The Hell Kind Of Weed Is Shia LaBeouf Smoking? (UPDATE)
Shia LaDouche was supposed to make his Broadway debut opposite Alec Baldwin and Tom Sturridge in the play Orphans, but he dropped out just a week into rehearsals and the old "creative differences" excuse was the reason given for why he quit that bitch. I figured that meant everybody was busy being creative while he was in the corner drunkenly punching a metal folding chair, because it told him his performance in Transformers was emotionally lacking. Others figured that Shia was fired because when he got into the same room as Alec, the asshole levels exploded and the 100-year-old bricks on the walls started to break and crumble. Those who figured that were right! I think.
A source told The New York Times that director Daniel Sullivan was worried about Shia's "performance choices" and had several talks with Shia and the producers about this before he decided that the role should be recast. Shita (typo and it stays) couldn't keep his mouth shut about this and he went a Twitter rampage last night, tweeting the e-mail he wrote to everyone involved in the production and then he posted everyone's responses. Shia's email was co-produced by his local weed dealer and Jack Daniels, because it is a rambling stream of melodramatic ridiculousness. If Game of Thrones was rebooted and set in 1940s Boston and written by a writer who claims he's the second coming of David Mamet, this is what one of the monologues would read like. This is some serious Valar Dohaeris shit and not in a good way:
“My dad was a drug dealer. He was a shit human. But he was a man. He taught me how to be a man. What I know of men, Alec is. A man is good at his job. Not his work, not his avocation, not his hobby. Not his career. His job. A man can look you up and down and figure some things out. Before you say a word, he makes you. From your suitcase, from your watch, from your posture. A man infers.
A man owns up. That’s why Mark McGwire is not a man. A man grasps his mistakes. He lays claim to who he is, and what he was, whether he likes them or not. Some mistakes, though, he lets pass if no one notices. Like dropping the steak in the dirt.
He does not rely on rationalizations or explanations. He doesn’t winnow, winnow, winnow until truths can be humbly categorized, or intellectualized, until behavior can be written off with an explanation. A man knows his tools and how to use them – just the ones he needs. Knows which saw is for what, how to find the stud. A man does not know everything. He doesn’t try. He likes what other men know. A man can tell you he was wrong. That he did wrong. That he planned to. He can tell you when he is lost. He can apologize, even if sometimes it’s just to put an end to the bickering. Alec, I’m sorry for my part of a dis-agreeable situation. - Shia.”
A man also knows how to wear out a fucking bong, apparently. What kind of pretentious foolery? Like dropping shit in my eyes. Even James Franco is like, "Hit the brakes, Shia!"
UPDATE: Shia LaDouche's "a man" monologue was pretty much a copy + paste job of this article from Esquire. Of course!
And here's Alec's response. It's best if you read this in Michael Caine's voice, because I'm pretty sure this is one of Alfred's speeches from Batman:
“I’ve been through this before. It’s been a while. And perhaps some of the particulars are different. But it comes down to the fact that what we all do now is critical. Perhaps especially fro you. When the change comes, how do we handle it, whether it be good or bad? What do we learn? I don’t have an unkind word to say about you. You have my word. – AB”
Shia responded with, "Same. Be well. Good luck on the play. You'll be great."
And Tom Sturridge responded with:
“Are you still here? I don’t really know what to write. I went in this afternoon and they were all there… producers, etc. I said my piece but they didn’t really listen. I don’t understand what has happened here. Maybe you have had a more enlightening conversation with someone by now. All I can say is that it truly was an honour to work with you even if it was only for a few days. I was stunned by the work you were doing, the performance you were giving. I think you lifted the play to a place high than maybe it even deserved to be. I hope this isn’t the last time we work together and I especially hope it isn’t the last time we see each other. Hope you’re ok brother – Tom”
I think what Tom really meant to write was, "Are you still here, because it sounds like the shit you're smoking is making your brain liquefy and leak out of the pores on your head and I'm going to need your dealer's number."
