Somebody Please Pull Oprah's Lips Off Of Beyonce's Ass
If you want to spend a piece of your President's Day gagging and yawning at the same time, then watch Oprah munch on Beyonce's b-hole while talking about the boring as shit Beyonce propaganda documentary Life is But A Dream on Oprah's Next Chapter. But if you can only take so much of watching Oprah suck on Beyonce's taint repeatedly, then go to Gawker and watch the grosses moments as put together by Rich Juzwiak. Beyonce's ladies-in-waiting are probably still pulling fake lashes and clumps of bronzer out of her ass, because The Mighty O shoved her head all the way up there. Here's just a few of the lines that Oprah jacked Beyonce off with. It's the sloppiest verbal blow job I've ever seen:
"You are the preeminent mistress of the universe."
"Your allure lies in the crux of the tension between hot and cool, so how do you balance that? Are you aware of that? That's you're hot and you're also cool?"
"You know what I thought it was, watching you [at the Super Bowl]? I thought, 'That is where art meets God.'"
"I always had a lot of admiration and respect for you, you know. I like dancing to the music, I like playing it when I'm working out, but after watching Life is But A Dream, I have to tell you that I came away being reminded of that line in a Maya Angelou poem that says, 'You make me proud to spell my name W-O-M-A-N.'
"Life is But a Dream is so great that you'r enot just going to be mistress of the universe, you are now BELOVED mistress of the universe."
Well, I guess I have to get new lines, because that is exactly what I was planning to say to Shauna Sand if I ever met her. What kind of stuff did Oprah smoke out of her bong before this interview, because damn. I know Oprah usually licks her guest's ass, but she practically touched Beyonce's intestines with her tongue. Beyonce looked like she was getting ready to run just in case Oprah's tried to skin and wear her.
And Oprah needs to know that there's only ONE mistress of the universe and her name is She-Ra!
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Please....Orca doesn't work out. Lie teller.
* 100% hotness verified by WHAMO. :P *
www.poopreport.com :)
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RIMADYL KILLS
Ugh, that "praise Jesus" babbling about how wonderful the world is and how life is made me sick. Yes, that comment was sooooooo unscripted and heartfelt.
Oprah has become the incarnation of celebrity: she's a bloated, empty blob of flesh who exists to enhance the aura of celebrity in herself and other mega-rich people.
Submitted by hellooworld x_x on Mon, 02/18/2013 - 10:05pm.
Absolutely. Somebody who can't stop showing herself off in miniskirts isn't going to hold bakc from posing at least part naked and pregnant on covers. Especially when the rumors about surrogates started!
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
CashewTime
how much did she pay you to spew out that that pile of vomit?
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Beyonce is just as much ghetto trash as her sister, she just knows how to hide it better.
Barbado Slim 2008
A person who is a shy and humble doesn't make a movie that is entirely about themselves. They also don't have someone constantly take pics of them modeling clothes. Her narcissism is nauseating.
TexnDoc - yes, we are living under the full bloom of malignant narcissism with Obama, but it all started with Clinton: the seeds of the housing crisis and mortgage meltdown, the dead Waco kids, the shallow showmanship, the blow jobs performed by barely legal interns in the Oval Office and giddy old hags, male and female, in the press room. Hell, even 9/11 can be traced to the bloated blob. Obama the Empty is merely the result of America the empty.
President Ronald Reagan is the greatest president of the modern era. What he tried to do for the people trapped in the ghettos only to be smeared by the Democrat Parasites who feared their #1 voting block might actually start to believe they could control their own destinies... Look it up. Look up what he tried to do with the underclass in this country, a class that shouldn't even exist in our once economically free nation. Reagan orated entire speeches about the ghettos. Great speeches, not the empty teleprompter crap that spews out of Our Dear Leader's empty face.
If they did not show Beyonce's pregnant belly under full lighting using color film with all of her in the shot for more than 2 seconds - no, make that 5 seconds - then I do not believe for one minute she carried that baby... and I didn't even care whether she used a surrogate and a pillow at all until snowpiece linked to her promo. It was so obviously faked that I said to myself I could no longer NOT care about it.
Bjork - I can fucking kill you for making me see that. Now I'm going to go delete all my cookies.
You all know damn well that IF she was really preg with BIC then she would've had a magazine spread a la Demi Moore with her and the belly. This documentary was nothing more than narcissistic propaganda.
Of course they love each other, Beyonce talks like Buckwheat and Oprah looks like Buckwheat. Perfect pair.
Oprah has ALWAYS been a suck ass. Let Howard Stern interview Beyonce. Then we might learn something.
This was the biggest piece of vomit inducing celebrity suck job I'd seen in a long time. I'm not sure why Oprah felt the need to use the golden straw on Bey, I mean she is a fucking singer, not a brain surgeon and didn't cure AIDS.
