Monday, February 25th 2013

The Look Of The Night Goes To....

Before Catherine Zeta-Jones scared the children by working the Oscar stage like a wigged, horny banshee on the loose during "All That Jazz," she put dozens of hos to shame when she sashayed down the red carpet like RuPaul, Michelle Visage and Santino Rice were sitting at a table in front of her. CZJ looked like Miss Philippines in the final round of Miss Transgender Universe 2013 and I'm pretty sure her dress was made out of the gold parts from a dozen Wonder Woman costumes.

After Michael Douglas and CZJ talked to Ryan Seacrest on the red carpet, that Frogger-looking motherfucker with Sears Portrait Studio hair snubbed her ass. Oh that was just Seacrest's jealousy showing, because he's just mad that CZJ can steal all of his men with just the wink of an eye. I don't even care that CZJ's face is completely brand new, she was still the epitome of drag eleganza last night.

And my other favorite looks of the night came from Charlize Theron and Jane Fonda. Unless your name is Shauna Sand, Angelyne or Harald Gloockler, I don't like calling you perfect, but Charlize Theron looked pretty perfect last night. Charlize must have a birth make shaped like Donald Trump's head on her inner thigh and one of her nipples must be way fatter than the other, because something has to be wrong with her ass. Also, I just want to get drunk with Jane Fonda and watch her pick up men in the piano bar of a business hotel.

Posted by: Michael K


donha's picture

Am I the only one who thinks CZJ is still gorgeous? She blows all the boring, young skinny bishes away.

Joeb's picture

Jonesy's dress is an exact copy of Mae West's Brunhilda costume cut from "A Night at the Opera" and her revenge on her husband for not dying from the stage four throat cancer he says he had. CZJ hasn't been "working" on her marriage.

Whamo's picture

Jane looks great, Michael Douglas looks like ass and is morphing into his old man everyday. As well WTH is up the that ratty looking suit he's wearing, the jacket looks like you should be giving him money to park your car, the pants look off the rack old man Sears pants and the shoes look like he refuse to wear a nice leather pair and went with his comfy orthopedics

CZJ looks pretty great here in pictures, but it was obvious when she was being inteviewed on camera and when she was presenting, that she couldn't move her face and especially her lips properly. She seemed so nervous and jumpy too.

Hekki's picture

Don't know how it's possible to look matronly and manly at the same time, but CZJ figured it out.

Doesn't matter, though. She's about to become a very wealthy woman.

Lucifer_Sam's picture

Jane Fonda thinks she's still in the 80s. But I like her look.

MeowMeow's picture

Oh Catherine. She was one of the most stunning women in the world about 15 -20 years ago. If she had just let herself age naturally, and not jacked with her face, she'd still be stunning. She totally ruined her looks.

Lucifer_Sam's picture

I think that people who can REALLY pull off cropped short hair always look their best with it. Charlize would most likely go long again, but long hair will always just seem commonplace and redundant on her now.

M.E.'s picture

What has CZJ done to herself?

tonicbitch's picture

I really didn't like Charlize's dress but she can make anything look good. Semencrust's mani-cam thing was dumb, you couldn't even see their manicures very well when they put their hand in.

Look at Charlize. That's what Lardassian sees whenever she looks in the mirror when she wears a peplum.

CZJ has witchy eyebrows. Either she's had some surgery or Botox. Her mouth looks OFF too.

Jane Fonda looks pretty good for 382.

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Dion flowerboy's picture

No Tilda?
*switches off*

I think CZJ looks pretty good. She was looking anorexic for a while.

Poor Michael Douglas though. I know he had cancer, but he now looks like teeny old man. Kind of sad to see how cancer can age you.

can be a pushy broad's picture

Not a fan of Jane at all. She does look nice for a very old person. Really good surgery and even her neck and chest looked good. She's pulled pretty tight.

CZJ again---She is pretty IMO even with the help but boy, in Zoro, just wow. Gotta be hard to lose that.
edit: I always got a stuck up snob vibe from her though.

ethang's picture

Charlize looked amazing last night.

louise_brooks's picture

Charlize looked beyond stunning. I am starting to think she was genetically engineered in some sort of Illuminati experiment gone horrible right.

CJZ...you have a very strange hairline.

Bigbendy's picture

Charlize, now that is how to wear a peplum. Honestly who but her get away with wearing on off white peplum with an extremely short haircut. She is the embodiment of perfection.

TexnDoc's picture

I think the rule is unless the Best Actress winner makes a big faux-pas like wearing a swan dress, that the Best Dressed goes to her. It's like a bride on a wedding day, you just don't argue. JLaw did fine in Dior, it was my favorite.

That gold dress was so tacky, cheap looking and matronly. Michael has aged her so much.

que cochina's picture

CZJ looked like Miss Philippines in the final round of Miss Transgender Universe 2013

Hahaha! I didn't get the whole Chicago tribute? I'm sure there were other , better films that were also 10 years old. Was there some other reason for resurrecting it?

What was up with her CZJ's lips? It's as if she couldn't smile properly. I couldn't figure out if she was trying not to smile so her eye wrinkles weren't as obvious or the Botox wouldn't allow her to. She used to smile with so much confidence.

Also, when Michael presented with Jane Fonda, it was obvious how much better they looked together.

Sweetas's picture

omgomgomgomgCharlizeomgomgomg *explodes*

can be a pushy broad's picture

Charleze, just beautiful.
CZJ, the new face looks good on her and I think she has a great body. Michael Dougas looks much healthier.

Trixster's picture

RE: "CZJ looked like Miss Philippines in the final round of Miss Transgender Universe 2013 and I'm pretty sure her dress was made out of the gold parts from a dozen Wonder Woman costumes."
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MK, you are on fire today. The best part about this Oscars has been the DListed commentary.

OneLiner's picture

CZJ looked like man impersonating CJZ in Chicago somehow she looked Manly to me when performing...Jane Freakin' Fonda OMG!...Charlize Theron now there's a woman that demands "look at me" in a good way when she walks in SO GORGEOUS!!!!! I also liked Naomi Watts everyone else was Meh

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Tonya_Harding's picture

Ughh her and jwoww have the exact same plastic surgery mouth

MissJaneTexas's picture

I love that dress. Not so much the new face.

Charlize - swoooon. Can't wait for fashion police tonight!

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suckandfuck's picture

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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.