Soon You'll Be Able To Cleanse Your Insides With Brangelina's Holy Rosé
Churches everywhere are pouring their jugs of communion wine into the sink, because a new wine is coming out that is more holier and purer than any other wine and sipping on it will make you feel like you're sucking blood directly from Jesus' vein. Since Angelina Jolie supposedly drinks a bottle of wine every night to drown out the screeching sounds of the child army, she and Brad Pitt figured that they might as well cut out the middle bitch and make their own wine. The British wine magazine Decanter (via L.A. Times) says that Brad and Angie have joined wine making forces with the Perrins of Beaucastel to produce their own brand of rosé. The name "Bitch" was already taken, so they're calling their label "Miraval Provence" instead.
The wine will be produced at Brangie's fancy French estate called Château Miraval, which has a vineyard on it. The Perrin family (no relation to God Warrior, I think) will be responsible for making and selling the wine. Chateau Miraval used to produce a pink wine called Pink Floyd, which was named after the band, because they recorded The Wall in a studio on the property. Marc Perrin tells Decanter that the Miraval rosé will be out next month and they have plans to release a white wine in the summer and a red wine sometime next year. Marc says that Brangie is all about it.
"They (the Jolie-Pitts) want to ensure they are making the best Provence wines they can. They were present at the blending sessions this year, and are relooking at everything from the installations in the winery – where we have already switched to stainless steel tanks – to reworking the labels across the range of wines."
A wine critic has already tasted the Miraval rosé and says that "this deliciously bitter wine offers subtle barrel nuances, with hints of hash, baby saliva and the tears of a scorned woman . Along with this is a strange flavors that sort of tastes like the pristine blood of a virgin or like an angel's first period. And maybe it was just the bottle I drank from, but my glass had bits of Cabbage Patch Kid stuffing floating in it for some reason."
And yes, Miraval rosé is best served uncool.
• 
Morning, Hekki! :)
***********************************************
Well, did she make you cry
Make you break down
Shatter your illusions of love?
And is it over now, do you know how?
Pick up the pieces and go home
But will this taste good mixed with Fresca?
"...(the Jolie-Pitts) want to ensure they are making the best Provence wines they can. They were present at the blending sessions this year, and are relooking at everything from the installations in the winery ..."
====================================
oh, they were present? then thank god because nothing assures me quality control than an inspection and thumbs up by those 2 masters-of-everything renaissance kids.
*peddles off in a mint '88 yugo*
Submitted by parissucksliterally: "They are probably sold out already, the Just Jared loonies bought it all."
LMFPO.
I wonder how many bought Brad's furniture. Heh heh.
Memories- my friends and I used to open up the boxed wine, tape the plastic bag to our bellies and enter the concert "pregnant"
Pfft. I will stick with my Yellowtail, thanks. Cheers to you, Mr. Kangaroo!
I think I'll stick with my Cardboardeaux.
The Perrin family owns Château de Beaucastel, I doubt they need the money. I bet Bragelina found out who was who and went looking for them.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 1:43pm.
Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 1:35pm.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 1:30pm.
Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 1:26pm.
*pours one out in memory of the good ol' wine skin*
o.m.f.g. i have not seen a wine skin in years, lmao!!! ya see, children, back in the old days of sneak concert drinking there was no tacky capri sun packaged wine. no, not for us. we snuck our booze into concerts in leather, tyvm. we also had roach clips with beautiful feathers hanging from them, not rolled up pieces of torn matchbook covers. we was klassy.
aww Foxxay I'm tearing up... feathered roach clips.
LMAO M.K., I would've assumed anything Skeletina touched would be served chilled to the bone!!
hahahahahahahahaha I love the trashy pretenses of these two. Cut to PMK slapping the KKK Vintage on every bottle in BevMo.
*goes to "relook" at Brad's Chanel commercials*
hahahaha my luck my fate
They are probably sold out already, the Just Jared loonies bought it all.
***********************************************
Well, did she make you cry
Make you break down
Shatter your illusions of love?
