Jessica Simpson Already Has A Name Picked Out For Her Unborn Baby
Jessica Simpson's body doesn't look like it's storing a SeaWorld tank of amniotic fluid in it, so that means she's got a long ass way to go before she births out her surprise baby. But a source tells UsWeekly that Jessica and her bought and paid for piece Eric Johnson have already burped up the perfect name for their second kid. No, Jessica isn't naming her kid Buttered Pop Tart Johnson or Whoops Johnson. Jessica and Eric are giving their kid an even better name. The name they're writing on the birf certificate is:
ACE JOHNSON!!!!!!!!!!
The source says that Eric and Jessica are going around telling people that they're going to name their baby friend Ace Johnson. Ace Johnson sounds like the name of a frat boy at a community college who had dreams of becoming the most successful day trader in the Northern Orange County area, but ended up becoming a bar back at a sports bar before eventually getting a job as a driver on Bang Bus. Ace Johnson smells like Irish Spring, Abercrombie cologne and AXE hair paste. Ace Johnson uses his full name as his Xbox Live username, because his name is just that awesome.
When I translate Ace Johnson from bro talk to English in Google translation, it gives me the phrase "champion penis." Jessica Simpson has really outdone herself this time.
And here's Jessica with Baby Maxwell outside of a Mexican restaurant in Burbank a couple of days ago (yes, this is why a burrito shortage was issued in the Southern California area).
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Baby is adorable. Jessica is beautiful at any weight. Having another baby so soon is not smart and not recommended. I like her clothing line who can write my assignment also. Happy for her that money will never be a problem.
Pacifiers cause ear infections, delayed speech development and crooked teeth. They have their place in a limited way during the first year.
Baby is adorable. Jessica is beautiful at any weight. Having another baby so soon is not smart and not recommended. I like her clothing line also. Happy for her that money will never be a problem.
No offense to loving moms out there. Do what you gotta do!
Submitted by veryoldbat on Thu, 02/21/2013 - 12:44am.
yeh i work my ass off and all jess gotta do is be fat, pretend to lose weight and pocket $3 mil from weight watchers, and when she couldnt do it, cuz twinkies are too tasty and deep friend chocolate donuts are yum! she decides to have a baby so she cant void her contract and keeps the $3 million.
lol im not going to live blog the oscars :P its too boring, nothing exciting ever happens!
and Within, i have seeing Jess simp's shit all the over the place, she has her hands in everything, not just the cookie jar. (hands out JEss! you said that was your last cookie!)
VOB, yes, I had heard that. Now that Maxi can wear all sorts of cute outfits, her momma will probably outdo Jessica Alba in the baby business too. Whoever her money managers are, they seem to be making really good decisions.
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Withy.. She makes really great comfortable shoes. Via Spaga good...but they don't last.. But they don't hurt either. You can wear her shoes all day without screaming..
Works for me. She also doesn't pretend to be a brand she's not. Admire her from a distance as she works quiet hard hiding her success and design wins. She doesn't need to be the top.
Now is the time. You're not promised tomorrow. -PR
Loopy, lol he will stick by that sugar mama as long as the candy keeps a-flowing. I know, I can't believe how big her "empire" is either. But she sells almost everything, not the $39,000 purses, but everything else under the sun. Does she have a men's line?
@VOB, good call about life being lopsided. Dang right. And yes I hope MK live blogs on Sunday. Looking forward to the next chicken leg, that was too much fun!
Baby Maxi is just gorgeous. ;p
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Loopy don't forget to live blog the Oscars on Sunday.. Your Monday.. With us.
Now is the time. You're not promised tomorrow. -PR
Loopy... It means life is lopsided. And don't wear fur. Xo.,,;)
Now is the time. You're not promised tomorrow. -PR
my god those boobs are huge.
no wonder eric johnson is sticking by this sugar mama.
how the fuck in the world can jessica simpson have a huge fashion business??? i heard its like $1 billion or something?
thats half of the olsen's empire, and jessica's one boob weighs more than the 2 olsen twins put together.
now i dunno what that is supposed to mean, or teach you today, or the moral of the story.
but i thought it was just something i throw in there.
Cute baby. A very close second to Harper Seven.
Yeah, Jessica is so dumb she's laughing all the way to the bank. She's supposedly worth something like 100 million so for people making fun of her clothing/shoe line, well she must be doing something right.
And her kid is cute. And it is totally normal for a baby that age to have a binky when he/she is out and about all day. phhhttt!
Jessica Simpson's shoe line is made by Vince Camuto. Some are leather, some are synthetic. A sales associate at Lord & Taylor told me that to try to make a sale when I dropped a shoe in disgust when I saw her name. I told him I didn't care, not a penny of mine will go to her.