And finally, Daniel Sullivan responded with this:
“I’m too old for disagreeable situations. You’re on hell of a great actor. Alec is who he is. You are who you are. You two are incompatible. I should have known it. This one will haunt me. You tried to warn me. You said you were a different breed. I didn’t get it. – Dan“
Actor and theater people are so beyond weird. Why aren't all of us in the theater? You get to smoke a lot of drugs and write emails like you're a character in a superhero movie. "You tried to warn me! The change is coming! I should've listened! Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?"
And since we've gone this far, let's go all the way and let the foolery tip our chairs back until we fall on the floor. Here's Shia's audition video:
• 
still confused as to exactly was the problem here? (Shia obviously) But he comes across as so open and intense about his beliefs way of working (method) etc but if he's so into the craft of it you would think he'd be able to not be soo stuborn but instead when theres a clash, the director and Alec are older than you, it's a good cast and project, your'e jus one piece of an ensemble and to work through differences to give the best performance you can and do the play justice.
Seems it was battle of the Alpha males or something and neither were willing t back down so Shia walked.
Sad really, always thought that threw his 'douchey' attitude he was a really upfront and down to earth guy not caring for any of the falseness of the industry he works in.
But this really does show his age.
Think about all the people cast in films and plays surely not every single person gets along perfectly and there are clashes but you work through it, only diva's pull the my way or highway act!
on a side note how MATURE complete opposite attitude of Tom to have had in all of this.
Pitty Shia could'nt have sucked it up a bit longer to have learnt a thing or two from him about how although it's good to have your own ethics and be true to that, being intelligent is'nt always shouting your opinion, it's knowing it, being comfortable with it not always trying to prove it and although not agreeing always in these group situations sometimes being the bigger person and letting others have theirs.
He smokes Crystal Meth and does heroin on the weekends...
This guy is on his way out of Hollywood, no one wants to work with him anymore.
Sad what happened to him. He is a L-o-o-s-e-r.
Real men eat red meat and drink beer until they die of a heart attack. That's what commercials have allowed me to "infer."
I know it's a bit ass-kissy, but Tom Sturridge just got a lot hotter to me with that letter. I can't stand LeDouche, but I like a guy with manners and generosity.
Funny that the cap he's wearing on that photo says laos which means a has been in Filipino.
Submitted by veryoldbat on Thu, 02/21/2013 - 11:26pm.
"Ecce is that Michael Pitt in your avi?"
Indeed it is Ms. Bat (he's the closest thing to a celebrity that I resemble).
How are you doing tonight?
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"She looks like if you fuck with her she'd put a stiletto through your jugular and then charge you for the shoe repair. My kind of woman." Foxxy Brown
Ecce is that Michael Pitt in your avi?
Now is the time. You're not promised tomorrow. -PR
He's been smoking ugly weed, that's what.
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠♡░░░░
His daddy needs to call me!
Like *yesterday*
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Heaux Confessionals:
Welcome to 'pulp friction'...
http://www.amazon.com/Heaux-Confessionals-The-Sintroduction-ebook/dp/B00...
With so much drama emanating from both Alec and Shia on a daily basis, Sullivan could have saved himself a whole lotta aspirin and ca$h by just having these two "colorful" actors re-enact on stage the stunts they pulled in the last 48 hrs. True tragicomedy.
Alec: Shia, you are dirty filthy little Yid bloodsucker.
Shia: I don't need this shit man, I got some killer bud and a Hooker's phone number.
Tom: Yo! Shia...you my nigga!
Dan: Don't fuck with Alec Baldwin, he don't play no games, Son.
Alec: Tom, if you don't stop talking like some Coon I will choke you to death.
He can't act and he is known for being the King of the Pompous Douchebags. The real question is why any producer would consider him for anything?
Daniel Sullivan should be fired for being an utter moron.
Haven't gotten geeked in a while, but he is someone I'd like to smoke and watch cartoons with.
Sorry, it's the truth.
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"She looks like if you fuck with her she'd put a stiletto through your jugular and then charge you for the shoe repair. My kind of woman." Foxxy Brown
You mean to tell me Shittake Slushbroom plagerized his monologue?
Thou shalt hast committed blasphemy against thou Shakespeare!
Pray thee, I shalt not disbelieve in Ye Molde Shittake!
