Bam Margera Is A True Poet Who's Into Solo Golden Showers
The humanized scab skin torn off of a skater boy's knee named Bam Margera is now getting into the rap game and has a new song out called "Bend My Dick To My Ass" and it's only a matter of time before the RIAA certifies it triple gold condom wrapper. Shooting liquefied human waste into his mouth made Bam a TV and movie star, so he's hoping it'll make him dubstep star too.
In the video for the tuck fuck anthem of our time, Bam and a fellow down river skank dry hump in the back of a car and flash their parts all around Iceland. The true bright spot of the video is at the 2:44 mark when Bam takes a sip of the piss geyser shooting out of his peen hole. (The prolific piss drinker from My Strange Addiction is totally in love.) If you think about it, whatever shoots out of his dick is probably not as disgusting or diseased as the shit that's in his mouth, so if anything, he's cleaning out his filthy trash hole.
And the lyrics to this beautiful song have confirmed that Bam is the most influential poet of our time.
In a coffee shop in heaven somewhere, Robert Frost is writing a 5,000 word poem about how he's disappointed at himself for not coming up with the poetic line "Bend My Dick To My Ass So That I Can Fuck Myself." That's exactly the line that The Road Not Taken needed to make it a real masterpiece. And will somebody please give me Bam Margera's phone number, because I need to beg him to let me use the line "Titty Fuck My Ass Cheeks" as the title of my memoirs. That line is my entire life summed up in five words.
In other Bam news, he was kicked out of a hotel in Brisbane after he ruined the paintings in his room by drunkenly painting over them with a bunch of his piece of trash friends. If the hotel owners saw Bam's music video, they'd understand his art and wouldn't have kicked him out. You can't keep an artist from making art just like you can't keep a Bam Margera from bending his dick to his ass.
(Thanks, Joanne)
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I don't care for Ban but I admit, I find Steve-O and Knoxville hot as shit.
I can just see Bam in another 10 years. 40-something years old, sweaty gut protruding through his skater shirt, receding hairline, pathetically trying to hold on to his youth by performing some old skateboard tricks for the local youngsters. It's gonna be sad. I suppose it's possible he'll Od long before that happens though.
...My darling can't you see
My heart sounds just for you my dear...
Music to do speed to!
Drugs is bad.
took a listen for a few seconds, didn't like it.
-and i like bam, jackass and all that ... but shit is shit and that was shit and not THE shit but just shit, the kind you step on over.
*peddles off in a mint '88 yugo*
Bam sucks. I didn't care for the gross out stuff Jackass did, but I used to laugh a lot at the show. It was also the first time in years I watched MTV. Hate to say it, but he should have died instead of Ryan Dunn. Bam is far more destructive and hateful.
Submitted by WWJDFAKB on Tue, 01/29/2013 - 5:38pm.
I think the band you're referring to is CKY. My friend was obsessed with Bam (don't know why) back in the day, and got tickets to a CKY concert down in Philly just so she could see him. Her ride backed out a few days ahead so I took her. Mostly for the free show, and to get a cheese steak. She waited for them to come out of the club after the show, and she got some sloppy tongue action from Bam in the parking lot in front of his then girlfriend. He invited her back to the hotel room. He was gross and totally skeevy (still don't get what she saw in him). I was cold. It was late. I was the sober dd and wasn't in the mood. We drove back home.
Submitted by triangledoghead on Tue, 01/29/2013 - 3:36pm.
awwwhh... looks like someone just discovered die antwoord
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hee heeeeeee!
"Bam and a fellow down river skank".....you are so from Michigan.
Bam has always been the most questionable one amongst the Jackass crew. He tries too hard, and I always got the impression that he was a bit of a closet case. His taste in music is another thing, obessing over H.I.M. or whatever the fuck they were called and hopping on the dubstep bandwagon that has died slowly for quite some time.
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What would Jesus do for a Klondike Bar?
If you believe in yourself, drink your school, stay in drugs, and don't do milk.
Clutching pearls around my neck whilst truthfully reporting: I have never watched anything with the JackAss franchise. Because kids actually do mimic that shit...and wasn't it all body related dangerous stunt they did? Now they're rapping poets. Give me a fuckin' break already. Losers.
My vision of world peace: a chicken in every pot, and pot for all us chickens...and weasels.