After this Doco you would think Bey was like Mother Teresa. Totally contrived and maniplative.
This doco was no Truth Or Dare, Nor is Beyonce a Princess of Power.
What is Oprah on? This is just extremely embarrassing.
I don't understand hating on Beyonce for this interview. She didn't feed Oprah those words, and waht is she going to do but say thank you? She looked uncomfortable with the praise, and she has a reputation for being shy and humble, according to people I've talked to who have worked on events in entertainment.
This is where art meets God? O.o
issues...
and supposedly Beyonce has said she gained 57 pounds while pregnant....if thats true I dont know who that pregnant woman behind that silhouette was in her documentary lol I find it weird as her being a first time mom she has no pics of her belly when she is further along especially in her third trimester
www.twitter.com/so_infamous
Oprah is a kiss ass and Beyonce struggles just to answer a damn simple question! Miss Winfrey practically answered some of the questions for her! I knew she wasn't gonna hit her with the hard hitting questions like she did Lance Armstrong or her other previous guests. No questions about her father cheating on her mom? No questions about her half sibling? No questions about that collapsing pregnant belly video and surrogacy rumors? I mean wtf was the point of the whole interview. Beyonce already had a documentary out a few years ago titled "Year of 4" its basically the same self absorbed shit
www.twitter.com/so_infamous
Submitted by the_hot_chick on Mon, 02/18/2013 - 7:19pm.
Example: The baby is brought in for 2 seconds by some nanny. Beyonce holds the baby up for one second for the camera, and smiles (this is for that publicity still released last week). Then beyonce says brusquely, "Okay!", and the nanny hurries over to take the child away so beyonce can go back to talking about herself.
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Really?! I missed that part.
36 Chambers (The Wu)
I want Werner Herzog to do a doc on Bey.
Sarah Smile
First, regarding the ass-kissing from Oprah: ignore it.
Worse than the project itself, and the ass kissing: the fact that come next year's award season, beyonce's people are going to want this shit nominated for every award on the face of the earth. Primetime Emmy for Best televised documentary, Primetime Emmy for best TV Special, creative arts emmy, award for best soundtrack for a tv special...blah, blah, blah.
Second, I watched the doc-u-look-at-me, and have the following observations:
1) It was boring, self-indulgent pablum. I wanted to check the time a lot, but held off. When I finally did, I realized I only watched 45 minutes. I was horrified that so little had happened, yet seemingly took longer than 45 minutes to happen in, and that there was still 45 minutes more to go.
2) If you aren't already familiar with the various dramas and pr themes that surround beyonce, you'll have no idea what's being talked about or "happening", to the extend that anything is "happening". For example, her nephew is shown briefly, and there's some pontificating about how he's wonderful. We're not told why. If you don't already know that beyonce's talked about how loving her nephew made her feel ready for motherhood, this focus on her nephew seems weird and random.
3) Most of beyonce's comments are ones she's made in various past interviews. She's literally repeating herself.
4)5) It was a 90 minute commercial for beyonce the brand, beyonce's album "4", and beyonce's upcoming tour.
5) As far as the pregnancy goes, I think beyonce did have a miscarriage in the past, which is why she and Jz chose to use a surrogate. The two seconds of footage from the documentary showing a very slightly rounded stomach could be from that failed pregnancy. Notice the belly chain beyonce's wearing in that footage. The belly chain thing was something beyonce started doing a lot around the time of her second album. There is additional footage of beyonce IN SILHOUETTE with a larger belly, but that could be a prosthetic.
6) The most insight you get into beyonce from this is unintentionally displayed narcissism.
Example: Early on, we're shown a montage of footage from various beyonce video diaries. Almost all of the footage shows beyonce primping for the camera. Flipping her hair, posing, and preening like a young girl playing in the mirror before going out to the club. The impression you get: beyonce likes her own looks at lot.
Example: In all of the footage used, beyonce always has perfect makeup and hair. Even in footage where she's in bed, under the covers, she's wearing full make-up and styled wig. Impression: It's possible she's arrogant enough to never tone it down, even at home. But I think she filmed the alleged video diary footage entirely for this project. I don't think she'd ever show anyone actual private video diaries, even edited ones. She certainly wouldn't let some flunky watch, take notes on, and edit her private diaries for her, so that means the "diaries" were shot for this project.
Example: The baby is brought in for 2 seconds by some nanny. Beyonce holds the baby up for one second for the camera, and smiles (this is for that publicity still released last week). Then beyonce says brusquely, "Okay!", and the nanny hurries over to take the child away so beyonce can go back to talking about herself.
