UPDATE: Charlie Sheen Is Not Going To Be Lindsay Lohan's Life Coach
Over the weekend, Charlie Sheen continued to use LiLo's name to get some free publicity by openly declaring that he wants to take LiLo under his cracked out wing and show her the way. Charlie proclaimed his love for LiLo and said that they are practically the same, because he's the kind of john who will pay a hooker $1,000 to snort a bump of coke out of his butt with her cooch and she's the kind of hooker who will snort a bump of coke out of a john's butt with her cooch for $1,000. They're soulmates. But TMZ says that LiLo is telling her friends that Charlie is not going to be her life coach and he needs to shut his damn mouth:
Sources close to LiLo tell TMZ ... while she appreciates everything Sheen has done for her -- and he's done a lot -- she would NEVER take him as a mentor. She's saying she knows her life is "out of control," but doesn't think the precept, "It takes one to know one," is the way to go.
She says she's grateful Charlie gave her $100k for her back taxes and supported her in "Scary Movie 5." Lindsay says she talks to Charlie from time to time ... but gripes he has no business talking about her to the media.
According to our sources, Lindsay has been regularly meeting with a therapist and feels the consistency has helped.
LiLo hasn't stabbed a psychic in the neck with a broken bottle in over a week and she knows being around Charlie isn't the best thing for her, so maybe this therapist (aka her week night dealer) is helping her after all. I mean, Charlie's backyard pool is filled with the bad shit, vodka pours out of every faucet in his house, his bidet shoots out liquid meth and next to every tub is a bag full of bath salts (the drug, not the skin soother) and LiLo turned all of that down. LiLo could've lived in the Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory of crack houses, but she said no.
Or maybe she had her one moment of clarity and realized that sucking on Charlie's soggy tampon dick for unlimited supplies of coke is not worth it. She'll get her own coke herself. Either way, our little crackie is growing up!
• 
I think the last time someone said "our little crackie is growing up" she overdosed and died...(amy winehouse)......so be careful what you hope for MK....
Hahaha a Lindsay Charlie media war would be the personification of WINNING!
EPIC JERRY! EPIC!
I was so in love with him after Platoon, then he lost his ever loving mind.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 3:27pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 3:18pm.
LOL, eww..all drunked up and googly eyes coming at you with stinky beer breef! poor Foxxy! LMAO!
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Whamo, now dont act like you NEVER did this while drunkie! *tosses Whamo an Altoid*
nah, Whamo's the guy who watches the whole thing and then walks up to the woman and goes "that was so wrong of him, can i buy you a drink?" ;-)
yes, "googly eyed" indeed lmao
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Monday the 18th is also the start of Eastern Orthodox Lent. Watch Lindsay show up in a long black cassock with a giant crucifix and ask for a continuance.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 3:27pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 3:18pm.
LOL, eww..all drunked up and googly eyes coming at you with stinky beer breef! poor Foxxy! LMAO!
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Whamo, now dont act like you NEVER did this while drunkie! *tosses Whamo an Altoid*
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What, grab a complete strange woman and kiss her on the lips!? Never! at least not that I remember or was told that's what I did LOL!!
*pops Altoid, makes pass at GG*
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 3:18pm.
LOL, eww..all drunked up and googly eyes coming at you with stinky beer breef! poor Foxxy! LMAO!
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Whamo, now dont act like you NEVER did this while drunkie! *tosses Whamo an Altoid*
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
This one needs a "Well Well Well" tag.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 2:44pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 2:38pm.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 2:24pm.
irish guys who i had never before seen let alone know grab me and kiss me on the lips w/o warning. the last time was in 2010.
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LOL, eww..all drunked up and googly eyes coming at you with stinky beer breef! poor Foxxy! LMAO!
Radar Online says that even if she's aquitted of lying to cops she still could face 245 in jail for fucking up her probation in her jewelery heist case.
So, she's fucked either way? Well, fucked if justice actually prevailed here.
Nothing is going to happen to her. Gavin is going to weenie out and be found dead of an overdosed in a Tijuana motel. She will flounce out of court.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Maybe in private Charlie told her she needed to give him a blow job every day in exchange for his "help" and she said, "the hell I will".
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 2:38pm.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 2:24pm.
putting aside comments, i've twice had drunk irish guys who i had never before seen let alone know grab me and kiss me on the lips w/o warning. the last time was in 2010. and that will forever be the last time.
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 2:24pm.
@ Whamo -- "When we get together and get hammered he calls me his coloured Irish cousin. "
little different when random drunks you don't know get started with it...
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LOL, ya I've never had that issue or at least not someone saying something outright derogatory. If that were the case either I or one of my buddies would would climb right over top of me and crank him in the head.