(Thanks, Joanne)
Yeah, thanks A LOT, Joanne.
*shanks her tires*
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Tue, 01/29/2013 - 4:13pm.
I was under the impression they were still together. I'll have to ask Lindsay about it next week. Can't wait to find out if she heard this trash or not.
Submitted by Lesbian Sourfruit on Tue, 01/29/2013 - 3:59pm.
My hair dresser is friend's with Bam's wife.
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I thought they were divorced? He was fucking Kat VD for a while (I thought).
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" Can I wear the Scream mask? The mask from Scream... when I do you from behind..." ~ Kenny Powers
Morons! Nothing redeeming about pinheads doing stupid things for attention and money.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
His parents must be so proud. If this was even remotely funny or clever I could appreciate it. I"m not a prude (I read dlisted for Gods sake) but this is just vulgar for the sake of being vulgar. And when the hell are white people going to start acting like white people again?? What is with Bieber and this douche Bam talking as though they were raised in the Bronx? If you WERE raised in the Bronx and talk like that, God bless ya, but if you weren't then BE WHO ARE. You have absolutely no street credibility whatsoever, so get in line behind John Mayer and turn in your ghetto cards immediately.
My hair dresser is friend's with Bam's wife.
I don't give a shit, I freakin love Bam. Viva la Bam was my favorite show!!! (rip ryan dunn)
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" Can I wear the Scream mask? The mask from Scream... when I do you from behind..." ~ Kenny Powers
awwwhh... looks like someone just discovered die antwoord
Jackass is a guilty pleasure of mine
Proof #947362537893902 that drugs are bad (mmmm kay).
"No intelligent life form writes in caps lock" ~GOD
(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻
Thanks Reddit
I bet PMK and Kim are kicking themselves on their own asses for not hooking Bam up with Kim..."KimBam" a piss match made in heave...hell.
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...the end
Submitted by Emeriesan on Tue, 01/29/2013 - 2:26pm.
HAHAHA! Found it! Its called Desert Blues - obvs it's Youtube so it's SANS FUCKS but hey, check out his hair in that!
ttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWtY7zjSVLE
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OMG! and imdb says it was 1995 LOL, that shit seriously looks like it should be from the 80's. That landlord should be hot slut of the day! Or Debby just for her epic skirt
No that bitch in the link is not drinking her own piss? Like in a cup?? I just, I jus... I. Jesus Christ.
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Don't make me quote Nabokov at you. I'll do it. I promise.
I have seen some sick shit, but this takes the cake! Until I see someone *actually* fuck themselves up the ass with their own dick, nothing will shock me now.
Why does Bam Margera have such a (no pun intended) hard-on for Iceland?
Also, who is this chick?
these posts are making me so sad today! first, the beiber girl with the sad titty handling and now bam destroying ICELAND! for shame! seriously, i recognize most of the places in the video from my visit over the summer and they are so serene and peaceful, it's horrifying that his dick mess is attempting to ruin the beautiful landscape! i'm just glad i went before i saw this video, or i don't think i would have been able to be there without these images reappearing in my brain like bad hallucinations...
www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack
What in the Informer-I-lick-you-boom-boom-down hell is this?? Well, at least he can think of one person that wants to have sex with him.
We're going to give you a fair trial- followed by a first class hanging."- Silverado
Submitted by saltydog
No, no - not a John Waters film - just a shitty camcorder thing. Hang on I'll look it up
....
HAHAHA! Found it! Its called Desert Blues - obvs it's Youtube so it's SANS FUCKS but hey, check out his hair in that!
ttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWtY7zjSVLE
Is it possible for someone from "Jackass" to go down 100 notches from where he was in the first place??
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www.dungeonhordes.com
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Submitted by Emeriesan on Tue, 01/29/2013 - 2:19pm.
This reminds me of Johnny Knoxville and his weird semi-porno film from the 80s. does anyone remember it?
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Are you talking about A Dirty Shame? Because that is not a Johnny Noxville movie, it is a John Waters movie that Johnny Noxville happens to be in. (not one of Waters' better films though, unfortunately because Tracy Ulman can be pretty funny)
Uvy - Exactly. I don't know about you, but I wish I had a dick to bend around my ass, so I could fuck myself.
*breaks out in Beavis and Butthead dance again*
Hey, the show and movies were called "Jackass" for a reason.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
I like how he had to mention that it's not gay that he wants to do this.