I hate Jessica Simpson the same way I hate Kim Kardashian. They're both stupid and useless.
Ugh, trashy redneck name. I know one couple who named their kid Ace because "grandaddy liked to play poker". Needless to say they're redneck idiots.
Ace Ventura? Better to name the second baby Deuce I think.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgQ-QrCFMjs
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 1:50pm.
I used to cut through a Macy's on my way to the mall food court for lunch. I'd always see Jessica's heels on display, and they looked cool to me. (No idea if they're cheap, but the prices weren't.)
(BTW what's a Lannister?)
Submitted by akua456 on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 4:22pm.
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 1:44pm.
Ace Johnson sounds like a character in Cars 2. One that challenges Lightning McQueen to a drag race.
Why the fuck can't she just keep her pop-tart-hole stuffed? NOBODY CARES. At least when Julia Roberts was knocked up, she had the grace to stay out of the public eye and not annoy us with mirror pics and pie-hole-queefings every five minutes.
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Apparently you care, or you wouldn't bother to comment on it. And I have yet to see a picture of Jessica actually eating (just a lot of people talking about it) - I know there's no greater sin in this country than eating/being fat. It's no wonder I have an eating disorder...
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Orly? Are you not aware snarking on celebrities and what they make public is what this site is about? And where exactly did I call her fat? I commented on the fact that she's speaking about her kid's name like we care.
Feel free to scroll on past, like you did the OTHER comments that actually mentioned her weight.
Does she already know the sex, or is this another unisex name? I'd be royally pissed at my parents if they gave me a predominately male name, and promptly change it at age 18.
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 1:44pm.
Ace Johnson sounds like a character in Cars 2. One that challenges Lightning McQueen to a drag race.
Why the fuck can't she just keep her pop-tart-hole stuffed? NOBODY CARES. At least when Julia Roberts was knocked up, she had the grace to stay out of the public eye and not annoy us with mirror pics and pie-hole-queefings every five minutes.
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Apparently you care, or you wouldn't bother to comment on it. And I have yet to see a picture of Jessica actually eating (just a lot of people talking about it) - I know there's no greater sin in this country than eating/being fat. It's no wonder I have an eating disorder...
I don't think Maxwell is *that* cute. If Jessica never put her in pink clothes and bows, I'd think shevwas a boy.
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I like to smile, smiling's my favorite! : )
The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!
Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 1:58pm.
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Ace Frehley was the first thing I thought of and Ace Hardware. I liked KISS for a bit too until I discovered Alice Cooper.
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Alice was 10x the artist and songwriter Kiss ever were. Alice and his band where very underrated, the album Killer was an extremely well written and played album, better than Kiss could ever have possibly made.
I like her jacket!
Cij- too funny !!
LisaRo- by j&j !! Excellent !!
"DuFresnes party of two. DuFresnes party of two. Bush party of three.
Yeah but , what happened to the DuFresnes ?!?!?!?!?!?!? "
- Mitch Hedberg 1968 - 2005.
Lisa: Ace Bandage and Maxi Pad BOTH brought to you by Johnson & Johnson.
Ace Band-Aid by Johnson and Johnson
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www.dungeonhordes.com
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"Ace" really isn't that bad, in the world of celebrity baby names. There are quite a few "Major"s running around Dallas. So.....
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 1:47pm.
Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 11:16am.
Chestica must be a KISS fan
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LOL, kid will be walking around in foot and a half platforms and face paint.
I think I liked kiss from grade 5 - 6 then I realized behind the makeup the music sucked donkey balls...just like Paul Stanley does.
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Ace Frehley was the first thing I thought of and Ace Hardware. I liked KISS for a bit too until I discovered Alice Cooper.
The only appropriate sibling names for a girl named Maxwell would be a boy named Nanny Fran or a girl named Niles. Duh.
^^^what, no schmooey? (Copyright Yetta) :p
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"Not a second goes by when one isn't cock-a-doodle-doodling up my asshole. That sounded sexy, but it isn't." - Michael K.
Submitted by Chickenhead McH... on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 12:39pm.
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 12:21pm.
I'm a confirmed Jessica Simpson shoe fan. One of the few celebrity clothing lines that doesn't look like cheap slutty trash…
Fan of cheap pleather stripper shoes I guess? "Cheap slutty trash" is in the eye of the beholder I guess because I would hardly declare her stuff not being in that category. Sorry, you must not have a proper gay in your life.
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What the hell is a "proper gay?" Just quit while you're ahead.
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A Lannister always pays his debts.
Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 11:16am.
Chestica must be a KISS fan
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LOL, kid will be walking around in foot and a half platforms and face paint.
I think I liked kiss from grade 5 - 6 then I realized behind the makeup the music sucked donkey balls...just like Paul Stanley does.
Plus I found a real idol and never looked back.