Well, I'll bet the neighbors are just LOVIN' this!--Mama.
it's hard to not be pretentious with a name like shia labeouf
They are actors. A great gig if you are lucky enough. They become nauseating when they believe their own hype and liken their importance to a neurosurgeon. Dude it just isn't that deep. It's a play.
Submitted by Aphid on Thu, 02/21/2013 - 12:33pm.
I just imagine Jaqen Haqar from Game of Thrones reciting LaDouche's sonnet. "A man is known worldwide for his douchebaggery.... "
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YAAAAASSSS. I love that hot slut.
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A Lannister always pays his debts.
Someday (hopefully) Shia will look back at this and cringe, and then as now, we will point and laugh.
@Latex jungle- hahahahahahahaha!
*googles winnow*
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
I've been baffled for years as to how he gets roles. I know he has had some big successes but they have all been the type of parts that would have been successful regardless of who played them. No matter who played the lead Transformers and Indiana Jones 4 were going to be hits. He has never done a single film where the success of it can be attributed to him.
The few lines of the drivel I did read were in his herky-jerky tweaker boy cadence from Transformers and they sound a lot less pretentious and a LOT more like drugs are bad, mmmmmkay?
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If I see something I haven't seen before, I'll throw a dollar at it.
Submitted by PrettyHateMachine on Thu, 02/21/2013 - 1:04pm.
A man knows how to Copy + Paste. Aahaha. Loser.
LMFAO!! A woman laughs loudly at your steaming pretentious pile of regurgitated bullshit.
*drops steak in the dirt, picks it up, winnows it, eats it*
Can This over-rated hipster motherfucker shut the fuck up? Seriously, his biggest hit was transformers and before that he was on Even Stevens. That rambling sack of green babyshit's explanation o'fuckery sounds like it was vomited out by someone who thought they were somebody. You ain't Robert DeNiro, You ain't Frank Sinatra, You ain't Marlon Brando, fuck, kid, you're not even fucking Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp. So how this bitch thinks he's just this huge prominent figure is laughable...the shit he's smoking must be some really strong shit.
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"you chickens need to go back to the coup, you need to lay some fucking eggs and do your fucking job, you scrambled ass bitch!"-Shane Dawson
Shia's main problem is that he believes his own hype. And that hype is only in his head.
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"Somewhere, Jennifer Love Hewitt is vagazzling the words "FUCK MY LIFE" onto her crotch while deep throating a Pillsbury cookie dough roll".--MK
can someone from canada come and beat shia up again...
please...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
OMG that Esquiere article is so inane, and if I saw any guy who ripped it out and "thumbtacked it to his desk" LMAO
A man knows how to use a thumbtack. And has a desk
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"OBAMA PLEASE HELP ME I DON'T HAVE A JOB"
"NO SORRY BUT HERE'S SOME WEED AND A VOUCHER TO GET MARRIED TO YOUR UNCLE" THANKS OBAMA
Sucky 12/19
all i can say about the Esquire testoster-rant is this -- if you drop my fucking steak in the dirt, do NOT serve it to me! i will eat chicken or seafood or just the side dishes. just make sure you remember that, men
is all that really what goes on in men's heads? *shudders*
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Here's what I bet happened: Shia and Alec had an argument. Shia quit, walked out. Shia later "cools off" and Daniel refuses to rehire him. Daniel does not want to put up with repeated drama, fighting, and making up between his main actors throughout the run of the play. Alec doesn't want to work with him either, but says a few nice things about him so he'll shut up and go away. Daniel agrees to take the blame for getting rid of Shia in order to have the play proceed as smoothly as possible, get a little publicity, and so Alec doesn't look like an unlikeable, unworkable, dickhead (again).
Oh my God, that Esquire/Shia rant was so incredibly stupid. I'm not sure what's more hilarious - that some bro sat down and wrote (then published) that joke of an article for other bros to read, or that somebody like Shia the Douche took it to heart and spouts it as truth. What a massive load of fuckery. "A man infers." Fuck you.
If I'm reading this right, Alex Baldwin actually took the high road??? Well, I'll be damned.