ALL of you are gay if you touch yourselves! You guys like touching your cocks so much that you excitedly rub them up and down rapidly until they cum? GAY.
Girls - you like touching your pussies? Nasty ass clitsluts. LEZBO.
You're going to hell if you masturbate, and it's ENTIRELY related to the fact that the activity in and of itself is homosexual in nature.
Anyway, I'm sure that Bam seeks advice from a spiritual adviser before making any decisions about his career. It's obvious that he is on a very spiritual journey here after having his star charts done.
DID YOU MOTHERFUCKING POOP IN MY FOOD? YOU BITCH! *THROWS TAMPON*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6PPzUW2PIY
I can not understand this, my brain will not comprehend why this is a thing that exists. It isn't funny, it isn't shocking, it isn't cool, it is actually pretty boring if you listen to more than 30 seconds of it.
At first I thought he had tried to release a rap video and somebody dubbed over it to mock him, but it is pretty clear he actually is saying all that stuff because of his hand gestures.
This reminds me of Johnny Knoxville and his weird semi-porno film from the 80s. does anyone remember it?
Okay - the title of the 'song' - something I'd expect from a 13 year old boy. Bam, hey - it was cute and funny and shocking waaaaaay back when Jackass was new and popular. But now it's 2013, time to find something new to do to and time to grow the fuck up. and leave your poor mother and father alone. I'm sure they feel bad enough as it is. Bam, the perpetual man-boy. Kind of pathetic. No, it IS pathetic. SMH
*whips condom wrapper out of bathrobe pocket* --"WE need to talk..." Richie during the out of control summer of 2005
Deb- I totally agree. When they realized they could make money off his bullshit, they rolled. Plus, I think they were pretty indulgent parents to begin with.
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If I see something I haven't seen before, I'll throw a dollar at it.
Submitted by shandi on Tue, 01/29/2013 - 2:13pm.
Hey Bam, go fuck yourself. Asshole.
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He's already getting ready to do just that! Didn't you listen to the song? ;)
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Anybody who doesn't think that Bam's parents were in on (at least eventually) his antics is more clueless than they supposedly were.
Even if they were genuinely shocked the first couple of times, eventually they'd have to be expecting the pranks. Nahmean?
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Hey Bam, go fuck yourself. Asshole.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 01/29/2013 - 1:16pm.
Only them? Uh uh, suuuuuure.
I cannot bring myself to press play - it makes me cringe just to read this post! Because I am - well used to be - a big Jackass fan, and I know that there is no way they can top their 2003 antics. It can only go downhill from there.
Although Bam was already kind of a ballbag, he was mean to his parents and he now looks more and more like his dad - karma is catching up, Bam.
Is this supposed to be a joke? After reflecting on this crap, it has to be a joke, or one coked out ill thought mess.
A few dozen people were involved in this piece of shit in one way or another, and not one thought, "This is a really stupid idea."
This isn't funny. This isn't shocking. It's just bad. Hes totally turning into his father, too.
April will be so proud.
Word here in West Chester,PA(Bam's home town)has always been that he loves him some dick in his ass. Just sayin'.
"I wanna bend my dick 'round the back of my ass, so I can fuck myself!"
*does Beavis and Butthead dance*
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
This reminds me of one of my favorite parts of "Dodgeball: A Real Underdog Story".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xUFQ2ECfPOw
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Submitted by ba-buttons: "I'll admit that I liked the Jackass movies, they honestly made me laugh out loud.
However, there is a whole lot of homoerotic energy floating around that bunch of guys, just like a frat house."
I just watched parts of a few of the Jackass movies, which have been floating around on cable at night. There is an inordinate amount of attention paid to penises and anuses (ani?) and lots of nudity. I live in a VERY female-centric universe, so the ways of men are foreign to me.
There was this documentary on PBS about these young Hawaiian men who were chosen to colonize these islands in the South Pacific, to sort of occupy and claim them as US territory, in the 1930s. They were basically left on the island with no women. Lots of photos of these beautiful strapping men wearing only tight shorts, with their muscular bodies, surfing and fishing, etc.
So naturally I wondered about what they did to fulfill their natural sexual urges. The men all talked about what paradise it was. I BET.
Cokey, was that wishful thinking on your part?
These two were high as kites making this rubbish.
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Dark-sided!