I still can't get over how someone who used to look like this:
http://tinyurl.com/cpfwene
now resembles the specimen above. If he didn't have the dentures and the hairpiece, he'd probably resemble the creature from the attic in [Rec]. That must've required a MASSIVE amount of drugs.
What's the point of having a meth mentor if they can't provide you with the secret to retaining your good looks?
I'm very superficial, I hate everything official.
@ Whamo -- "When we get together and get hammered he calls me his coloured Irish cousin. "
if, if, i go out on a St Patrick's Day i go early and leave early to try to avoid dealing with comments like that from drunk-off-their-ass strangers. one thing if your buddies say it when you're hanging out together having fun. little different when random drunks you don't know get started with it...
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
What about coconut water, asparagus and alkyhall?
betcha lohan smells like armpits & ciggies.
charlie sheen for outta be dina lohan life coach.
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 2:01pm.
"The court now calls Whamo to the stand as an expert witness." You tell 'em!
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 1:55pm.
sounds like you're gonna be fine shape for the Crackie viewing party over at TMZ. ;)
Make sure and drink lots of coconut water before your pub crawl Whammy. Asparagus apparently does the trick too.
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 1:51pm.
Submitted by RandéSleepover on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 1:28pm.
"Lindsay makes the same claim to be turning her life around every time she faces criminal punishment."
She is very predictable indeed. Any judge who doesn't see a pattern here is unsuited for the job.
"And no, complaining to a bartender with a reiki background about her unfair life is not the same as therapy."
LOL.
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The only thing Lindsay is turning around is her car because she forgot her drugs at home. Even then she's only successful 1/2 the time
Submitted by Ecce Homo on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 1:52pm.
Thanks Whamo, holy crap, I had no idea!!! (But then I never saw either of his shows). I just remember him from all the Hot Shots movies!
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I KNOW! lol! when I saw that a couple of years ago I was thinking the same thing Holy Crap he's really receded!
The piece he wears in 2-1/2 men at times looks really bad like it's just sitting up too high or something.
Kim K's krying face is still funnier/uglier.
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And I will try hard to hold onto you with open arms
And don't let me ruin me, I may need a chaperone
Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 1:44pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 1:40pm.
Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 1:33pm.
@Foxxy trial starts day after St Paddy's day so expect Crackie to be *ahem* late and very very bloated.
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She'll show up to court wearing the same all green outfit complete with the giant green foam hat she had on the night before.
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I have buddy I go out with on St Paddy's day and he's as Irish as you can get. His dad emigrated to Canada in the 60's.
When we get together and get hammered he calls me his coloured Irish cousin.
His Dad always gets me to sing Dirty old Town for him if he's tagging along with us.
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 1:47pm.
LOL, let there be NO MISTAKE ole Charlie here is bald bald bald, this is what his real hairline is all about, complete with a "hair island" right on top
Thanks Whamo, holy crap, I had no idea!!! (But then I never saw either of his shows). I just remember him from all the Hot Shots movies!
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"I've gotta get up at five o'clock in the morning and 'SPARKLE, Neely, SPARKLE!'" Neely O'Hara
Submitted by RandéSleepover on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 1:28pm.
"Lindsay makes the same claim to be turning her life around every time she faces criminal punishment."
She is very predictable indeed. Any judge who doesn't see a pattern here is unsuited for the job.
"And no, complaining to a bartender with a reiki background about her unfair life is not the same as therapy."
LOL.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Our Little Crackie needs a lawyer and pretty darn fast. Or maybe Miss Lohan has just thrown in the towel and will adher to The Judgement of the Court on the 18th.
Submitted by Ecce Homo on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 1:43pm.
Is he bald? WTH is with that hair?
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LOL, let there be NO MISTAKE ole Charlie here is bald bald bald, this is what his real hairline is all about, complete with a "hair island" right on top.
http://lh4.ggpht.com/_UDIwZAxomYk/S_PIsFckn8I/AAAAAAAAAkk/SQ58eih7D8I/39...
:(
Old Charlie is reminding me just a bit of Bob Hope
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 1:40pm.
Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 1:33pm.
@Foxxy trial starts day after St Paddy's day so expect Crackie to be *ahem* late and very very bloated.
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She'll show up to court wearing the same all green outfit complete with the giant green foam hat she had on the night before.
Her lawyer will come as a leprechaun...so basically he'll just show up.
ahahaha!! and green teefs from the green beer. I'm sure many of us on the D will be hungover while watching the Crackie Show too!
The world she lives in must be very entertaining.
