the hell do you actually go dressed like that???

Submitted by KlonapinKate on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 1:26am.

And etsy buy now a regretsy...

Submitted by crazyinjapan on Sat, 01/26/2013 - 11:42pm.

Why do people do this to themselves? There must be some self-hatred going on. I hate this, I hate that, oh doctor fix me up! Cripes people, learn to love yourselves and moisturize, moisturize, moisturize. Oh, and try to keep a steady healthy body weight. You can be hot 40+, just don't turn yourself into a zombie-looking whore with plastic surgery. Look into the mirror. Say I care about you. I will take good care of you. I will dress you flatteringly, and I will not wear too much makeup. I will not inject toxins into you. I will not mutilate you. I will do interesting activities with you.

And then watch the men line up for you!

Submitted by friendtoallcats on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 1:09pm.

I was wondering how old Shauna Sand is. She must be in her 40s at least.

Submitted by letinstar on Sat, 01/26/2013 - 11:34pm.

Shauna Sand....

A vision....

A mess...

That is all...

_____________________________________________
"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr

Submitted by Bunnyman on Sat, 01/26/2013 - 11:24pm.

Jeez freakin' Louise, there are no words to describe this plasticized whore.

Submitted by TelevisedRevolution on Sat, 01/26/2013 - 11:15pm.

i just realized, after all these years of seein SS on MK's blog, that something about this woman scares me.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
God don't like ugly.

Submitted by Mani6 on Sat, 01/26/2013 - 11:50pm.

Let her be a look at me famewhore for the time being...life is short.

............................................

If anyone is going to pee on him it's going to be me.- Nicole Kidman

Submitted by princesspoppy on Sat, 01/26/2013 - 10:56pm.

lol I love her double cross statement right between her bolt-ons.

Submitted by Hekki on Sat, 01/26/2013 - 10:50pm.

Submitted by liverwurst: "WTF is happening to our culture nowadays? When have women become so desperate for attention that self humiliation is the norm? Ughdisfuckingusting!"

Did you mean mutilation is the norm?

But seriously. It might just seem that way because these ARE the people getting attention. For every dizbomb like Shauna or Kim K, there are like 10 normal women who are being ignored because they don't have their freaky faces and misshapen carved-up bodies out on display and are working and taking care of their families and going to school to better themselves and volunteering their time to help others. These freaks are not the norm. They're the sideshow.

I'm an optimist like that.

Submitted by Andrei on Sat, 01/26/2013 - 10:40pm.

hiya, DOG!

Submitted by Hekki on Sat, 01/26/2013 - 10:38pm.

Anno, that's not the photo - I think lislop's is the one but I can't be bothered to get out of my warm cozy bed to go look (it's on the bookshelf in the living room!).

But she was so darn pretty. And probably still would be if she had left her face alone.

For some reason I can't hate on her too hard. She's probably a turd, but she doesn't seem like a mean person.

Submitted by RandéSleepover on Sat, 01/26/2013 - 10:16pm.

Submitted by annobanano on Sat, 01/26/2013 - 10:05pm.

I never saw any such thing. :)

Submitted by annobanano on Sat, 01/26/2013 - 10:05pm.

Lol @ RandéSleepover

And remember the pubic hair hearts, or weird shit like question marks? The 90's - good times.

Submitted by RandéSleepover on Sat, 01/26/2013 - 10:04pm.

Hamburglar is 27. They were married for a quick second; she filed for divorce, but I don't know if she saw it through. I know she Maced him during a fight.

Submitted by lislop on Sat, 01/26/2013 - 10:03pm.

@anno- wow, so beautiful. Bring back natural women!

Submitted by RandéSleepover on Sat, 01/26/2013 - 9:54pm.

Submitted by annobanano on Sat, 01/26/2013 - 9:38pm.
@ Hekki - don't know if this is from a Playboy photo shoot, but it doesn't even look like her. Oh, NSFW:

She looks hot. But that's not really a bush--it's more a cypress tree.