That Esquire list is hilarious...ly stoopid:
"He understands the basic mechanics of the planet. Or he can close one eye, look up at the sun, and tell you what time of day it is. Or where north is. He can tell you where you might find something to eat or where the fish run. He understands electricity or the internal-combustion engine, the mechanics of flight or how to figure a pitcher's ERA."
"He doesn't see himself lost in some great maw of humanity, some grand sweep. That's the liberal thread; it's why men won't line up as liberals."
"A miter saw, incidentally, is the kind that sits on a table, has a circular blade, and is used for cutting at precise angles. Very satisfying saw."
LOL!!
Man who the hell is gonna watch an hour of that video, I barely lasted one minute.
He once said his name means "shit the beef" .. How fitting.
This is the 2013 equivalent to the utterly inexplicable "attaboy, you dumb f**k" routine I hear occasionally from Macho Macho Men. It's sort of a tacit "Yeah you're a douche, but you're a GREAT douche, and I love you, man! Now get the hell outta here!" dismissal. No harm, no foul.
Excuse me? LaDouche lives up to his name, but the other three give him a pass? That's called "enabling," guys. He'll remain a compulsive, non-starting, selfish moron if he keeps getting "positive reinforcement" like this.
Why does this guy still keep getting jobs anywhere, is what I'd like to know.
More ridiculous hubble-grubble from the Esquire piece that Shia-diarrhea plagiarized:
"A man listens, and that's how he argues. He crafts opinions. He can pound the table, take the floor. It's not that he must. It's that he can."
"A man refracts his vision and gains acuity. This serves him in every way. No one taught him this — to be quiet, to cipher, to watch. In this way, in these moments, the man is like a zoo animal: both captive and free. You cannot take your eyes off a man when he is like that. You shouldn't. The hell if you know what he is thinking, who he is, or what he will do next."
"A man does not wither at the thought of dancing. But it is generally to be avoided." <---THA FUCK? whatever.
A man knows how to Copy + Paste. Aahaha. Loser.
So what exactly happened? Shia can't work with Alec? Alec can't work with Shia? Shia was asked to leave? Shia left on his own? Ugh. They are pretentious bitches.
As for theatre people, I tried to date one last year. Hot as hell, and so smart and sexy. But I never got a sense he was truly there with me or not acting. They're impossible.
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 02/21/2013 - 11:59am.
"There is nothing I like more than a 20 something telling me what being a man and what life is all about. The day you realize you dont know shit in your 20's is the day you finally matured"
in my 20s my best friend and i used to hang with an older crowd -- MUCH older. one day someone called us "young and stupid." well, let me tell you, sir, we were OUTRAGED! the unmitigated gall! he had more nerve than a bad tooth!! damn him!!
to this day she and i still talk about how right that guy was, lol. it took about 10 years for us to agree with him ;-)
rough week at the office for Mr. Baldwin, lmao
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Can we say pretentious he is no Edward Norton (I don't even like Edward Norton) Some people see Shia LaBeouf the douchie good actor I only see Louis from Even Stevens ewwww. Too old for the teen angst mofo(literally)
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In bullshitanese, "no comment" means "fuck yes." Michael K
Alec should have just responded with TL;DR
Universities everywhere should offer a comparative philosophy course - La Douche vs Kant & Hegel!
OHMAGAH, so he lifted all that from >>>ESQUIRE<<??? Oh Shia - you can't even be original in your douche-osity! *cringing*
I just imagine Jaqen Haqar from Game of Thrones reciting LaDouche's sonnet. "A man is known worldwide for his douchebaggery.... "
Real men don't prattle.
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How profound.
*eyeroll*
Submitted by Bigbendy on Thu, 02/21/2013 - 11:10am.
He is right about Mark McGuire.......one of the biggest counterfeits in MLB.
This made me laugh - HARD.
Sounds like I'm in the minority here, but I think the kid's got talent. Uber douche for sure, but an uber douche that can act.
I just read his rant...I want to kick him in the balls with steel toed boots then stomp on his head.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Shiela has zero talent but he should have been kept. The fireworks between these three closet cases would have sold some tickets; now, it won't make it into the second weekend.
Oddbodkins! Latex!
Thy grief tablet bedevils thee! Studless thou art! Thy mirth bedevils me!
*laughs jovially while continuing to winnow*