Example: The people in beyonce's life are only brought up to give beyonce an excuse to talk about herself/her feelings, to say something that beyonce thinks will make her (beyonce) look good, or to give beyonce an opportunity to elaborate on one of her pr themes. Her father is mentioned briefly early on so that beyonce can explain his firing as her manager. She explains his firing as due to her wanting "independence", a common beyonce theme. (His firing is apparently unrelated to his cheating on beyonce's mother, having an illegitimate child out of wedlock, and allegedly siphoning off millions of beyonce's dollars, a fact she was made aware of after an audit from a corporate business partner). There's a clip of beyonce at an awards show praising her mother (to prove beyonce respects her roots); a clip of beyonce at a birthday dinner for Jz praising him (proof that beyonce has the perfect marriage). The nephew was shown (as I mentioned before) while beyonce talked about how she love's him and wanted to take him to Paris to spend time with his father (proof that beyonce cares about family and is giving). The daughter is mentioned so beyonce can talk about the joys of motherhood, and how she (beyonce) is a better/wiser person. Beyonce's sister and former band-mate Kelly Rowland are shown lip-syncing with beyonce (so beyonce can elaborate on the importance of female companionship). There is no sense of what these people mean to beyonce, what they've contributed to her life or fame or career. They are presented (always briefly) as platforms for talking points.
I don't know why this is a big story. I guess it was a slow news weekend. But this "documentary" was trash. If it was included with the dvd of some concert, as part of a special edition package, and I was a fan, I'd be happy. But aired on TV as a film, and hyped to high heaven...smdh.
At least we now know why the hollywood types wouldn't give beyonce money to put this into theaters a la Justin Bieber and Katy Perry.
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An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.
Fuck. Alright. Point of clarification: Oprah didn't proclaim her "Mistress of the Universe" GQ magazine did. Although, apparently O agrees.
I watched both this interview and Beyonce's documentary yesterday. And yes, it was just a commercial for her upcoming tour, all of it is really, from the lip-syncing at the inauguration to the Super Bowl, this both of these self-aggrandizing messes.
I have watched her performances many times, I loved her Birthday album, nearly every song. Where I have a major issue here is, altough I am not religious myself, I'm put off by O comparing what she did at the Super Bowl as 'art meeting God'. Ridiculous.
She did the same performance she has done many, many times over the last few years and there was nothing God-like about it. Art, yes.
So tired of her.
Tina? Chaka? She's not even Janet.
Sarah Smile
Beyuckse can try all she wants. She will never be Tina Turner, Diana Ross, Chaka Khan or Patti Labelle. And Orca is just getting more and more pathetic and tragic.
She Stinks!
I didn't watch this special, but I did catch about five minutes of the documentary at 4am. I saw the part where she talked about her miscarriage. There was a lot of backstage footage included from her concerts.
36 Chambers (The Wu)
fucking hell, Okra is pretty far up beeyawnsays ass isnt she?? Lol is she trying to massage her froat from the inside? dang.
Beyawnce must be higher up on the Illumanti food chain than Orca...this is why the constant ass kissing, her Documentary was a joke, I couldn't stomach the commercials for it...and that video of her so called pregnant stomach, she films her face constantly but would not film her face and body while pregnant...somehting in the illumanti milk ain't clean...and don't praise Jesus you Illumanati Devil follower...she makes me puke..and fix your freaking speech while you are at it!!
Orca needs to retire. I can only name one Beowolf song. Sorry folks, Chaka & Patti Labelle she ain't. That is all.
If I allowed myself to hate, these two + Barack Hussein Obama would be at the top of the list. All three are useless to society...at best.
This exhibitionist would have had that bare belly on the cover of Vanity Fair. Team Pillow.
Sarah Smile
Submitted by Girl about town on Mon, 02/18/2013 - 4:39pm.
Why have a documentary to prove your pregnancy ( partially) and then NOT prove anything by using another elusive shot of some female with a belly??? Just show a clear fucking shot already!
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Good points! I haven't seen any of these obscure photos people are talking about but for a woman that lives for and has her picture taken every single second of the day you would think she would have pictures at every stage of her pregnancy. As you say this could be cleared up in 10 seconds if she simply showed everyone a indisputable picture of her pregnant which if she was she should have plenty of them.
If she doesn't think it's anyone's business then just tell the world to piss of BUT if you want to prove it and show people how ridiculous THEY are then as you say "Just show a clear fucking shot already!" Lol!!
Mike for gods sakes can please stop posting news about this hasbin peace of trash no body gives a crap anymore
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Beyonce is just as much ghetto trash as her sister, she just knows how to hide it better.
Barbado Slim 2008
*Note to self: Keep away from Megan Fox's and Oprah's dealer!
In a post a few days ago, Solange wasn't wearing pants. That screams "sexual".
Ain't no fuckin way I'm watchin 40 minutes of that garbage, however I did watch the intro and how dare this bitch disgrace Sade by playing By Your Side in her Shitumentary.