Gotta disagree that Jessica's shoes aren't trashy. Have a look for yourself. Peg Bundy, the ultimate Leopard print bimbo, would have worn most of these:
http://www.jessicasimpson.com/category/shoes.do
Ace Johnson sounds like a character in Cars 2. One that challenges Lightning McQueen to a drag race.
Why the fuck can't she just keep her pop-tart-hole stuffed? NOBODY CARES. At least when Julia Roberts was knocked up, she had the grace to stay out of the public eye and not annoy us with mirror pics and pie-hole-queefings every five minutes.
I think Pink's baby, Willow, right? is the cutest celeb baby around right now (apologies to the mini Jay Z, BIC)
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"OBAMA PLEASE HELP ME I DON'T HAVE A JOB"
"NO SORRY BUT HERE'S SOME WEED AND A VOUCHER TO GET MARRIED TO YOUR UNCLE" THANKS OBAMA
Sucky 12/19
That guy is so unattractive.
So I guess Ace Johnson and Cheetoling Jayden James are going to be starring in those high-class twink/jock porns in 19-20 years.
I too love her fashion line. (shoes and handbags eeek my weakness)
ace johnson sounds so pornstarish..
but whatever go on with your bad self jessica.
@ SANS FARDS yess meee toooo.. her whole accessories lines are awesome.... I love love love Jessica Simpson handbags and her sunglasses
Man, those kids have no chance in life with those names..they will have the crap kicked out them daily..
Baby Maxwell looks like one of those Precious Moments dolls. Cutie!
I like Jessica. She's one of those 'when life hands you lemons' people; always upbeat and happy. And call me a tasteless whore but I love her shoes.
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 12:21pm.
I'm a confirmed Jessica Simpson shoe fan. One of the few celebrity clothing lines that doesn't look like cheap slutty trash…
Fan of cheap pleather stripper shoes I guess? "Cheap slutty trash" is in the eye of the beholder I guess because I would hardly declare her stuff not being in that category. Sorry, you must not have a proper gay in your life.
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 12:21pm.
I have a couple of her totes (TJ Maxx) They are great for traveling.
Sans Fards - I like her shoe line too. Though I don't think I own any.
I bet Max Ace will be the brand name Dildo line she has coming out soon.
Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 12:18pm.
Jerry: I've got fifty right here in the cupboard... How about Bisquick? Pimento? Gherkin? Sauce? Maxwell House?
hey maybe that's where Chestica got her daughter's name..
LOL!!! What's even worse is that Erykah Badu named her kid Seven AND Posh's daughter's middle name is Seven.
I'm a confirmed Jessica Simpson shoe fan. One of the few celebrity clothing lines that doesn't look like cheap slutty trash, like the KKKartrashian Kollection.
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A Lannister always pays his debts.
Submitted by Thamar on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 12:15pm.
Maxwell already insecure to point of needing binky even when out and about. Maybe Jessica doesn't know how to soothe her by her presence.
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I have a friend who admitted once that she uses pacifiers to keep her kid quiet! lol I prefer it that way too.
Submitted by louise_brooks on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 12:05pm.
That name reminds me of when Homer Simpson changed his name to Max Power because he saw it on a hair dryer.
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ahahaha!good old Homie. Stoopid names always make me think of Jerry's reaction to George's future kid's name:
Jerry: Seven? Yeah, I guess I could see it
Seven periods of school, seven beatings a day. Roughly seven stitches a beating, and eventually seven years to life. Yeah, you're doing that child quite a service.
George: I defy you to come up with a better name than Seven.
Jerry: Alright, let's see... How about Mug? Mug Costanza. That's original. Or Ketchup. Pretty name for a girl."
George: Alright... You having a good time now?"
Jerry: I've got fifty right here in the cupboard... How about Bisquick? Pimento? Gherkin? Sauce? Maxwell House?
hey maybe that's where Chestica got her daughter's name..
Never a good idea with name before birth. Lots of reasons. But Jessica's an idiot. IMO she is having these kids too close together. Maxwell already insecure to point of needing binky even when out and about. Maybe Jessica doesn't know how to soothe her by her presence. Kid will have all kinds of issues. Being Jessica's daughter. What a fate.
Her kid looks like Asslee. And I really can't with the name Ace, what a damn stupid non-name. It makes me think of a skeezy, bald, fat gambler or something.
Submitted by Persistent Cat on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 11:59am.
Wow, I kinda disagree. She has a decent singing voice. And I really don't think she is actually THAT dumb. Now mind you, she is no Mensa member but I think that dumb blonde act is just an act. Although growing up in the next town over from her I know people who went to HS with her and say she is really nice and not really as dumb as she plays on TV. I'd take her over a Kardashian any day! But to each their own I guess :)
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Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012