And is it over now, do you know how?
Pick up the pieces and go home
Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 1:35pm.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 1:30pm.
Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 1:26pm.
*pours one out in memory of the good ol' wine skin*
o.m.f.g. i have not seen a wine skin in years, lmao!!! ya see, children, back in the old days of sneak concert drinking there was no tacky capri sun packaged wine. no, not for us. we snuck our booze into concerts in leather, tyvm. we also had roach clips with beautiful feathers hanging from them, not rolled up pieces of torn matchbook covers. we was klassy.
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
tastes like Montenegro Style clots
-------------------------------------------------
Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Thu,
LOL ::police sirens:: but ossifer, I only had ONE glass of wine. ::mugshot flash bulb::
======================
http://cheezburger.com/7058964224
Something tells me that we are going to see them everywhere AGAIN.
Are they promoting some new movie or charity? Because they can stay pretty low profile when they wish to.
she is DARK SIDED TOOOOOUH!!!
-------------------------------------------------
Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 1:36pm.
Submitted by CokeyBloke on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 12:50pm.
A bottle of wine a night. Is that bad?
Just get this and you can say it's only a glass a night.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0053T01UM/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_3?pf_rd_...
LOL ::police sirens:: but ossifer, I only had ONE glass of wine. ::mugshot flash bulb::
Submitted by Hekki on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 1:33pm.
Well, maybe they are saving a struggling winery with a cash infusion. Maybe they're doing a good deed.
Bringing a blush to market does not a good deed make.
Submitted by CokeyBloke on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 12:50pm.
A bottle of wine a night. Is that bad?
Just get this and you can say it's only a glass a night.
http://images.search.yahoo.com/images/view;_ylt=A2KJke3VMB1REwoAVRmJzbkF...
Serve uncool & Wine Label photo
*kisses thumb & forefinger in a Frenchie Magnifique way*
Love it.
Mmmhumm... I RECKON I'LL TAKE A COUPLE OF THE BIGGUNS.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqTWQiTlhKQ&t=1m19s
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 1:30pm.
Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 1:26pm.
I remember this rose in weird shaped bottle called Mateus my parents and their friends used to drink in the '70's before they became wine snobs. Do they still make it?
i saw it on a shelf in a BevMo within the past 2 years, not sure if it was last year. my parents drank it too. which means i drank it when i was in high school, i guess
------------------------------------------------
wow people still like that shit? haha yeah whatever was available behind my parents' bar was fair game for me too to fill my wine skin for concerts and such.
Well, maybe they are saving a struggling winery with a cash infusion. Maybe they're doing a good deed.
(Since I'm being such a cynical bitch elsewhere, why not give them the benefit of the doubt?)
I wonder if they have the ability to appreciate the privilege of being able to be dilettantes, or if they want to be taken seriously as polymaths?
If it's the former, rock on. It's their money, and most people would dabble, given their money and time. If it's the latter (and I kinda hope it is) then that's utterly pathetic.
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 1:22pm.
Will taste like the flop sweat underneath Brad's balls. With a pube or two thrown in for good measure.
_____________________________________________
hahaha!
______________________________________________
A Lannister always pays his debts.
Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 1:26pm.
I remember this rose in weird shaped bottle called Mateus my parents and their friends used to drink in the '70's before they became wine snobs. Do they still make it?
i saw it on a shelf in a BevMo within the past 2 years, not sure if it was last year. my parents drank it too. which means i drank it when i was in high school, i guess
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
I am so going to buy a bottle of this bitch. Yes I am!
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 12:51pm.
Submitted by Rocket on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 12:47pm.
And yes, Miraval rosé is best served uncool.
========================================
LOl I guess I didn't read the last line.
I remember this rose in weird shaped bottle called Mateus my parents and their friends used to drink in the '70's before they became wine snobs. Do they still make it?
Not a big fan of carbonated wine.
Nope. Not tacky at all. Certainly not something more suited to the Kardashians.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 1:15pm.