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"you chickens need to go back to the coup, you need to lay some fucking eggs and do your fucking job, you scrambled ass bitch!"-Shane Dawson
It's obvious Beyonce had a speech impediment or some type of learning disability as a child. It's commendable that she found success.
This is the same asshole who blindsided and humiliated James Frey.
Sarah Smile
Weird and embarrassing.
there is nothing natural about Slolange , she wears a wig too
Why have a documentary to prove your pregnancy ( partially) and then NOT prove anything by using another elusive shot of some female with a belly??? Just show a clear fucking shot already! This makes me believe she was NOT preggo, and to think I started believing her... not proving it proved she never carried
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Don't start none and the'll be none.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown: "...i think if Solange was more involved in the design side of House of Derriere instead of Tina things would go a lot better for the company..."
I'll bet Tina doesn't like Solange's style. She probably thinks it's weird.
And honestly, I think the Dereon stuff I've seen is trashy and cheap-looking. From what I've seen of Solange's outfits, she's not about showing off her tits and being overtly sexy. It's more subtle and refined and working with texture and color and pattern in offbeat ways. I really see it as being a lot more high fashion and upscale. Sorry for being such a stan. I really like Solange.
ugh. Oprah should be embarrassed for kissing ass like that. BIC is Bey's Road Dog and everybody knows that already. Give it up, Oprah. No room in the clique for you. Sitchyo ass down
*whips condom wrapper out of bathrobe pocket* --"WE need to talk..." Richie during the out of control summer of 2005
I like Beyonce's music but she makes pop music...she isn't curing cancer...calm down Oprah. Never been an Oprah fan either.
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Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012
This is some straight up Orwellian shit. Pass me my Victory Gin.
@ Juniperjump yep I agree.. I watched her doc and all you heard was "ME" MINE" and "I"
Beyawnce is so freaking ghetto when she talks...for the queen of the universe she better fix that stat!! Plus Ophrah is nauseating....and Beyawnce defines the word fake.
i started to watch this and then got hit with a wave of nausea when Oprah mentioned that this whole event took place in the Superdome.
after Katrina people DIED in that place...
the roof was leaking, people had no food and water and couldn't get out. fucking nightmares..
and Beyonce is being crowned Creole Mistress of the Illumin...I mean, the Universe?
yeah, got some ugliness going on up in here.
and why does Oprah loo like she has a tear tattooed next to her right eye?
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God don't like ugly.
@ CodeRed Hi5... oh no she had a miscarriage 2 yrs ago prior to BIC.. in her wanna be doc Me by Me about Me she shows her belly while she was pregnant with BIC
I am so tired of both of these women. I was done with Oprah after the Whitney interview, when she really perfected the whole taint kissing act. And so I can't even watch this. The quotes alone make me co it. And the ironic thing about Beyonce is that I WANT to believe in her case. I want to like her because frankly, I really like a lot of her music. But not even Oprah believes they are the second coming like Beyonce believes she is. Everything about her is about her, her work, her family, her world view. That ego- centric focus is part of what makes her a success. But damn... It is BORING.
Bwaahahahaha! Beyonce wrote her own questions.
Well, Oprah has always been a kissass and probably just as out of touch with reality as many of her guests.
I honestly thought you were making up a couple of these lines, MK.
Oprah really said that? SMH.
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"He's the angriest man you'll ever meet. He's like a man with a fork in a world of soup." Noel Gallagher on his brother Liam.
Questions Oprah should have asked?
1. Does BIC spend time with Jay Z's 1st born, aka as her step-brother?
2. Why did you think it was your right to cordone off the NICU?
3. Why were you so private before BIC, but now youu can't shut up about your private life?
4. Why have you NEVER released pictures of your belly in the last trimester (only shadows)?
Submitted by miz cynical on Mon, 02/18/2013 - 3:29pm.
Jeannee- loved those SNL skits and you're right, this shit sounds exactly like something Ferrell as Lipton would say! All it's missing is 'can I speak with Sasha Fierce right now? What would she say?'
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HAHAHAHAHA! YES!
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I swear, sometimes good dick is a thing of evil. - Michael K 1/16/13
Beloved mistress of the universe???
Who TALKS like that???
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Steven Tyler does White Oprah drag better than White Oprah does White Oprah drag. - MK
Submitted by Jess Sayin on Mon, 02/18/2013 - 3:03pm.
LOL @ CodeRed that made me giggle.. I know plenty of ppl on both sides when it comes to her.. we agree to disagree
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I can live with that. :)
although I think I caught a comment that said she revealed her belly after a miscarriage? what belly and what miscarriage?
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And just so all you Jenaloonies and Brangeloonies know I would read JA's biography if I found it at the dollar store, too. (...) - Submitted by PrettyHateMachine on Thu, 12/27/2012 - 1:09am.