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And I will try hard to hold onto you with open arms
And don't let me ruin me, I may need a chaperone
Is he bald? WTH is with that hair?
And sheesh, that is the wreck of a once good-looking man.
I don't believe a word of this shit,though. "Sources" always seeem to be an un-named insider.
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"I've gotta get up at five o'clock in the morning and 'SPARKLE, Neely, SPARKLE!'" Neely O'Hara
@ M.E. -- "She's going to come in reeking of stale cigarettes, vodka and left over corned beef and cabbage."
they should be used to that by now
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 1:33pm.
@Foxxy trial starts day after St Paddy's day so expect Crackie to be *ahem* late and very very bloated.
heh, with that new information i betcha another request for continuance is in our future...
/can't wait to see what dumb shit Heller says and does this week!
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 1:33pm.
@Foxxy trial starts day after St Paddy's day so expect Crackie to be *ahem* late and very very bloated.
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She'll show up to court wearing the same all green outfit complete with the giant green foam hat she had on the night before.
Her lawyer will come as a leprechaun...so basically he'll just show up.
Crackie's court date is 3/18? BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!! I swear. The judge and prosecutor had to have planned that. She's going to come in reeking of stale cigarettes, vodka and left over corned beef and cabbage.
Mmmmmmm, I want corned beef and cabbage now.
STOOPIT PMS CRAVINGS!
@Foxxy trial starts day after St Paddy's day so expect Crackie to be *ahem* late and very very bloated.
Crack has aged Charlie by 10 years, there is NO WAY he looks 47. Those pics from a few posts ago with his little trick makes him look like 58 year old Easter Island headed crack head. He needs to find a drug that doesn't age the shit out of him especially when his image is what gets him paid.
Submitted by annobanano: "Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 1:19pm.
She doesn't want her "brand" tainted, haha.
She doesn't want her taint branded. ;-)"
HAHAHHAHAHAHA! Why didn't I see that coming?
(that's what she said)
Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 1:25pm.
@PSL - hahaha yes Gavin's testimony will bury her.
i'm actually sitting here entering things into my calendar. when is the trial date? must avoid schedule conflicts. tia! lol
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
@ Whamo and M.E. - i think there was also something about Lohan in MK's post i better go back and read that part too, lol
*rents suv so we have room for M.E.'s bottles and Whamo's hose [take that any way you want Whammy ;-)] and can get over the rough terrain of dried Lohan bullshit and decaying porn star corpses on Mr. Estevez's front lawn*
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
"Our little crackie" will never grow up because she won't get rid of her mother. They're destined to be "Big Crackie" and "Little Crackie" living on Long Island in their dilapidated house with cats and raccoons, Blohan in a head scarf. Both talking over each other and Charlie her "man that got away".
Lindsay makes the same claim to be turning her life around every time she faces criminal punishment. And no, complaining to a bartender with a reiki background about her unfair life is not the same as therapy.
@PSL - hahaha yes Gavin's testimony will bury her.
oh and isn't just ::churchlady voice:: conVEENient to seek therapy right before you have to go to court? Just like not doing her 600 hours of community service when she had months to accomplish it but reports for duty at the women's shelter the day before she is to appear in court..
Submitted by annobanano on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 1:23pm.
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 1:19pm.
She doesn't want her "brand" tainted, haha.
She doesn't want her taint branded. ;-)
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As soon as I read that I was going to say the same thing Anno.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 1:20pm.
"vodka pours out of every faucet in his house"
*rushes to starmap.com while my road dog loads empty 10 gallon water bottles into car**
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I'd pretend I was the gardener and reverse run a hose back to my 1000 gallon tank while pretending to spray fertilizer. Actually given the amount of BS that comes out of WO and Lindsey's mouth I'm supprised you don't need a combine to cut the front lawn.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 1:20pm.
"vodka pours out of every faucet in his house"
*rushes to starmap.com while my road dog loads empty 10 gallon water bottles into car**
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*waits at Laurel Curve to hitch a ride with another 10 gallon water bottles*
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 1:19pm.
She doesn't want her "brand" tainted, haha.
She doesn't want her taint branded. ;-)
Lilo at a therapist??? BWAHAHAHAHA...I imagine she's just looooooving that. She sits there and bitches about how she's not appreciated and blah blah blah...and(hopefully)they turn around and tell her she's a stupid selfish bitch who needs to get some self-control. Naaa...she's probably got one who'll tell her she's awesome and that she'll get that Oscar someday. Enablers everywhere.
<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!!!
Submitted by Husbands_and_Wives on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 1:18pm.
He can be my life coach for $100,000. This girl is burning bridges left and right.
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Exactly HaW
Wait... " she says she knows her life is out of control"