Submitted by ditquoi on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 1:09pm.
a large hut in Afghanistan surrounded by poppy fields
---------------
This sounds lovely.
doesn't it...
children running happily through the poppy fields and wild cannibis...earthy and floral scents wafting through the air...contact highs for everyone within a 5 mile radius...
I need a vacation
I only drink the finest Moscato purchased from my local grocery store for no less than $7.99 a bottle.
Will taste like the flop sweat underneath Brad's balls. With a pube or two thrown in for good measure.
Please. It's no Arbor Mist.
______________________________________________
A Lannister always pays his debts.
Please. It's no Arbor Mist.
______________________________________________
A Lannister always pays his debts.
Submitted by TexnDoc on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 12:54pm.
Blasphemous! french wines >>>>
**************************************************************
Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012
Submitted by ditquoi on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 1:09pm.
a large hut in Afghanistan surrounded by poppy fields
---------------
This sounds lovely.
----------------------------------------------
"I ain't a killer but don't push me, Revenge is like the sweetest joy next to gettin pussy" ~ Tupac Amaru Shakur
That brut bottle is hilarious.
Submitted by johnnysgirl: "Owning an estate that has a vineyard, employing a vintner ("The Perrin family...will be responsible for making and selling the wine"), and being present at a few blending sessions is not BEING A WINE-MAKER."
Exactly.
Johnny's girl: Owning an estate that has a vineyard, employing a vintner ("The Perrin family...will be responsible for making and selling the wine"), and being present at a few blending sessions is not BEING A WINE-MAKER.
________________________________________________________________
Word. I know that whomever wrote that statement thought that they used some flowery language to describe how involved Brange is/was in the whole process, but anyone with reading skills can figure out & envision that Brange were shown the vineyard, the barrels, asked if they prefer stainless steel vs. wooden/described what the newest trends are and asked to pick the color of the label.
No biggie. Whatever. I'd be curious how much they want to charge for it, though.
Thank you, but no.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Submitted by misslainey on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 1:01pm.
I think it would be awesome to hang out with MK for a day. God, he is hilarious!
take plenty of money, lainey. i'll bet that bitch will pull the "oops i left my debit card at home oh sorry!" trick on your ass in a heartbeat! ;-)
[we all think that, misslainey. we all do.]
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Doesn't she live in a chateau in France? I figured a winery comes standard with purchase.
Now, if she'd move to a large hut in Afghanistan surrounded by poppy fields, then I might care. Otherwise, mehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
A bottle of wine a night doesn't sound like a whole lot...
*goes to google*
ok, so average of 25oz in a bottle of wine (TWO BEERS AND A SIP FOR THE CLASSIES) which equates to about 5 glasses of wine based on percent of alcohol... big fucking deal. I'm all for people drinking more so glad there's another choice on the shelves.
----------------------------------------------
"I ain't a killer but don't push me, Revenge is like the sweetest joy next to gettin pussy" ~ Tupac Amaru Shakur
If they make blackberry wine and call it Zahara, I'm buying a case.
Whoever wrote the piece for Softpedia is functionally illiterate.
And my eyeballs are out partying with Hekki's and Ophelia's. BOLO!
=============================
"That's an awfully high horse sir, may I pet him?"
I think it would be awesome to hang out with MK for a day. God, he is hilarious!
is 'relooking' even a fucking word?? what is he, French?
----------------------------------------------
"I ain't a killer but don't push me, Revenge is like the sweetest joy next to gettin pussy" ~ Tupac Amaru Shakur
Wow -- add "winemaker" to Brad's long list of accomplishments. This is interesting if you consider that he had an entire wine cellar ripped out of his basement and replaced by a pool table back when he was living with Aniston.
But I guess if you can design furniture, you can design wine too!
JFC.
***********************************************
I met my old lover on the street last night
She seemed so glad to see me, I just smiled
And we talked about some old times
And we drank ourselves some beers
Still crazy after all these years
what credentials do these two shitheads have to oversee the making of this Boones Farm swill? Give me a fucking break. Whoever's looking for Hekki's eyeballs, look for mine too.